#14
Hi JoMo,
I'm pleased you like your new name of Bucky Balls. I have decided to call the film "African Love Dog". Do you like the name? I am pleased that you are HIV negative. That is a relief, but was the test taken in the last 6 weeks? If not, then you will need another one, as will Bucky the dog. I would like you to bring him over to England with you so he can be in the sequel I am already working on called "African Dog Love".
I am starting to write the plot but I need to know how much you love Bucky the dog and how much does he love you. Is he a boy dog or a lady dog? If he is a boy dog, would you want to be the "man" or the "lady" in the film? As Bucky is going to be your name we could call Bukky the dog after your wife, Nononkem. Would that be too confusing for you? I would not want you to think of Bukky the dog next time you bone your wife or maybe you would like that. I have a special surprise for you. I spoke to my friend Peter Waterman who is a song writer to give you a lullaby for the film. Here it is:
I should be so Bucky
In my imagination
There is no complication
I dream about you all the time
In my mind a celebration
The sweetest of sensation
Thinking you could be mine
In my imagination
There is no hesitation
We walk together hand in hand
I'm dreaming that you're in love with me
Like I'm in love with you
But dreaming's all I do
If only they'd come true
I should be so bucky bucky bucky bucky
I should be so bucky in love
I should be so bucky bucky bucky bucky
I should be so bucky in love
It's a crazy situation
You always keep me waiting
Because it's only make-believe
And I would come a-running
To give you all my loving
If one day you would notice me
My heart is close to breaking
And I can't go on faking
The fantasy that you'll be mine
I should be so bucky bucky bucky bucky
I should be so bucky in love
I should be so bucky bucky bucky bucky
I should be so bucky in love
I hope you like it. Try singing it. Are you a good singer? You could sing it in the film. Does Mr. Musa have any loose pets?
Now to our other business. As far as getting to Banjul is concerned I would like to get there as quickly as possible. I have told you that I am afraid of flying but there may be a way around this and I have had an idea. About 10 years ago I would not travel on trains either but I managed to get over it by going to a hypnotherapist who enabled me to travel by train if I had a photo that I could look at as I was travelling. The photo combined with the hypnotherapy would give me encouragement and the mental strength I needed to embark on the journey. The photo had to be of the person I was to meet at the arrivals part of the station, holding a white piece of card with my name on it, that could clearly be read by me in the photo.
It worked like a dream and I have been wanting to travel by train ever since. I am willing to try to see if this will work on the plane. I think it is the only way to conclude this business this year otherwise I will have to travel overland to Banjul.
I understand it is kind Mr. Musa that would meet me at the airport if I were to fly to Bangul. Would you or Mr. Musa be able to arrange this photo for me, then I can fly and the business can be concluded by the end of the month. Fanny is also looking forward to meeting you. I think she wants to rehearse some of the scenes in Banjul. Both my name and Fanny's would have to be clearly visible for the photo and ideally, the photo should show that it was taken in the arrivals part of the airport. If you are serious about concluding this business then you should endeavor to help me with this issue. The photo should then be scanned and sent to me as an attatchment.
On recieving the photo I will immediatly book my plane tickets to Banjul. The speed and method at which I travel to Banjul is in your hands.
The camera loves you,
Dick Pleasure
#15
Dear Mr. Dick,
I am okay with the development so far concerning the movie. My HIV Test was
first five weeks ago. My dog, Bukky is a male dog, and loves me so much as a
pet.
I have gone through the lullaby. It is a good poem. I am doing my best to put
it into a song of good choice.
On our business, i am happy comehow, we are begining to get to a point of
agreement. I really bear with you over your fears against plane travel. but
thanks God now for the solution now being proffered by hypnotherspy. I hope that
fro this our transaction, the hypnotherapy will give you the encouragement and
mental strenght to carry on with the jourmey.
Since it will be Musa that will be receiving you at the Airport in Banjul, I
will be advising him accordingly to go to the Airport in Banjul to take the
photograph. That is if it will be allowed by the security operatives/authorities
in The Gambia. Here in Addisa Ababa, Ethiopia, such things are not allowed in
the Airport.
However, I believe we are making progress. as soon as the photograph is ready if
possible, Musa will send it to you.
I hope my explaination will be well understood by you and Fanny.
I expect to hear from you soonest.
Yours,
Jonathan.
Dear Mr. Dick,
This is to inform you that I after my discussion with Musa for having him try
and get a picture of his snapp at the Banjul airport, it proves abortive in that
sence that the Airport security operatives could not allow such picture to be
taken at the airport.
In fact, he made me to understand that he was stopped from having the photo, and
was later intorrgated as they acused him of being spying. Furthermore, he was
advised that it was due to the year 2001 September 11th Terrorist attack in New
York, USA that he was stopped from having the photo at the airport.
Dick, it is I knew what that will happen. You can remember I made mention of
such in my last mail to you. Here in Addisa Ababa, Ethoipia, it is not allowed
to have pictures nearer to the airport. In fact, it is applicable in almost all
the countries of the world now.
Based on the above therefore, I am strongly advising you to look for a picture
you will be wacthing while you board the plane. So, you have to book your flight
immediately, send the Flight Schedule to both Musa and myself for easy
identification as you arrived Banjul Airport.
Brother, let us make use of this little time we have now to conclude this
project.
I expect to hear from you immediately.
Yours Love,
Jonathan.
Dear Brother Dick,
Yhis is to inform you that I do not know what is holding you from contacting the
security company since after your first contact to Mr. Musa.
Let me know when you are ready to come down to Banjul so that i will apply for a
leave in order to meet you there.
I expect to hear from you soonest.
Meanwhile, how is Fanny and Dee?
Regards,
Jonathan.
Dear Jonothan and Musa,
Sorry I have not been in contact for the past couple of days, I have been to see my hypnotherapist in London (at a cost of �1800) as well as my personal doctor in Harley Street who had to perscribe me some more ZYPREXA. Thankyou with regards to your information regarding the photos requested. I am sorry Musa, that you were incarcerated and accused of spying at Banjul Airport. So in response to this, my hypnotherapist has reprogrammed his therapy so that the photo does not require to be taken in the airport.
Here are the technical details from the hypnotherapist.
this is the information he gave me. If you need anymore clarification he said that you should email him at [email protected]
++++Start of technical information++++
FEAR OF FLYING THERAPY
The photo can now be taken in any crowded place eg. a market, busy street etc.
The photo must show the person awaiting the patients arrival in Banjul holding a large white piece of card.
On this piece of card should be written in CAPITAL LETTERS and clearly written, all the full names of those travelling.
The names must be easily read from the photograph.
It is not necessary to see the person's face holding the card. However, if the persons face is included in the photo they should be smiling. This helps the confidence of the patient (ie. me).
The free hand, not holding the card, should be used to give a "big thumbs up". This again helps the confidence of the patient travelling. Confidence is very important with this treatment.
A phenomenon is accociated with this treatment called "The Odd Traveller Phenomenon". It relates to the fact that the treatment seems to have better results if there is an odd number of people in the travelling party.
REGARDS
DR. PAUL DANIELS
HARLEY STREET
LONDON
++++End of technical information++++
I hope this is useful to you. At great expense to myself (perhaps we could put this on expenses, jonothan) I have got further treatment to help you with the photo that I require.
To comply with the "Odd traveler phenomenon", Dee will be travelling with myself and Fanny as well. I would be more comfortable if you used DICK PLEASURE instead of Richard for the photo.
Dee's second name is Panal.
The hypnotherapist knows nothing of our business in Banjul.
If a photo is not forthcoming, then I shall book my train tickets to Paris next week. We shall then get a train to Gibraltar and travel to Banjul by ROAD or TRAIN.
Best Wishes,
Dick Pleasure
[ZYPREXA is a blockbuster drug for schizophrenia, which explains some of Dicks occasional mania. Paul Daniels is a magician who used to be on British TV. The inclusion of Dee in the traveling party is the final piece of the jigsaw. Hopefully I shall receive a photo of Jono holding up a sign advertising
"Dick Pleasure
Fanny Pleasure
DeeP anal"
unfortunately though, it won't be in the airport.]
#16
Dear Mr. Dick,
I have read your mail and the passages were fully understood.
At first, I wish to inform you that I am very much concerned about your health,
and I am know happy that there is a great achievment on it.
Secondly, I am well pleased that you did understood why musa or I cannot take
any picture at the Airport, which was for the country's security reasons.
Third, coming to the "Odd Travellers Phenmenon" of your hypnotherapist, Dr paul
Daniels, i wish to inform you that this photo taking is drawing our busines
back. Had it been you closed eyes since to book your flight, I believe by now we
should have been investing our funds into an investment venture, and thus have
this film shooting in progress.
I will try my best to have this picture taken here either at a big market place
or at a busy road. But on the card, you are only going to see your name, Dee,
Fanny, Musa and myself boldly written on it. With this alone, i need not to open
communication with Dr. Paul Daniels.
I hope the above explaination will be okay for you.
Regards,
Jonathan.
Greetings Mr.Monkeena and Mr.Musa,
Thankyou for your recent email. Thankyou for you help with the photograph. We are a team and we help each other, yes?
Without your important help I would have to travel to Banjul by land and I would get there next February without your help. By that time I don�t know if I will have enough money to cover the demurrage, so I don�t know if I will be able to help you with this transaction if you do not send me a scan of the photo. You would then have to find somebody else to help you.
We can still do the filming though. Fanny is very excited about meeting you and Bukky. I will await the photo before I do anything else.
It will be very hard to overcome my fear of flying. I am going to need all the support from Fanny, Dee, yourself and kind Mr. Musa. It very important that you do the photograph like Dr. Paul Daniels has described, otherwise the hypnotherapy will not work. I would have wasted the money I needed for the new hypnotherapy treatment and so not very happy.
The card in the photo must just have my full name (Dick Pleasure), fanny�s full name and Dee�s full name on it, and the card held by you or kind Mr. Musa. I can then book the flights to Banjul and conclude this business by the end of the month.
So Brother, it is up to you to help me to help you. I think the situation is simple enough.
Even a dog like Bukky could understand this!
I hope to hear from you soon.
Dick Pleasure
PS. Did poor Mr. Musa get a full internal examination search at the airport?
#17
Dear Brother Dick,
I have read your mail and I fully understood all your comments. Like I told you
on my last mail to you, I am going to have the picture taken, get it scaned and
send to you.
However, I am not at a place right away, if not, I should have have the picture
taken this week. I am at moment at the warring country of Cote D' Ivoire for a
peace talk between the ruling government and the rebels.
With hope, I will get back to Ethiopia next week, and as soon as I am in
Ethiopia, I will take the picture there at once. I hope you will understand my
explaination.
Meanwhile, I hope that we conclude this transaction on or before the month end,
as to enable us enter into the film shooting.
However, extend my regards to your wife and Dee.
Regards,
Jonathan.
Dear Mr. Dick,
This is to inform you that I am still in Somalia, and I hope to have the photo
taken as soon as I am back to Ethiopia.
Meanwhile, how is Fanny and Dee? I hope all is well with them.
Thanks,
Jonathan.
Hi Jono,
I was worried about you sweetchips. What you doing in Somalia?
Crusin' for canines? If rabies becomes an STD then we'll know who to thank. Fanny and Dee are both fine and cannot wait to meet you. Dee has asked to be in the film too. I was reluctant at first but now I think it is a good idea. Can you handle 2 ladies? Fanny wants to know how big your penis is. She said "If Monkeena wants stank on his hangdown then I gotta know whether to get into training!". We've all heard about you guys in the UK which is why I use so many africans in my films. A friend of mine who does TS films would like to meet you. Would you be prepared to take the op? After the filming of "African Love Dog" and "African Dog Love", of course. After the conclusion of our business I would like you to accompany myself, Fanny and Dee back to the UK to have the scrotum implant operation and then to begin filming.
I have been in contact with the surgeon who will carry out the operation. He has mentioned a number of things that has to be done to prepare the scrotum for operation. For one month before the operation the scrotum must be coated with mustard before bedtime. The mustard must then be reapplied at 12 hourly intervals. This all has the beneficial effect of reducing scarring, inflammation and infection after the operation. One of my actors did not follow this advice and had to have his testicles amputated due to the onset of gangrene.
Hope all in well with you!
Please take great care with the photo. It needs to be done like Dr. Paul Daniels described otherwise it might not work.
take care brother,
all the best
Dick