From: KENYON::RADAKS "The sun still rises even after the worst storm"
1-SEP-1993 21:49:20.39
To: RADAKS
CC:
Subj: Raging Bull V (The vacation edition)
What the hell is this ? Do you need to ask ? You know what it is.
Just because you went home doesn't mean you can escape the nauseating insanity
of Nineteen Nineties Studio. After all, you were silly enough to give us your
address. Now you're going to get it. I'll bet you're shocked. I'll bet you
never dreamed you would open your mailbox and find something straight from the
depths of the sick minds at Spellbinder Productions. But come on now, did you
really think you could escape the reign of terror caused by.....
RAGING BULL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(We got a discount on exclamation points this month)
Episode V
Just when you thought it might be safe to check your mail.
WARNING: Ingesting this material may be hazardous to your health. If nausea
starts to occur, keep reading to induce vomiting.
WARNING: No vehicles over 5 tons gross weight
All rights reserved. Any reproduction of this....this....whatever this
is, is really absurd and a waste of your time and money.
Remember you HAVE been warned.
ANOTHER ROUSING ROUND OF BULL !
Working for a living is great
Nothing like flipping burgers
You won't believe how much money I'm making
I never want to leave this job
Of course I'm qualified ! What position are we talking about again ?
I'm not doing this for the money, I'm broadening my horizons
I was NOT playing air guitar with the broom
Minimum wage ? Oh that's fine
Feel free not to pay me
Nepotism is a right
I'll be back from lunch real soon
Grease and dirt, Awesome !
Summer vacation is for working
INTERESTING INTERVIEWS
One of the hardest things about getting a summer job is finding one.
After you have finally faced up to the reality that you are not going to find a
nice place to work, you settle for something that will at least pay
you...maybe. But of course there is always that obnoxious interview process.
You know, the time when you have to act really phony, pretend that this job
will have a major influence in your life, dress up, kiss ass, take a shower;
all the things you never really do in life. Sometimes, however, interviews can
be just a little strange.
"I'll just need a few references."
"Dad !"
"As a summer employee for the government, we expect you to be here
every day, on time. If you are absent or late you will not be paid for the
time lost. In case of absence, we expect you to notify us in advance and have
a note from your mother...ALL IN TRIPLICATE!!!"
"I'm not sure if we have..."
"Did I mention that everyone who has rejected my application has died
mysteriously ?"
"...um...have any reason not to hire you. Congratulations."
"I'll just need a few references."
"What for ? I'M considering YOUR application for employment."
And now for the coup de gracie. If you're still reading this, I must commend
you for having strong constitutions. But for any of you readers with a weak
stomach, I strongly suggest that you stop reading this now. I am about to
embark on a topic that will completely destroy your appetite. Yes, I'm going
to talk about our favorite dining nightmare, THE ARA. Hold on to your hats
folks. Spellbinder Productions, with the musical talent (or lack thereof) of
the Spellbinder himself, presents......
THE ARA SONG
(sung to the tune of Spin Doctor's "Two Princes")
One-two messes here before you
So just go ahead now
Pick one, the names will never bore you
But it still ain't real chow
One has gravy that's atrocious
And so disgusting
The other has an odor that's ferocious
No use discussing
This stuff is offending to my senses
I'm going to be sick
Sickening, the general consensus
But here's the real trick
Try to cook a meal that is delightful
But they don't know how
The dishes they create can be so frightful
Let's get dessert now
Spew up this or spew up that
Really doesn't matter cuz' it goes like that
Dinner ain't nothing but a fantasy
I will never know what I just put in me...
I will never know what I just put in me...
Said if you want to get the entree
Just go ahead now
And if you want to eat off my tray
Just go ahead now
And if you're waiting till the gas comes
Just go ahaead now
And if you want to borrow my Tums
Just go ahead now
And that's all she wrote folks.