| So my new journey began, of course everything you have to do doing with infertility is based around your period and how many days after you start things. I picked up my prescription for my fertility pills and had paid about $72.00 for 5 pills. I think by that point I would have spent $72,000. I was so excited. I had to wait I think it was 5 days after the start of my cycle and then you take them for 5 days. I took them befor I went to sleep, that way if I was going to have any side effects I wouldn't know it. After I took the pills I then had to wait a bit and go back to the doctors office, they did a 2 day series of ultra sounds were they could see if I was producing eggs, I had produced 3! From there I had 2 choices, either I could buy an ovulation predictor kit and hope I read it right or they could give me a shot that night which would cause me to ovulate and then we would go back tomorrow and they would do the artificial insemination.I chose to take the shot so there would no mistaken when I should have the artificial insemination. I was taking no chances. I went to bed very excited. John had decided he did not want to give the specimin at the hospital so he did it at home, I had to drive all the way to the doctors with it under my arm to keep it warm, interesting experience to say the least. When we got there the nurse took the specimen right away, they had to wash and spin it, another new thing to me. I always thought sperm was sperm but there is more to it than that, there is semen in the sperm, boy was I finding out how clueless I was, anyway for artificial insemination they spin the sperm so it separates the semen and sperm and then they wash it, while they are doing that they did an ultra sound to make sure my eggs had dropped and they did. So then I got undressed from the waiste down and layed there on the table waiting for them to come out, talk about anticipation. It was almost like the Hysterosalpingogram, they use a cathetar so they can get right up pretty far and they injected the "pure sperm" up the cathetar, they then had me lay there for 20 minutes befor I got dressed. Of course John had to be there for that so he waited for me and then the nurse came in and said I was done and could go home. The rest is all a waiting game, and anyone that wants a baby knows how hard it is to wait every month and hope you don't start your period, the 2 weeks between ovulation and your due date feels like 20 years. I was so excited and tried to keep in my mind that it may take quite a few months before the artificial insemination may work. It never works that way though , you want to believe so strongly that it worked that you are finally after 5 years pregnant. It's such an emotional up and down, so I thought until the phone call, I really learned about emotional downs then......about 2 days later I got a call from my doctors office, they had gotten some blood test results back and had found out I am not immune to Ruebella, if nothing else I learned alot of new words. I asked the nurse what Ruebella was, she told me it was german measles and that I was not immune to it. I asked exactly how I could get that, she let me know that if I got pregnant and was exposed to a child that had german measles it could cause alot of harm to an unborn child, such as blindness or possible death. So I could avoid a child with german measles right? I mean I didn't know anyone in Illinois except my husbands Uncles family who I was living with, again in my case it couldn't be that easy, I was teaching preschool so was always exposed to kids and would not know right away if a child had them. The nurse let me know I would have to get the shot and could not do the artificial insemination for at least 3 months after the shot. I felt like I had been shot, but not with a needle. I couldn't believe my ears, it took me 5 years to get to that point and in a matter of 2 days the rug was pulled out right from under my feet. In an outside observation it really wasn't to bad I mean whats 3 month's? Well to someone who had waited as long as I had and wanted this as badly as I did it was aweful, as a matter of fact it broke my heart, and it then broke my spirit. I gave up, from that moment on I couldn't do it anymore. The waiting every month, it started to take over my life, it took the fun out of being with someone., and I had finally faced the reality that John did not want this as much as I did.He wanted me, and to have me he went through the motions of what I wanted, to make it seemed like he cared, but you know when someones heart is in it. Honestly to it was hard to gain back the feelings of love I had had for him , our split had us in seperate directions he was seeing someone when we were split as was I. I honestly had my feelings confused, but put my own personal happiness to have someone familiar to have a baby with. In short I didn't want to take the time to meet someone else and be with them long enough to have them want to have a baby with me, really to look back now it was selfish. |