2-9-04

      
	Hello. Here's a rant from your friendly neighborhood 

stoner philosopher. 


      American Culture is an interest of mine. Why? I love a 

train wreck. I'm a crap-hound. I am fascinated by all things 

ugly and horrible in this world, and I collect them, just to 

throw at optomists, who are a constant thorn in my side. 

After all, I've never met an optomist who is an expert on 

history, economics, or political science. By the way, I am 

not a pessimist. I am a cynic, and a cynic is just a wounded 

idealist. 


      There is one event which happens once a year in this 

fading republic, which serves as a bellweather for American 

Culture. It's called the Super Bowl Half-Time. This event 

takes all of the mediocrity, banality, and vapidity of the 

previous American year, squeezes it into a booger, and flicks 

it at you through the screen between indescribably overblown 

commercials. Don't even get me started on the commercials. I 

stare at this spectacle every year, as though through a 

crystal ball, and I get a sense of how rediculous the rest of 

the year will be. 


      This year's half-time didn't let me down, but oddly, it 

was the backlash afterward that provided me with a sense of 

our impending silliness. I watched the boobie exposing moment 

with no more interest than any other part of the show. 

Perhaps this reflects my positive view of boobies. I love 

'em; I squeeze 'em; I kiss 'em. Or perhaps this reflects my 

impressive collection of amatuer internet porn (over 1 

gigabyte and growing). 


      Whatever the reason, I must admit that Janet Jackson's 

right boobie didn't even blip my radar. The entire Super Bowl 

phenomenon, and the culture it implies is so bizarre that a 

boobie seems wholesome to me by comparison. After all, 

boobies represent nuture, love, and health. Boobies are the 

first thing a child suckles. It's how mammals feed thier 

young. An indispensible fact of human life. 


      That millions of Americans were disgusted by the sight 

of it reinforces how disgusted I am with America. I, of 

course, blame religion, since nothing short of superstitious 

nonsense leftover from the dark ages could cause this. But it 

also shows the power of the mediated reality which we 

percieve. Television is the second nipple we suckle. It is 

the Babysitter. It has replaced community. It teaches us. It 

shows us its version of reality long before we are old enough 

to explore reality on our own. And by the time we are old 

enough to explore reality, we have an indelible impression of 

it, through which all of our incoming data is processed. From 

birth, television alters our ability to percieve reality. 


      Television takes all our experience as humans, 

everything we are, everything we represent in the 

evolutionary scheme, boils it down into a format, categorizes 

it, polishes the rough edges, and sells it back to us during 

commercials breaks, which are, by the way, the whole point of 

television networks. To mesmerize you just long enough to 

sell you merchandise. And the more credulous and gullible you 

are, the more they will fleece you. Let's face it. This is 

not a sustainable culture. Here we are in the 21st century, 

communicating at light speed on global networks, sending 

flying probes to mars, going forward with plans to strip mine 

the moon for superfluid helium 3 to replace our dwindling oil 

supplies, while the mass of humanity stuffs thier bellies 

with mass produced inedible garbage, staring at a 

manufactured reality. We now straddle a chasm in the 

evolution of the human species. And that is a story which 

will not be on the news tonight. No money in it.