| 2 December 2002 1:33 am Monday 28 days and counting... I love this time of year. Despite the drop in temperature and the need to wear more clothes, I'm quite fond of winter, especially December, because it's just a special time of year. It's MY time of year. First, it's my best friend of all time's birthday on the 5th. Next, Christmas comes a'calling with its gifts and absolutely splendid music (I'm talking the church christmas music, not the NSync christmas songs). Then there is a 3 day period at the end of the month involving birthdays of some of my closest friends ending in my own birthday. The good and bad thing about that is that I usually spend new years in MD with some family friends and I get a joint bday cake with my Tito Orly, even though his daughter and I thorughly dislike each other. That celebration always involves lots of Filipino food, talking, dancing, and of course the birthday cake. It's my birthday that I like the most because it means that I've claimed another year, and that's always something to be both thankful for and proud of. I was talking to my friend about what "love" involves. She says that it involves respect and honesty and support and selflessness, among other things. That's all fine and dandy, and I almost agree. I just don't think that they're all a gimme with that "love" thing. Actually I think that they all come before that "love" thing, and they have to be earned. It's the "selflessness" bit that bothers me the most, not that that should surprise anyone. Why should I go along with or support someone's actions without asking questions? Why would I ignore my own feelings just because s/he wants to do something? I don't think ideal selflessness even exists, except with God. Even then I wonder, because He gave His only Son and blah blah blah to save our souls... I'd think He did that for at least a little satisfaction on His part. I mean, He did something HE wanted to do, and it got done, meaning that He satisfied His own desire/need, right? I could also be blaspheming. (I'm sorry!) Oh well. I also spoke to another friend tonight. It could be one of the first times he has imed me since we graduated. He imed because he was bored. He said it's better that he im me when he's bored than not im me at all. I don't know if I agree or not. I'd prefer that people im me because they actually want to talk to me, not because they want to kill some time. I'm not a consolation. If someone is going to talk to me it should be because they actually want to and are taking the time and effort to. I've lost touch with former "best friends" because they didn't take the time for me, despite my efforts. But perhaps I should be glad that he chose to im ME? Bah. Welp, be thankful for what you get, right. I won't take it for granted. |
| howl call it a journal, or something like that |