| It was the end of October , Justin and I had been together for about 8 months. My afternoon started out like all the others I got ready for work, car pooled in with a friend and had no problems, as the night went on I started to feel really lousy, I went upstairs to the vending machines at lunch and got a frozen pizza, I had no problems the rest of the night so I figured I felt crappy because I had needed to eat. On the way home though I felt lousy again, I noticed the motion of the car was making me sick. I mentioned it to the girl who was driving that week, she looked at me and said "Maybe your pregnant" of course I laughed and said," trust me I am not pregnant" she insisted I get a test, I didn't. The next night at work I stuck to the same routine right down to the pizza, thing is this time after 2 bites I felt like I wanted to throw up. I stopped eating the pizza but the problem didn't go away. After another drive home that made me sick I agreed to stop and get a pregnancy test. I promised I would call her as soon as I took it. I got up to my apartment and Justin was sleeping, nothing abnormal since he worked day shift and I got home close to one a.m. since I had stopped for a test. I looked at the test and then thought what a waste of money, but I reluctantly opened it and then took it, never in my whole life after all had been through when I was younger did I think I could ever truely have my breath taken away, I thought that was just a saying, but I am here to tell you its true. I had to rub my eyes, there were 2 pink lines!!! I thought no way could this be right. I went and bought 2 more test. I waited an hour took another one and to my surprise it was positive again. I can't remember ever feeling so high in my life, I shook poor justin awake to the point he answered me and said I am pregnant, poor thing harldy knew his name but let me tell you after hearing that he woke up real fast. To my surprise he was more pissed that I woke him up than the fact of mentioning I was pregnant. I was to happy to let any reaction from a man who was sound asleep and then abruptly waken up faze me. I don't think I fell asleep until almost 6 a.m. When I woke up I got to talk to Justin a bit more, he didn�t seem to excited but not mad either. He had known me long enough to know about me wanting children. I guess him and I had never really discussed, but on the other hand neither of us suggested any form of protection from it. It seemed like forever for 9 a.m. to get there, as soon as it did I called my doctors to let them know I took a pregnancy test, well two of them that came out positive. They set an appointment for me to go in the next day to do a blood test to verify the home kit. I went shopping later that day and still did not believe I was pregnant, I bought another test which made 4. I took it later on that afternoon and again it was positve. I figured it was time to believe. It�s funny how you don�t think of your eating habits until your pregnant, you would think I was 3 months along, I drank juice and started to eat fruit which I never did. I had my appointment the next morning, the doctor had the lab draw blood and told me to call them later that afternoon. I couldn�t believe how much time could stand still. Finally the time came and I made the call. I spoke to the nurse who told me the test came back positive but that I had a low titter level, again these words, I asked her what that meant, she let me know that when your pregnant there is a specific level of HCG in your system and that mine was low, which meant there was a chance I had miscarried the baby. I can�t explain what I felt like at that very moment, I took a depth breath and told myself not to worry about it yet. They wanted me to go in the next day for an ultra sound. That night at home I let Josh know, I had a hard time telling if he seemed to care or not, at that point it didn�t matter I had to think about me. I didn�t sleep well that night, I had so many thoughts racing through my head, Yesterday was the biggest high I had ever know and today it was all pulled out from under me again, I don�t pray much but you can bet I was praying to god that whole night to please let it be something us, please let the baby be there, from there I drifted off to sleep. My alarm was the last thing I wanted to hear yet it was a welcoming sound, it meant I would be to the doctors soon but it also represented what bad news may be in store. I went to the doctors all by myself, funny thing is I can hardly remember driving there my thoughts were so far from the road, I think I waited about an hour to see the doctor, then there it was my name��Lori. My stomach got butterfly�s and I got that lump in my throat, then into the examination room and undressed from the waiste down again. The nurse started the machine and then the doctor came in for the ultra sound. I tried so hard to know what I was looking for while I watched the t.v. screen and the doctor never says anything while he is looking, my mind was racing and my eyes searching. He was then done, told me to get dressed and then go to his office. It seems they should just tell you, I felt like a new child just learning to get dressed, I was trying to get dressed so fast that I fumbled with zippers and had trouble with simple buttons. |