They had gone to pick up a washing machine and were in dad�s work van. They were stationary in the turn lane when a car driven by a drunk, racing another car, hit them at very high speed. My parents were killed instantly, or so I prefer to believe.

When you go through life, not really having any tragedies affect you, you tend to take things for granted. I know I always had a feeling of invincibility. Nothing phased me. I was a daredevil when it came to horses.
I�d reached the age of 26 before I had to face my own mortality by losing the very foundation of my life.

I went from thinking I could never die, to knowing I would. Every time I got in car, I felt it would be the last. Every little pain I felt, I thought was cancer and it would kill me fast. �I� wasn�t there anymore, just a shadow of me. I was lost and desperately sad.

The night the accident happened. I was already sleeping when I was awakened by, my husband at the time. I remember vividly, waking abruptly and being handed the phone. My brother Michael was on the other end. As I�d been sleeping soundly, I was having a hard time figuring out why he was calling and seemed not to want to say much. I felt a little annoyed. Then the words came, but I wouldn�t hear them. You just don�t.
It took what seemed like several seconds for me to process what he said. All I could do, and with no conscious thought given to it, was scream at the top of my lungs till my throat hurt, �Noooooooooooooooooooooo� I just kept repeating it. I ran out into the back yard and grabbed my dog and held her so tight, still screaming like a wild animal in the night. I wasn�t thinking of the neighbors, or how it sounded. It was primal. I should have been allowed to do it till I was done Till it was out of me. But my husband dragged me indoors and gave me some whiskey to calm me down.
I can see from his point of view how it must have seemed, but sod the neighbors! They had- at times been noisy- rowing over trivial things or just being drunk. If ever there was a legitimate reason for screaming back at the universe, this had to be it.

From that point on, life was surreal. I was a zombie. I was not me and I was not in control.
We flew home as soon as we could catch a flight, and one strange thing I remember about the flight was, I was laughing and acting like nothing was wrong with me for much of it. From CA to Heathrow is about 11hrs I think. It�s a blur.

When I got home I felt a little more like �me� again. Seeing my family. Having to act strong as my sister seemed to be worse off than I was. I realized I wasn�t the only one in pain here, the whole family was rocked off it�s foundation and floundering. My brothers held it together well. Our Michael had a lot to deal with. Our Stuart was still quite young as a teenager, so I felt bad for him.
Nanna and Grandad were of course devastated. So how could I wallow?

The day of the funeral came and I vaguely remember it. One thing I remember, is Grandad trying to make me go and say goodbye to mum and dad. I refused to, even though everyone else did. I just couldn�t bring myself to do it.

I thought there was no �positive� to come out of this, but in my grief, I decided -right or wrong reasoning- it was time for me to fill the empty, sad space, and one year later, on August 15th, Craig was born.