Title: Rude Banana
Author: Secret Art
E-mail: [email protected]
Category: humour?
Pairings: none
Spoilers: none
Summary: Sam gets an e-mail that shocks Janet
Feedback: can only make me better
Disclaimer: Stargate Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions, Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This story is for entertainment purposes only and no money exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and
story are the property of the author.
Author’s note: see bottom
Rude Banana
I walk down the corridor towards Sam’s quarters eating my lunch of a banana. We had arranged to meet up for lunch but SG-5 had just returned and took up all my time, so now I’m trying to find Sam to apologise.
As I get closer to her lab I can hear laughter coming from inside, and poking my head round the door I see her sat at her laptop crying with laughter.
She looks at me, and then at my snack, and bursts out laughing again.
"What?" I ask, getting slightly worried.
She indicates the computer screen and I move to stand beside her to see what has got her so hysterical.
HOW TO MAKE LOVE
Ingredients:
4 Laughing eyes
4 Well-shaped legs
4 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
2 Nuts
1 Fur-lined mixing bowl
1 Firm banana
Directions:
1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well creamed. For best results continue to knead milk containers.
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts, leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana does not soften, repeat steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.
Notes:
1. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully before and after use.
2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.
3. If cake rises, leave town.
I nearly choke on the rest of my banana, and it is only with great difficulty that I manage to swallow. Sam’s looking rather shocked at my actions and I get a sudden urge to explain myself.
"I nearly choked on the banana," I say, trying to sound upset. Sam however is looking at me in total shock and it takes me a few seconds to realise what I just said, and then suddenly we are both laughing hysterically, but there is still a question I want the answer to.
Managing to get my laughing down to a stage where I think I can risk talking I ask "Who sent that to you?" Not that I’m really sure I want to know the answer.
"Teal’c"
"Teal’c?!?" I exclaim, shocked that he would actually understand the e-mail, let alone pass it on to Sam.
"Hey Teal’c" Sam says looking over my shoulder, and I turn to see Teal’c stood in the doorway.
Looking at him, a strange image pops into my head, and me and Sam share glances that tell me she is thinking exactly what I am…
Teal’c with a banana between his legs.
And suddenly we are both laughing hysterically again, with Teal’c looking at us with a really confused expression. I manage to indicate the computer screen before bursting out laughing again, and I watch as he slowly walks over to it.
This could be interesting.
Author’s notes: this is a real e-mail my friend got sent, and to my lasting shame I actually made that comment about choking on the banana, oh the embarrassment. I’m not quite sure where this fic came from; all I know is I was re-reading the e-mail when this image of Sam and Janet reading it popped into my head and this fic was born.
Sequel: Bananas and Mixing Bowls