UNDERGROUND LAB - Using particle accelerators, neutrino pools, and a plasma bending torus device, scientists at the National Aeronautics and Space Association have confirmed what students of Livingston High School have suspected for years: there is a breach of the Space-Time Continuum in Katrina Chang's digestive tract.

Head Scientist and Award-Winning author of Incline Plane Problems, More Incline Plane Problems, Impossible Incline Plane-Related Tests and You Too, Can Juggle Ukeleles, Dr. Thomas Walsh says "We have found a class M16 infinite mass object in Chang's colon". He was then corrected by his associate, Janine Provost, author of the Award-Winning The Panda Menace, "That's the esophagus dumbass."

"I wish I had a black hole in my esophagus!" says talk show host Starr Jones, whose immense ass graces the screen of such shows as The View, and appearing on VH1's Divas: The Fat Episode.

"If I had that type of astrophysical phenomenon happening, I'd make the most of it, God, I hate this fucking diet…" says Jones, before adding "You go girl!" as an afterthought.


Related Article: Area Girl Consumes Entire Strip Mall, Gains Two Pounds