7-1-04

	
	I am an individual. I have no spouse, no children, and no pets.
 
Growing up, I was never close to my family. I have no religion and 

believe in no gods. I am not affiliated with any organizations or 

political parties. I have no college degrees nor special training. I do 

not identify with commercial mainstream America. I do not own a television. 

I have no agenda. I do not have any beliefs. I view beliefs and faith as 

ideological viruses masquerading as knowledge. I reserve the right to 

change my mind about anything at any time based on a dynamic updating 

of information in my mind. 

	I am not an optomist, nor a pessimist, but a realist. What's the 

difference? Well, an optomist would say the glass is half full and a 

pessimist would say it is half empty. A realist would say that the glass 

is full: half full of liquid, half full of air. I am also a cynic. A cynic 

is a wounded idealist. Idealists believe that the human condition can be 

vastly improved through education and hard-work. Cynics know that a given 

portion of the populace will always be vicious, greedy, lazy, and ignorant, 

thus hindering progress. Just look at our president.

	Some might argue based on the above information that I am a 

nihilist. This is inaccurate. Nihilists believe that existence is 

meaningless. I disagree. I think that the subjective experience of being 

alive and aware in a human body has meaning in and of itself and need not 

be justified. 

	I am also an American, a fact to which I am completely ambivalent. 

For one thing, I didn't choose to be an American; I was born here, so I 

have my parents to thank for that. I have no other frame of reference with 

which to evaluate the American experience. I am also a life-long native of 

California. California is the only America I know, and I don't think it 

represents the whole. Although I like the ideas that America represents, we 

must be honest about the discrepancy between our ideas and our reality. 

America has always been a good idea piggybacked on a bad reality. Like 

George Carlin pointed out, this country was founded by slaveowners who 

wanted to be free. The man who wrote the words "All men are created equal" 

owned a hundred other men. So that's bullshit. 

	The only thing I feel patriotic about is the freedom to burn 

the American flag. This is a paradox many people angrily misunderstand. 

Allow me to explain. The flag is a symbol of our freedom. If we are not 

free to burn it, then the freedom which it symbolizes doesn't exist. 

Get it? When the symbol of freedom becomes more important than the actual 

freedom that it represents, it is meaningless. The act of burning the 

flag expresses the triumph of reality over beliefs. It represents our 

unwillingness to be ruled by rhetoric and dogma. A fine distinction, I 

know.
        So, as I said in the benginning, I am an individual. But if you 

think about it, there are no individuals. Every individual is part of a 

group. There are no exceptions. I would not exist if not for my parents. 

I would have no knowledge if not for my teachers. I would have no 

identity if not for my friends. It is important to strike a balance 

between the self and the group. For although I am not affiliated with 

any particular group, I acknowledge that we are all part of the 

continuous process of life, that life feeds on life.
	
        I think that the story of humankind is fascinating and 

disturbing. A glimmer of genius shining through a sea of wasted 

potential. And we are going somewhere, but we know not where. As 

William Gibson said, there are no maps for these territories. I think 

we are part of a reality far greater than our ability to percieve it, 

and I am grateful to be alive and aware.