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| Pain. Internal pain. The kind of pain that is so unbearable, so crushing you feel hopeless and dead. For some (myself included) :: Thoughts running through your head - you feel things and you don't know why. You have things going on inside your head that you can't explain. You don't know why you are hurting, but you are. Despite all this - no one knows. You can't tell them you are hurting because you don't know why. Or from what. You don't know why you're in pain. But you are. And it's killing you. Maybe you can hurt yourself enough of the outside that you will forget about the pain on the inside. You feel dead. Am I really here? Alive? The pain forces you to escape the feelings of numbness and unreality. For others :: Because no one knows you are hurting - maybe if you wear it on your body they will see. They'll see that you are in pain. They may not know what kind, or why - but at least they will know that you've felt it. You've been in pain. This is most likely a cry for help. For others :: You may be acting out from past//present pain you have//are experieced//ing. You may have experienced sexual, emotional, or physical abuse in your life. Growing up, you may have had to supress your feelings and emotions. You may have trouble communicating them presently. You may have been diagnosed with a "disorder" such a BPD, Bipolar, (Manic) Depression, or other. Self Injury is usually caused by one, a combination, or all three of these things. Please note :: Causes for Self Injury are, but not limited to, the above. |
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| Feelings and thoughts vary for everyone. However, there are four main emotions that most SIers have come across. |
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| Anger & Frustration |
| Alienation |
| Depression |
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| Numbness |
| Anger & Frustration These emotions can be caused from a mistreatment by someone to yourself, or another person. Your anger//frustration may be directed towards a specific person ("how could they do that to me??"), towards yourself ("how could I be so stupid??"), or towards life in general ("I hate my life!"). You may feel so upset and hurt at the same time the rage is unbearable and you need something to take your mind off of the pain. Alienation The outcast. Not fitting in. "No one understands me". Separation from a loved one perhaps. Once again we are dealing with internal pain and hurt. Depression Often felt through a feeling of sadness, unhappiness, or melancholy. Dissatisfaction with themselves or their lives. A feeling of boredom or emptiness. Some or all of these feelings may combine to produce a sense of hopelessness and pointlessness. Numbness You feel as though you are playing a part in a movie. You feel fake. Unreal. A sense of numbness to life and the world. The pain brings you back to reality. |
| "When everything feels like the movies, Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive." -Goo Goo Dolls, "Iris" |
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| The feelings after one has SIed are usually what addicts them. You feel an extreme sense of relief, as the tension you felt previous to your SI has now dissipated. You may also feel a sense of calmness and happiness from the endorphins released in your brain. These feelings of calmness may last for some time. A reason why SI is so addicting perhaps? Possibly. These feelings don't last forever, unfortunately, and when they fade - comes the guilt. Guilt, regret and shame along with the emotions felt previous to their SI return. And that just sucks. Now you're stuck with the same problem plus a brand new one. You feel so bad you may have the urge to hurt yourself again. Thus continuing the vicious cycle. |
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