Okay folks. Here's the deal....if you like dirty jokes, then read on...if you don't,

then as they say in the news....look away now. Cause I have collected numerous jokes

from emails from people all over the world. So as per usual, enuff bull from me, let's get to the sh*t. And of course this
page would not be possible without the jokes that are sent
from all over the world by bored individuals......I thank you
all, but as Eddie Murphy would say "You ain't getting paid
for the MuthaF*cker!!!!"

A mother is driving a little girl to her friend's house for a play date.

'Mommy,' the little girl asks, 'how old are you?'

'Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age,' the mother replied.

'It's not polite.'

'OK', the little girl says, 'How much do you weigh?'

'Now really,' the mother says, 'those are personal questions and are really none of your business.'

Undaunted, the little girl asks, 'Why did you and Daddy get a divorce?'

'That is enough questions, young lady, honestly!' The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play.

'My Mom won't tell me anything about her,' the little girl says to her friend.

'Well,' say s the friend, 'all you need to do is look at her drivers license. It is like a report card, it has everything on it.'

Later that night the little girl says to her mother, 'I know how old you are, you are 32.'

The mother is surprised and asks, 'How did you find that out?

'I also know that you weigh 140 pounds.'

The mother is past surprised and shocked now. 'How in heaven's name did you find that out?'

'And,' the little girl says triumphantly,'I know why you and daddy got a divorce.'

'Oh really?' the mother asks. 'Why?' . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Because you got an ' F ' in sex.'

- One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's birthday.

He pulls over to a toy shop and asks the sales person, "How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?"

The salesperson answers, "Which one do you mean, sir?

We have: Work Out Barbie for $19.95, Shopping Barbie for $19.95, Beach Barbie for $19.95, Disco Barbie for $19.95, Ballerina Barbie for $19.95, Astronaut Barbie for $19.95, Skater Barbie for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.95."

The amazed father asks: "It's what?! Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?"

The annoyed salesperson rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers: "Sir..., Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer and. ..one of Ken's Friends."

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, 'If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.' The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, 'Thank you, but I failed to mention

that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!' The woman said, 'That's okay.'

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, 'You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to'.

The woman replied, 'That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me.' So, KAZAM- she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, 'That will make your husband the richest man in the world. And he will be ten times richer than you. '

The woman said, 'That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine.' So, KAZAM- she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, 'I'd like to have a mild heart attack.'

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good!

Male readers: Please scroll down. .

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The man had a heart attack ten times 'milder' than his wife!!!

Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart.

Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show

PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to show that women never listen!!!

"How much to repair it?" the Scot asks the pharmacist.

"Six pence," says the pharmacist.

"How much for a new one?"

"Ten pence."

The Scot folds the condom into the silk square and the cotton bandana, places it in his sporran and marches down the aisle and out the door of the pharmacy. A moment or two later a great shout goes up, followed by an even greater shout. The Scot walks into the pharmacy again and back to the pharmacist.

"The regiment has taken a vote," the Scot says. "We'll have a new one."

Smart Blondes

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa. " Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer.

Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blond replies......................"Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Two casino dealers are at the craps table when a cute blonde comes over and says, "I want to bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. But, if you don't mind, I'd I feel much luckier if I were completely nude." They say fine, she strips naked from the neck down, and rolls the dice. Then she screams, "I won! I won!" She starts jumping up and down, hugs each of the dealers, and then picks up her money and her clothes and walks away. For a minute the two dealers stare at each other. Then the first one says, "What did she roll, anyway?" The second dealer says, "I don't know. I thought you were watching."

After retiring, I went to the social security office to apply for Social Security, the woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry but I seemed to have left my wallet at home

"I will have to go home and come back later."

The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed my Social Security application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social security office. She said,

"You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."

WOMEN CAN BE SO CRUEL

A sixty-four-year-old man is sitting on a park bench, sobbing, when a

young man walks by and asks him what's wrong. Through his tears the old man

answers, "I'm in love with a twenty-two-year-old woman."

"What's wrong with that?" asks the young man.

Between his sobs and sniffles, he answers, "You don't understand. Every

morning before she goes to work, we make love. At lunch time she comes

home and we make love again, and then she makes my favorite meal. In the

afternoon when she gets a break, she rushes home and gives me oral sex,

the best an old man could want. And then at supper time, and all night long,

we make love." He breaks down, no longer able to speak.

The young man puts his arm around him. "I don't understand. It sounds

like you have the perfect relationship. Why are you crying?"

The senile old man answers, again through his tears, "I forgot where I

live."

An Italian, a Frenchman and an Australian are discussing their

relative performances in bed:

The Italian says - "when I've finisheda making da love with my

girlfriend I go down and gently tickle the back of her knees; She floatsa da

6 inches abovea da bed in ecstasy"

The Frenchman replies - "Zat is nossing, when Ah 'ave finished making

ze love with my girlfriend Ah kiss all ze way down her body and zen Ah

lick ze soles of her feet wiz my tongue and she floats ze 12 inches above ze

bed in pure ecstasy"

The Aussie says - "That's nothing, when I've finished shagging my

Sheila, I get out of bed, walk over to the window and wipe my dick clean on

the curtains. She hits the f*cking roof!!!!"

The blonde reported for her University final examination which consists of

"yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares

at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration

takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking

the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she

is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out.

During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin,

swearing and sweating.

The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on.

"I finished the exam in half an hour. But I'm rechecking my answers."

One day, an American was touring Spain. After his day's sightseeing,

he stopped at a local restaurant. While sipping his wine, he noticed

a sizzling, scrumptious looking platter being served at the next

table. Not only did it look good, the smell was wonderful. He asked

the waiter, "What is that you just served?" The waiter replied, " Ah

senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's balls from the bull

fight this morning. A delicacy!" The American, though momentarily

daunted, when he learned the origin of the dish said, "What the hell,

I'm on vacation! Bring me an order!" The waiter replied, "I am so

sorry senor. There is only one serving a day since there is only one

bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your

order, we will be sure to serve you this delicacy!" The next morning,

the American returned, placed his order and was served the one and

only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting

the contents of his platter, He called to the waiter and said, "These

are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!" The

waiter promptly replied, "Si senor! Sometimes the bull wins!"

A little old lady, well into her eighties, slowly enters the door of

an erotic sex shop. Obviously totally unstable on her feet, she

shakily hobbles the few feet across the store to the counter. Finally

arriving at the counter and grabbing it for support, she asks:

"Ddddooo youuuu hhhave dddddildosss?' The clerk, politely but

ernestly holding himself replies, "Yes we do many models in fact." To

this the old women asked, "Ddddddooo yyyouuuu hhhave aaa bbblackk

ooone tttenn inchessss lllong aaandd abbouttt tttwoo iinnchesss thththiiickkk?"

Clerk: "Yes"

"Ccccccannnnn yyyyouuuu tttellll mmmmmeeee hhhhowwww tttttoooo tttturrrnnnn

ttttheeee ffffuucccckkkkkkingggg ttthingggggg offfffff!!!!"

Driving his car through the countryside, a middle aged man spots a

naked youth with his arms tied around the trunk of a tree. The driver

slows down and winds his window down, and he hears the naked lad

wailing for help. After looking around to check that he's not

entering into some sort of trap, he goes out of his car and

investigates. "Oh, thank God!" the naked young man cries. "I've had

a terrible day!" "I can see that," says the driver, noticing the

bruises and whip marks on the young man's back.

"What on earth happened to you?"

"Well," moans the young man, "I was driving along when I saw this young woman in a pair of cut-offs and a

bra hitch hiking. I stopped to give her a lift, and as soon as I

jumped out to put her rucksack in the boot, two enormous blokes jumped

out of the undergrowth, stripped me, tied me up and beat me, stole all

my belongings and drove off with my new car." "Oh dear, gorgeous,"

says the driver, unbuckling his belt. "It's just not your day, is

it?"

This nun's standing at a bus stop when a double-decker pulls up. As

she gets on, the nun notices she's the only passenger on the bus, so

she turns to the driver and asks, "Could you do me a very special

favour, Mr Driver?"

"If I can," he replies. "Well thing is, I have a serious heart

problem and I want to have sex for the first time before I die."

"Erm, okay," answers the driver.

"There are two conditions, though" continues the nun.

"Firstly, we can't do it if you're married, because I don't want to

commit adultery. Secondly, it has to be anal sex, because I have to

die a virgin." The bus driver gives a nod, so they clamber

upstairs and get down to it. When it's all over, though, the

driver's racked with guilt.

"I'm so sorry, Sister, but I have a terrible confession- I'm married

with three kids."

"Don't fret, Mr Driver," replies the nun, sympathetically.

"I have a confession , too. I'm on my way to a fancy-dress party and

my name's Kevin."

A womaniser dies and goes to hell for his sins. He's greeted by the

devil, who tells him he has a choice of three rooms for his eternal

stay. Asking if he can view them before he decides, the man is led to

the first room. He opens the door to discover a million people

standing on their heads on a concrete floor. "I don't like the look

of that," says the man. "I want to see the next room." So Satan leads

him further. When they reach the second room, the man opens the door

to reveal a million people standing on there heads on a wooden floor.

"No, that's notfor me either," says the philanderer, shaking his head.

Eventually, they reach the final room, and the man peeks round the

door to find a million people standing knee-deep in shit, smoking fags

and drinking coffee. Despite the atrocious smell, he decides this is

the best option and tells the devil of his decision, and takes his

place. But five minutes later the devil returns, claps his hands and

orders, "OK, you lot. The coffee break is over. Get back on your

heads!"

George the Postman was on the final day of his job after 35 years of

serving the same neighbourhood, come rain or shine. At his first

house, his was greeted by the entire family applauding him, and sent

him on his way with a healthy gift envelope. At the second house, he

was presented with a case of fine wine, at the third he left with a

box of the finest Havana cigars. At the fourth house, George was

greeted by a beautiful blonde in a baby-doll nightie, whom took him by

the hand upstairs to the bedroom and treated him with the best sex of

his life. Afterwards she led him to the kitchen and cooked him

breakfast. As the stunning woman poured the coffee the postie noticed

a one pound coin next to his cup. "What's the coin for?" he asked.

"Oh," the woman replied. "Last night I told my husband that today was

your last day, and I asked him what we should give you as a special

treat. He said,"F*ck him. Give him a pound.' The breakfast was my

idea."

Little Johnny needed $100.00 very badly and his mother told him to

pray to God for it. He prayed and prayed for two weeks and nothing

turned up. So he decided to write to God requesting the money. When

the postal worker seen the letter he decided to send it to the

president. The president was so impressed that he told his secretary

to send the boy a check for $5.00. He thought that would appear to be

alot of money to a little boy. Little Johnny was delighted with the

$5.00 and sat down to write a thank-you letter to God, which read as

follows: Dear God, Thank you very much for sending me the money. I

noticed that you had to send it through Washington. As usual, those

Bastards deducted $95.00.

3 mice walk into a bar, pull up stools, and order 3 man-sized shots of

tequilla. The first mouse downs his shot and says "you know, I'm so

brave, that when I come across a mousetrap, I snatch the cheese before

the spring snaps and then I feed my family for a week!" The second

mouse then downs his shot and says "That's nothin', I can take a fist

full of Decon and just gobble it down ..." The third mouse slugs his

shot down, gets up and leaves. The other two say "hey, hey, where do

you think you're goin'? And he replies..... "I'm goin' to f*ck the

cat!"

A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's

been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he

could forage and hes been reduced to sleeping in caves and under

trees. One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has

vines covering most of it and the man can't see any other buildings in

the area. However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying

someone is home. He knocks on the door and an old man answers, with a

beard almost down to the ground. The old man squints his eyes and says

"What do you want?" The man says "I've been lost for the past three

weeks and haven't had a decent meal or sleep since that time. I would

be most gracious if I could have a meal and sleep in your house for

tonight"

The old Chinese man says "I'll let you come in on one

condition: You cannot mess around with my grandaughter" The man,

exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying "I promise I won't cause

you any trouble. I'll be on my way tomorrow morning" The old Chinese

man counters "Ok, but if I do catch you then I'll give you the three

worst chinese torture tests ever known to man." "Ok, Ok" the man said

as he entered the old house. Besides, he thought to himself, what kind

of woman would live out in the wilderness all her life? Well, that

night, when the man came down to eat (after showering), he saw how

beautiful the grandaughter was. She was an absolute pearl, and while

he had only been lost three weeks, it had been many,many months

without companionship. And the girl had only seen the occasional monk

besides her grandfather and well, they both couldn't keep their eyes

off each other throughout the meal. That night, the man snuck into the

girls' bedroom and they had quite a time, but had kept the noise down

to a minimum. The man crept back to his room later that night thinking

to himself, "Any three torture tests would be worth it after that

experience." Well, the next morning the man awoke to find a heavy

weight on his chest. He opened his eyes and there was this huge rock

on his chest. On the rock was a sign saying "1st Chinese torture test:

50 kg rock on your chest".

"What a lame torture test" the man thought

to himself as he got up and walked over to the window. He opened the

shutter and threw the rock out. On the backside of the rock is another

sign saying "2nd worst Chinese torture test: Rock tied to RIGHT

testicle". The man, seeing the rock was too far out the window to be

'grabbed, jumps out the window after the rock. Outside the window is a

third sign saying "3rd worst Chinese torture test: LEFT testicle tied

to bedpost".

A Frenchman, an Englishman, and a New Yorker were captured by a fierce

tribe. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now

that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to

build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die." The

Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." The chief gives him some poison,

the Frenchman says, "Vive la France!" and drinks it down. The Englishman

says, "A pistol for me, please." The chief gives him a pistol, he points it

at his head, says, "God save the queen!" and blows his brains out. The

New Yorker says, "Gimme a fork." The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and

gives him a fork. The New Yorker takes the fork and starts jabbing himself

all over-the stomach, the sides, the chest, everywhere. There's blood

gushing out all over, it's horrible. The chief is appalled, and screams, "What

are you doing???" The New Yorker looks at the chief and says, "So much for

your canoe, a*shole!"

A Riddle with a twist as big as American Pie.....
At the exact same time, there are two young men on opposite sides of the
earth:

One is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers.

The other is getting oral sex from a 98 year old woman.

They are both thinking to themselves the exact same thing.

What are they both thinking?

*

*

*

*

Don't Look Down

The boy just takes the girlfriend back to her home after being
out together,and when they reach the front door he leans with one
hand on the wall and says to her, "Sweetie, why don't you give me
a blow job?"
"What? You're crazy???!!!"
"Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."
"No!! Someone may see; a relative, a neighbor..."
"At this time of the night no one will show up.."
"I've already said NO, and NO!"
"Honey, it's just a small blowie... I know you like it too.."
"NO!!! I've said NO!!!"
"My love.. don't be like that.."
At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in
nightgown with her hair totally in disorder, rubbing her eyes >br> and says, "Dad says either you have to blow him, I have blow him,
or he will come down and give the guy a blow job himself, but for
God's sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the
intercom!!!!

Mikey says this bit is from an old Graham Kennedy joke��.it cracked me up when I read it the first time���.enjoy:

A man is driving up a steep, narrow mountain road.

A woman is driving up the same road.

As they pass each other, the woman leans out of the window and yells
"PIG!!"

The man immediately leans out of his window and replies, "BITCH!!"

They each continue on their way, and as the man rounds the next
corner, he crashes into a pig in the middle of the road.

If only men would listen.

Good, the Bad and the Ugly

1 Good: Your wife is pregnant. Bad: It's triplets Ugly: You had a vasectomy five years ago.

2. Good: Your wife's not talking to you Bad: She wants a divorce Ugly: She's a lawyer

3. Good: Your son is finally maturing Bad: He's involved with the woman next door Ugly: So are you

4. Good: Your son studies a lot in his room Bad: You find several porn movies hidden there Ugly: You're in them

5. Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids Bad: You can't find your birth control pills Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them

6. Good: Your husband understands fashion Bad: He's a cross-dresser Ugly: He looks better than you

7. Good: You give the "birds and bees:" talk to your daughter Bad: She keeps interrupting Ugly: With corrections

8. Good: The postman's early Bad: He's wearing fatigues and carrying a shotgun Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas

9. Good: You son is dating someone new Bad: It's another man Ugly: He's your best friend

10. Good: Your daughter got a new job Bad: As a hooker Ugly: Your coworkers are her best clients Way ugly: She makes way more than you!

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest
in his paintings on display at that time.
"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good
news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and wondered
if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told
him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"The guy was your doctor"

And a joke to give lawyers a bad name.........
EMBEZELMENT
A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a
room to meet with his former accountant.

The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where is the 3 million bucks
you embezzled from me?" The accountant does not answer.

The Godfather asks again, "Where is the 3 million bucks you
embezzled from me?"

The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf mute and cannot
understand you, but I can interpret for you."

The Godfather says, "Well ask him where my damm money is!" The
attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the 3
million dollars is.

The accountant signs back, "I don't know what you are talking
about."

The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He doesn't know what
you are talking about."

The Godfather pulls out a 9 millimeter pistol, puts it to the
temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, "Ask him
again where my damn money is!"

The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where
it is!"

The accountant signs back, "OK! OK! OK! The money is hidden in
a brown suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!"

The Godfather says, "Well....what did he say?"

The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He says...go to hell...
...that you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."

A real Aussie ad in lonely heart column the of the Canberra Times:

WANTED

* A tall well-built woman with good

* reputation, who can cook frogs

* legs, who appreciates a good fuc-

* schia garden, classic music and tal-

* king without getting too serious.

* But please only read lines 1,3 and 5.

IMG SRC="/pictures/icons/lines/rainbow_thinline.gif">

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

The brunette balances their chequebook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.

Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it.

The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him,she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left.

She realises that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable'."

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. She'll read it slow."

Subject: Oral Sex... it's not what you would imagine...

A young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex.
He asked how often he should have it. His grandfather told him that when you first get married, you want it all the time...and maybe do it several times a day.
Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so. Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month. When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year.....maybe on your anniversary.
The young fellow then asked his grandfather, "Well how about you and Grandma now?"
His grand father replied, "Oh, we just have oral sex now." "What's oral sex?" the young fellow asked. "Well," Grandpa said, "She goes to bed in her bedroom, and I go to bed in my bedroom. And she yells, 'F*ck You!!!!! And I holler back, "F*ck You too."

Two nuns, Sister Marilyn and Sister Helen, are travelling through Europe in their car.
They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.
"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Marilyn. "What shall we do?" "Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen.
Sister Marilyn switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"What shall I do now?" she shouts.
"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican," says Sister Helen.
Sister Marilyn turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.
"Now what?" shouts Sister Marilyn? "Show him your cross," says Sister Helen.
"Now you're talking," says Sister Marilyn.
She opens the window and shouts, "Get the f*ck off our car!"

For more non Play School humour

American Pie

A wish come true

Perhaps YOU should call your lawyer!!!!!!!!

Asians do it better!!!!

There is an English TV Quiz show called "Countdown". The computer chooses 9 letters at random, the contestants then have thirty seconds in which to make as many words as possible in that time. Sort of like a televised version of Boggle. Last Tuesday, on prime-time TV in England, this was the combination of letters that the system automatically brought up, right at the start of the game - on National Television.

I AM a leg man, but still.....

My kind of eating disorder

The Viagra Triple Threat

Viagra 1

Viagra 2

Viagra 3

Death BY Viagra

Look out

This always cracks me up when I have a look at it once in a while....

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