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| In the summer of 2001, USA Today discontinued Larry King's beloved weekly column. "But Seriously" was outraged when it received word of this, for one of the more poignant voices in American reporting was abruptly and unfairly silenced. The board of directors at "But Seriously" decided to give King a platform to communicate with the masses. So here it is in its unabashed glory: |
| The World According To Larry King By Larry King |
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| For my money, the greatest Satan-worshipping sex-addict of all time was Sammy Davis Jr... Unfortunately the hype about the orgasm-inducing taste of human flesh is just that: hype... |
| In this humble journalists' opinion. "Charles in Charge" was by far Scott Baio's greatest piece of work, "Bugsy Malone" being a distant second... Is it me gang, or is miniature golf the sport of kings?... Here's a tip coming from a man of experience: committing to multiple suicide pacts can be a recipe for disaster... Recently saw George C. Scott give a mesmerizing performance in "Patton"; I expect to see some bright things from this up-and-coming star in the future... Friday night I wined and dined my wife at a five-star eatery establishment. The service was top notch and the fresh cuisine made me say aloud, "There's a party in my mouth and everybody's invited." The name of this quality restaurant is, you guessed it gang, Taco Bell... Sure Air Bud can play basketball, football, and soccer, but can the irascible little scamp play a real-man's game like polo? I think not... Let me take it a step further and ask if he can play Russian Roulette. That certainly will separate the men from the pooches, so to speak... Contrary to popular belief, washing machine's are a girl's best friend... There's no limits to one's creative bounds with a blowtorch, Dinty Moore beef stew, and a little love... I often find myself sleepless in a pool of my own sweat, bemoaning the fact that only cowboys are allowed to wear chaps without being socially persecuted. What a cruel, cruel world we live in... Recommended video rental: "Leonard Part 6". It's Bill Cosby in his prime folks... I'm trying to find the appropriate headgear for a speech I will make as the keynote speaker at a women's rights luncheon. Should I wear a cornet, a toque, a mobcap, a clouche, or dare I say even a Dolly Varden? Perhaps I'll take the controversial masculine route and opt for a busby, a miter, a kaffiyeh, a zuchetto, or maybe a kepi... Word on the street is that M-G-M wants to remake "Ben-Hur". Boy, Charleton Heston must be rolling in his grave... Midgets plus cyanide equals calamity... No song gets me in the mood quite like Robbie Dupree's classic ditty "Steal Away"... Not to be an oft-criticized name-dropper, but a few days ago I had lunch with the beautiful Sally Field of "The Flying Nun" fame. It is a crying shame that she she failed to find decent work after that program. Anyways, throughout the meal I was praying that I could eat her for lunch instead of my broccoli quiche... Ho ho ho...I got that zinger from my good chum Don Rickles...Whoops! There I go name dropping again...Nevertheless, the temptation to eat Sally Field for lunch is relatively miniscule due to the fact that I have a loving wife that makes me get down on my knees every day and thank God I'm a man...literally... There is someone out there man enough to end Usama bin Laden's reign of terror and that person's name is Penny Marshall... I can't stop thinking about how much I love the smell of peanut butter cookies. They smell like peanut butter, you know... |
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| Photo from kfwb.com |