From: KENYON::RADAKS "You may find yourself slipping in and out of reality" 28-AUG-1993 12:20:19.29
To: RADAKS
CC:
Subj: A legend in his own mind returns
The service is over. The eulogy has been given. The body is about to
be layed to rest, when suddenly the coffin top flies open. He has returned.
and he smells really bad from not showering for a few days. He strides
majestically from the coffin and trips on the edge, falling flat on his face.
Most of the crowd is shocked and quiet with awe; the rest are shocked and
horrified because his fly is open. He does not notice. He removes his grada
(the inevitable roaming of one's underwear when one does not change position
for a long time) and opens his mouth to speak; no to spit a loogee. Now he
speaks. "I have returned." There is an undercurrent of murmuring in the crowd
to the effect of "Damn", "Oh Shit", "Not Again", "Somebody Shoot Him", and
"Mommy, can we go now ?". A woman runs up to him and starts hitting him. "I
haven't collected the insurance money yet, you jerk!" He pays no heed. He
steps past her and addresses the crowd, "I have brought you a gift." There is
the sound of automatic weapons being cocked. Shots ring out.......
RAGING BULL IV
(with purple horseshoes)
Some things were just meant to be and others you just can't get rid of.
Some assembly required. Company not responsible for missing pieces
since the staff is missing some important pieces themselves.
No batteries necessary. No directions included. No holds barred.
No right turn on red. No smoking. No shoes, No shirt, No problem.
Any duplication of this material would really be stupid and is
definitely a sign of a need for professional help.
Any other disclaimers that we forgot to put in are valid in this
disclaimer. By reading this message you absolve us of any guilt by using this
product. And since you couldn't possibly know you were doing this until you
finished reading that sentence we've got you now, so there !
And with that said. I know you want it so here it is.
For those of you trying to diet, but are having trouble breaking the
eating habit, this section may help.
Truth In Advertising Hits the ARA
The Menu
Before After
1. Sloppy Joes Assorted Horse Parts with Sauce
2. Tofu 100% preservatives that we cannot
pronounce or spell
3. Hot Dogs Surgeon General has warned that listing
these ingredients guarantees stomach
upset
4. Hamburger Simulated meat stuff. Don't ask what meat
they are trying to simulate
5. Spaghetti Australian rubber shoestrings
6. Spinach Quiche Cow pie with artificial colors
7. Bread HEY ! The bread is good !
8. Gourmet Casserole NEVERMIND !!!!!
9. Tapioca Pudding Whale Snot
10. Taco Pie ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! That's Enough !
If I ragged on something you like then this probably shows that you
have no taste (or that I have no taste but I wouldn't admit that).
And the bull rages on. (Whew!!! What a stink !!!)
Goverment Financial Aid (We are making it possible for everyone to
pursue higher education)
Any tax information given by the upper 2% income bracket
Essays for College Admission/Scholarships (I think I deserve to be
admitted because....)
Roommate descriptions (Sometimes you get lucky and sometimes....)
The findings of any Congressional committee (We have found that
second-hand cigarette smoke does not propose so much a liability as to curb the
tobacco industries production)
Any fast-food employee telling you to "Have a nice day"
All Natural. No preservatives (Only if it is pure dirt)
Easy to read assembly instructions
Anyone claiming to have read the directions before assembling (after
they break it.
Anyone boasting an average of 8 hours sleep.
Okay so it's short. I didn't say I was 100% yet. When I want your
opinion I'll shoot you so you can't give it to me !!!
In case you can't tell Nineteen Nineties Studio has been reopened. The
Spellbinder is well; or rather nearly back to his usual state of abnormal.
Thank you to those who helped me make my return. I'll bet you wish you hadn't
now. HA ! HA ! HA ! HA ! HEY ! Put down that knife ! What are you doing ?
NO ! WAIT ! DON'T ! ARGGGHHHH.....
Go to commercial ! Go to commercial !
Do you have a problem with geting your homework done on time ...