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| for those of you living anywhere near east ryde... beware of the evil evil ethel... |
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| 22/12/04 According To Darwin's Theory Of Evolution...
present day species of animals possess supposedly superior genetics to those of their ancestors as a result of the extensive process of natural selection. this theory, hence, poses the burning question of why a present day primate, who defied the odds of extinction and or serious physical incapacity brought about by a genetic mutation, will claim to have the ability to steal my car (by means of picking the lock) and drive it away when all observers know that the said primate is only capable of driving an automatic. furthermore, the question of why this said primate will attempt, and inevitably fail, to prove his prior conjecture of "oh hell yeah, manual transmission is my bitch!" not once, not twice, but a grand total of six times would also, undoubtedly, be raised in the minds of many. is it that the primate is... full of shit? is it, possibly, beyond the capabilities of a primate to use a clutch or indeed to find the first gear of a standard gear shift? perhaps it was simply the fault of my car, maybe it has an added safety feature which prevents it from succumbing to theft by primates by prohitbiting their getaway by means of a violent earth-shattering stall that measures about mid-range on the richter scale? many conclusions can be made... and i do not profess to subscribe to any... but one thing is for sure... in terms of driving manual cars, (and, as he oft reminds you, advanced english) mikey shits all over you fatty 24/11/04 It Was A Dark And Stormy Night... had a very funny msn conversation a about a week ago with one who's identity shall remain anonymous (but in all honesty, i wouldn't be surprised if most readers are able to figure out who this "dreamer" is)... this extract that i provide for you is word for word verbatim, bar the use of code names to protect the identities of those who are innocent and completely undeserving of any riducule and shaming... "jelly head" is a real guy and, accordingly, the "white devil" is a real girl ... u know i had the weirdest dream that i got really drunk at "jelly head's" party and who did i try to hit on? and this is not my style, i've been drunk many times, and i've never hit on anyone serious i started hitting on the "white devil" and then i woke up, it was like a..... nightmare serious, i woke up sweating and this was last night, last night was heaps cold 20/11/04 Jonathan Gets A Bit Worked Up... he says to lelia "you're a grasping greedy cheapskate...! thank goodness i don't live with you anymore... you tight wad..." lelia is mortified and, as usual, is reduced to tears by jonathon's criticisms 13/11/04 CANTON ROADSTER HEAR MY CRY i summon thou who goes by the moniker of 'canton roadster"' after completing my inaugural uni finals 'all-niter' studymajigthing, there are a few things that i have come to realise... finance is arse, law sucks balls... and locating shit on austlii is unbelievably fucked... so, friend, buddy, pal, mate... please help a friend in need... S-O-fucking-S... 08/09/04 Ahoy You Scurvy Dogs Of The Seven Seas.. last sunday, driving on my way to chatswood, the most peculiar site greeted my eyes as i ascended over the crest in epping road near epping boys.. SNOW! or ICE.. or HAIL..! or some other cold white stuff that fell from the heavens and covered the road..! shifting all the way down to first gear on a road where usually i would be in fifth felt fucking gay... BUT realising that my superior handling and control would enable me to coast slowly down the middle lane and watch whilst others (driving automatics i presume) were having extreme difficulty... serving one way, sliding the other, skidding, spinning... and eventually crashing onto the kerb on the left lane or the divider on the right... by the time i had reached chatswood, where the weather was fine and dandy, my car was blanketed by a thin layer of snow...! oh how those north shore folk STARED at my snow encrusted car mouths agape with big "WTF!?" speech bubbles emanating from their mouths... as a reward to my baby for her rugged determination and selfless calm approach to the situation, i changed her oil AND replaced oil filter..! i think i must have hit a soft spot, for when i started her just then, she just purrrred and purrrrrred.. :) 05/09/04 I See... A Ba-yad... Moon Riii-sing... vic gives me two dan brown books... a lady at the matthews newsagents gives me a genuine coca-cola yoyo... and a pirate dvd copy of the first season of the OC appears on my desk after a visit from my cousin... fuck me... why? no seriously... why? ok, fair enough, i'll allow for the fact that resisting the temptation of procrastination has never really been a virtue that i have ever fully possessed... but i sersiously didn't go round asking for this shit... i know that i got exams and assignments up to the eyeballs... could it be that everyone else knows this fact too..? 18/08/04 TSUJ KCUF JAR PU YDAERLA... We're Not Stopping You i have for you here an inspired poem, created by a unique and perculiar yet extraordinarily entertaining and horrendously humourous bloke: "removal of furniture... emergency exit... life...!?" ed santow 11/08/04 Are You Overweight? Bum-Scales... those portly people of the north shore really ought to lose some weight it hardly seems fair that others should have to stand, squashed together on a fully packed peak hour train whilst the typical middle-aged, beer bellied, suit-wearing fatso from the north shore occupies a two person seat with his one immense bloody arse... these idiots will usually also have with them a briefcase or biggish bag of similar design which they like to place across the aisle of the train in order to trip those with poorer peripheral vision... alas, i agree, it is a rather amusing spectacle watching someone trip over what appears to be absolutely nothing at all... however, the situation can be viewed rather differently whence the victim of this booby trap crashes onto you... i never EVER have problems of this nature commuting on my beloved red line... i suppose it just goes to show that affluence is a bitch (except for when it is you who has the double seat resting nice and firmly below your big fat buttocks) 30/07/04 If You Can't Get A Woman Get A Cranbrook Man oh how i hate that ex tran-brook fag and his gay canadian mooting partner i almost hate them as much as i hate being the last person to squish onto the 891 and having my arse pressed against the windscreen - yes, that big window at the front of the bus - for the entire journey to kensington but what i hate the most is when the driver suddenly brakes, the 891 goes from 60 to zero in a short-lived moment and you go flying out of the shattered windscreen, clearing the peugeot 505 but landing on the top of that bloody taxi... 26/07/04 Witchy Woman whilst sitting and studying the brand new cityrail timetables at hornsby station, a dark shadow loomed over my presence. i looked up and saw an elderly lady staring at me. she wore a black cat-in-the-hat type hat, white hair with... like these dark streaks... dark purplish/bluish lipstick, a black coat and a black leather handbag. i obliged her with a pleasant smile, and nonchalantly returned my attention to the fresh smelling hot-off-the-press timetables. then, the oddest thing happened. the old lady offered my a lolly. having been well trained and educated in the topic of stranger danger, i politely declined her offer. however, she wouldn�t have any of it "go on... take it... it's for you..." "you don�t have to eat it right away" "you can keep it for later" and finally... "why won�t you take my lolly?" slowly melting under the pressure of this hard pitched sale, i finally obliged this lady and accepted her sweet... put it in my pocket... thanked her... got up from my seat... and proceeded to the other end of the platform... wondering how long it would be before i threw it out or ate it... eventually, my hunger pains got the better of me during my bank financial management lecture, so i "popped"... and boy... it was good! moral of the story, if your in hornsby and a witchy looking woman offers you a lolly... take it... they�re hell good�! 18/07/04 Why Don't We Play Swallow The Stuff Under The Sink? it appears as though the responsiblity of maintaining the pure eskimo bloodline of our extended family will be left to me, the sole remaining unmarried untainted and wholesom eskimo member... it also appears that our family has representation of nearly every bloody continent as well, for today i met my cousins' nigerian husband for the first time ever.. that's right, we know have nigerian member of the family to add to the dutch, italian, skippy, lank, brit, singaporean and that bloody american *shudders... 13/07/04 Judgement Day as a few of you may already know... i've been summoned for jury duty... apparently the estimated length of the criminal proceeding is 12 weeks.... jurors are to attend from everyday "until no longer required"... and every "day" starts at 8:45 at the bloody supreme court in darlinghurst... oh, and by the way, i'm not very happy about it surprisingly, there have been a few people who have been envious of my position "ohh FUCK! jury duty?! SHEEZY.. they PAY you, you know?! you lucky twating fook! err.. what? didn't it say how much you get paid on the letter?" the only fucking figure on my letter was $2200 - the amount of the fine i would receive if i was to fail attendance to the summons... i dunno if i am as privileged as others seem to perceive, by being selected to be part of the A panel for this upcoming trial using the humble television as my source of inspiration, i was contemplating quoting the wise words of homer simpson for my 'excuse': "sure i'm flattered.. maybe even a little interested..? but the answer is NO, i won't fall for any of your backdoor shenanigans" 06/07/04 These Are My Hip Hop Gogggggggggless when i put these on... its time to dance..!! what a fucking weird week... enjoying canto k for the very first time (well, until that honkie guy kissed that other honkie guy on the fucking lips... i decided not to play the drinking games after that...) hanging out with my new buddies, the as yet to be named T4, for the very first time... celebrating the financial new year for the very first time (by eating soooo much fucking seafood that i can barely remember all the dishes)... and then going to thai and eating 4 pad thais (of the 10 or so that we ordered)... and getting a proper head rest for the drivers seat in my much beloved car... then soon rediscovering how shitty the holidays can be whence you spend all your money and are broke... and relying on house parties for entertainment... though i did fully open a can of whoop ass on those unsw law cunts in tekken 4 and GTA 3 as for the dishes i ate on friday.... ok... here goes: seafood rolls, crab claws, peking duck, sang choi bau, lobster with handmade noodles in ginger sauce, pipis in xo sauce, sizzling steak (the only non-seafood dish... i think), salt & pepper prawns & calamari, the fried rice with the prawns and fish roe and a large dose of kareoke in the VIP room at that kam fook restaurant in chatty... 29/06/04 Cityrail Apologises For Any Inconveniances Caused... a little poem i wrote whilst waiting for the late bus to take me to my finance exam, after my delayed train eliminated any prospect of me catching any of the busses that would convey me to university on time... there was an unfortunate man called gus caught the train but of course missed the bus he thought "oh isn't this great? i'm going to be late" before proceeding to swear, blaspheme and cuss FUCK YOU CITYRAIL.. you are the most complete and utter bunch of twats anyone has ever had to put up with 28/06/04 Indeed Its Time sir john kerr you fucking legend! your very existance and the clanger that you made back in 1975 is a gift to all students worldwide... well, actually... probably just the public law students in australia... i doubt very much whether the twats studying human movement in california would give two shits about your remarkable achievements... and to the people who timetable exams.. i hate you... you are all gimps... i mean, how can one afford enough stimulants to keep him alert and ready for 4 exams in 3 days? it is a bloody mockery of the concept of timetabling... i know your job is probably harder than one would conceive and that there are a lot of "behind the scenes"phenonmena that need to be taken into account... but what is the point of delegating 3 weeks for the exams, when you are only going to use 3 fucking days for them? 21/06/04 No Diggity No Doubt About It finance sucks hairy balls.. and by that i mean the hairiest balls ever.. on a more positive note, i'm also quite pleased that people have actually tagged using names by which i can actually identify them by..! for once..! none of this hiding behind some pussy alias bullshit that has ocurred oh so many a time in the past. i concede that all those anonymous messages with "awwww..! stop using my nick you fag" replied to with, "i'll use it cuz, i'm in da house, in da house, in da muthakukkn HOUSE cunt", are quite amusing and are the main reason why people visit this shyte... but it is wonderfully refreshing to see a name that i bloody well recognise every now and then to yok and spettie, i commend you both on your bravery, blazen bluntness and crafty use of in-jokes that only the really cool people in this world will understand (and by that, obviously, i mean myself)... such splendid qualities that i admire and qualities that my other 'friends' appear to be hugely lacking in 09/06/04 When Karma Turns The Tables Cross, hAngry, Miiser-able says: (11:40:43 PM) do u remember some guy from beecroft called adam watersworth habitual line stepper will someday kick hosking's arse says: (11:49:57 PM) yyeah Cross, hAngry, Miiser-able says: (11:50:10 PM) hes gone bald habitual line stepper will someday kick hosking's arse says: (11:50:14 PM) hahahahaahahahaa habitual line stepper will someday kick hosking's arse says: (11:50:16 PM) r u serious?!! he used to bag me out coz i was in the oc... well well well.. isn't it a wonderful world? the former beefy, super-cool, rugby playing retard has become a balding usyd comm/engineering maths whiz... i think it is rather brave of him to finally accept that being smart is actually not as bad as he had originally perceived... well done waterworks... glad to see that the wretched affliction you had with peer pressure has finally dissapated and left you.. and no... you can't join the 'oc geeks'.. your like... nine years too late... 18/05/04 "Can I Get A Large Cup Of Oreo..ssss..?" some people really push the limits... i have this feeling that my fish is going to starve to death some time in the very near future. but if he does, he has no-one to blame but himself. sure, i may forget to feed him every now and then.. and, yes, it is possible that i have purchased the wrong type of fish food for him... but death from starvation will totally be his fault because the stupid poof is bloody bullemic... like there's a pile of regurgitated fish food sitting at the bottom of the vodka bottle, because the dumbass is too concerned with his friggin figure... perhaps (now that i think about it) he is actually a highly insecure she with an extreme image problem... which would explain the bullemia.. the fancy freakin colours.. and why the pussy is so scared of its own bloody reflection.. shit... this story has nothing to do with what i actually wanted to write about... which was about what i got up to last saturday night... and it's actually quite a good story... funny and all... but i can't be bothered now... just ask me about it when you see me at uni... 11/05/04 Well This Isn't New... But ... a few nights ago (read: perhaps a week or two) my mate had a steamboat dinner... it was bloody good, i myself ate four trays of meat, half a bag of prawns, a generous amount of dumplings and whole heap of veges and mushrooms just for good measure. i can proudly say that i "out-ate" everybody there, even the one known by all as "fatty"... however, i do not write this entry to brag about my eating prowess. my intention is to relate to you all the story of this very character.. "fatty" to maintain his anonymity, and to save him from the ridicule that will certainly follow after my loyal readership of 2 people read this entry, i will refer to "fatty" from now on as "jar". one wonders how jar will ever be able to move out of his house (those who know him will have heard many a tale of this persuasion) and live on his own without the slightest knowledge of how to conjur up a decent meal. don't get me wrong now, for jar is a very intelligent guy, currently studying medicine at a very prestigious university in sydney. however, this primitive... "primate"... is just plain clueless when it comes to heating up a piece of meat until it changes its colour and texture from that of... well... a raw piece of meat. nor does he seem able to cook a basic, 'instant' lasagne (you know those "turn-the-oven-on-and-stick-the-fucking-thing-in" types). don't get me wrong, jar's a great bloke, really he is... the type of guy you can rely on to finish the last beer in the fridge, park in your driveway when everyone else parks in the street and you can certainly rely on him to have a "curry thing on" whenever you organise to do anything... as i said, a great bloke, but definately no chen kenichi (for all you ignoranus's, he's the chinese iron chef) oh, by the way, if you're reading this, jar, the house renovations have finished... come over for an "orange cubed"... it'll be on me (as, undoubtely, they always have been) i know you're just as thirsty as i... =) 22/04/04 I'm RICH I gotta pay rise i gotta pay rise i gotta pay rise laughing all the way to my drug dealer, i am... i'm rich..! 03/04/04 Style is Power... *ahem yes, that's right...! BBoySupaFly is back online.. and if that wasn't woo yay enough... i just bought a car..! that's right..! i just bought my first ever car... haven't named her yet, but that is only a minor matter really... she's just like the old gusmobile.. only BETTER..! anyway, whence i have the time for it, i will put up pictures of my new pride and joy for you all to enjoy... oh my god, she is soooo loverly.. meanwhile, i recommend you download this song by 'the gourds' if you are into snoop dogg... (you need to do a 'right-click save as'... see..? i am a net nerd..!) 25/03/04 I'm Not Bald, I Just Shaved My Head... Now, Do You Understand THAT..?! just got back from maddi's party... and like saw a lot of people i hadn't seen in ages... and they all go to my university...! it made me realized just how cool the people from my school really are..! they are so cool now, that they just don't have time for me anymore... now that they've all got their own clique's and have left me behind... man.. i think i gotta learn how to be cool oh yeah... fuck... mad and sue have a nice place... 15/03/04 Quick Fuck, Quick Fuck, Better Than A Horny Fuck... i just got back from law camp. it was quite an ok affair - except that we had to endure the presence of one riverview prick whom i shall only refer to as "desert fox boy" (he hasn't pissed me off enough for me to name him yet...) if ever you happen to meet a short skinny first year bachelor of law student from unsw who perpetually believes that he is king shit, the chances are that you yourself have just been acquainted with the twunt... but please don't give the poor iggies boy any shit, for i fear that he has probably misplaced his finger(s) so far up his bumhole for so long a time that it must feel pleasurable to him.... instead, you should give him a butt-plug or some device of similar usage... once "pulled out", the twerp may eventually regain usage of his right hand... and hopefully use it to operate that valve on his crown and deflate that head of his... just a little... 07/03/04 Love Is In The Air everywhere i look around...! photos from valentines day at school... oh the nostalgia..! 05/03/04 University Sucks Balls... Again... unsw must be one of the few institutions in the world where none of the lecturers are fluent in the local language... and oh how it pains me to sit through classes run by these absolute brainiacs knowing that i will never fully comprehend the wisdom that they are willingly passing on.. because i can't get my ears around their stupid heavy accents.. 25/02/04 And So Today... it begins...! 16/02/04 Fug-Drucked being the amiable person that i am, i shall pass on a handy piece of advice that can be used by all.. for the preservation of ones tan that has been painfully burnt on during a long hot week at the beach, it is not in ones best interests to go to a rave upon their return to sydney.. that's right.. the next night, when you awaken.. you will find yourself crying tears of remorse at the discovery of your now ghostly white translucent skin... you cynics may laugh all you want... but be deservedly shamed and shocked whence i provide the photographic evidence of the aforementioned events... 31/01/04 Rambo... Rocky... Or Just A Happy Camper? today we went to paintball... it hurts... its tuggering... and after a while... repetitive... you shoot people... they shoot you... you get bored... you shoot the ref... the ref goes apeshit... and that's when your day finally ends... however, catching up with everyone was top notch... especially seeing jeevesy's mullet for the first time... oh lord have mercy... 26/01/04 Behold, You Kings Of Langley, You Crests Of Wood & You Bellas Of Vista... For I Am the Thorn of Leigh..! hillbillies never cease to amaze/amuse/humour me...! and now to something completely unrelated... as a resident of thornleigh, you would think that i would know some of the normo boys on sheer logistical and geographical grounds... however, those who are acquainted with me will know that social skills are not really my forte.. anyhoo.. i gatecrashed a party of theirs... and found out about what fun i had been missing out on all these years..! their drinking games are smashing... they are funny kents when drunk... and they buy lots of alcohol...! oh yeah, it seems that people do actually visit my website! tang sent in some ruse photos... for me to put up.. woo yay..! 24/01/04 A Nice Day At The Dully Beach.. i don't really remember much from this day... except that i was phucked... and that we went to a dully beach.. fucking dully beach... and that fatty kept laughing at ronald spagging in the special sauce at the kentucky in mosman... oh shit yeah... spiders..! man.. almost forgot... 21/01/04 Just When You Think You've Gone And Completely Fucked Things Up.. and comprehensively ruined an entire day's worth of work... MYOB programmers shall come to your rescue...! so the next time you ever feel down and out because you've screwed up royally at the office... just remember that some caring soul somewhere else in the world has probably already caterred for the spaz-monkey's, like myself, who can't do anything right... especially when it comes to computers, for some godforsaken reason... which brings me to my next gripe... why does unsw insist on making you use computers to enrol...? i fear my incompetancy in this field may prevent me from enrolling in uni this semester or the following semester or perhaps any after that... unless those fucking words, "ENROLMENT PENDING", decide to disappear from my computer's retarded screen... 17/01/04 Why Don't You Take That EXTREME Bowling Ball Out Of Your Arse..? to that 35 year old baldy at the amf... get a real job, you window licking loser... to that drunk who was pissing on the wall outside westfield... you're not exactly the brightest bulb on the christmas tree, are you...? and finally, to the owner of that dark blue subaru liberty parked outside the pub... eric's sorry for being the retard that he is... sorta... 11/01/04 Your Past Comes Back To Haunt You i had an unexpected meeting with a ghost from the past the other day... and two days after that... that's why i'm staying indoors today... she ain't gonna catch me out today, no way jo-fucking-s�... and to make sure that i'm not the only one who's life is being fucked up because of unwanted history resurfacing, i've decided to drag a certain few of my mates down with me... that's right..! i am finally updating the ruse photos...! 07/01/04 The Arrival Of The Hard-Arse i shaved my head today... and blimey, do i look like a gangster cunt or what...? now i can go to rnb clubs without getting bashed...! joy... 05/01/04 The Return Of The Good-Boy i have finished with my blonde ambition... at least... for the moment... 30/12/03 Shiver Me Timbers we stole a row-boat tonight in true blood-thirsting pirate fashion...! however, we were noble pirates (not to be confused with those shitcunt pirates) and returned the vessel when there was no further use for it... but, upon returning the crappy row-boat... we saw a slightly smaller boat... with a motor! yes! a motor-boat! phwoaaaaarrrrrrrr! us pirates could hardly contain ourselves, we were literally jumping out of our skin, such was the ferocity of our natural pirating instincts... immediately we boarded/commandeered the diminutive and lonely ship and set about trying to start the stupid thing� however, our newly acquired sea-cratt had one fatal flaw... there was no fucking fuel... an oversight that sucked immensely... whilst also prematurely killing off our boat-stealing spree... 16/12/03 MMmooooo Mmmmooooo..! lil, you are such a stupid cow... *muahahahaha 10/12/03 Subliminal Messages i am calling my fish nik... in homage of the great nikfish... or perhaps i should call him fishnik... for those of you who do know nikfish... cya friday! for those who don't... bah.. forget it... |