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. I literally went through it completely alone it�s not something I would wish on anyone, to feel such emotions and have no one to talk to or share with. Most the time I would drive around and play hateful loud music so I could release what I felt through hearing it in a singer, although there is really no way to do that. It was actually really funny because as the nurse and Johnny began to speak while she was preparing the hemoglobin she had mentioned she had some show dogs and Johnny�s father was a judge at the Westminster kennel club show one year, he mention his name and come to find out they knew each other, which really made me feel even better knowing maybe she would take extra special care of me because of that. She was a very nice woman. Soon it was time I got into my bed and the IV needle was out in my upper top wrist a few inches above, and then the drip was started. I ended up falling asleep and actually fell asleep though most of it. It took a little over 4 hours, when it was over the nurse said the IV would stay in over night and she taped it up well and then had Johnny cut the foot off of one of his socks so I could use the stretchy part as a sleeve over the IV to protect it while I slept. I really didn�t know it was there and it didn�t bother me except maybe a few times while I was sleeping. The next morning the nurse was back and Johnny got to be there again with me because there was a lack of parts for the job he was supposed to do that day. I was happy about that and for the fact that I had felt no side effects and actually felt pretty good except for the fact that my arm started to get a bit sore. Again the hemoglobin was prepared and I waited in bed again it started , this time I noticed it stared to burn a bit where the IV was in my arm, the nurse had mentioned that may have been because it may have been a bit much for my vein to leave it in over night and that next time we probably would not do it that way. That time again it took about 4 hours and then it was all done, the rest was up to me. Of course the doctors wanted me to go in after 2 weeks to take blood to see if it worked ok, and it had. I bought an ovualtion predictor kit because I didn�t want to take the chance of just counting days or checking myself to see if I was ovulatiuon , after 4000.00 I wasn�t going to take the chance. The next day I went to work, I again felt pretty good, no side effects at all��that was until about 2:30 pm. I started to feel a bit warm but didn�t think much about it, but then I started to feel worse. I decided at about 3 pm to go home a bit early. I got home and Johnny was home shortly after. I felt terrible and let him know. I kept feeling warmer but didn�t think to much of it. I was hoping it wouldn�t be to bad because my mother was flying in about a week or 2 from my infusion to stay with us for a week and it had been planned for a long time, and I was so excited for her to meet Johnny and the boys. I knew she would love him the way I did, you can�t help it he is such a sweety. Then it all came at once my cheeks felt like they were on fire and Johnny was in the shower. I turned the fan on me and it didn�t help Johnny had gotten out of the shower and I told him how hot I was . I started to panic because my skin was so hot. I got up to give Johnny a hug and when he felt me he said I was burning up. I started to really cry at that point because it was scarring me. I had never really had a fever and could not find my thermometer. If I had to guess I would say my temperature was probably between 103 and 104, Johnny said we needed to get me into the cold shower so he started the water and had me get in, of course I was crying and scared. I could feel the water was cold but when it came off of my skin it felt like someone had warmed it up in a pan, it was hot. I stayed there only about 10 minutes. I got out and Johnny said he was going to call my doctors office, by then I was a little calmer. They called right back and spoke to me. She let me know to get some Tylenol and to monitor my temperature and if it got worse to call. Our friend Stan went and got a thermometer and some Tylenol for me and once I started to take that my temp started to go down but I felt aweful, all those aches came on. I figured it would just be like a backache but I hurt all over. I swore I would not have another infusion again it hurt to even walk. But of course I said that when I felt aweful. After about 3 days I felt pretty much back to normal, and with that came the excitment of getting ready to try and finally make my dream come true. I used the ovualtion predictor kit and was so afraid I would read it wrong, and then came the day I was ovulating. It�s almost exciting but then not because you know what you are doing and there is so much pressure its hard to relax. And then came the countdown, the countdown to the day I was supposed to start my period , back to the same spot I had been into so many times befor. I circled the day on my calendar and just like clock work, 28 days I started my period.

It was very hard my heart sunk and I was mad for 2 days that it was here, but then as time went by I realized that I couldn�t expect everything to just happen because I was ready for it to. But I really knew I did not want an infusion again right away not realizing that it could last for more than one moth, so I skipped the next month of possibly having to have one. I figured I would maybe the next month or the one after for the simple fact I did not want to feel that crappy again right away. So the next month went by, I was almost bummed and really sort of kept to myself, I still kept track of everything but did not buy an ovualtion predictor kit this month. Time went buy and I was waiting for my period to start. I had just gotten a Tae Bo video and wanted to start exercising, something told me to wait for one more day. I knew I was due to start my period then, my next day at work on my lunch I went and bought a pregnancy test although I could not remember being active near my ovualtion date. I went back to work and being the person I am could not wait to get home to take the test. I was due that day and just had not started yet but just had this feeling. I took the test at work and almost died it was positive!!!! I began to shake I could not believe it. As a matter of fact I did not believe it to the point that I had taken another test 2 hrs later, it was positive. I knew I needed to call my doctor right away, and that�s just what I did. I knew we needed to check my blood to make sure my immune level was still low enough to not need an infusion yet, the nurse let me know that�s what I had to do so I went to medical center and had the blood drawn, thing is where it started to get hard was I didn�t have insurance the first time I had the test done and was still paying on the bill for the cross match test to the lab that was about 1000.00. I had my insurance now but the man who ran the lab told me he wanted me to pay for the test to see where my immune level was at, he let me know the test would be 375.00. I didn�t understand his position since my insurance would cover that, he still refused and I was desperate because if my immune level was up it would kill the baby if I didn�t get an infusion right away. The panic and worry you feel is overwhelming. I spoke to my mother and explained the situation, thank god for her, she sent the money right to the lab, they performed the test and I was let know about 2 days later that my immune system was still low. I was so happy about that but still slightly concerned because I had felt slight cramps. I let the doctor know that but because there was no spotting no one seemed very concerned. I started to think very negativily and people around me kept telling me no to worry, I felt bad because Johnny seemed to tell me the most not to think so negative and inside it was hard for me because I knew the cramping was not normal and I did not want to let him down.

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