| 5 May 2002 10:23 pm Sunday The song of the day is Britney Spears' "Anticipating". It has this 70s flavor that makes me smile and want to do a little dance. Schoooool's out for-EVER! Well actually classes are done forever... but in a week everything will be entirely over. Yay me! I already received 2 of my grades: 2 As. Yippee! Then I have 5 or 6 papers left and an exam, then college is totally over. Thirteen days until graduation. There's something really cool about that. I've refined my To-Do-Before-I-Graduate list. Here are just a few additions: * Get an "Ithaca is Gorges" shirt. I've managed to go 4 years without one, but to leave Ithaca without one in my wardrobe is just plain wrong. * Go to the restaurants that are supposedly really good: The Boatyard, Bistro Q, and Moosewood, just to name a few. Yeah, I know the last one is kinda famous, but let's face it: I'm a carnivore. * Write thank you notes to some teachers. Now, note-writing has been slightly out of fashion as of late, but sometimes it's just good to get a hard copy of things. No, it's not to suck up. In fact I vehemantly detest sucking up, which is probably why my grades weren't as good as they could have been over the years. But I do believe in acknowledging the contributions people have made if my life, so a'writing I shall do. I have a feeling I'll be writing more thank you notes after graduation, also, when (hopefully) I'll be showered with many many gifts. Hehe, yeah I'm materialistic, I know. What has me just plain puzzled, though, is how I became important enough to my friends' parents to receive gifts from them. Both sets of my best friends' parents adore me and have given me Xmas and birthda gifts these past few years, and now graduation. Why on earth do I deserve them? Just for being their daughters' friend? Granted, I've been their friend for nearly 8 years now, stuck by their side no matter what (for the majority of the time, at least), and well, still talk to the. But does that merit gifts? I suppose the actual confusion is how I got so involved in their lives, though my friends haven't been immersed into my family. (Well, except maybe Charles.) Ever since high school I always go to other peole's places, and rarely have people come over to my house unless they're picking me up. The same phenomenon happens in college: I always go to other people's parties/houses/whatever instead of them coming to mine. (Once again, Charles is an exception, as well as Jen and Jin Soo.) I've thought about this long and hard for many years, and I've come to the conclusion that the very heart and soul of me is a reculse. I go out and all (a LOT), but I'll (usually) come home alone and find peace by myself. The price of being a self-made loner, though, is that graduating will bring the end of many superficial acquaintances I have. I'll only take away a very few real, tested and tried friends. The enormous number of acquaintances - the people I see at parties, at class, at work, whatever - will likely forget me in an instant. I don't want them to, though. In fact I really do value the majority of the acquaintances I have, especially the ones I see on a regular basis. But as I said, it's all just superficial. And that may be patially my own fault for never really opening up. Oh well, what's there to do now but smile and be glad for what I did have. Now an interesting concept was offered to me a week or so ago. My friend said that courtesy is worthless if it's habit because the person who's being courteous isn't thinking about it. Since there's no conscious effort to be courteous/polite/nice, then the action doesn't mean anything. Yes I can understand the logic behind it... but at the same time I can't fully agree with it. I would think that internalizing being courteous, making it a part of who you are, holds plenty weight. It shouldn't require effort to be that way, it should just be part of who you are. It's called manners and maybe even respect, number one. Number two, the idea implies that there are negative thoughts in the mind until you make the effort to change them to be nice. That doesn't sound like a fun way of life. Sure, what's considered appropriate is socialy constructed by the institutions in power (yeah Foucault), but that doesn't take away the validity of being nice without effort. But, given that my friend is right, does that mean that I'm worthless because I don't think about being courteous/nice? If that's the case, perhaps that's another reason I haven't managed to sustain more "real" relationships. But no, screw that. I don't see how making kindess/courteous so much a part of who I am should be held against me. In any case, I do hope that the memories of me that people are taking away with them after this whole college extravaganza are positive. I don't like the idea that I'm going to have fond memories of people, while they're thinking "thank goodness I won't have to see her again." |
| howl |