bushin1

But Seriously: Thank you for taking time
out of your busy schedule to talk with us,
Mr. President.
George W. Bush: (pointing to plastic badge, smiling) I'm the sheriff!
BS: Yes sir, you certainly have been serving law and order around here as of late. It's great that you are in such good spirits given the stressful political climate and the recent health scares you have had, including undergoing a minor medical procedure.
G.W.B: (smug) My oophorectomy certainly was a rousing success wasn't it?
BS: Excuse me, Mr. President, but did you just say that you had an ovary removed?
G.W.B: (confused) I'm sorry. I often mix that operation with the one I really got, which was a rhinoplasty.
BS: You had your nose reconstructed?
G.W.B: (blatantly changing the subject)
Usama bin Laden...dead or alive, I really don't care, but I will get you, oh yes, oh yes (eyes shift from side to side).
BS: While you have brought it up, lets talk about the war on terrorism-
G.W.B: Yahtzee!!
BS: Pardon me?

G.W.B: Charlie Brown Yahtzee to be exact. See, instead of dots on the die there are Peanuts
characters. Ooooooh Snoopy (gently rubs die against face). And here's Pigpen (giggling like a
schoolgirl). He always has a cloud of dust around him because he's dirty. Oh Pigpen, you are the living end!
BS: Mr. President-
G.W.B: (falling out of his chair laughing) The crazy little bastard never bathes! That's classic.
Ohhohohoho!! (now holding his stomach, for his incessant laughing has caused severe stomach pains) Charles Schultz you are a deligh-BLAAAAH! (Bush proceeded to vomit for a solid 45 seconds) Oh dear, Laura's gonna kill me...Why did I have to eat so much pizza, peach cobbler, tamales, chili dogs, pork chops, swordfish, prime rib, and fried chicken? I got spewy over my new cowboy boots. Woe is me...
BS: Maybe you should wash that off sir-
G.W.B: (convulsing in fear) No way am I going to take a bath. You don't see the way Mr. Bubble
gawks at me while I wash up...undressing me with those big beady bubble eyes of his. That dude
has bad intentions, I'll tell you what (folding his arms, now defiant). Nothing can make me go in there, no sir, no siree, not no way, not no how-
Dick Cheney: (popping out of a sack labeled "Bag O' Oil Money") Not even the shake machine?
G.W.B: Unky Dickey (runs up to Cheney and leaps right into his arms)!
Cheney: (disguted) George, c'mon now, we have a visitor.
G.W.B: Sorry Unky! GeewhizdoIreallygettoplaywiththeshakemachinedoIdoIdoIohboybutI'mnever
allowedtotakeitintotheshoweryowzagolly (proceeds to run around in circles, attempting to catch his rear end, getting dizzy as a result). Whoa whoa whoa (vomits uncontrollably as he staggars all over the White House).
Cheney: No George, don't knock over the good China! Not your Faberge egg collection! Oh, now you've gone and done it! You destroyed Laura's rare ming vases! No No No No No! Don't do that! For the love of God and all that is sacred! My popsicle stick house is no more!
G.W.B: (finally plops into the bathtub). Uhuhuh...so dizzy...(As Cheney undresses him, he gets scared) No not my special place!
Cheney: (nervous, pretends to laugh) Haha. Good one. You little rascal, your a regular, uh, Yakov Smirnov (gives Bush a noogie, a lollipop, and then the Play-Doh shake machine).
G.W.B: Oh boy oh boy oh boy (dons a paper hat that was obviously meant for a child's head that reads "Officaial McDonald's Shake Maker"). Remember when you stole this off of that 'tard for me...ah sweet sweet memories (tears well up in his eyes).
Cheney: How could I forget when that was only fifteen minutes ago.
G.W.B: Oh yeah (rubs his chin as if he came across a profound revelation).
Cheney: Arms up (begins to lather the President's underarms).
G.W.B: (dreamily) Sing me my special song while I make the shakes
Cheney: Now George, I already told you: not in front of our guest.
G.W.B: Please oh please oh please (pouts lips) I'll stop taking a dump in your prize winning flower garden. Heck I'll even stop breaking into your home at night and smearing the peanut butter that you have all over my body so that your dog can lick it off. (gets an evil gleam in his eyes) Don't make me tell Mama that you said that I'm the poster-child for amentia. How dare you assert that I have anal warts, how dare you sir!
Cheney: Alright! (clears his throat) Okay. Hear goes. Show me that smile again
G.W.B: (in a feminine voice) Show me that smile-
Cheney: Don't waste another minute on your cryin'/ We're nowhere near the end-
G.W.B: (in a feminine voice again, this time singing into his bar of "Rugrats" brand soap as if it were a microphone) Nowhere near-
Cheney:The best is ready to begin/ Oooohhh/ As long as we got each other (now wiping Bush's ass, who is now farting uncontrollably in giddy delight) We got the world spinnin' right in our hands (grabs the President's hand, kisses it, then dramatically looks out into the horizon) Baby you and me, we gotta be/ The luckiest dreamers who never quit dreamin'/ As long as we keep on givin'/ We can take anything that comes our way/ Baby, rain or shine-
G.W.B: (falsetto) All the time-
Cheney: We got each other/ Sharin the laughter and love!
Ari Fleisher: (popping out of the tub, clapping) Bravo! Encore! Fantastico! Hip hip hurray!
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