Who Is This Person Living In My House?

A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in. I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one day she was not there and the next day she was!!!!

She is a clever old lady and manages to keep out of sight for the most part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. And, whenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is hogging the whole thing, completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body. This is very rude!!!! I have tried screaming at her, but she justs screams back.

The least she could do is offer to pay part of the rent, but no. Every once in a while, I find a dollar bill stuck in a coat pocket, or some loose change under a sofa cushion, but it is not nearly enough. I do not want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money from me. I go to the ATM and withdraw $100.00, and a few days later, it is all gone!!!!

Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate - especially the good stuff like ice cream, cookies, and candy. She must have a real sweet tooth, but she better watch it, because she is really packing on the pounds. I suspect she realizes this, and to make herself fell better, she is tampering with my scale to make me think I am putting on weight, too.

For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to play nasty games, like going into my closets when I am not home and altering my clothes so they do not fit. And she messes with my files and papers so I cannot find anything. This is particularly annoying since I am extremely neat and organized.

She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets into my mail, newspapers, and magazines before I do and blurs the print so I cannot read it. And she has done something really sinsiter to the volume controls on my TV, radio, and telephone. Now, all I hear are mumbles and shispers. She has done other things - like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum heavier and all knob and faucets harder to turn. She even made my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge.

Lately she has been fooling with my groceries before I put them away....applying glue to the lids, making it almost impossible for me to open the jars. She ahs taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something on,; she stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it. She looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits, plus, she keeps me from seeing how great they look on me.

Just when I though she could not get any meaner, she proved me wrong. She came along when I went to get my picture taken for my driver's license, and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped in front of me!!!!

I hope she never finds out where YOU live.

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