Immutable Laws

Our dear friend and classmate, Sara Snoopsalot, aka Snoopi has been using the long winter nights to do scientific research on subjects that have been on the minds of humans for centeries. Snoopi has kindly decided to share with her McKinley High School Classmates of the 1955 graduating class the results of this study.
When one wishes to unlock a door but has only one hand free, the keys are in the opposite pocket. (VonFumbles Law)
A door will snap shut only when you have left the keys inside. (Yale Law of Destiny)
When one's hands are covered with oil, grease, or glue, your nose will start to itch. (Law of Ichiban)
Your insurance will cover everything but what has happened. (Insurance So Sorry Law
When things seem to be going well, you have probably forgotten to do something. (Cheney's Second Corollary)
When things seem easy to do, it is because you have not followed all the instructions. (Destiny Awaits Law)
If you keep your coool when everyone else is losing his, it is probably because you have not realized the seriousness of the problem. (Law of Gravitas)
Most problems are not created or solved; they only change appearances. (Einstein's Law of Persistence)
You will run to answer the telephone just as the party hangs up on you. (Principle of Dingaling)
Whenever you connect with the Internet, the call you have been waiting for all day will arrive. (Principle of Bellsouth)
If there are only two programs on TV that are worth your time, they will always be at the same time. (Law of Wasteland)
The cost is always higher than one budgets for, and it is exactly 3.14 times higher, hence the importance of pi. (Law of Pi Eyed)
The probability that one will spill food on one's clothes is directly proportional to the need to be clean. (Law of Campbell Scoop)
Each and every body submerged in a bathtub will cause the phone to ring. (Law of Yes Now)
Each and every body sitting on a commode will cause the doorbell to ring. (Law of Ding Dong)
Wind velocity will increase proportionally to the cost of one's hairdo. The Don King Principle)
Arriving early for an appointment will cause the receptionist to be absent, and if one arrives late, everyone else has arrived before you. (Law of Delay)
Do not take life too seriously, because in the end, you will not come out alive anyway. (Theory of Absolute Certainty)

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