A Thank You From Sara Snoopsalot

I want to thank you, who have taken the time and trouble to send me your chain letters and e-mails over the past 12 months.
Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
I no longer drink Pepsi, or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists, who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I no longer drink bottles of water that have been frozen since they release a poison from the plastic bottle once thawed.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants, even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually AL Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and do not support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with call to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan at $750.00 per minute.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible, mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer have any sneakers....but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
I no longer worry about my soul, because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.
Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000.00 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I must add my thanks to whoever sent me the one regarding the ingredients in the glue on envelopes. I now have to get a wet towel to seal every envelope. Also I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me and I will now return the favor!!!!!!

If you do not send this notice to at least 144,000 people in the next 60 minutes, a large seagull with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM (CDT) this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your armpits causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur, because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician!

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