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I had responded to that the only way I knew how which was to be a smartass, I first let him know that the boys sounded wonderful and he sounded like a great father and then preceded to let him know I could kick his butt in pool and darts. He sent me back an e-mail saying I probably could and that he would actually let me. I thought that was sweet. He had mentioned that he would like to take me out sometime, I thought why not I mean I really had not been involved with someone steady for awhile and knew eventually I would. I seem to be the type of person who likes to be in a relationship, having someone to take care of and of course unfortunatly annoy at times. I sent Johnny an e-mail back and mentioned that I would love to go out with him somewhere. I gave him my number and he called me and had mentioned lunch. I told him that sounded great to me for the fact I really did not know him and I thought it would be nice because it would be daytime. I told him of a place near me that I thought had great food, we set a time and he came the next day to pick me up. I met him at the park across from my place since I really did not know him and did not want him to know exactly where I lived. I knew him the minute he pulled up and walked torwards me, he was really nice looking, far better than his picture. We went to a nice Mexican resturaunt , it was a really nice �..well it was sort of mid lunch early dinner so we called it a luncher. It was really nice and Johnny was as sweet as he seemed in his e-mails and he was very funny with the largest blue eyes I had seen. We talked really easily through lunch, I knew he had a time limit because he needed to get back and pick up his kids who he has half the time and their mother has the other half of the time, and I really thought that was far more important than lunch with me and as much fun as I was having I knew it was time we got me back so he could get going. He dropped me off at the park and we sat for about 15 minutes, and then he left. I had a great time and thought about him quite a bit, he called me that night and we must have talked for about 3- 4 hours. I believe it was about 2 days later that we went out on our second date , we went bowling and shot darts and played pool, and for the record he beat me at darts but I did kick his butt in bowling. He took it well though it�s just how is personality is just very easy going. I think it was about a week later that I met his 2 wonderful boys, so well behaved, of course they have their moments but for the most part are excellent boys. Well the weeks of knowing Johnny have now stretched and I am to this day still with him very happily it�s been a year and a half. Johnny and I have spoke about me having a baby, he knows how much it means to me although I am sure at times he does not understand my strong desire but only because he has 2 children. I remember the last thing my doctor had told me , that my next step would be to find whoever I was going to have a baby with and wanted to because we had to mix my blood with his. I think it was in March that I had spoken to Johnny about the cross match test, he had said he would do it with me, although reluctantly only for the fact he hates needles! I called and spoke to my doctors office who spoke to my doctor, it had been 2 years since the last time he had seen me so he went through my records to catch up, the office called me back and said he told them to go ahead and get our blood and the test would be ran. Johnny and I went in to have the blood drawn, it was so funny because we all teased him about being afraid of the needle. I think it was about a week later befor the appointment to get the test results. It was the first time ever I had a man with me at one of my appointments having to do with a baby. It just made me love him even more, the support makes a huge difference to any woman going through something like this, you have to have at least one person who believes as strongly as you do because lord knows there are many people who think you are nuts and should give up. It�s not their fault really they are thinking with logic, we are thinking out of love and our hearts. Don�t ever let anyone detour your from your dreams weather it be about being a mother, or a rock star, or a race car driver. Follow your heart because you are the only one who has to agree with what you are doing. Johnny was supposed to be at the studio laying down new tracks that night but he went late just to be with me.

My appointment was for 7 PM. My doctor has 4 different offices and he is at all of them at different times, the one I went to was closet to my home and the latest unfortunately. I think it was 10 :15 pm when the doctor called us in , and believe it or not there were people still being seen after me, now that is a dedicated doctor, poor man wears 4 pagers and 2 cell phones!. I sat down and took a deep breath I could not believe that 12 years may have boiled down to this moment, all those test, 4 surgeries, right down to artificial insemenation and I don�t know how many times I sat and watched a baby story on lifetime and always day dreaming that I would try and be on that show when I had my baby. The doctor came in and sat as he read the results first, he told me that I had killer cells in my blood, that a normal immune system had a number, the way a normal pulse is per say 80. A normal immune system is 30 mine is at 44. In most cases I am very lucky, my blood will fight many things, in this case though it was killing my babies, my blood instantly attacked the baby as foreign, I was not producing enough of the cells a woman does when she is pregnant to keep her blood from doing that. He had explained to me that there used to be shots to help with this but that the man who had found them did not test them long enough and that the FDA had pulled them and that they probably would not be available for a couple of years and then continued to say that I probably do not have a couple years. My heart sank there had to be another way and there was but it was expensive and I had not had my insurance in place yet. I had just applied for it. He said that for people who are anemic the get a tranfusion of hemogloblin to boost there immune system and that it could also be used the opposite way, I could get an infusion of hemoglobin to surpress my immune system so when I got pregnant it would not attack the baby, he did mention he was still somewhat concerned about my tubes but that the last test showed they seemed ok. He let me know the infusion would take 2 days and the nurse could come right to my house to save the hospital bill since this infusion would cost me what I came to find out 4000.00 . Johnny and I had left and discussed this and I called to see how it all worked, if I could make payments, they said I could so we set it up. Like all other test they all run by your period date, they needed to do the infusion near my ovulation day, so I would just have to count days call them and they would arrange everything. It actually went very smoothly. I asked about side effects then I wanted to know if I did this what I would be able to expect. The nurse told me that I may run a slight fever , get a headache and that my body would probably ache for a couple days. I thought that�s not to bad for the price of a baby, and that there was a chance of an allergic reaction but they would give me something first in case that happened. I was so nervous yet so excited I couldn�t believe after all this time 12 long years I knew what was wrong, granted I should have probably found out sooner but when your young and not only young but grieveing for the babies you had already lost it didn�t really matter. It was like I lost them knowing why won�t bring them back. You just don�t think logically at times like that and I wish now I would have found out sooner. But there is no turning back time so all I can do now is go forward. I took the 2 days off from work I would need and finally the morning came, they had shipped all the needles and supplies to my house the day befor the infusion was to take place and they sent the hemoglobin which was like white chunks of powder. I was told to keep those in the refrigerator so I moved the food and did that. The rest I put in my room, they sent IV bags and the pole and the machine that monitored it all there where all types of needles and tubes. My bedroom looked like a hospital room. The next morning about 8 AM the nurse arrived, Johnny took the day off to be with me to make sure I felt ok. Again I was amazed at this man who did that for me, to some people it would be normal for that to happen but for me it was special because none of the other fathers had anything to do with me losing the babies no support system at all.

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