*****

He was dying in Carter�s arms and there wasn�t a damned thing any of them could do about it. All she was able to do was hold him, let him know he wasn�t alone.

Jack watched Carter sitting on the rubble-strewn ground, tucking herself as close to Daniel�s damaged body as she could without hurting him further. She held Daniel�s limp hand in hers, and her other hand gently stroked his blood-dampened hair.

Jack could see the life draining from Daniel�s body -- his labored breathing slowed with each minute, the fingers grasped in Carter�s were blue at the tips. Jack laid his own hand on Daniel�s side, felt the ragged rise and fall of his friend�s shattered ribs.

Sam tucked her head close Daniel�s, whispered soothing words to him, unaware of the tears that streamed down her face, dripped onto Daniel�s short hair.

It couldn�t end like this, Jack silently raged. Not after everything they�d been through together. He couldn�t comprehend losing his best friend, couldn�t face it. This couldn�t be happening.

*****

The mission started off as a simple one: SG1 was to help Jacob and a small group of the Tok�ra set up a communications and surveillance outpost.

The planet was uninhabited, but at one time had clearly been home to an intelligent race. What had become of the planet�s previous occupants was a mystery. There was no Stargate on the planet, yet the signs of advanced civilization still remained, hidden amidst the heavy forest that had reclaimed the land. The branches of decades-old trees overtook and pushed through remnants of buildings and machinery. Took back land that no one was left to defend.

The team had to watch their steps as they negotiated the forest, careful not to trip on rubble and pieces of metal jutting out from the thick underbrush. The remains of old transformers and stations were visible through the foliage -- their partially collapsed structures rusted and decayed from the damp and lush climate.

Daniel paused to look at a still standing, solitary marble column. The white of the marble stood out in stark contrast to the brown and green of the forest. The base of the stone was obscured by debris that Daniel had to carefully step over in order to look more closely at the plaque adorning it. Nothing but rubble remained of the building the column had once flanked. The letters on the plaque were all but obscured by mildew.

He ran his fingers over the embossed letters, tried to recognize the origins of the writing by the near invisible shapes. Tried to get a sense of the destroyed culture by the shape of the lone column.

"What do you suppose happened to these people?" Sam said behind him.

Daniel shrugged. "Who knows? The Goa�uld? Maybe some sort of natural disaster?"

"It is most likely the doings of the Goa�uld," a deep voice spoke from Daniel�s other side.

He turned his head in the direction of the voice. The man who had spoken was Rhys, one of the Tok�ra who had accompanied them.

Rhys was young-looking, dark haired and almost as tall as Daniel. His build was well-muscled and capable. The Tok�ra couldn�t have been more than twenty-five when he�d offered to share his body with a symbiote, but Daniel knew appearances didn�t mean anything. Some of the Tok�ra were over a hundred years old, yet there was an air of innocence surrounding the man. Something he hadn�t encountered in a Tok�ra before.

"Why do you say that?" Daniel asked the Tok'ra. The man scowled at the column, his features clouded with fury.

"Only the Goa�uld are this precise in their destruction," Rhys sneered, his voice bitter-edged.

"It�s possible, yes-"

"Sam, can you come over here for a minute?" Jacob�s voice rang out from the short distance ahead.

Sam glanced back at Daniel, at the column, then walked to where her father and Jack stood, talking animatedly.

"I have seen this before, I have lived through this before." Rhys redirected his attention to Daniel, his dark eyes locked on Daniel�s face.

"Your home was destroyed by the Goa�uld?" Daniel frowned slightly. He was surprised that the man was initiating a conversation with him. Daniel�s own experience with the Tok�ra was that they were closemouthed, secretive around the �lesser humans.�

"My world was destroyed. Those who were not killed were taken as slaves, only a few of us managed to hide until they left."

"And yet you agreed to become a Tok�ra?" Daniel said incredulously, his mouth dropping open in surprise. "After what you saw�"

"It was the only way to fight them, to exact my vengeance. On my own, I was defenseless against them," Rhys said, his face tightening with anger again. He narrowed his eyes and locked his dark gaze on Daniel�s face. "You find offering one�s body as a host to be offensive?"

"Well, um, it�s not something I would do. A little too much commitment for me�but� it�s entirely a personal decision," Daniel said peaceably. "I didn�t mean to offend you, Rhys�I was only trying to understand why you made that choice."

Rhys� eyes flashed white-gold, his voice changed to the metallic edge of a symbiote�s . "We are nothing like the Goa�uld, we have lost many we care for because of them. My host understands the importance of our task, Daniel."

"I understand the importance, the need to defeat the Goa�uld very well," Daniel said to the symbiote. "Far better than you can imagine. Uh, I�m sorry we haven�t met�"

"I am Thane. My host is still young, with the passion of youth and the fire of hate. Not necessarily a good combination," the symbiote said, using his host�s face to smile wryly at Daniel.

"Hate is sometimes what keeps a man going after he has lost everything," Daniel said, his voice soft. He looked down for a moment, refocused his thoughts to reply with something less personal and met the Tok�ra�s gaze again. "But you�re right, hate is never good, it leads only to destruction."

"Is that what I think it is?" Jack�s incredulous voice interrupted their conversation.

Daniel turned and his gaze followed the direction of Jack�s upraised hand, pointing at the sky. Daniel walked toward his teammates, keeping his eyes on the flight path of the ship.

"A Goa�uld transport ship?" Sam said. Her voice sounded as surprised as Jack�s.

"I sooo didn�t want to hear that, Carter," the colonel groaned. "Jacob, I thought you said this area was secure!" Jack nearly shouted to the man beside him.

"It was! I don�t know how they could have known we were here!" Jacob watched the sky, shading his eyes against the sun. "We have to get back to the ship. Now!"

Daniel felt his stomach clench. He felt a wave of dread wash over him. Didn�t feel ready, both emotionally or physically, to deal with their greatest enemy. He looked over when Jack signaled to his team. Daniel followed the colonel and the others as they ducked back into the shelter of the thick trees and ran in a slow crouch.

Daniel glanced back to see the Goa�uld ship come to a landing in a small, nearly cleared area, not ten feet from where they had previously been standing. He took in a sharp breath when he saw the vessel open its doors and groups of Jaffa warriors step out onto the ground.

*****

The Jaffa were fast. Jack heard them rush through the trees, spread out over the area. Dammit, they came from all directions�circling them.

Staff blasts rang out, branches flew off trees, leaves rained down over the group trying to flee the destruction. They tucked low, running, darting through the trees. The Tok�ra warriors took the lead and disappeared from view, staff blasts following in their direction.

Jack saw Daniel duck as another branch was blasted off. The branch crashed down, brushing Daniel�s shoulder and knocking him off-balance, pushing him directly into Jack�s path. Jack caught the younger man, pulled him down, his heart racing as more energy bolts tore over their heads. They rolled into the shelter of the trees, pressed themselves into the soft ground.

"You okay?" Jack turned his head enough to look at Daniel.

"Yeah, I�m fine, it-"

Daniel ducked his head into his arms, cutting off his reply, when everything shook, dirt flew up in a spray as a volley of explosions tore the ground on which they had previously been standing.

"Shit!" Jack swore as he huddled further into the ground, shielding his head. Gunfire and staff blasts crackled through the air. All they could do was burrow themselves into the ground for what could have been minutes or hours.

When the assault finally ended, Jack raised his head, squinted against the smoke and dust filling the air and attempted to see which direction the Jaffa were coming from.

Heading straight toward his and Daniel�s position. There was no sign of the rest of SG1 and the Tok�ra.

"Dammit!" Jack cursed under his breath. He looked behind them for an escape route. Motioning to Daniel, Jack quickly got up to a low crouch. He hauled on Daniel�s arm even though his friend was already on his feet, and he moved them back into the thicker underbrush.

*****

"Goddamn those Tok'ra and their smug little asses!" Jack cursed.

Daniel could see the tendons in Jack's jaw clench as he gritted his teeth, watched the sky with a look of fury stamped on his features. Daniel followed Jack's gaze and he saw the Tok'ra ship rise, take off, then disappear as the cloaking device was enabled.

"Well, this is just peachy!" Jack shook his head. "How the hell are we supposed to get out of here now?"

Daniel stared at the sky, where the ship had disappeared, his mind not yet wanting to accept what his eyes had witnessed. "They must think we're dead or have been captured," he tried to reason.

"They sure didn't stick around very long to find out, did they?" Jack scowled at him. "Dammit! Nobody gets left behind on a mission. "Nobody!"

"Apparently they don't think so." Daniel looked at Jack's sweat-dampened, angry face. What the hell were they going to do now? This was supposed to have been a simple mission. Why did all their simple missions turn into complicated ones? Daniel tried to remain calm at the very real prospect of being killed or worse, captured by the Goa'uld.

They had been in far worse situations than this before, so he was surprised and ashamed to admit, even in the privacy of his thoughts, that he was a little afraid. That he hadn't expected, and definitely wasn't ready to be thrust into the situation they now found themselves in.

"Goddammit," Jack swore again, his low voice interrupting Daniel's thoughts. Jack seemed to think for a moment before he spoke again. "Jacob wouldn't ditch us like this�they'll come back. When it's secure. We have to lay low until then. I just hope those snakes didn't see the ship leaving." Jack held his P-90 ready and he stepped cautiously through the foliage, careful to avoid stepping on branches. "Take the six," he said, "but stay close."

Daniel nodded and matched Jack's footsteps. He glanced behind him every few seconds, gripping his own P-90 ready and far more confidently than he felt. He knew his 'soldiering' skills had improved remarkably over the past five years, but he still felt uncomfortable with it.

The odor of smoke and charred wood was fainter, the forest deceptively quiet now. He watched Jack's head dart from side to side as he looked around them for anything resembling effective cover.

Daniel heard the snap of a twig breaking. The sound came from directly in front of Jack and he pulled up short as he saw two of the Jaffa coming toward them. Daniel froze in his tracks behind his friend, his heart skipping a beat, his breath caught in his lungs.

Jack darted a glance over his shoulder at Daniel. He signaled to Daniel to follow, then abruptly changed his course and veered off to his left.

Daniel could hear the voices of the Jaffa as they called to each other. As they moved in their direction. Over here, the Tau'ri went this way, Daniel's mind automatically translated, heard the guttural language over the sound of his rapid heartbeat and the pounding in his ears as they ran. Daniel could clearly see one of the Jaffa through the trees.

The alien shouted, pointed in their direction. The sound of the warriors crashing through the trees neared.

Daniel held his P-90 ready, darting his gaze from side to side, his senses on hyperdrive. Jack fired his weapon in the direction of the noise. Daniel raised his own and fired slightly to the right of Jack's gunfire.

A few of the warriors fell, but more stepped over the bodies to take their place. Damn! There were too many of them, Daniel thought, forced back the fear.

Staff blasts tore past Jack's head. The energy nearly singed the brim of Jack's cap, making him tuck his head down. Daniel heard Jack curse under his breath and Daniel fired his weapon in the direction of the blasts again, covering Jack.

"Go!" Jack waved to his right.

Daniel darted a quick glance at the Jaffa coming toward them, then sprinted the direction in which Jack had motioned. He zigzagged through the underbrush, ducked his head under low hanging branches. He heard Jack behind him, heard the older man's rapid breathing over his own.

Daniel's spine itched, every nerve ending and instinct on alert. He knew too well what a staff blast felt like and his senses anticipated the terrible jolt to rip through him any second. His lungs burned, sweat stung his eyes as he tore through the foliage. Branches caught at his sleeves and pantlegs as he ran. Something, some instinct, told him to duck his head. A startled yelp escaped his lips when he felt the heat of an energy bolt warm his scalp, singe his hair.

Jesus! He threw his arm protectively over his head, stumbled and nearly tripped over an upraised tree root. He saw Jack turn in the direction of the old transformers they had seen earlier. Daniel followed close on Jack's heels as they ran past leaning and toppled I-beams, the exposed workings of engines. The rusted metal was the same color as dried blood, he realized.

Daniel jumped back against one of the I-beams and tucked himself behind its narrow cover as another staff blast tore past him. He ducked his head, shielded his eyes as a staff blast connected with the deteriorated metal surrounding him.

Sparks flew, the foundations shook and creaked in protest against the assault. Christ, the whole thing was going to collapse on top of him if he didn't get out of there. Daniel took a deep breath, glanced back in the direction of the blasts. He saw it was clear, then stepped out beside his cover.

He looked along the beams, then spotted Jack motioning to him from another post further up. Daniel felt the relief wash over him that Jack was okay. He moved quickly over to his friend, pressing tight against the machinery.

Jack stepped out from his cover, headed for the trees again as Daniel made his way to him. Daniel moved out from the machinery and Jack turned and trained his P-90 behind Daniel, covering him.

Something hit the ground behind him with a solid thump.

Daniel turned his head in the direction of the sound, saw the object roll toward him even as he ran. He felt his eyes widen.

Oh, god, a grenade. A very big grenade.

A cold wave flooded through him, everything seemed to slow. He heard himself shout a warning to Jack and saw the colonel immediately tuck his body in a roll, moving for the shelter of the trees. Daniel's mind screamed at him to move, to get out of the way, but even as he threw himself forward, he knew it was too late. He felt something push him, the ground and the world tilted, capsized.

His ribs exploded in agony when he connected with something hard. He felt a scream tear from his throat, but the sound was drowned out by the booming of the explosion. His head smashed against another hard surface. His vision burst into a kaleidoscope of colors, and everything blurred into a red haze, went black.

*****

Jack woke to find himself half buried under branches and pieces of metal.

He shifted cautiously. The air was still, quiet. The only sound came from the loud ringing in his ears and the faint buzzing in his head. Jack pulled himself out from under the debris and stood shakily. Winced at the assorted aches and sharp pains his body reported very loudly. His upper arm was bleeding from a gash. His bad knee ached from twisting underneath him as he had fallen. It throbbed in time with his heartbeat and with his equally throbbing head.

What the hell happened? They'd run from the Jaffa, Daniel had shouted, the world turned upside down, someone turned out the lights. Black. Then nothing.

He glanced around, looked at the destruction around him. An explosion.

Dirt was thrown everywhere. Twisted metal, branches, splintered tree trunks with the pale, vulnerable pulp now exposed, littered the shattered ground. The tang of oily smoke and charred wood filled the air. Then, barely visible from under what was left of the transformer, a bit of pale amidst the ruin of black, grey and green. A hand�dirt-smudged and bleeding. Daniel's hand.

Jack felt his chest tighten, felt his heart skip a beat. He rushed over, ignored the stabbing in his knee and the abused muscles in his body that tried to slow him.

Oh, Jesus, Danny, please be alive, you've got to be alive, his thoughts raced frantically as he reached his friend. He carefully lifted the metal off Daniel, the rusty shrapnel sculpted into a smoldering origami of shapes. Jack hissed as his hands closed around the still hot metal and pulled them away instinctively. He ignored the pain and his instincts, pushed it aside, focused only on freeing his friend.

He heard gunfire and staff blasts firing close by. Voices shouting to each other. Jack finally cleared enough debris off Daniel to see that his friend was lying face down on sharp metal shards. Daniel's left arm was stretched out free from the debris, as if he'd been trying to crawl out from underneath the metal. His other limbs were twisted and pinned underneath him in unnatural contortions, his jacket and hair bloody from God knew how many injuries.

Jack put a blistered, shaking hand to Daniel's throat and searched for a pulse. His fingers slid through blood. Jack's heart pounded hard and loud in his own ears. For a minute he couldn't tell which pulse was his and which was Daniel's. He took a deep breath, held it, and concentrated on the hope for a flutter of life in his friend's still body.

"Come on, Danny," Jack whispered, moving his fingers around, still searching. "Don't do this buddy, come on."

The smell of fresh earth combined with the copper of Daniel's blood filled his nostrils. His fingers rested at the base of Daniel's throat. He waited, his breath caught in his lungs.

Finally there it was. A pulse, shallow but there. Daniel might be barely breathing, but he was still alive. That's it, Danny, hang in there.

"Breathe. Keep breathing, buddy," Jack whispered as he carefully felt along Daniel's body for broken bones and stopped when he felt wet at Daniel's upper back, just between the shoulder blades. A piece of shrapnel was lodged in his back, a half-inch of metal protruded from his sodden jacket.

"Oh Christ� Daniel." Jack felt his gut lurch at the sight of the injury. A few inches higher and that shrapnel could have damn near taken Daniel�s head off, Jack realized, feeling his abdomen tighten.

How the hell was he supposed to move Daniel to safety with that kind of injury? He scanned the blasted area to see if there was anything he could use as a backboard to lay Daniel on.

A staff blast took out a branch not ten feet from his head.

"Crap!" Jack ducked his head and instinctively shielded Daniel with his body. He heard rustling in the trees, the harsh syllables of the Jaffa shouting to each other became louder.

Jack cursed a streak of fear, of frustration, under his breath. He knew he shouldn't move Daniel�but those Jaffa were too damned close. He decided to carefully turn Daniel on his side and held his friend's head in place with one hand, careful not to jar his neck as he moved him.

Jack pulled in a sharp breath when he took in the extent of Daniel's other injuries. The left side of Daniel's head and face were covered in blood, some of it seeping from a laceration on his scalp. The rest of it from another deep gash that trailed from his forehead and curled down to his cheekbone.

Jack felt at Daniel's ribs and cursed again when he felt far too many of them give under his touch.

"Danny, can you hear me?" he whispered close to Daniel's blood-streaked ear. He gently brushed the dirt off of Daniel's face. His eyelids fluttered slightly, but didn't open.

Jack darted another quick look at trees, at the same time tried to figure out the best way to pick his friend up without injuring him further. Jack could hear the Jaffa's voices become more distinct, the rustles louder. He knew they had to get under some cover quick, with the transformer taken out they were sitting ducks. Jack had no idea where his or Daniel's weapons were�probably buried under all the rubble, leaving them utterly defenseless.

Jack pulled the younger man up, the movement making Daniel gasp. Jack wasn't sure if it was a gasp of pain, or if Daniel was having trouble breathing. His body was limp as a rag doll's, making it difficult for Jack to hold him straight and even harder for him to avoid grasping the damaged ribs.

Jack held his friend's broken body carefully, letting Daniel's head rest against the hollow of his own shoulder. Placing one hand under Daniel's arm, the other supporting his hip, Jack started to move toward the trees. Daniel's face pinched and he groaned softly.

How the hell could he even be halfway conscious as messed up as he was? Jack wondered. His heart twisted at the weak but agonized sound, then it froze in his chest when he saw two Jaffa coming through the trees toward them.

"Tau'ri kree!"

Jack heard the command, then the whine of staff weapons charging. The two Jaffa were followed by six more. Jack focused his thoughts, weighed his options with a detached calm�a calmness borne from his training. The instincts that had kept him alive all these years kicked in full gear.

He worked out a plan of possible defense. There was no way he could outrun the Jaffa�not with Daniel as badly injured as he was. Leaving him was obviously not an option. That left two less options.

He was beyond outnumbered�so hand to armor combat was out. Three less options.

The Jaffa warriors hadn't shot them yet, so they likely weren't going to, he reasoned. They were probably more interested in taking him and Daniel prisoner. One of the Jaffa raised his weapon, pointed it at Jack's chest. "You will surrender or die," the Jaffa commanded in English, confirming Jack's suspicions of the warriors' intentions.

Surrender and live to fight another day? Go for one of the staff weapons and use kamikaze tactics to try to take as many as I can with us? Jack contemplated. He considered, met the steely gaze of the Jaffa, and made a decision.

Save the kamikaze for another day, Jack decided. He reluctantly lowered Daniel to the ground, carefully supporting his head as he laid his friend on his right side. Jack straightened, positioned himself in front of Daniel and raised his hands in surrender.

The other warriors pointed their weapons. The one closest to Jack moved in. Jack stared at the glowing center of the staff weapon, held his breath, his body still.

He jumped as a blast rang out. His breath caught painfully in his lungs and he anticipated the agony of his chest exploding. Glanced down automatically at himself, surprised to see everything was still intact. Another blast sounded from the trees, he snapped his head in the direction. The sound came from somewhere off to his left.

The Jaffa warrior collapsed and lay sprawled, close to Jack's feet. The alien's back smoldered from a staff blast.

Jack squinted and made out Teal'c, then Carter, firing at the remaining Jaffa. He felt ridiculously happy to see his team, a grin spreading across his face. He grabbed the fallen warrior's weapon, and fired it at the other Jaffa. His shot was nearly drowned out by the blasts from Carter and Teal'c's weapons.

The warrior close to Jack took a blast in his shoulder and fell, dropping his weapon. The other Jaffa warriors ducked against the debris, fired in both Jack's direction and the rest of his team's.

Jack moved to a crouch and as carefully as possible, dragged Daniel further into the underbrush, sheltering him behind a large tree and his own body. He turned to see Teal'c shoot the injured Jaffa when the alien struggled to reach his weapon. The others spun in Teal'c's direction, only to be taken down by Sam, positioned off to Teal'c's right. Jack pointed his weapon again.

"Come on, Carter, move to your left, dammit!" he muttered under his breath, as he tried to aim for another Jaffa in line with her, unable to get a clear shot.

Jacob and one of the Tok'ra�Rhys, Jack remembered from the quick introductions earlier�edged out from behind the shelter of trees, aiming at the remaining Jaffa. The Tok'ra's weapon took out one of the Jaffa. Rhys's determined expression changed to one of mingled triumph and fury as he jumped out from his cover, firing his weapon rapidly.

Jack stared at the Tok'ra. What the hell was he doing?

Rhys was directly in line with one the Jaffa's weapons. Jacob fired his zat at the warrior, but not before the Jaffa discharged his staff weapon twice in Rhys's direction.

The younger Tok'ra screamed and flew back as the blasts ripped into his chest. Rhys's body arched against the energy tearing him apart. He fell onto his back, his body shuddering and writhing from the pain, then lay still.

Jacob's face set in a furious mask, and he continued firing at the Jaffa, his fallen comrade too far in the line of fire to get to him. Sam tucked into a crouch and fired on the Jaffa, giving Jack a clear shot at the other warrior, hitting their enemy in the neck.

The last remaining Jaffa twisted his weapon in Jack's direction and staff and zat blasts from both Teal'c and Jacob took out the alien warrior before he had a chance to fire.

The air became still again, smoke trailed, then dissipated. The sudden quiet echoed in Jack's ears, the smell of smoke and charred flesh assailed his senses. Jack watched his team step out from the shelter of the trees and take in the mayhem surrounding them. The bodies of dead Jaffa lay sprawled around them. Their bodies tangled amidst the destruction and detritus on the ground, destined to become part of the landscape.

*****

Jack watched Carter dart a glance at Rhys. She paused. He face paled, and Jack knew it must be bad�he had seen the Tok�ra�s chest being torn apart from the staff blasts.

Sam went over to kneel beside Daniel on the side opposite Jack. "What happened?"

"Those bastards lobbed some kind of Goa'uld grenade at us. It took out that transformer and Daniel with it." Jack glanced at Carter�s shocked face, then he quickly looked down at Daniel. He didn�t want to look away from his friend for too long. Not while he was still breathing. Daniel lay very still, his face gray-tinged underneath the blood streaking his features.

The front of Jack�s vest and his hands were wet and stained with Daniel�s blood. Some of it may have been his own, he wasn�t sure. He may have broken bones, may have trashed his knee for good, for all he knew, but the adrenaline coursed through him, numbed his own pain.

Jack swallowed the lump forming in his throat, took a breath. "He�s pretty bad. Got a piece of shrapnel in the back." He closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them again, he met Carter�s wide-eyed gaze.

"Where the hell did you go?" His voice sounded furious to his own ears, but he couldn�t, didn�t want to hold it back.

Carter shook her head, her brow creased for a moment in confusion. "We got separated. The other Tok�ra left, sir. Teal�c and I wouldn�t leave you and Daniel behind. Dad and Rhys stayed so they could help find you." Carter looked him over, took in the blood covering the front of him. "Are you injured, sir?"

"I�m fine. Never mind me�take care of Daniel," he ordered, his voice coming out far harsher than intended.

Carter frowned, nodded, and fixed her attention on Daniel again. She laid her hand over Daniel�s upper chest. Held her palm flat against his ribs. Jack could see the bones shifting the wrong way even under her hand. Daniel�s chest alarmingly caved in when he breathed. A flail chest. That�s what the medics had called it, Jack remembered from a mission long before he�d ever heard of a Stargate or a Goa�uld, or even imagined such things existed.

He�d only seen that kind of injury once before. Knew how bad it was. The soldier hadn�t survived either.

"Oh God, Daniel," Carter whispered, her eyes filling with tears. She lowered her head, took in a deep breath. Her face tightened, then set�determined. Carter pulled her pack off and dug out the medkit. Snapping on rubber gloves, she carefully probed Daniel�s body for more broken bones.

Jack watched Carter tend to Daniel. Anger at his helplessness overtook him, flooded his senses. He clenched his bloodstained hands into fists. Dug his nails into his palms painfully, hoping against hope that the pain would refocus the anger. Jesus, Danny.

Looking over at Jacob, Jack allowed the anger to come forth, wanted to inflict it on someone because he had no way of directing it at himself right now�that would come later. "Please tell me that your ship is coming back, like about now!"

"I�ll have to radio Aldwin to see if they�re clear. Jack, I couldn�t risk all of them getting killed�that�s why I ordered them to retreat."

Jack tensed when he heard the sounds of engines and looked up at the small bit of sky visible through the trees. The transport ship was leaving. He got to his feet, staggering slightly as his knee threatened to buckle. "They�re leaving? Just like that?" He spun toward Teal�c in the hope of an explanation.

"Perhaps they were instructed to return to the mothership."

"Ya think? Who the hell were those guys?"

"I am not certain, O�Neill. It would appear their uniforms were those of Sokar�s guards."

"Sokkar is dead!"

"That�s what you thought about Apophis too many times," Jacob said, almost snidely.

Jack shot Jacob a murderous look that unfortunately, went unnoticed. Jacob�s gaze was still fixed on the sky. Damned smug Tok�ras.

Jack redirected his attention to his teammates and noticed Carter�s hands were trembling, but she was doing a good job of keeping her emotions in check. A far better job than he was doing.

Standing over Daniel, still lying propped on his right side, Jack could his friend�s injuries far too clearly. Felt his throat tighten at the sight of them. The wound on Daniel�s back was still seeping around and over the small piece of metal protruding from his clothing. The skin around his eyes was rapidly blackening. Blood and a yellowish fluid were trickling from Daniel�s ear. His lips were blue-tinged, and blood collected at the corner of his mouth.

This is bad, this is so bad, he thought. "How is he?" Jack asked, not entirely sure he wanted the answer to his own question.

Carter�s voice shook as she recited a list of Daniel�s assorted injuries, "The spinal injury is� serious, I have no idea how bad, though. He has multiple broken ribs, I can�t tell how many�his ribcage feels shattered. He has a possible skull fracture, internal injuries. He�s having trouble breathing." She paused as she looked helplessly at their teammate. When Carter continued speaking, she sounded shaky, near tears. "I don�t know, sir, my medical training doesn�t cover anything like this�"

"Do what you can for him, Carter," Jack told her. He let the anger take over again, let it push back the fear, let it detach him from the very real possibility of losing Daniel.

He moved closer to Jacob, watching as he spoke into the radio. Jacob kept his gaze fixed on his injured Tok�ra comrade. Jack followed the former general�s gaze, taking in the full extent of the other man�s injuries for the first time.

Jacob had cut away Rhys�s tunic to reveal a gaping hole in the man�s chest big enough for Jack to put his fist through. The edges of the wound were blackened, blistered. The white of broken bones gleamed through the mangled tissue. Blood rapidly filled the wound, soaked through the tunic and formed a puddle of red on the ground. Jack knew it was a mortal injury, even for a Tok�ra.

Rhys choked on blood. His torn lungs bubbled and gurgled with each breath. He wheezed in gasps of air and the blood spilled thickly from his mouth. Jacob crouched down and turned the man�s head, and the choking sounds eased somewhat.

How the hell was he even still breathing? Jack wondered. "Anything you can do for him?"

"He�s pretty much dead," Jacob said curtly, then adjusted the radio signal again, waiting for a reply.

Jack refocused his gaze on Carter. She dug through the medkit with her trembling hands and pulled out a roll of bandages and gauze pads. Ripping open one of the pads, she pressed it against the wound to Daniel�s head, tried to stop the heavy bleeding. It was like trying to put out an inferno with a thimbleful of water, but at least she was doing something.

Jack rushed over to Daniel�s side when he heard his friend moan, saw his eyelids flutter.

****

Someone was crying out, groaning, from somewhere far away. Everything hurt, numbness and fog flooded his senses. It hurt to breathe. He smelled smoke and blood. . . so much blood. He wondered if the all the blood was his. Tasted it as it filled his mouth, became heavy as it filled in his lungs.

He felt pressure against his forehead, felt a terrible pain rip through his skull. Pain far worse than any ribbon device. Heard voices, couldn�t make out who they belonged to. Then one voice became recognizable through the agony�a soft, soothing voice.

Daniel tried to open his eyes. His lids felt heavy, his lashes sticky. Everything blurred, swam out of focus when he finally could force his eyes open. "Saamm?"

A hand pressed against his cheek. He flinched from the touch, panic instantly overwhelmed him. He couldn�t see where the hand had come from. Whose hand it was.

"Daniel? Can� can you hear me?" Sam said, her face nearing. Her features were blurred, but he could tell it was her now. It was her hand on his face.

"Danny? Stay with us."

Two voices now. Sam and Jack. Their familiar voices comforted him. He felt tears of relief fill his eyes. At least he wasn�t alone, or surrounded by Jaffa. He didn�t want to die alone.

Why couldn�t he move? Why did everything hurt, yet feel separated? Blackness threatened, but he fought against it, fought to talk to his team.

"Sam. . . Jack?" he whispered. His voice sounded frighteningly weak, like it wasn�t his own. He forced his eyes to move from Sam�s face to Jack�s. Their faces were still out of focus, but he could see their fear too clearly. "I can�t. . . feel anything. . . can�t move. . . ." Daniel felt his face tighten when he tried to pull in a breath. He gasped at the stab in his lungs. He heard a whimper, a breathless cry. Was that him? The pain overtook all thoughts, all sensations. His vision greyed.

Daniel forced his eyes open again, he didn�t remember closing them. He saw Sam�s face pinch as if she were going to cry. She fixed her expression into a semblance of calm, of reassurance. She kept her hand against his cheek, rubbed her fingers lightly against his skin.

He hoped she wouldn�t move her hand. It gave him something other than the pain to focus on. He wanted to hold onto her hand, keep it in place, but he couldn�t move, couldn�t even tell where his own hand was.

"You have a small piece of shrapnel in your back, it�s probably pinching something. You�re going to be okay," she told him, her voice firm.

Daniel coughed. Oh Jesus, that hurt. Hurt so much. He couldn�t get enough air. He heard himself gasping, almost sobbing. His ribs jabbed into his lungs, poked them, his chest burned as if on fire. He didn�t want to breathe anymore if it hurt that much. Blood filled his mouth. He felt it trickle onto his lips. His mind was slow from the pain, from the shock, but he knew how badly injured he was.

"No. . . not this time, I don�t. . . . think . . . ." he whispered.

"Danny, listen to me, I don�t want to hear you talk like that! We�ll get you home and fixed up, do you hear me? Hang on, dammit!"

Jack�s voice now, sounding angry, no, scared. He couldn�t remember that last time he had heard Jack sound that frightened�if ever.

I�m sorry Jack, he thought. I don�t think I can�

Then blackness encroached. The voices muffled, faded away.

*****

Daniel�s eyes had closed again. He was very still.

Jack felt an icy wave of fear wash over him, the blood roared in his ears. No!

Carter quickly laid her fingers on Daniel�s throat searching for a pulse. She looked at Jack, her eyes wide. Then she let out an almost imperceptible sigh. "He�s still alive, but his pulse is weaker."

Jack sat back on the ground heavily, rubbed his hand over his jaw. His heart pounded furiously, painfully in his chest.

Carter grimly taped gauze pads securely to the gash on Daniel�s cheekbone and scalp, then wound the roll of bandage around his head.

Jack heard a soft sob; Carter had finally lost the tight reign on her emotions. Tears dripped from her face onto Daniel, onto her hands. She kept working, the tears ignored or unnoticed. He wondered if she even realized she was crying.

Jacob crouched beside them again. "Aldwin says it looks like the Goa�uld will be clearing out soon, but he can�t risk coming into orbit and uncloaking the ship yet with the mothership so close by. He thinks it will probably be another hour."

"That�s not going to be good enough, dad," Sam said shakily, pausing to wipe the wetness from her cheeks. "Daniel�s not going to last an hour."

Jacob looked at Daniel�s battered face for a long moment, then he went back to Rhys to crouch beside the dying man again.

*****

An hour. They had an hour to do nothing but sit and watch their friend die. Watch and do nothing but witness his last breaths.

A strange feeling of unreality washed over Jack. He knew that team members were killed all the time in missions�he had just never thought it would happen to his team. Thought he could keep cheating death. Play games with fate.

In truth, he had always thought that if any of them were to die, it would be Jack himself.

Teal�c stood close to them, on point, watching out for his teammates, although the threat from Goa�uld was over. The Jaffa hadn�t spoken a word since the attack. Jack figured Teal�c needed to occupy himself, to distract himself from what was happening.

Carter was trying to hold Daniel as best as she could without hurting him further -- there was hardly a part of his body that wasn�t broken or covered in her clumsy bandages.

Jack sat on Daniel�s other side, watched as she tried to comfort their friend, listened as she tried to soothe him, even though Danny was deeply unconscious.

"Please don�t let it end like this," she whispered in a prayer or supplication. "You have to hang in there, Daniel. Fight," she whispered softly to him, tucking her head close to his. "You have to fight, but if it�s too much for you, don�t be afraid because-" she choked on the next words, bringing more tears dripping down her cheeks, onto Daniel�s hair. "You�ll see Sha�re again, you�ll be safe, but please don�t give up. Not yet�"

Jack stared at Daniel�s bandaged, blood-streaked face. He laid his hand on Daniel�s side, felt the shuddering breaths wracking his body. Felt them slowing with each breath he took. He watched Carter whisper softly in Daniel�s ear, her voice now too quiet for Jack to make out the words. He hoped that somehow Danny could hear her, hoped he knew they were with him.

Carter was struggling valiantly against the sobs shaking her body, but it didn�t look like she�d last much longer. Daniel either. It looked like his friend had finally used up his nine lives.

Jack closed his eyes for a moment, cursed the fates, cursed Daniel. Cursed him for yelling that warning to him when he should have been busy getting his own ass out of the way. Cursed himself for agreeing to go on yet another mission with the Tok�ra, when he knew full well that things always got complicated. Got fubar.

Jack looked over at Jacob as the older Tok�ra tended to Rhys as best he could, although the Tok�ra warrior was rattling his last breaths. Jacob took off his vest and covered the horrific injury with it. Rhys�s blood slowly seeped into the fabric, coloring it dark brown.

Jacob looked up from Rhys�s form, his face went blank and his eyes flashed for a moment as he communicated with Selmak. Jacob nodded his head curtly, then stood.

Teal�c�s face creased in a frown as his gaze followed Jacob�s steps over to the rest of his teammates, moving to Carter�s side. Jack wondered what sort of internal conversation Jake and his symbiote had been having as Jacob stood by his daughter.

"Sam," Jacob said gently. When she didn't look up from Daniel, Jacob placed a hand on her shoulder. "Sammy, listen to me."

She glanced up at her father with tear-filled eyes. Jacob knelt down, forcing her agonized eyes to meet with his own. "There�s a way to save him."

Carter frowned at him, barely able to comprehend the words over her grief and fear. She shook her head. "I don�t see how, you left all the healing devices on the ship and he�s hurt so badly�" her voice wavered, then trailed off as she looked back down at Daniel�s face.

"Listen, Sam, Jack�Rhys is just barely alive. He�s going to die�there�s nothing I can do for him and even his symbiote can�t save him. But it may be able to save Daniel. He�s pretty bad, I know, but it�s a chance."

"M-make him a host, you mean?" Sam whispered, staring at Jacob incredulously.

Jack glared at Jacob, felt his face tightening. "No."

"Jack, listen-"

"No!"

"Jack, no one knows better than I, what it means to do this. I was faced with the choice of dying or life. I chose life." Jacob said, looking at him intently. Jacob�s head lowered, then raised and Selmac said, "It is a difficult choice, but the only choice in this circumstance."

"You�re just saying that because you�re always so damned eager for new hosts!" Jack snarled. He balled his free hand into a fist, clenched and unclenched his jaw.

"We are offering your friend a chance to live, nothing more, nothing less." Selmac calmly countered. "You must decide quickly. There is not much time left for either of them."

Jack gritted his teeth, shook his head in frustration. Darting another glance at Daniel, he got to his feet, wincing at the stab in his knee. He glared at Jacob for a moment, breathing hard. How could Jacob even think of doing this to Daniel?

"But it was your choice to make, Jacob�no one else�s." Jack said after a moment, jabbed his finger in the direction of Jacob�s chest.

"Jack, think about Daniel, not yourself, for minute," Jacob said. "This is a chance to save him. It can merely be a temporary solution until we can find another host. Don�t let your personal feelings end Daniel�s life."

Jack remained silent, breathing hard. Fought to control his rage.

"Are you going to be able to live with yourself if he dies when you might have been able to do something to save him?" Jacob said.

"You son of a bitch!" Jack growled, felt his face contort with fury, his fists readying to strike out at Jacob.

"It�s your decision, Jack, but please, think about it," Jacob said, his voice gentle, but firm.

Jack stared at him, silently battled to keep his temper under control. He tore a hand roughly through his hair, took a deep, ragged breath, tried to settle his racing emotions. Tried to wrap his mind around what he was actually allowing himself to consider. He closed his eyes briefly, then said, "Give us a second, will you?" He was surprised at how shaky his voice sounded. He thought he was better at hiding his fear than that.

Jacob nodded and returned to crouch beside Rhys� shattered body. He laid his hand on Rhys�s brow, trying to offer the dying man some comfort.

Jack glared at Jacob for a moment, then looked down at Carter. "Any thoughts, Carter?"

She was blinking back tears as she said shakily, "I don�t know if we can make this kind of decision for him." She stroked Daniel�s hair, and laid her other hand over his, rubbing his blue-tinged fingers as if she were trying to warm them. Trying to coax the color back into them.

"Yeah, well, he�s not in any position to tell us what he wants. If he were, this wouldn�t be an issue, would it?" Jack snapped, instantly regretted his harsh tone. He knew his anger and vague attempts at sarcasm were a way of blocking the fear, hiding it. He crouched down, his once harsh voice softening to a frightened, shaking whisper, "Dammit, Danny."

He touched Daniel�s bruised and blood-speckled cheek gently, looking at the very still face, nearly covered by bandages. They somehow made Daniel look younger, vulnerable.

Jack did wish he knew what Daniel would say. No, he knew what Daniel would say. Danny�d tell him he was out of his mind for even considering it.

Jack looked at Carter, who laid her cheek against Daniel�s to whisper something else to him, her voice still too low for him to hear, still trying to soothe their friend. Watching them, Jack realized he couldn�t do it, he couldn�t just stand back and watch Daniel die. Even if saving him meant subjecting Daniel to his worst nightmare.

"Sam?" he said softly, using her first name for one of the few times since they�d met. "When� Jolinar was in you, how. . . bad was it?"

She looked up to meet his intense gaze, surprised. "Well, it� it was strange, scary�"

"Was it worse than dying? I mean�if you had a choice. . ."

Carter looked down through the blur of tears in her eyes. She rubbed her thumb gently over Daniel�s cold fingers.

Jack hated to place the decision in Carter�s hands, but she was the only one besides Jacob who knew what it was like, what it meant to share your body with another being.

She swallowed hard, forced down the sob threatening to escape, kept her eyes turned from his.

"No� it wasn�t," she finally said, slowly and carefully. Her voice resigned. Knowing that as soon as she spoke those words, the decision was made.

Jack nodded somberly, felt his nerve endings tremble like live wires. His throat was tight, his stomach churned. He couldn�t believe they were actually going to do this. He stood again, resting his weight on his good leg and called to Jacob.

Teal�c stared at Jack in alarm, positioned himself directly in front of him. "O�Neill, I do not believe DanielJackson would choose this. He would prefer to die honorably�as a warrior."

Jack turned to glare at Teal�c, his grief and fear quickly transmuting into anger again. He took in a sharp breath through his nose, narrowed his eyes. He heard his voice take on a note of ominous calm. "Daniel�s not a warrior, Teal�c. He�s a goddamned archaeologist and he�s not going to die. I�ve already had to go to one of his funerals. I�m not going to do it again. Got it?"

Teal�c stared stonily at him, his posture stiff. Jack thought he could detect the anger just beneath Teal�c�s normally stoic gaze. Jack met Teal�c� gaze, daring him to further challenge his decision.

Teal�c slumped almost imperceptibly, then stepped back.

Jack was still breathing hard as Jacob sidled up to him. He looked Jacob squarely in the eye. Set his face in what he hoped was expression of calm. Hoped he was better able to disguise his fear now.

"This is just temporary. You hear me, Jacob? Temporary."

*****

Jacob had moved Rhys close to Daniel so that their faces were less than a foot apart. Both of them lay propped on their sides. Rhys was barely alive. The breath, pained and strangled, gurgled through his lungs, forced out by the rising tide of blood. Daniel's breathing was disconcertingly quiet in comparison.

"So what do we do?" Jack asked. He knelt beside Daniel, winced as his re-injured knee protested being forced into such a position.

Carter stood a few steps back, her arms tightly crossed. She chewed on her lip nervously, her posture unconsciously similar to what Daniel usually did when he was worried or upset.

Teal�c had positioned himself beside Carter. Deeply troubled, his features creased in a frown of disapproval.

"Keep Daniel on his side and hold him still," Jacob said to Jack, his voice gentle.

Jack carefully draped his arm over Daniel�s chest to hold him steady, although he wasn�t moving at all. Hell, he was barely even breathing at this point, Jack realized as he looked down at Daniel, lying there so still as if he was already gone.

"You�re going to have to hold his mouth open."

Jack felt the blood drain from his face at Jacob�s words. "Oh, Christ," he choked out, his voice sounded strangled. His heart started pounding, bile rose in his throat. I don�t know if I can do this, he thought wildly. He clenched his jaw tightly as he looked down at Daniel again. What the hell were they doing to him?

I�m so sorry, Danny. He closed his eyes as if he could shut out the reality of what he was doing.

Felt a hand on his arm, squeezing it. Jacob�s voice interrupted his racing thoughts.

"Jack, I know this is hard. Do you want me to do it?"

Jack opened his eyes again, shook his head furiously. Swallowed the lump in his throat. Forced threatening tears away. He carefully pressed his hand against Daniel�s chest, gently pushed the limp body back against his legs.

Daniel�s forearm flopped bonelessly behind him, hitting Jack�s leg lightly. He leaned Daniel against his thighs, making sure to position himself lower than the injury to Daniel�s spine. Jack held his friend gingerly, uncertain where to put his hand, unsure if he was hurting him.

Jack took hold of Daniel�s chin, pausing for a moment to gently rub his fingers against the younger man�s cheek. "Please let this be the right thing," Jack whispered to Daniel, to himself.

Please forgive me for this, Danny, he thought, then sucking in a shuddery breath, he pulled the unresisting jaw down, forced Daniel�s mouth open.

Jacob did the same with Rhys; rested the man�s body against his legs, held Rhys�s chin.

Jack watched in horrid fascination as the symbiote tentatively poked its head out from the Tok�ra�s mouth. It waved its pinschers sluggishly, twisted weakly from side to side, its motions uncertain. After a moment, the symbiote seemed to see, or sense Daniel, and worked its way over to him.

Jacob guided the creature with his hands, toward the archaeologist. It slowly slid into Daniel�s mouth.

Jack�s hand shook so tremulously that Daniel�s head reverberated in time. Jack had to fight every instinct in his body�every muscle was screaming to let go, screaming at him to pull Daniel away from the parasite.

Jack felt the slick sides of the symbiote brush against his fingers, and the fingers jerked, involuntarily flinching away. He heard Sam trying unsuccessfully to hold back a sob, and he glanced at her to see that her eyes were tightly shut, hand clamped to her mouth, and her body trembling with the effort to hold back her tears.

Daniel choked as the creature slid into his throat, penetrating the soft tissue. His body�s self-preservation instincts took over as he weakly tried to turn his head away.

"Hold him still, Jack," Jacob cautioned.

Jack closed his eyes now too, unable to watch. He held Daniel�s head as steady as his shaking hand allowed. But closing his eyes didn�t shut out what he was doing to his friend. He felt Daniel�s body shudder under his grip, felt his back hitch, felt him try to arch his neck and pull his head away as he struggled to draw a breath through his obstructed throat.

He heard Daniel make a choking, gagging sound, felt his friend�s chest rising jerkily in short pulls. Daniel kept trying to pull his head away from Jack�s grip. Jack forced himself to tighten his fingers, his mind raging in a desperate repetitious invocation.

He vaguely felt a hand on his arm again -- the arm holding Daniel�s chin.

"Jack."

This was the right decision, the only one he could make. . .

"Jack!"

Jacob�s voice broke through the tirade in his mind. Jack opened his eyes, saw Jacob through a blur of tears.

"It�s done, you can let go now." Jacob�s voice was gentle as he squeezed Jack�s arm again.

Jack directed his gaze to Rhys�s now lifeless body, the eyes half-open, staring glassily at him. He looked down at Daniel and released his grip on the younger man�s chin. He passed his hand briefly over Daniel�s hair, then sat back. His entire body shuddered, trembled. He was shivering as if he were cold and he couldn�t for the life of him make it stop, couldn't make it go away.

He watched his friend�s still body. Funny, Daniel didn�t look any different with that snake in him, Jack thought. He didn�t look any better either. Well, maybe his breathing was a little easier.

Jack�s stomach clenched suddenly, bile rose up in his throat, tightening it. He jumped up abruptly, staggered, nearly fell. The blood roared in his ears, the pain in his gut nearly doubled him over as he spun away from his teammates and ran further into the underbrush.

Stumbling into the privacy of the trees, Jack became violently ill. His stomach heaved and heaved until there was nothing left inside but bitter acid burning him, and still he couldn�t stop. His sides ached, and tears streamed down his face, ran into his mouth, making him taste their salt. Jack collapsed to his knees exhausted, took a few shuddering breaths.

He was shocked at his body�s betrayal. He had fought in every type of combat, seen atrocities that would knock any civilian on his ass, even had one of those snakes dig its way through his own neck -- all with his nerves firmly in control. So this was a new thing.

If he knew that he had done the only thing he could to save Daniel�s life, why did he feel as if he�d betrayed his best friend?

Once he had regained some semblance of control, Jack shakily got to his feet, wavering slightly on his throbbing knee, which was a red-hot agony now. He took a deep breath, scrubbed a hand over his sweat-dampened face, then limped slowly back to where his team waited.

Teal�c stared at Jack�s approach. The Jaffa�s expression was worried as he turned, following Jack�s labored progress toward Carter.

Carter was holding onto Daniel again, the tears now drying on her face. She looked wrung out, exhausted, Jack realized. She met his gaze, then looked away quickly, probably shocked by his own appearance, he thought. He knew he must look like hell. He certainly felt like seven kinds of it.

Stopping beside her, he asked, "How�s he doing?"

She shook her head. "It�s too soon to say for sure, but his pulse and breathing are a little stronger. You all right, sir?"

Jack nodded, too exhausted to give her his standard Jack O�Neill, �Peachy.� He kept walking past his teammates and sat down heavily on the ground. He propped his back against a tree and leaned his head on the trunk, wanting, needing to be left alone for a while. He closed his eyes wearily. Didn�t allow himself to think.

All they could do now was wait for the Tok�ra ship to pick them up.

*****

Jack stood on the opposite side of Janet, hovering over Daniel�s unconscious form, intently watching as Janet laid the stethoscope on Daniel�s chest and listened for a long moment.

Jacob had used the healing device on Daniel aboard the ship, which had stabilized him enough to survive the journey to the Tok�ra base. Jack had immediately sent out a message to the SGC and asked for Janet to gate to their location.

Once they had arrived on the planet, Teal�c and Jacob met Janet at the gate and brought her to the base, medical equipment in hand. Janet had been shocked by Daniel�s condition�the first time Jack had ever seen the doctor�s professionalism badly ruffled. She had actually paled when he told her about the symbiote.

Janet swiftly regained her composure and immediately set to work on her patient, calling on his badly shaken teammates for assistance from time to time. Janet removed the shrapnel from Daniel�s back. She had inserted a catheter and an intravenous bag dangled from a makeshift post by the side of the small bed in which they had set Daniel up, the needle taped to the inside of his elbow. She had stitched and bandaged the numerous cuts and gashes on Daniel�s body and head.

"His pulse is strong, and he�s breathing fairly regularly," Janet looked up at Jack, her eyes moving from his, to Sam�s then Teal�c�s.

"That�s good, right?" Jack asked, watching worriedly, helplessly, as the doctor worked on his friend, her small hands moving efficiently.

Janet nodded, glancing up at him. "Here hold this for me," she ordered, handing him a bag of saline and Jack was grateful to have something to do�something to keep him from going crazy with fear.

"This would be a lot easier if we could take him back to base," Janet sighed as she worked, her voice starting to shake with fatigue.

Jack nodded in agreement. Too bad the snake in Danny�s body and the alliance they had with the Tok�ra prevented them from doing just that.

"Is he going to be okay, doc?"

"Honestly? I don�t know. The type of injuries he suffered were severe enough to kill him, whether or not you had been able to get him back to the SGC. Without the symbiote, he probably wouldn�t have made it. His ribcage was nearly crushed, but it looks as if the symbiote has repaired the damage enough for him to be able to breathe on his own. He has a thoracic spinal cord injury situated at the 4th vertebrae, a skull fracture and a serious concussion. I have no idea what the symbiote can and cannot repair, but I�m amazed he�s still alive. " Janet�s voice wavered as she spoke, and she sat down on the edge of the bed, her face pale and drawn with exhaustion.

"Oh, God," Carter breathed out, pressing her hand to her mouth.

"All we can do now is wait for him to regain consciousness and then I can assess his condition more thoroughly. We�ll have to watch him closely and make sure that someone is always with him. I don�t want him waking up alone." She turned to look each one directly in the eye, making sure they all knew exactly what she meant.

And they did, or at least Jack knew he did. He nodded, tore a hand roughly through his hair. "I�m not planning on going anywhere."

Janet looked at him, blinking back the fatigue. "Colonel, I noticed that you�re limping pretty badly. Let me take a look at that leg."

"I�m fine, Doc," he started to protest. "It can wait."

"Let me be the judge of that," Janet said sternly.

Jack knew the doctor was tired, worried, and working with limited resources. He also knew from experience that it wasn�t a good idea to argue with Janet when she was in that frame of mind. He nodded wearily, and allowed her to lead him to a bench carved along the crystallized wall.

*****

Jack perched himself on the side of Daniel's bed, stretching his leg out awkwardly in front of him, unable to bend it from the pressure bandage Janet had wrapped tightly around his knee. He had been lucky�the knee was still hanging in there by probably a few ragged shreds of cartilage.

He shifted uncomfortably, found himself futilely wishing they could bring Daniel back home. It was his shift, taking his turn caring for, and watching over Daniel. Janet was sleeping after spending two tireless days of doing whatever it was she did for her patients.

Jack gently wiped a wet cloth over Daniel�s dry, slightly parted lips and dribbled small drops of moisture on them. He watched Daniel�s neck carefully to see that he was swallowing the water and not drowning in it.

Jack�s mind drifted to a nearly forgotten memory of when Charlie was a baby, how he and Sara would watch Charlie�s tiny throat when he nursed, worried about him choking.

"Ne'nai, rin'tel'noc," Daniel whispered, his voice raspy and hoarse. His faced pinched in pain or confusion, his breath quickening. "N-no� ne�nai� stop�"

Jack laid his hand on Daniel�s forehead, stroked it the same way he had when Charlie had a fever. "Shh, Danny, it�s okay, you�re okay," he whispered as Daniel muttered in an assortment of languages. In spite of his nightmare or delirium, Daniel still hadn�t moved anything other than his head, making Jack wonder and worry how badly injured he really was.

There was a small, scared part of him that he kept carefully hidden from everyone, from himself even, that dreaded what they would have to deal with when Daniel woke up.

*****

Over the past six, seemingly endless days, Daniel's body was healing slowly, growing stronger, the broken bones mending.

Janet had earlier cut away the bandages covering part of Daniel�s face and head, and was surprised that the gashes had already completely healed. A thin scar trailed from just over the middle of Daniel�s left eyebrow, wound down in an arc over his temple and stopped just on the highest part of his cheekbone. Daniel�s eyes were encircled with bluish bruises. The ones on his face had lightened to muted shades of ochre and clotted dark purple. His left hand was curled up into a tight fist, and he still hadn't moved on his own�something Jack didn�t want to think about too much until Daniel woke up.

If he woke up.

Jack gave himself a mental shake at that thought. Daniel was going to wake up and be okay. After all this, he had to be okay. His eyes closed involuntarily, numbness stole over his limbs as exhaustion finally overtook him. He couldn�t remember the last time he had slept for more than a few minutes at a stretch.

He jumped awake after what felt like two seconds had passed, at the sound of a gasp. Saw that Daniel�s eyes were fluttering open. Jack�s heart simultaneously leapt and sunk as he realized Daniel was regaining consciousness. About to find out what they�no what he, had done to him.

He took a deep breath, laid a hand Daniel�s chest. "Danny? Can you hear me?"

*****

Daniel fought through the fog in his head, through the other voice in his head, the unfamiliar images, sounds and words�where were they coming from? He saw a very old ruined city, its architecture smoldering, people running and screaming, the coppery stench of blood everywhere.

Where was that coming from? Where was he� where was he in all of this? He struggled to focus his thoughts�the images, or memories came from someone else. Not his. Where were his memories? Sha�re, his life�

* Kree'ta� noc'ri� * the voice said, a voice that seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere.

Oh God, what's happening to me? He thought, the terror within him building.

*****

Daniel started breathing hard, almost panting. His eyes flew open, wild, unseeing.

Jack leaned forward and grasped Daniel�s shoulder, trying to get the younger man to focus on him. Daniel didn�t react, making Jack wonder if Danny could even feel his touch. Jack moved his hand to lay it against Daniel�s face, and Daniel flinched slightly in response.

"Daniel? It�s Jack, can you hear me? Whoa!" He involuntarily jumped as Daniel�s blue eyes suddenly flashed. Glowing.

Daniel quickly squeezed his eyes shut again, as if in panic.

Jack stared at Daniel�s face. Dammit, I should have been expecting that. But Christ, seeing Danny�s eyes glow� He felt ice rush through his veins. As long as Daniel had been unconscious, the reality of what had been done to him could be pushed away, denied, but now�

Goddammit, O�Neill, get a grip anytime now! Jack angrily ordered himself.

Daniel moaned low in his throat, lost in his terror, his eyes still tightly closed. Jack realized Daniel was repeating the word �no� over and over again.

"Sir? What�s happening?"

Jack glanced up to see Carter standing beside him. He hadn�t even noticed her coming in. "Go get Doc. He�s coming to." Jack redirected his attention to Daniel as Carter quickly left again.

Jack laid his hand against Daniel�s cheek again. "Danny, it�s Jack," he repeated. "Come on, wake up buddy, it�s okay, everything�s okay."

Daniel shook his head slightly, seemingly not quite ready to face the world yet. "N-no, no. . . ." He opened his eyes again after a moment�they were wide, frightened. He gasped in air through his mouth, his features slack with shock and confusion.

*****

*Tal'shak�bon'iqua, kree�ta* the voice spoke again, rambling, its meaning confused, lost. He heard Jack�s voice overtop the other voice. Calling to him, telling him to wake up.

Daniel felt the unfamiliar memories assail him, rush through his mind like a horror video on fast-forward. People torn apart by staff blasts, explosions, bodies flying through the air. Screaming, death gliders overhead�

He squeezed his eyes shut, as if that would make the visions go away. The images were overwhelming, frightening, he would become lost in them, trapped in them, if he didn�t stop them. Please, please stop�

Maybe the voice in his head was a dream, a nightmare? Daniel wondered. Jack was here�was he dreaming about the Goa�uld and Jack was trying to wake him up? Or, maybe Jack was the dream and he was trapped somewhere, taken by the Goa�uld, tied down, trapped.

His eyes flew open at the thought. His surroundings were blurred, watery. He darted his gaze around the room, tried to focus, tried to move, tried to raise his head. Felt the tendons on his neck strain painfully. "Can�t. . . . can�t move. . . can�t�trapped, trapped. . . ." He heard his own voice coming out as a desperate, frantic moan.

"Danny? Can you hear me?"

He heard Jack�s voice, felt Jack�s hand on his face. The rest of his body was numb, missing.

Another rush of images flooded his thoughts�battles, death gliders, a ribbon device on a hand, pressing against a forehead -- a face he had never seen before. The metallic voice spoke up again, this time in a wordless scream�

"No!" Daniel cried out helplessly, squeezed his eyes shut again, tossed his head from side to side. Tried to shut out the images, to silence the other's horrible cry, drown it out with his own voice. He felt his right arm spasm as he tried to raise it to his head. His arm twitched, moving jerkily, as if he no longer had control over it.

"Daniel!"

That sounded like Janet�s voice now. How did Janet get here? Where the hell was he? He wasn�t at SGC, so why was Janet here? He felt someone grab his hand, press it down, hold it still. Strong hands gripped the sides of his face, prevented him from moving his head.

Panic assailed him again. Why were they holding him down? Oh God, what was happening to him?

"Daniel, it�s okay, you�re all right," Janet said. "Try to keep still."

Screams from the unfamiliar memories filled his senses again. The scattering of memories that weren�t his own flashed dizzyingly through his head. Assortments of voices drowned out those around him.

*Rin'tel'noc! Ya`isid ma`gue!* The words screamed through his head. More images flashed across his mind�s eye�faces he had never seen before. Faces crying, screaming, begging for mercy.

"Please stop, stop. Oh Jesus, please stop it," Daniel pleaded. He heard himself moaning. Sounding like something trapped. He was trapped, wasn�t he?

"Daniel, listen to me, dammit! Calm down�you�re okay! Come on, Danny, look at me!"

Daniel fought to focus through the barrage of images, the terror. The sound of his name broke through like a lifeline. A ray of hope. It was Jack�s rough voice again. Clearer this time. Jack. Only Jack called him Danny. He forced the images back, forced his eyes to open.

"That�s it, Danny. Look at me. Look at me!"

Daniel finally managed to focus on Jack�s face, then darted his gaze over to Janet who was still holding his hand down. Sam stood behind Janet, her eyes wide and shocked, her face streaked with tears. He could feel Janet holding his hand down; felt nothing of the rest of his body.

"It�s okay, Daniel, you�re safe. We�re on the Tok�ra base," Jack nodded, his voice soft now, reassuring. Jack�s hand moved from his face to stroke his hair gently.

Daniel felt something, another presence, something alive, shift inside his chest. Felt a twinge at the base of his neck, a flash of awareness.

*Tal�mac. . . .*

Oh no� no�the reality of what his mind had been trying to deny finally hit him. That voice, the strange memories� Something in his mind snapped and panic overtook all senses.

"Oh God, no, please no! Get it out, get it out, get it out, get it out!" He tried to fight, tried to move, but he was pinned down, helpless. Couldn't move. Distantly heard himself screaming in terror but he couldn't make himself stop. "Please, get it out of me! Get it out!"

"Daniel!"

He felt Jack�s hands grip him tighter, saw Jack�s face through a blur of tears and panic. "Oh God, Jack, it�s a Goa�uld. . . please get it out. . . please," Daniel whispered to his friend, his voice too hoarse to scream anymore. Desperation, terror threatened to overwhelm him�drive him mad.

He felt tears run down his face, trickle into his hair, over his ears. His breath sobbed as he pleaded with Jack. It was hard to breathe, he couldn�t catch his breath. Heard himself gasping for air. Heard voices through the panic. He felt the symbiote squirming against his spine. Saliva ran in his mouth, he felt bile rise up in his throat, felt his chest start heaving.

"Colonel! Help me turn him on his side!" he heard Janet order.

Daniel felt them turn him carefully onto his side, a basin was thrust under his mouth as he retched and coughed�crying, vomiting helplessly. His chest heaved painfully, his head pounded with agony. Nothing but a small trickle of saliva, mucous and water came up. He had nothing in his stomach, but that didn�t stop it from trying to turn itself inside out.

Finally, the convulsions subsided, and Janet and Jack laid him on his back again. Janet gently wiped a damp cloth over his mouth and his face. Daniel sobbed brokenly. His chest ached, his breathing was shallow, rapid and he couldn�t stop crying. Couldn�t make himself stop.

"Colonel, I'm going to have to sedate him-"

"Hang on Doc! Just give him a minute, dammit! Daniel, calm down, it�s okay. You�re okay, but you have to calm down. Breathe! Come on, take a deep breath, calm down. Breathe."

Jack's hands were on his face again, but his grip was gentle now. Daniel found himself obeying Jack�s soothing voice, focusing on it. He closed his eyes, slowed his breathing with immense effort. His chest felt tight, it hurt, but if he concentrated on breathing, he didn�t have to think of anything else.

"That�s it, Danny. That�s better. You�re okay," Jack said, his voice sounding shaky. "You're okay."

Daniel felt another flutter of movement in his chest, like a second heartbeat. He tried to ignore it, tried to remain calm enough to talk to Jack�to make him understand. "Jack, you have to get it out of me, I don�t care if you have to kill me, but please, please get it out."

Jack stared at him.

"Please, Jack!" He had to make Jack understand that he couldn�t live like this, he couldn�t.

"Danny," Jack choked out, closed his eyes. "Dammit."

Sam spoke up. "Daniel, it�s not a Goa�uld." He turned his head in the direction of her voice. She sat beside him as Janet moved aside. She took his hand in hers, clasping it tightly. "I know you�re scared, but you have to listen to us, all right?"

Daniel felt his teeth chatter. He supposed he was cold, but it was hard to tell when he couldn�t feel the rest of body. Shock. He realized that he was going into shock. He focused on Sam's face, her features were tensed, her blue eyes bright with tears.

Sam looked at him intently, swallowed hard, her lips quivering. She bit them, took in a deep breath before continuing. "You were dying, you would have died, and we� decided on the only way to save your life. It�s not a Goa�uld, but a� Tok�ra inside you�Rhys�s symbiote. He was mortally wounded. You would have died without it, Daniel."

Daniel tried to let her words sink in. Tried to make sense of them, but failed completely. This couldn�t be happening. This is not happening, he told himself. His friends would never do this to him.

He stared at Sam, then shifted his eyes to Jack, who looked down, avoiding Daniel�s gaze. Oh God, Jack, please look at me and tell me this isn�t happening.

Jack must have felt the intensity of his gaze and did look at him, but remained silent. The grief, fear and, predominately, guilt in Jack�s eyes were the only answer Daniel needed to realize the truth. The truth that the worst had happened.

"You. . . you did this?" Daniel shook his head slowly, locked his eyes on Jack�s. "How. . . how could you do this to me?"

He saw Jack slump a little, avert his eyes again

"Daniel. . . " Sam made his name a question, almost a plea to listen, to forgive.

"You have to get it out," he ignored the plea, felt a wild surge of desperation. Maybe he could still be saved. Maybe this didn't have to be. Every second he had this parasite in him was a second wasted. Time they could be spending getting it out of him. He shifted his gaze to Sam, locked his eyes on hers. "Get it out while there�s still time."

Sam shook her head. "Daniel, the symbiote has been inside you for six days now. It was the only way to save your life and it's the only way to heal you now."

Anger, rage, and finally horror filled his senses. Daniel tried to yank his hand from Sam�s, but found he wasn�t strong enough. He only managed to curl his fingers into a tight fist. "Six days?" he echoed hollowly. "How could you do this. . . ." he whispered, his voice breaking, and this time managed to clumsily get his hand free from Sam�s. He squeezed his bruised eyes shut.

He felt sick�as if he were going to vomit again. His throat tightened, his breath quickened as the tears resurfaced. He focused on his breathing again, willed it to slow, took slow, deep breaths.

He had to focus. Had to see the bigger picture, see past the fear. Had to try to assess his condition, understand what had happened to him. When the wave of nausea eased enough for him to speak again, Daniel asked with a trembling voice, "Why can�t I move?"

He opened his eyes, saw the guilt on Sam and Jack�s faces. Good, he thought angrily, finding himself oddly justified in witnessing their guilt. They should feel guilty. They should have known that I would never have chosen this.

He took another deep breath, tried to push the anger aside. "What�s happened to me? I can�t move, I�can�t feel anything."

"You were hit by a piece of shrapnel in the fourth vertebrae, normally an injury like that renders a person a paraplegic or quadriplegic," Janet explained. "It�s possible the symbiote will be able to heal you completely, in time. The fact that you can move your right arm is a good sign. You have to be positive, Daniel."

"Once you�re recovered, the symbiote can be moved into another host," Sam said. "This is only temporary, Daniel."

A host. God, he was a host. He closed his eyes for a moment. Felt the tears trickle from under his lashes, felt them roll down his face.

"Daniel, it�s just temporary," Jack repeated Sam�s words. His voice sounded raspy, tremulous. Daniel felt Jack carefully wipe the tears from his face.

Daniel turned his head away as much as he was able, batted at Jack�s hand, but only managed to brush his palm against it. Rage filled him, encompassed him. He let out a wordless cry of frustration at the weakness of his arm, at his broken body. Shouted in fury and horror at what had been done to him. The cry tore at his throat, frightened him with its intensity and raw emotion. He vaguely saw Jack jump back as if physically struck, his face draining of color.

Janet came at him with a syringe in hand, her face grim. She injected something into his IV line and he felt cold flow through his veins.

Daniel�s voice broke, gave out, the exhaustion overwhelming him. He tried to burrow his face into the pillow, only managing to turn his head slightly to the side. Shut them out, shut everything out.

"Go away�" he whispered, his voice hoarse, nearly gone. "Please, just� leave me alone, go away�"

"No can do, Daniel. We�re staying right here, with you. We�re not going anywhere," Jack moved his hand as if to touch him, then seemed think better of it. "You�re going to be okay. What�s important is that you�re alive."

"Mi�ta ma�len tao qua," he whispered. The Goa�uld language spilled unchecked from his mouth. He had no idea where the words came from. "Mi�ta ma�len tao qua."

There was a confused silence, then Teal�c�s voice, reverberating with caustic irony, drifted from the hallway. "He said, �some things are worse than death.�"

Some things are worse than death, Daniel agreed, feeling the sedative Janet had injected take effect, make him drowsy, numb. But oblivion wasn't coming soon enough. He didn�t want to think anymore, didn�t want to feel anything anymore.

Shut them out, shut everything out before this drives you mad. He willed his thoughts to a quiet place in his subconscious. A place he had gone to in the past when things became too overwhelming. The voices of his teammates faded to soft murmurs, his surroundings grayed and fogged, no longer there.

He went to a place where no one could find him.

*****

Daniel had drifted off to a restless sleep. Janet checked his pulse and respiration, then motioned to Jack and Carter to follow her into the hallway.

Jack stood, then glanced at Teal�c, silently imploring the Jaffa to take his place beside Daniel. Teal�c�s face was somber, his dark eyes flashing with anger.

Teal�c was right�he knew this would happen, Jack realized, and looked away from the recrimination in Teal�c�s eyes. Teal�c moved to Daniel�s side and sat on the edge of his bed. He fixed his gaze on Daniel�s sleeping face, his eyes softening with sorrow for his friend.

Even in sleep, Daniel�s expression was troubled. His eyes rolled under the bruised lids, his lashes fluttered against his cheek.

I�m so sorry we had to do this to you, Jack thought. He reluctantly tore his gaze away from his friend, then went to Janet and Sam waiting for him in the hall.

He regarded them for a moment. Carter and Janet looked as wrung out and shell-shocked as he felt. He waited until the tightness in his throat eased before attempting to speak. "That went well," he said. Dammit, even dripping with sarcasm, his voice was still shaking. His entire body was shaking, for that matter.

"Colonel, Sam�Daniel�s in shock," Janet said, her voice gentle, looking at each of them in turn. "His body has been through an enormous strain, and mentally�I can�t even begin to contemplate what has been going through his mind. It will take some time for him to adjust to this."

"I shouldn�t have moved him." Jack looked down, avoided Janet�s gaze. Guilt weighed heavily on him, drained him. Daniel�s desperate, terrified face and plea for Jack to save him had felt like daggers plunging in his heart.

Christ, Danny's begging me to save him when I�m the one who condemned him to this fate, Jack thought, found himself nearly sick with the guilt overcoming him. "What the hell did I do to him, Doc?" Jack�s hand rasped across his stubbled cheek. His head throbbed with his heartbeat. "Daniel�s paralyzed, which is bad enough, and the snake in his head is just icing on the cake! I should have known better than moving him with an injury like that."

"Colonel," Janet said, crossing her arms in front of her chest�all business again. "You saved Daniel�s life, and it sounds to me like you had no choice but to move him." Janet paused to take a deep breath. She raked her hand through her already disheveled hair. "If you hadn�t, you both could have been killed. With the severity of Daniel�s injuries, I don�t think it would have made that much difference if you hadn�t moved him. We just have to hope that the symbiote will eventually repair the damage to his spinal cord."

"And if it doesn�t? What then? What�s that going to do to him?" Jack heard his voice coming out as a low growl, emotion tightening his throat painfully.

Some things are worse than death. Jack wondered if Daniel was right.

"It will heal him," Carter said, her determined voice breaking into his thoughts. Jack shot her a vicious glare, didn�t answer her, so she said it again. "It will heal him." She stared back at him with added determination. Her brow furrowed, her mouth set in a firm line, which quivered slightly, nearly belying her bravado.

Jack's angry, guilt-driven facade softened, faded, leaving only the fear. The endless hours and days of madness finally overwhelmed him. In that moment, he needed to believe her. He needed her to be right. Needed to hang onto that hope, to that intangible faith that it would all work out. Needed to believe that he hadn�t made a horrible mistake.

He lowered his eyes and dropped his head, the exhaustion making it heavy, leaden. He felt his eyes burn with tears and he released his fear, allowed it to show on his face. He hoped, prayed, that Carter was right.

"There is a strong chance that he will walk again and regain full mobility," Janet said, looking back and forth from Jack to Sam. "Right now, I�m more concerned about his mental state. Paralysis is difficult enough to cope with, and we all know how Daniel feels about symbiotes. I was hesitant to sedate him back there�I only gave him a mild dose, but if he continues to be this agitated when he�s awake, I may have to keep him on a low dosage. What�s important is that we don�t allow him to withdraw. We have to make sure to keep him focused and positive."

Jack felt Sam�s intense gaze lock on him. He looked up, met her blue eyes and she gave him a small smile of encouragement. The determination was still in her eyes and he held onto it. Grasped onto it and held on. Set his own face in an expression of resolution.

He directed his gaze through the doorway to Teal�c and Daniel. Heard the faint murmur of the Jaffa's voice. Teal�c was speaking to Daniel in low, soft voice, his large hand resting overtop Daniel�s pale one. Whatever Teal�c was saying seemed to have calmed Daniel - his face had relaxed, his breathing was regular and even.

It was all going to be all right, Jack told himself. Daniel was going to be all right.

*****

He dreamed of Abydos. Of walking beside Sha�re through the sands. Their fingers entwined, their shoulders brushed against each other as they walked, silent, content in each other�s presence.

Daniel held onto the dream, embraced it. Accepted the comfort it gave him, kept his mind away from the present. When he felt himself wakening, he forced his mind to retreat back to Abydos, back to Sha�re. But after a time, Sha�re kept fading, her features became indistinct, the sand blew away to become cold crystal filling his vision.

He felt his eyes open, controlled by the presence within him. Distantly saw his teammates and Janet passing his line of vision. Witnessed their actions as if from far away. As if from the other end of a long tunnel.

The parasite, Thane, his name was, Daniel remembered, assumed control of his body. Performed the simple functions such as breathing, swallowing when water was dribbled into his mouth, sleeping when his body became fatigued.

When Daniel felt that he was ready, strong enough to face to the present, to try to communicate with his teammates, he found he couldn�t find his way back. Found that Thane was firmly at the surface. Firmly in control. The symbiote�s thoughts and memories were still confused, still trapped in the past.

Daniel�his thoughts, his memories, were something that creature wasn�t ready to process yet. Acknowledge yet. Daniel tried to fight his way to the surface, but his mind was tired, wrung out.

How do I find my way back? How do I hold onto what makes me who I am? he thought wearily.

*****

Jack sat facing Daniel�s bed, watching his friend. His friend who hadn�t moved or spoken a word to anyone since he had first awoken two days ago. Who kept his gaze firmly fixed on the ceiling. Who confined himself to muttering the odd foreign, unfamiliar word under his breath.

Daniel�s features were blank, reminding Jack disconcertingly of Anise or Jacob�s internal chats with the symbiote each bore. He wondered how they were supposed to keep Daniel from withdrawing when he refused to speak, or to even look at anyone.

Jack�s emotions alternated from helplessness to frustration so intense, he wanted to jump out of his skin. Over two solid hours of watching Daniel stare at the ceiling made Jack want to either shake his friend and demand that he say something, anything�or gather him up and take him back to the SGC, back home. Tok�ra alliance be damned.

Jack sighed and rubbed his hands over his face tiredly. Daniel's eyes had closed and his breathing became regular; he seemed to finally have fallen asleep.

Jack stood, stretched his stiff limbs and decided to go scrounge up something to drink. He would have killed for six-pack right about now. Hell, never mind the six-pack, he needed a bottle or two of whiskey.

Needed a dose of reprieve, some sense of calm.

*****

Daniel jolted awake as he felt his limbs, his heavy, dead limbs, somehow, inexplicably being moved. Was someone trying to lift him? What was happening?

He felt his center of gravity shift as he somehow turned onto his side, distantly saw his right arm moving seemingly on its own accord, pressing his hand down on the mattress. He realized Thane still had full control of his body, and was somehow, trying to make him get up.

He tried to ask the symbiote what he was doing, but Thane wasn�t listening, was lost in a residual memory of Rhys� or some other host�it was hard for Daniel to keep them all straight. Daniel screamed inside the well of his subconscious, tried to make Thane hear him, to release him, but Thane�s thoughts were distracted. Rambled without coherency, lacked awareness of his surroundings.

Daniel thought the images he saw played out in his mind were Rhys�s still-present memories. He thought it was the ghosts of Rhys�s eyes that he was looking through�the constant replaying of bodies lying all around him, explosions rocking the ground, shattering the air, blood staining the ground, filling the air.

To his amazement, Thane somehow raised Daniel�s body, his host�s body, to a half-sitting position and attempted to make him stand. Daniel tried to protest that maybe that wasn�t such a good idea�shouted at Thane inside his mind again. To no effect.

Thane attempted to push him up on limbs that were useless, that were attached to his body but held no strength. Legs that seemed to have been amputated, for all he could feel of them. For a heart-stopping, eternal moment, Daniel had the sensation that he was floating, then the floor suddenly rushed up to meet him. He hadn�t even had time to try to get his good hand out to stop his fall. His chin and nose cracked hard on the floor. Stars exploded in his head, then faded to a black oblivion.

When the world came back into focus, Daniel managed to turn his head to the side so he could breathe and get his mashed nose of the cold floor. He gasped as pain flared in the middle of his back, and his chin throbbed in synch with his racing heartbeat.

He tried to push himself up, or least turn over onto his back, but his good arm was pinned underneath his chest and he was unable to move enough to free it. Goddammit! This sucked, to quote Jack.

Speaking of Jack, where the hell was he? Daniel wondered. He had been there a minute ago. He wondered how long he�d have to lie there until somebody found him. The realization that he was back in control momentarily distracted him from the pain, the frustration. Thane had retreated, leaving Daniel to deal with the aftermath of his actions.

"Help!" Daniel called out, alarmed at the weakness of his voice. Who the hell was going to hear that? Dammit, somebody hurry up and get in here, he thought wildly.

He tried not to panic at the feeling of helplessness threatening to overwhelm him. Heard his breath rasping and he sounded scared, desperate, to his own ears.

Please, Jack, hurry up� He felt blood trickle from his nose, into his mouth. He tasted copper, the image of the burning city flashed in his head again, the taste recalling the smell of blood that had been shed so long ago.

*****

"Jeez! Daniel!"

Jack dropped the cup he had been drinking from, the liquid splashing unnoticed over his boots and pantleg. He stared open-mouthed, shocked at sight of his friend lying facedown, stretched out toward the door, as if he�d decided to take a stroll and tripped on the way out.

Daniel�s IV line trailed behind him, tangled in his legs, the bag pulled off the post and lying on the floor. Jack crouched beside Daniel, carefully turned him over and felt along his body for broken bones, untangled the IV and checked Daniel�s arm. Amazingly, the needle was still firmly taped to his forearm. He picked up the bag and laid it beside him.

"Are you okay? What the hell happened?"

Daniel�s face was tight with pain, his breathing rapid and panic-tinged. His chin was quickly forming a large bruise and his upper lip was smeared with blood that still tricked from his nostrils. He tried a laugh that came out as a gasp instead. "Thane decided to go for a walk. Maybe he thought it was a case of mind over matter. I think he imagined that he was still in Rhys�s body for a moment."

Jack cursed under his breath. "Goddamned pain in the ass snakes� if you weren�t in the line of fire, I�d kick his snakey little ass." He carefully felt the bridge of Daniel�s nose. It didn�t seem to be broken, a little bashed maybe, but not broken.

"I think I actually managed a half a step, before I fell on my face," Daniel told him shakily.

"Well there you go, you�re making progress already." Jack found his voice was equally shaky. He slipped an arm carefully under Daniel�s shoulders, lifted the younger man�s upper body off the cold floor.

Daniel sagged against him, tucking his head against Jack�s chest. His fingers entwined in the fabric of Jack�s sleeve, holding onto him tightly. Jack felt Daniel�s shuddery breaths, felt his body trembling through the thin cotton pajamas he was wearing. Felt Daniel's tremors reverberate through his own body.

Jack folded his arms around his friend, held him close, rested his cheek on the top of Daniel�s head. Jack felt Daniel�s desperate need for the contact, found that he needed the contact himself, needed to offer his friend some kind of comfort. He rocked Daniel slightly, almost unconsciously. Finally, he felt the tremors in Daniel�s body begin to ease, then subside. Daniel took a deep breath, then shifted in his grip.

"You okay?" Jack asked softly. Daniel nodded and Jack reluctantly loosened his grip and put his other arm under Daniel�s knees. "Come on, let�s get you back into bed."

He carefully lifted Daniel, ignoring the protest from his injured knee. The limpness of Daniel's body made him seem heavier. Jack laid his friend on the bed and hung the IV bag back on the post. Jack pulled a clean handkerchief from his pocket and tilting Daniel�s head back, held the cloth under his friend�s nose.

"I�m really sorry for leaving you alone like that. I thought you were asleep. I thought you couldn�t move, for cryin� out loud."

"�S�okay," a muffled reply came. "Not your fault. I didn�t think I could move, either."

When the blood stopped flowing after a few moments, Jack gently cleaned off Daniel�s face, then eased him back onto the pillow, arranging the blankets over him. As he worked, Jack commented, "Well, at least that got you talking again. You okay? Anything else hurt?"

Daniel shook his head, then sighed. He looked at Jack for a long moment, frowning. "Jack, I wasn�t talking, not because I didn�t want to talk, it was because I couldn�t. I-"

Daniel, paused, as his voice wavered uncertainly. "I didn�t want to talk to anyone for a while, wanted to deny what� what happened to me. Then when I wanted to talk to you, I� I couldn�t. Thane is injured too, he�s disoriented, and he wouldn�t let me� wouldn�t let my thoughts-" Daniel shook his head, "God, Jack, I� never in all my nightmares of this happening, imagined it would be like this."

"It�s just temporary, Danny," Jack told him for what felt like the hundredth time as he rubbed Daniel�s shoulder, tried to reassure him. "We�ll get you home as soon as you�re better and we find Thane a new home. I�m going to get Doc to check you out, you might have yanked some more of those tubes and catheter things loose. I�ll be right back, don�t move-"

"Jack, what if� this is it? What if this is as �better� as I get?" Daniel looked at him, his eyes bright with sudden anger. His words made Jack pause, made him sit down on the bed again.

"So far, the only good thing is that I can still move my right hand on my own." Daniel raised his hand slightly off the thin mattress and pointed his index finger and thumb in the universal gesture of a gun. "Move it enough to-"

Daniel abruptly cut off what he was about to say when Jack sat up straighter and narrowed his eyes. Jack felt the blood drain from his face and he grabbed Daniel�s hand, closed the fingers under his own, erasing the image. Jack leaned over him, meeting the angry blue gaze. "Move it enough to do what, Daniel?"

Daniel glared at him, his face set in that patented stubborn expression Jack knew far too well, refusing to answer. "Move it enough to do what? Answer me!"

"Nothing," Daniel sighed, broke the eye contact and turned his head away. He pulled his hand out of Jack�s and raised it to his eyes, covering them.

"Don�t even think about it, Daniel," Jack warned, his voice a low growl. "You hear me?"

Daniel didn�t answer. He lowered his hand, stared at the ceiling again. His eyes were blank, unshed tears spiked his eyelashes.

Daniel was back at his zombie impression again, to Jack�s growing irritation. He wondered if the snake was back in charge, or if Daniel was effectively shutting him out.

As Jack watched his friend, he felt the frustration rise to the surface again. The frustration nearly masked the fear of what Daniel had implied, so he focused on that. They hadn�t gone through all this only to have Daniel check out on them. No way.

Jack knew he couldn�t survive losing someone he cared about like that. Not after what happened to Charlie. He angrily pushed that unwelcome memory aside, back into the recesses of his subconscious where it belonged.

This has absolutely nothing to do with Charlie, so quit thinking about him, Jack angrily ordered himself. Daniel�s upset, sure, and God knew he had reason to be�Jack had no idea how he would have handled being in Daniel�s place, but he was going to be okay with this. Even if they had to force him.

He saw Carter coming around the corner and went to meet her outside.

Carter stopped, looked at him closely and frowned. "Sir? What�s the matter? Is Daniel getting worse?"

Jack shook his head. "Physically? No. Thane decided to take him for a stroll if you can believe that. I left him for not even ten minutes and came back to find him flattened on the floor."

"My God," Sam paled. "Is he okay?"

"He was pretty upset, cracked his face on the ground, but otherwise he seems fine. Listen, Carter, and this is an order. I want you, Doc and Teal�c to keep anything even remotely sharp far out of his reach, you got that? No one leaves him alone, not even for five minutes. You need a break, you call me on my radio."

Carter�s eyes widened, but she nodded in agreement.

"I�m going to get Doc so she can check him out and make sure he really didn�t hurt himself in that fall. You stay here with him."

Jack needed to get out there. Needed to get away from his own dark thoughts, needed this nightmare to be over.

*****

Daniel opened his eyes and the world refocused. Or rather, the crystal ceiling on the Tok�ra tunnels refocused. His world had narrowed to a number of near-black crystallized blocks that filled his vision.

It was night, the room darkened. He could dimly make out Sam leaning against the far wall, reading. A tiny light was trained on the book on which her gaze was fixed.

He realized he was still in control of what little he could move of his body. Thane was awake, but watchful, his presence tickling at the back of Daniel�s subconscious. As unwelcome an invader he was, Thane was still a sentient being. Daniel realized he could feel the creature�s pain and surprisingly, its grief. Daniel supposed it was rational to assume that symbiotes became attached to their hosts. And why wouldn�t they? he reasoned. It was the closest, most invasive relationship two beings could share.

He wasn�t certain how to initiate a communication with his invader, but decided to wing it�as he always had in the past with the numerous strangers and aliens they encountered. Decided to attempt to set a few things straight with his internal passenger.

"Thane?" he said in his mind. Waited for a response.

*Yes?*

"You can hear me like this?"

*I can hear all your thoughts if I wish to, and focus on them*

"Oh." Daniel was momentarily taken aback. Great. No secrets here.

*Why would you wish to keep secrets from me?*

"Well, I�m used to my thoughts being my own. Private."

*I understand. This relationship takes time to grow accustomed to.*

"This relationship is temporary. I have no intention of growing accustomed to it. And, I would really appreciate it if you could refrain from stunts like this afternoon."

*I apologize for that. I was. . . confused.*

"Fine, but just remember, Thane, this is a symbiotic relationship here, share and share alike. Don�t take over me like you did before. Don�t� I can�t�" Daniel cut off the thought. He didn�t want the creature to realize his terror of being taken over, of being changed like Sha�re had been.

Thane seemed to think for a moment, scattered images rushed through Daniel�s head before the symbiote spoke again. *I recall our conversation on the planet. You find being a host a horrific fate?*

Damn, Thane had still caught his fear, despite his effort to hide it. Daniel took in a sharp breath, closed his eyes. For some reason, the very word, host, the reality of what he now was, filled him with revulsion, made the bile rise in the back of his throat. "Pretty much," he finally answered Thane.

*Why do you hate symbiotes so?*

"You can read my thoughts�figure it out." Daniel replied, irritated. He didn�t have to explain, Sha�re, Shifu or anything to this alien, this-

*You yourself said that hate leads only to destruction.*

"Yes. I did."

*And your words proved to be true. My host� my former host,* Thane quickly corrected himself. *My former host, Rhys, hated the Goa�uld with a passion as great as yours. It led to recklessness with his life. Led to his death. He was too young, too inexperienced to know better. Your hate will lead you to a path of your own destruction, Daniel.*

"It already has." Daniel fixed his gaze on the darkened ceiling again. It already has.

*****

It had been over a week with little communication between SG1 and Stargate Command. Hammond finally radioed in a message demanding an update, or for at least one member of SG1 to make an appearance for a briefing on their situation.

Jack decided that he and Teal�c would make the trek to the base. Carter had insisted on staying behind with Daniel, allowing Janet to return with them to replenish her supplies and get a bit of a rest.

Janet left a list of instructions and pain medication with Carter in case Daniel needed it. Jack knew Daniel would be in good hands with his 2IC, and knew she would watch him like a hawk. She had appointed herself as Daniel�s big sister from practically the first moment the two had met.

Sometimes Jack admired the ease the two of them had with each other, how they sometimes were able to communicate by a mere meeting of two sets of big blue eyes. Must be a scientist thing, he mused.

Geared up and ready to leave, Jack stopped by Daniel�s bed. Carter had stayed true to her word, and was curled up on a sleeping bag on the floor, beside Daniel, her nose buried in a book he wondered where she had managed to acquire.

Jack squinted at the title, and had to suppress a grin. Well, that answered that question. Carter�s overactive mind had gotten bored enough to rifle through Daniel�s pack and dig into his reading material. He looked at Daniel to see that his eyes were closed and he was breathing deeply, asleep.

Carter glanced up from her book and smiled, "Ready to go, sir?"

"Ancient Mesopotamian Ruins and Tablets?"

Carter glanced at the book in her hands, then shrugged. "It�s actually pretty interesting."

"I�ll bet it�s on the top of the bestseller list. I�m just letting you know that Teal�c, Doc and I are heading off now. We should be back in a few days. That is, if we can find the Tok�ra base again," he joked.

"Put a rock where the rings drop you off on the surface," a soft, slurred voice came from the direction of the bed.

"Hey, Danny," Jack turned and smiled. "How are you doing?"

Daniel swallowed, wincing slightly, "Little better�"

"Janet had to give him a shot of Demerol a few hours ago, he was having some pain in his back and his legs," Sam explained.

Jack looked at her, surprised. "That can�t be good."

"Actually, Janet told me that was to be expected. People with spinal cord injuries often experience pain at the site of the initial injury and phantom pains in their arms and legs."

Nodding, Jack turned to Daniel who was fighting to keep his eyes open, still woozy from the medication. "Daniel, Teal�c, Doc and I are heading back to base now. You need anything?"

Daniel nodded, blinking tiredly. " My books, on my desk� for report was working� on� from P4C 6J7� coffee, maybe�" he murmured, then his eyes slid shut, asleep again.

Jack ruffled Daniel�s hair lightly, smiling wryly, then turned to leave, fighting off every instinct in his bones to pick Daniel up, and have the four of them go back home together. The younger man was so helpless and broken. Dammit, he didn't belong here with these snakes. No wonder he was withdrawn, lost.

No wonder. Jack realized he felt the same way. Sure, Jack could walk, get up whenever he felt like it, smack his fist against a wall whenever he wanted to. But none of those things took away from feeling as paralyzed with fear and helplessness as Daniel surely must feel.

Jack wanted to take him home, back where he belonged, get him the hell out of this maze of crystallized chambers. Back to where he felt safe. Back where Jack felt safe. Back to� anywhere far away from this goddamn nightmare that they had been living in for over a week now.

Jack was lost in the turmoil and guilt over leaving his friend behind as he walked down the tunnel, toward the transport rings to meet Teal�c and Janet. He nearly walked right past Jacob along the way, hardly aware of his surroundings.

"Say hello to George for me," Jacob said, startling Jack.

Jack stopped, thought for a moment, considering his next words, before looking at Jacob closely. "Listen, ah, Jake. You keep an eye on them, all right? Carter�s doing great, but she looks about ready to drop. Just keep an eye out for Daniel. He�s having a hard time with this whole thing. I just don�t want him left alone, you know?"

"It'll take him some time for him to accept his symbiote," Jacob

"Jacob, he doesn�t want to accept the symbiote. That's what I'm worried about�I�m worried if he�s left alone, he�ll-" Jack abruptly cut off his words. Uncertain if sharing his fears with Jacob would be a further betrayal to Daniel.

Jacob met Jack�s gaze and nodded in understanding, read the unspoken words and fear in Jack�s eyes. He grasped Jack�s shoulder for a moment. "I�ll look out for him. Don�t worry."

*****

Daniel opened his eyes to see Sam coming toward him, juggling a bucket of warm water and towels balanced one arm. She had a plain, gray tunic draped over the other.

"How are you doing?" she smiled.

He suspiciously eyed the things she had carried in. "Other than not being able to move more than my right elbow and having a very confused snake in my head, I�m doing just great."

Sam gave him a sympathetic look. "Stupid question, huh? Are you in any pain still?"

He shook his head. "What�s all that for?" Daniel asked, wary, as she deposited everything on the floor beside his bed.

"Well, I thought we should get you cleaned up a bit. You had a fever last night, so I thought this might help you feel a little better."

"You�re not seriously going to give me a sponge bath, are you?" Daniel felt horrified at the prospect.

"Well, since Janet isn�t here, and you can�t do it for yourself� besides, I hate to break this to you, but I had to help Janet� uh, I�ve seen everything you have, so you don�t have to be embarrassed." Sam purposefully avoided his gaze, kept her voice intentionally casual as she arranged the towels and washcloths beside her on the floor.

Daniel felt his face burn anyway, flush crimson. He then realized that he hadn�t seen Janet in a while. "Where is Janet anyway? And Jack and Teal�c?"

"They went back to base yesterday morning. The colonel stopped by to see you before they left, but you were half asleep when he came in."

"Why�d they go back to base?"

"To brief the General on our situation, and� bring back some supplies," she said cautiously. Re-arranged the towels beside her.

Daniel moved his gaze to the ceiling, wondered what Sam was avoiding telling him, what the military protocol dictated for his situation. Probably the same as with Jacob, he realized.

"Hey, you still with me here?" Sam touched the side of his face to get his attention again.

"Jack asked me if I needed anything before he left," he said, almost to himself, remembering now. "Guess I�ll be staying here a while, huh?" Of course he was going to have to stay on the Tok�ra base, he realized. He was a host now, a member of the Tok�ra. For some foolish reason, he had thought once he was a little stronger he would be able to go home�at least for a while.

"Just until you get better�"

"And until they find a new host for Thane."

Sam looked down, wincing. "Yeah."

"However long that will take," Daniel said slowly. He felt his eye close, against his will, then open again after a moment.

"You humans are too reluctant to provide us with hosts," he said in the symbiote�s timbre.

Daniel squeezed his eyes shut. Forced his own thoughts back to the surface. Forced back the near-panic threatening to overcome him. He would not let Thane take full control again. This was his body, his mind. His.

Daniel spoke, in charge again. Thane pushed back into submission for the moment. "Well, maybe �us humans� don�t like having parasitic aliens in our spinal columns very much."

Daniel felt his eyes flutter, felt Thane�s presence thrum from his chest. "It is not a parasitic relationship, it is a symbiotic one."

"Only when it suits you, it seems," Daniel sneered. This was interesting; having an argument with yourself�or at least that was what it sounded like, the detached scientist in him observed. You could even call it near existential. If he had been watching someone else having this exchange, he probably would have found the whole thing fascinating. Trouble was, this wasn�t someone else. This was him. His own body invaded, shared.

*You know that it is not necessary for you to speak aloud when you wish to communicate with me,* Thane said in his mind.

Daniel spoke out loud anyway, "Why not? I don�t have anything to hide from Sam. And the less you jabber in my head, the better. Maybe I can a have a minute of peace and maybe I can forget for a minute you�re in there."

"This is a relationship that is beneficial for both the host and the symbiote. You are stronger, you live far longer than you normally would." Thane sighed, speaking aloud as well.

"And the price is, I have to live here and put up with your holier than thou, arrogant attitudes."

"Don�t forget, I saved your life."

"And I saved yours, by giving you a vessel to live off of."

"You humans are so young, so inexperienced and weak without us."

"And you�d be slithering around on the floor without us. Kinda hard to fly a spaceship without arms isn�t it? I have a nice aquarium at my apartment back home that I�m sure my fish would be happy to share with you. We�ll see how well you do without us �weak humans� then," Daniel said, feeling himself growing angry, his heart start pounding.

"As glad as I am that you�re communicating, and sounding lucid again, can I interrupt you two here?" Sam broke in, her eyes wide.

"Be my guest. I was getting bored of that conversation." Daniel let out a slightly hysterical laugh. "I bet I really sound schizophrenic now, don�t I?" his voice trembled on the last word, felt the anger dissolve to near tears.

Sam took hold of his good hand. "Daniel, it won�t be for much longer."

Thane broke in again, "It could be a great while, we have no suitable hosts. Our battles with the Goa�uld have resulted in the loss of many good warriors."

"Thane, shut up! When I want to talk to you, I�ll call you, all right?" Sam snapped.

Daniel felt Thane use his eyes to glare at Sam. He then withdrew, allowing Daniel to resurface, but Daniel could still feel Thane�s anger at the back of his mind, seething like a cobra waiting for the right moment to strike. Snakes were all the same weren�t they? he thought shakily.

Daniel took a deep breath, clumsily swiped his hand over his eyes. "I really hate it when he does that. I wish you guys could have at least picked a less annoying snake for me." He heard the bitter laugh come out again. He hated the sound of it, hated the loss of control of his body, and his loose grip on his emotions.

"I know this is hard, but you are getting better," Sam tried to reassure him.

Daniel scoffed at that. "Yeah, right."

"Daniel, you suffered injuries that by all rights would have killed you. It�s just going take a while for your body to recover."

"There are some things worse than death," Daniel whispered, repeating the sentiment from one of Thane�s former hosts. So many unfamiliar memories filled his head now. Made his own feel small and insignificant.

"True, but this is not one of them and I don�t want to hear you talking about dying anymore," Sam said, giving him a stern look. As if to distract him, she added, "Now shall we get you cleaned up?"

"Do we have to?"

"Yeah, it won�t be so bad. I�ve been told I have a great bedside manner," she smiled. "And, I hate to tell you this, but you� smell."

Daniel wrinkled his nose unconsciously. Realized she was right. He looked at her frowning, an idea forming in his mind suddenly. "Sam, do you have a mirror?"

"A what? A mirror?" Sam looked confused for a moment. "Yeah, in my pack, hang on." She returned with a pocket-sized mirror and held it to his eye level.

Daniel stared at his reflection, shocked at the pallor of his complexion, at the faint purplish bruises encircling his eyes, but the face looking back at him was still his own face. It didn�t have that cold edge he had seen reflected back at him in Shifu�s dream. Didn�t possess the cruelty all the Goa�uld had. That Sha�re�s had.

He wondered if his features changed when Thane was in control. Wondered what his eyes would look like when they flashed with the symbiote�s energy�its essence.

Turning his head to the right, he realized that something was different. He raised his right hand to clumsily run a finger over the line of scar tracing his left temple and cheekbone. Definitely different. Somehow the scar seemed fitting. He was marked.

"Just call me Scarface, huh?" he whispered.

"I think it makes you look rakish." Sam said, cheerily.

"Rakish? That�s not something I�d ever thought to hear myself described as. You sure you don�t mean �snakish�?"

Sam grinned. "Nope, definitely rakish. Dashing, an air of mystery."

Daniel shot her a skeptical look, but grateful to Sam at the same time for her attempts to reassure him. He regarded his reflection again. "Yeah, it�ll go great with the glowing eyes. Add to the diabolical air. Do you think I should ask Thane to make them glow?" he asked with false bravado.

"No, that�s okay." She quickly took the mirror away, tucked it in her pocket, far out of Daniel�s reach.

Daniel thought she was right. Seeing his own eyes glow might not be a good idea. It might even push him over that edge he found himself teetering on ever since he had woken to find himself in his worst nightmare.

"Quit stalling already and let�s get that shirt off you," Sam said, interrupting his scattered thoughts.

He really didn�t want to do this. Sam was right again, he was stalling. "You just can�t wait to get your hands on me, now that I�m helpless," he tried to joke. Hoped that she couldn�t hear the tears very near the surface.

"If I had wanted to get my hands on you, I could have kicked your butt and had my way with you long before this, Jackson."

Daniel gave her a sad smile, then tried to articulate why it had been important to see his reflection. He jerked his chin in the direction of the mirror she had placed in her jacket. "I just� it sounds stupid. I just wanted to see if I looked any different� with it in me."

She nodded in understanding. "After Jolinar, I remember standing in my bathroom staring at my reflection in the mirror, wondering if I looked any different too. I thought that it was written all over my face, that everyone would know." She looked down. "I guess that sounds stupid too, doesn�t it?"

Daniel shook his head. "No, it doesn�t. She left a mark on your soul. You thought it should show on the outside, too." Like a scar.

She looked at him, surprised, then nodded again.

Daniel watched Sam�s blue eyes cloud with a pain still unresolved. He sighed theatrically to break her out of her dark thoughts. He was feeling disheartened enough for the two of them, he didn�t want to be the instigator of Sam�s own demons resurfacing to haunt her. "Okay, do your worst."

He saw her jump, startled out of her reverie. "Oh. Yeah, right."

She pulled his shirt up, and Daniel tried to relax, kept his eyes fixed on the ceiling. He was starting to memorize that ceiling. He could even see it with his eyes closed, every crack, every fissure, every striation in the crystals, in each block. 57 blocks from the wall to the door, 93 from the far wall to as far as he could see behind him.

Sam started up a steady stream of meaningless chatter as she pulled his shirt off him, manipulating his dead arm through the sleeve. Sam wet the washcloth, wiped it over his abdomen, up to his shoulders. She carefully lifted his numb arm, gently washed the underside of it.

He heard the cloth brush against his bare skin, felt nothing. Nothing but a growing sense of despair. Sam moved to his right arm, and this time he was able to help her somewhat, but the IV line made the limb cumbersome, and he was too weak to hold his arm up on his own for longer than a few seconds. The weakness alarmed him, filled him with frustration.

Sam rambled on about naquaada reactors, her motorcycle, but he couldn�t focus on her words. He knew she was trying to make him feel more comfortable, but her efforts didn�t help much. The warm, wet cloth was soothing on his skin as she wiped it over his upper chest and neck, where he could feel it, but at the same time he hated it.

She then helped him turn on his side so she could wash his back. He was grateful that his face was turned from hers when he felt sudden tears of humiliation fill his eyes. The humiliation of being so utterly helpless. He held his breath, held back the sob that wanted to spill out, rage at being so completely helpless. Trapped.

*****

"How is Dr. Jackson holding up?" General Hammond asked from behind his desk.

Jack slumped in his chair and rubbed his eyes tiredly. Hammond had called him into his office after giving Jack a chance to shower and change his clothes. Jack performed all those functions on autopilot, his mind and body numb from exhaustion.

"As well as can be expected, sir," Jack answered.

"How likely is it that the Tok�ra will provide another host for the symbiote soon?"

Jack shook his head. "Who know with the Tok�ra, sir? It could be next week, or next year, for all I know. They tell us squat, as usual." Jack was unable to keep the anger from his voice.

"Dr. Jackson is a valuable asset to the SGC�I�d hate to lose him to the Tok�ra," Hammond said, looking down to shuffle his notes.

"I would too, sir." They weren�t going to lose Daniel to the Tok�ra, not as long as Jack had anything to say about it. "As soon as he�s strong enough, I�ll make sure they find another host."

"I know this has been difficult for all of you," Hammond looked at Jack, his voice gentle. Why don�t you go and get some rest? I�ll finish this with Dr. Fraiser."

Jack nodded. "Thank you, sir."

*****

Daniel closed his fingers around the crystal shard and ran his thumb over the sharp pointed edge. He was alone for the first time since waking on the Tok'ra base. The only change in his condition over the past few days were the constant sharp pains running down his spine, shooting through his legs, causing the muscles to cramp and spasm painfully, but still, he couldn�t move.

Some improvement, he thought despondently.

He tried to ignore the pain, tried to breathe through it, hoped it would eventually ease. He didn�t want to have to call for help, not when this was his first moment alone. Well, almost alone. Thane was there, of course, except he seemed to be asleep, or had withdrawn into his own thoughts.

Sam was finally taking a break, much to his relief. Not that he minded having her around. Sam was probably the one person he could tolerate hovering over him this much, but he could see the strain starting to show on her face. She looked tired, worn out. He had finally convinced her to go outside to get some fresh air, but not before she had insisted on assigning one of the Tok�ra to babysit him.

Daniel knew he could be extremely convincing when he wanted to, and had laid on all his charm with the Tok�ra woman assigned to watch over him. His �babysitter��he hadn�t even taken note of her name�only lasted less than an hour before Daniel succeeded in talking her into believing that he�d be fine on his own. That he only wanted to sleep without someone watching him.

Daniel refocused on the shard of crystal in his hand. The shard hadn�t formed completely with the other blocks his bed had been placed on, leaving a jagged edge sticking out. After fiddling with it for a while, Daniel was surprised when the sharp formation snapped off in his hand. Wondered if the fates were offering him a challenge, a temptation.

He ran the ball of his thumb over the sharp, faintly translucent point. Flinched instinctively when the point punctured his skin, although it didn�t hurt. Watched as a bead of blood formed. The bead became oval, spread. Daniel watched the drop of blood trailing slowly, almost hypnotically down the length of his thumb, his hand. In the time it had taken for the blood to run down to his wrist, the tiny cut had already healed, clotted to a faint red line.

He wondered how long it would take a deeper cut to heal. Wondered how much of his body was still his own to choose if he wanted to live or die?

*Daniel?*

He ignored the symbiote, unwilling to allow his dangerous thoughts to be distracted.

*Daniel, do you remember what we talked about? How hatred leads to destruction?*

Daniel didn�t answer, closed his fingers around the shard, felt the jagged edge dig into his flesh. He closed his eyes against another jab of pain in his back, the muscles twisting and bunching underneath him.

*You are allowing your mind to go to a very dark place. Do you really prefer death to sharing your body?*

Daniel thought for a moment, unable to tune out Thane�s insistent voice anymore. He took a deep breath, tried to consider Thane's question.

"I don�t know."

*I do not think you would choose death. If you truly wanted it, you would have taken action by now.*

Daniel felt himself growing angry at Thane words. Who the hell was he to judge? "Maybe I would have chosen it, if I had been given that choice."

*You have the opportunity now. You are alone, as you wished to be. Use that shard across your veins, your throat, even. You are strong enough now. I can feel your body growing stronger with each day as it heals.*

Daniel opened his eyes, surprised. "You would stop me first."

*I would not. This arrangement is as distasteful to me as it is to you.*

"What do you mean?" he frowned in confusion. A snake finding being in a host distasteful? That was a new one.

"The Tok�ra only choose willing hosts. I have no desire to remain in a host that prefers death to a symbiotic relationship. Perhaps I can be moved to another temporary host in time, perhaps not. I have lived a great while, I have no fear of death. Do what you will, Daniel. I will not stop you. I am offering you that choice."

*****

Jack stood in Daniel�s office in front of his desk. He picked up one of the books lying amidst a pile of scattered papers, drawings and candy wrappers. The desk looked as if Daniel had only left it five minutes ago.

Jack gathered up the books and notepads Daniel had requested. Jack was continually amazed at how his friend�s mind operated�even as messed up as he was, Daniel still wanted to work. Hell, he probably wanted to distract himself as much as possible.

After Sha�re died, Jack remembered how Daniel had buried himself up to his nose in books, papers and artifacts, working himself to exhaustion. Anything to keep himself from thinking.

Jack knew the feeling all too well.

At least Daniel hadn�t taken to drowning his sorrows in a bottle, as Jack had. Hadn�t written his name on a bullet, assigned it as the means to end the pain.

Only now, Daniel had entertained the notion, hadn�t he? Allowed himself to enter the fathomless depths despair could drag you down into. Jack remembered how Daniel�s implication had made his blood run cold. Made the memories of the black hole he, himself, had nearly drowned in come out to claim him again. Remind him of the dark places grief could take you to.

How much was one meant to endure in a lifetime without it claiming a piece of your soul? he wondered.

Jack had come so close to becoming one of those snakes himself, yet he hadn�t ever allowed his thoughts to go there. His mind had successfully shied away from the memories until last night, when they finally came to the surface and Jack had experienced his first, technicolor, detailed nightmare starring the Goa�uld that Hathor had so maliciously put in him. He had woken with a scream frozen on his lips, his body drenched in sweat and the faint scar at the back of his neck prickling with the repressed and horrific memory.

"Colonel?"

Janet�s voice startled Jack out of the memories for which he was grateful. He looked up to see the doctor�s small frame shadowed in the door.

"I have those supplies organized in the infirmary, "Janet told him. "They're ready to go whenever you want them brought down to the gateroom."

"Okay. Thanks, Doc. I�ll have them brought down first thing in the morning, before we�re set to leave." Jack said. Looked down at the desk again. "What is� the likelihood of Daniel completely recovering from this?"

"I wish I could tell you, but honestly, I don�t know. Perhaps when Daniel�s a little stronger, we can try some physical therapy. It would be much easier for me to continue to assess his condition if he were on base, but since he isn�t, all I can do is speculate."

Jack nodded again. "Wait and see, huh?"

"Pretty much," Janet said, wincing sympathetically. "Try to get some rest, Colonel, you look exhausted. Do you want me to give you something to help you sleep tonight?"

Jack inwardly shuddered at the thought of falling deeply asleep. He didn�t want to sleep if sleep would only bring dreams of things he thought he had successfully repressed.

He gave Janet what he hoped was his standard Jack O�Neill smirk. "Nah, I�m fine, Doc."

Janet shot him a skeptical look that softened to one of empathy. She nodded, then turned and Jack could hear her heels clicking down the corridor, the sound fading away, leaving him feeling suddenly, inexplicably, lost.

*****

"Daniel, are you all right?"

Sam�s voice distracted him from the relentless waves of pain shooting through his limbs, his back, his shoulders. She rushed to the bed to crouch beside him.

Daniel lay half on his side, the blanket tangled and twisted beside him. Pain-wracked gasps escaped through his tightly gritted teeth.

"What�s happening?"

"D-don�t know," he choked out. "I think Thane is healing me. Either healing me, or killing me. I�m not sure which."

Sam looked down at Daniel�s legs and she could see the muscles jumping and twitching on their own accord. Bunching in tight knots, moving in spasms under the thin cotton pants. "My God, this is the worst it�s been, isn�t it?" She touched his right leg, which was twitching more violently than the left, felt the rock-like hardness of the muscle.

"It�s� like huge jolts of electricity, then-" Daniel gasped and gripped the blanket with his good hand so tightly his knuckles ached and the tendons stood out on his wrist. He felt his back arch slightly against the pain, which only made that spot in between his shoulder blades throb with a dull ache.

He watched as Sam ran over to the back corner by their packs. He squeezed his eyes shut as another spasm ripped through him. He cried out despite his best efforts to hold it in.

He felt Sam lay her hand on his forehead. "I don�t know if this is going to help, but it might take the edge off, okay?"

Daniel opened his eyes to see the syringe in her hand. Saw her boot kick away the shard of crystal he had discarded on the ground. He nodded, barely choking off another cry as Sam eased him further onto his side. She tugged down the waistband of his pants, swabbed his hip with antiseptic and injected the medication. He felt the prick of the needle in his skin faintly, absently wondered at the significance of it.

Sam lowered him to his back again, moved down to Daniel�s legs and started massaging them.

It felt strange. Daniel could distantly feel her hands, as if his legs were encased in a heavy layer of material, muffling the sensation. He cried out when she kneaded a tender spot, loosening the tense muscle. She froze, lifted her hands and looked at his face in concern.

"No, sorry�don�t� please, don�t stop� that helps," Daniel gasped. It did help. It hurt like hell and it helped at the same time. He felt her hands work the muscles that felt as if they were tying themselves into thousands of knots. Her hands kneaded against the tightness, manually pressing the blood out of the muscles, working out the constrictions.

Daniel fought to keep his breathing under control. Fought to keep from screaming as Sam quickly started rubbing again, alternating legs, until the tremors in his left one stopped altogether and the right was easing. Sam gently kneaded the tense, knotted muscles on his right thigh until they finally, slowly relaxed.

Daniel left out an exhausted sigh of relief as the attack finally dissipated. His eyes drooped shut. He was drenched in sweat and his body shuddered with exhaustion. He flinched, when he felt a wet cloth gently wipe over his face, cleaning away the sweat.

"How are you doing?" Sam asked, her voice soft, gentle.

"A little. . . better," he breathed out.

"Where�s Maya? She was supposed to be staying with you."

Maya? He had to think for a minute what Sam was talking about. Oh, right, the Tok�ra. "I asked her to go away, she was starting to get on my nerves."

"She wasn�t supposed to leave you alone, dammit! How long ago did the pain start?"

"No� was my fault," Daniel paused to catch his breath, pulled his eyes open with an effort to look at Sam. "I talked her into it. Wanted� to be alone. The pain... started last night, never really stopped, but I hoped it would go away� didn�t think it would get this bad."

Sam shook her head in exasperation. "Don�t do that again, all right? You�re not strong enough to be left on your own yet," she said, the worry in her eyes filling in the unspoken words.

Not strong enough in more ways than one, he knew she meant.

Well, he had been given his opportunity, his choice, and didn�t take it. He had thought about it for a long, moment, but he couldn�t bring himself to actually use the shard against his flesh. Maybe he had been afraid to, or maybe he knew in his heart that he didn�t want to. Maybe he had just wanted the choice. The right to choose. Who would have thought a snake would be the one to offer it to him?

Sam watched him intently. Daniel could all but see the thoughts and fear whirling through her head, as if she could sense there was more going on than muscle spasms. That he had stepped to the edge, looked down into an abyss for an endless dark moment, contemplated its release, and turned away from it.

"Daniel, I know how hard this has been for you, but maybe if you talk to me about what you�re going through, I can help you."

"I'm fine, Sam. I heard Jack tell you to watch me all the time, but you don�t have to do that. I�m fine, and there really isn�t anything to talk about, is there?" He found he wasn't ready to talk about what was going through his mind at the moment. Not with the abyss such a near thing, such a near choice.

"I don�t think you�re fine. I know how much you hate this, how much trouble you�re having coping with what we had to do to you."

"I�m dealing with it," he said, sullenly.

"Daniel," Sam said, and gripped his hand tightly in both of hers. "It might help to talk about this. I understand what you�re going though, and how hard this is. Let me try to help you, but I can�t do that if you won�t talk to me, or tell me what you�re thinking."

He glanced at Sam, knew that she wasn�t going to fall for any false platitudes. "Okay, fine," he said, the anger breaking through, coursing through him. "You want to know what I�m thinking? The first few days after I regained consciousness, I was lost, trapped inside my own mind." He felt another twinge in a muscle in his thigh, the sensation muffled, muted. He waited for the spasm to cease, clenched his teeth against the distant pain.

When he could speak again, his thoughts retreated to those first few terrifying days of being a host. He turned his head, looked away from Sam�s worried face. Looked at the familiar ceiling, at its cold, safe facade. "You know the room they had in that George Orwell novel, �1984�? Room 101? The room that consists of the one thing each person hates and fears the most?"

"Yeah." Sam waited for him to continue.

"Well, this is it. When I first woke up here, I was in my own, personal room 101. That�s what I�m thinking."

"Daniel. . ." Sam�s voice trailed off, the last syllable of his name faded uncertainly.

He let out an ironic laugh. Tried to soften the words that as soon spoken, he wished he could take back. They sounded mad, irrational, but unfortunately, they were true."I know that sounds melodramatic, like I�m feeling sorry for myself, but having this creature sharing my thoughts, my blood, for Christ�s sakes, is something I never thought I could handle. Even when they find another host for Thane, I know I�ll never be the same again. I�ll retain his memories. His �Goa�uld� abilities. Just like you were never the same after Jolinar."

He saw Sam flinch at his words, glance away quickly.

"Sam, I�m sorry. I shouldn�t have said that, but it�s true isn�t it?" he looked back up at the ceiling, avoided the hurt on her face.

She left a mark on your soul, he had said to Sam the other day. He hadn�t realized how right he had been. Realized that Sam didn�t want to be a part of them any more than he did.

"No� it�s okay," Sam said after a moment, her voice, soft. "It�s true, I still have some of her memories, her thoughts. She�s a part of me now, but I�m still me, just like you�re still the same person."

"Then why do I feel so different? Like�" he paused, unwilling to articulate the fearful thought forming in his head. Like I�m going to become what Shifu showed me. Warned me of.

"Daniel, I�m so sorry for what you�re going through, but I�m not going to apologize for doing this to you. If we hadn�t, you would have died. We love you too much to have lost you."

Daniel looked at his curled up, paralyzed left hand, lying at his side like something dead, something detached from his body. "One thing� the last thing I remember before waking up here, was you holding me and telling me not to be scared and that I was going to see Sha�re again. Was I dreaming, or did you really say that?"

"You weren�t dreaming." Sam swallowed before continuing. "I didn�t know if you were able to hear me or not."

Daniel nodded, "I heard you and I know at that moment, I was ready to go."

"I can�t believe that you�d really rather have died," Sam said, shaking her head. "Look at how much stronger you already are. The fact that you're able to feel those muscle spasms is probably a good sign. Maybe it's the first step in getting better. You survived and you�re going to be okay."

"But how many times can you cheat death, Sam? Who knows, maybe I was meant to die back on Abydos that first time when Ra shot me. Maybe everything that�s happened to me since then has just happened on borrowed time. Maybe that�s why everything I�ve done since then has gone so wrong. Why I lost everything."

"Do you really believe that? That you have some� set fate? A day marked out in your destiny that says when your number is up?"

"I don�t know what to believe anymore," Daniel sighed, closed his eyes in resignation for a moment. He realized how true that was. He had nothing to hold onto anymore, nothing to sustain him anymore. "I�ve studied countless religions and cultures, and after everything we�ve seen since stepping through that gate, I don�t know what anything means anymore. What�s right to believe in. I have nothing left anymore. I�m so tired, Sam. Tired of everything."

"Daniel," Sam took his hand and grasped it tightly. "You�ve been through a horrible experience and you�ve had a lot of tragedies to overcome, but that�s just it. You�ve overcome them. Even now, you�ve faced your greatest fear and you survived."

"Well, they don�t call me �nine lives Jackson� for nothing," he tried to joke, but his trembling voice ruined the effect. He knew he was good at surviving, it was getting through each day that was the hard part. Finding some reason to keep going that proved to be more and more challenging.

"Daniel, think about something for a minute. What would you have done if this situation had been reversed? If it had been me or Jack dying in your arms, and you had a way to save us? You can�t honestly tell me that you wouldn�t have done the same thing we did."

Daniel frowned. Tried to imagine Jack or Sam bleeding in his arms. Would he have stood back and watched them die? Let his hatred of the symbiotes be the end of his friends� lives?

No, he wouldn�t. He wouldn�t have allowed Sam or Jack to die. Not if he for once, had a choice in the matter. He couldn�t stand even the thought of losing them, which is why he had kept going through the gate long after he stopped having any tangible, personal reason for continuing. Long after he should have stepped away.

He shook his head slowly. "No� no, I can�t say that I wouldn�t have."

"You are going to be okay. Maybe you won�t be exactly the same person you were before this happened to you, but you are going to come out stronger for it. I know I was, after Jolinar. It may not seem like it right now, but I know you�ll get through this."

Daniel felt his eyes fill with tears. He wrapped his good arm around his chest, felt fog drift in his head. His thoughts start to slow as the medication began to take full effect.

Sam took hold of his hand again, lifted his arm off his chest and leaned down, to embrace him. Daniel felt himself tense for a moment. Worried that he was going to lose it in front of her again. He tried to choke back the tears. God, he was so tired of crying, of feeling angry.

"It�s okay. Let it out," Sam whispered. "You�re going to be okay, you just hang in there, you�re going to be fine."

He felt the exhaustion steal over him, and tucked his head against her neck, burying his face in her short hair, breathing in the comforting, familiar scent of her. Found he was too tired to cry anymore, too tired to feel anything except the hope that maybe Sam was right. That he would be okay, that he had made the right choice when he stepped back from that edge.

"You don�t have to do this� fuss over me. But thank you," he whispered against her neck, finding his voice slurred, his eyelids becoming heavy, hard to keep open.

Sam released her grip to arrange the blankets around him, tucking them snugly around his shoulders, the warmth making sleep very near. He felt her lips brush softly against his cheek. He fumbled for her hand again, and when he found it, he closed his fingers around hers, needing to hold on for a moment. He felt Sam lay her other hand on his chest, rubbing it gently. Her touch lulled him and sleep came quickly, returning him to a welcome oblivion.

*****

"You gotta wonder, Teal�c," Jack said, pausing to wipe sweat from his brow as they walked back to the rings leading to the Tok�ra base. "Why do the Tok�ra always pick desert planets to have their bases on? What�s wrong with nice sandy beaches?"

"Perhaps they are better suited for camouflage," Teal�c offered.

"Yeah, but how boring! And those tunnels! They should think about hiring Martha Stewart." Jack shifted his overloaded pack and adjusted the crutches tucked in the side strap. "Okay, the rings were somewhere around� here."

Janet eyed him skeptically as he carefully placed his steps, then stopped.

"No, here." Jack paced back and forth a few feet. "I got it! Here! No? Crap!"

Jack looked at the sandy ground, his eagerness to get to the base to see his friend, see how he was coping, made him edgy, impatient. Made him cover it up with lame attempts at humor. "Where the hell�s that rock I put down?"

Teal�c calmly touched Jack�s arm and motioned for him and Janet to follow. He neatly stepped a few paces to Jack�s left. The rings immediately appeared, closing around them.

*****

Daniel woke to find that something was different. His body ached, his muscles throbbed as if he had been beaten all over, but he realized that he could feel his lower body now. His left arm was still numb and his left leg tingled uncomfortably with pins and needles, but the rest of him was there.

Thane must have somehow healed him.

Daniel slowly turned onto his side and held still for a moment. He glanced around, realized he was alone. Sam�s sleeping bag was still unrolled, open, as if she has just gotten up a few moments ago.

He cautiously pushed himself up with his good arm to a near sitting position. The world wavered, spun in slow circles and nausea tightened the back of his throat. He sat, not moving, breathing deeply for a moment until the sickness passed.

So far so good. He felt shaky, but definitely stronger.

Well, if he could sit, he could stand, right? he reasoned. Careful of the IV line in his forearm, he slid to the edge of the bed. He felt something pull at his groin and remembered the catheter still in place and shifted until the line leading to the bag beside the bed untangled itself, giving him room to move.

With effort, he swung his legs off the bed and felt his bare feet against the cold floor. The left foot felt somewhat disconnected, but the right one was definitely all there.

Pushing himself up with his right arm, Daniel managed a near-standing position. Waves of dizziness assailed him, the room fuzzed out of focus as his vision grayed. He felt himself start to topple over and leaned his weight on his stronger right side to steady his balance. Every muscle in his body trembled and threatened to spasm again, but he ignored it. He slid his feet wider apart for balance. His body wavered, and his legs buckled. Hissing in a sharp breath, he dropped back to the bed, very nearly missing the edge.

Daniel hunched over his legs, took a moment to catch his breath, then slowly pushed himself up again, determination giving him added strength. His heart pounded so hard and so rapidly it felt as if it were going to fly out of his chest. He heard himself gasping with exertion. He held his right hand out to his side like a tightrope walker, felt himself waver from side to side, wobbly as a newborn colt, but lo and behold, he was standing.

He felt his face stretch in a grin of triumph. Well, maybe snakes had their good points, after all.

*****

Over the next few days, Daniel felt his body strengthen. He had to use a crutch to walk without falling, but he was getting better, growing stronger with each day. The paralysis in his left arm was still present, but he could feel the odd twinge in the muscles, hopefully signifying a gradual return of sensation.

He found himself appreciative of simple things now. Of being able to perform the simplest bodily functions on his own, of being able to wash and dress himself. The reprieve of no longer being helpless, trapped in his own body.

One of the first things he had requested when Janet gave him the go-ahead, was to go outside.

The Tok'ra had been less than pleased with the idea of he and Jack going out in the open, out from their cover, but Jack had insisted, quite vocally, that if Daniel wanted to go outside, then he was going outside, dammit. Whether they liked it or not.

Jack helped him walk to the transportation rings to take them to the surface, blatantly ignoring the Tok'ra's disapproving gazes on their backs.

The motion from the rings made Daniel momentarily dizzy but Jack grasped him around his chest, holding him steady. When the world stopped spinning, Daniel loosened himself from Jack's grip, stepped cautiously over the loose sand, leaning heavily on his crutch, the tip sliding a fraction. Jack hovered, his fingertips just on the edge of Daniel's sleeve, ready to catch him.

"Take it easy, huh?" Jack said, furrowing his brow in worry.

"I'm fine," Daniel told him, tried to keep his breathing quiet. The short trek to the surface had already made him tired, but he didn't want to go back inside just yet.

Daniel turned his body toward the sun. He lifted his chin slightly so he could feel the sun's warmth on his face, feel it sink into his skin, bringing warmth to his body that had been cold for weeks. His eyes watered, tears caught in his eyelashes. Maybe it was from the brightness, maybe he was crying a little. Maybe it was a little of both.

He saw Jack look at him in concern again, and Daniel told Jack that his eyes were just over-sensitive from being in the dark, gloomy tunnels for so long. Jack nodded slightly, but Daniel could tell that Jack knew what had brought the tears. They were tears of relief. Of release.

The sensation of the sun on his face, the smell of fresh, but foreign air, felt like a rebirth. Despite the tears still in his eyes, Daniel felt a smile come to his face, felt the darkness lift and a sense of hope renew him. He saw Jack watching him, saw something ease in Jack's features and lift off his shoulders.

"Jack?"

"Daniel?"

Daniel smiled at their old joke. Looked down, found that he was inexplicably at a loss for words, but he needed to let Jack know that he was okay, that he didn't blame him for anything. Not anymore.

"Thanks, for. . . thanks." He winced inwardly at how inane that sounded. For a linguist, he could sometimes be remarkably inarticulate when it came to expressing his feelings.

Jack clasped his shoulder with affection, thankfully understanding what was in Daniel's heart. The relief on Jack's face at Daniel's absolution and forgiveness was almost palpable, and he relaxed into his customary amiable mannerisms.

"So this is good, right? You're walking, you're almost back to as normal as you'll ever get. We can find the snake a new home soon. . . ."

Daniel smiled again. "Yeah, this is definitely good."

"The last thing I had expected to find coming back here, was you walking. You know, that snake of yours is better at healing than Junior."

"I guess he is," Daniel agreed, found his thoughts drifting to better places, better memories. "Do you mind if we walk a bit?"

Jack looked at him, uncertain. "You're not supposed to push it�but okay, for a few minutes."

Daniel adjusted the crutch more firmly under his arm and took a few steps in the direction of the sun. He didn't know what lay there, but it seemed as good a place as any to go. It kept the warmth on his face, reminded him of happier times in Egypt, when he was a child. Of Abydos, when he was with Sha're.

Jack stayed close. His hand rested lightly on Daniel's arm, offering support if he needed it. Daniel was vaguely grateful for that support. Jack's light hold on him was somehow comforting.

Daniel realized this planet was remarkably similar to Abydos. Found himself looking not at the sun anymore, but at the sand ahead of him, granules lifting in the breeze, filling his nose with a faintly dusty smell. A familiar smell. A smell of Abydos

But he couldn't go back to Abydos, and he couldn't go back to Earth. His life was one long succession of no turning back, of finding some way to start anew. Somehow, he always managed to end up back on his feet, so to speak.

Here, again, on his feet, in just another place of many places, he was able to find comfort in a grain of sand. Somehow, he always found himself longing for sand when he needed a place to just be. When he needed to find a way to start again, he sought its repose, its mystery.

If he had to remain on an unfamiliar planet with people he didn't belong with, he was grateful that it was on a place with sand.

*****

Jack couldn't believe he was having this argument with the Tok'ra. Couldn't believe how unreasonable they could be. Well, he should know better�the Tok'ra made a career out of being perplexing, being damned difficult, didn't they? But there was no way he was going to abandon his best friend to them without a fight.

"All I'm asking, is now that Daniel's better and walking around, that you let the guy come back with us to make some arrangements. For cryin' out loud, he has a life there!"

Garshaw, the Tok'ra leader, broke in, "Colonel O'Neill, I trust that you can make arrangements on Dr. Jackson's behalf. Perhaps in time, he can return to Earth with Jacob, but for now, he is too unstable. You, yourself, said that he is a danger to himself. We cannot risk losing another one of our own."

Jack stared at Jacob, and his expression quickly transmuted from incredulity to anger. "Thanks a lot, Jake! Does the term 'off the record' mean anything to you at all?"

"Jack, I was only concerned about Daniel, we had a meeting, discussing his future with the Tok'ra. He's one of us now, and I was concerned about him and about Thane."

Jack glared at him, then shook his head, made a growling sound of frustration. "First of all, Daniel is not one of you. He has no future with you. This is temporary, remember?" Jack glared at Jacob. When the former general didn't answer, Jack said it again. "Temporary, Jacob."

"Yes, Jack, it's temporary," Jacob said, his voice holding a tinge of impatience.

"Second, Daniel is not a danger to himself, or to Thane," Jack continued, jabbing his finger at Jacob. "Don't go twisting my words to suit your ways, like you always do."

Garshaw spoke up again, "Jacob is correct, O'Neill. Dr. Jackson is one of us now. His loyalties must be to us and to our alliance with the Tau'ri. Of course, in time, once he accepts his symbiote and grows accustomed to life with us, he can return to Earth. Dr. Jackson's knowledge, combined with the Tok'ra memories will make him a valuable asset to our alliance and to aid in our fight against the Goa'uld."

"Well, you must be pretty happy now. You've wanted to get your snakey paws on Daniel's knowledge for a long time and now you've got it," Jack told them, clenching in jaw, forcing his voice to remain calm. "I want some kind of guarantee that you are going to your best to find another host for the snake, as soon as possible," Jack paused looking back and forth at the two Tok'ra. "Well? Or are you going back on that, like everything else you've gone back on?"

"Jack, I made you a promise and I'll stick to it," Jacob said, his voice firm. "As soon as there's another host, we'll let Daniel decide what he wants to do. Until then, trust me Jack, it'll be easier for him to adapt if he doesn't go home right away. Not until he gets fully accustomed to his symbiote."

"That's just it Jacob. He doesn't want to get accustomed to his symbiote. And why should he? He's never going to choose to stay here," Jack said, trying to keep his temper in reign.

"Perhaps you should let Dr. Jackson make that decision for himself. You humans are all the same�only looking out for your own selfish needs," Garshaw told him. "You are so weak, so young and will be so utterly defenseless when the Goa'uld decide to claim your planet."

"Yeah, yeah, I've heard that one before," Jack said, waving his hand dismissively at Garshaw, unable to hold back his frustration any longer. Dammit, the Tok'ra had a way of getting under his skin. "Daniel has already made his decision. He wants that snake out of him yesterday, in fact."

"You are so eager to remove the symbiote for your friend, perhaps you would offer your body in exchange?" Garshaw all but sneered at him.

Jack stared at her speechless. Goddamned smug Tok'ra. No alliance could be worth this.

He turned at the sound of Daniel's crutch echoing along the walls. Daniel limped up beside Jack and stopped, his face flushed with exertion and, Jack realized, anger. Daniel had obviously overheard their heated argument.

Daniel regarded Garshaw, his eyes bright with emotion. "Don't you do that to him! What the hell is with all you?" Daniel shook his head in disbelief, astounded at the Tok'ra's audacity. "What makes you think that we should all be jumping at the chance to join you? What the hell makes you so goddamned superior?"

Jack looked at Daniel, finding himself still, to his amazement, at a loss for words.

"Don't forget, Garshaw, you need us selfish, weak and defenseless humans a lot more than we need you," Daniel continued, not quite finished yet. In fact, Jack realized, Danny was just getting wound up.

"Listen, Daniel-" Jacob started.

"No, you listen, Jacob! I'm so sick of your attitudes, yours, hers, the Goa'ulds!"

"Daniel you can't even yet begin to understand what we've seen, what we have experienced-" Jacob said, raising his hand slightly in defense.

"Oh, I'm beginning to understand very well," Daniel interrupted, his voice low, steely. "The only things I can see that Thane has experienced is war, death and destruction. Of humans. Your species has done nothing but alter the course of humanity�corrupt it. You can call this a symbiotic relationship, tell yourselves that you offer humans a longer life, greater knowledge, but the reality is, you're still a fluke of nature. An aberration. You have no right to feel superior."

"Daniel," Jack broke in, taking Daniel's arm lightly. Jack didn't like the direction this conversation was taking. Daniel was right, of course, but pissing off the Tok'ra wasn't going help matters any.

Daniel pulled away from Jack, almost absently, his attention firmly fixed on Jacob and Garshaw. Jack wondered if Daniel had even heard him.

"Don't count on me choosing to stay here, because it's not going to happen," Daniel said. "I'll assist you as much as I can while I'm here, if I think it's merited. But I'll never be one of you."

"Maybe you should knock it off now, huh?" Jack warned, grabbing hold of Daniel's arm again. He could see the anger filling Garshaw's face.

Daniel ignored him, kept his blue gaze fixed on Garshaw. "I'll never be one of you," he almost whispered, shaking his head slightly in denial. He pulled his arm out of Jack's grip and turned back toward the tunnel from which he had come, stumbling momentarily.

Jack's heart lurched as Daniel nearly fell, then righted himself. He limped away from them, and Jack could all but see the wheels spinning in his friend�s head.

Where the hell did that come from? Jack wondered. He realized his heart was racing. He could count on one hand the number of times he'd seen Daniel lose his temper. And two of those times at least, he'd been under some alien influence.

Well, maybe that's all this was�the snake was messing with Daniel's head. He sighed and met Jacob's concerned gaze. Garshaw was speechless with anger.

"I'll go talk to him," Jack said.

*****

Daniel collapsed against a secluded outcropping of crystal, his legs too tired to support him anymore. He leaned his back against the uneven surface of the wall, propped his crutch beside him.

Daniel felt a brief stab of guilt for leaving Jack alone to deal with Garshaw. He had felt their eyes on his back as he tried to hobble and stumble away with as much grace as his weakened body allowed. But he had made himself walk away before he said something else he would regret.

And he did regret the harsh words he had spoken, even though they were true. They were probably things he had wanted to say for a long time. Probably not the right time to say them though, unfortunately. He was stuck here and making all kinds of new friends, wasn't he? he thought wryly.

*Daniel, you need not fear having to remain here longer than necessary. We are not your enemy. I reassure you, and give you my word, that as soon as a host is found, I will leave your body.*

Daniel rested his head against the hard wall. "Thank you, Thane."

*Garshaw has a tendency to become too passionate in her crusade against the Goa'uld. She feels, as do I, that you could be an extremely valuable asset to us. You have a great deal of knowledge of the Goa'uld. Far greater than any other human I have yet encountered. I see that you have knowledge of a vast number of cultures.*

"Omnia mea mecum porto," Daniel said more to himself than to Thane. Felt the creature's confusion at the unfamiliar language. "'My wisdom is my greatest wealth,'" Daniel translated after a moment. My greatest wealth and my greatest downfall, he thought.

"There are times when I wish I'd never heard of a Stargate," he admitted to Thane.

*Denial does not make the threat go away.*

"No, it doesn't, unfortunately, but sometimes it's nice to pretend," Daniel smiled slightly. "Thane, I do appreciate what you've done for me. I can't believe I'm saying this to a symbiote, but thank you for�" he paused, uncertain whether he should dredge up the darkness of a few days ago.

*You are welcome, Daniel.* Thane broke in, understanding, able to read his thoughts, of course. *Perhaps in the time that you are here, we can learn from each other.*

"Yes, I think perhaps we can," he agreed. Daniel raised his head from the wall when he saw Jack come up to him and perch beside him.

Jack sat beside him in companionable silence for a moment. Daniel waited for Jack to speak, to lecture him, or maybe fuss over him. Worry that he was losing it again, but in truth, Daniel realized that he was firmly back in control. Knew that he was going to be all right.

"Daniel?"

"Yeah?"

"Did that help?" Jack asked, watching Daniel's profile carefully for reaction.

Daniel scowled, then had to snort in laughter. "Maybe. I don't know. Yeah, I guess it did feel kind of good to vent a little." He rubbed his eyes tiredly. "I don't know where that came from. That was pretty bad, huh?"

"Let's just say that Garshaw was still picking her jaw up off the ground when I left. But hey, you've had a rough couple of weeks. I'm sure she'll get over it. You could always send her a nice, big box of chocolates, a bouquet of flowers, or maybe even a- "

"Jaa-aack!" Daniel interrupted, having to grin again. He looked down at his hands and absently massaged his numb left hand with his right one. "I really shouldn't have said those things. I should go apologize."

"Hey, don't worry about it," Jack said. "You know the Tok'ra. Besides, they owe us one for blowing up my ship. We'll figure out a way you can come home with us."

Daniel shook his head. "It's not going to work, Jack. They are like the Goa'uld in that I have their memories. I'll be too much of a security risk if I go back to Earth with a real live symbiote in me. Wouldn't Maybourne and the NID just love to get hold of me?"

Jack looked down at his own hands, nodded, and sighed in resignation. "Maybe they'll find a suitable host soon."

"Maybe."

"What the hell do they mean by 'suitable host', anyway? I'm sure they've got one better looking than you tucked away somewhere. Just in case, I'll send Hammond a message to put an ad in the newspaper, 'Are you looking for a life of travel and adventure? Never want to feel lonely again?" Jack mimicked writing as he spoke. "I can't imagine any snake wanting to hang around in your head for too long, anyway. Too much information in there�it's probably all confused already."

"Yeah, it confounds him when I start thinking in Latin," Daniel smiled slightly, kept massaging his stiff fingers, kept his gaze away from Jack's, hiding the resignation he knew was clouding his eyes. He had known there was no going home, long before Jack had lost his argument with the Tok'ra.

Jack tried to meet his eyes anyway, tilting his head slightly to see Daniel's expression. "So, you going to be okay with this sharing your body thing for a while?" he asked carefully.

"No," Daniel said, shaking his head. "I'm not okay with it, but I can deal with it now. I'll be all right."

Jack laid a hand on his shoulder, squeezed it gently, "I am really sorry this had to happen to you."

Daniel looked at Jack, surprised to see his friend's eyes were bright with emotion. "Yeah, me too."

He gave Jack what he hoped was a reassuring smile, hoped the smile hid that he was already, in his heart, starting to let go of Jack, of his team. Preparing himself for what was to come. Preparing himself for being left behind.

*****

"Jacob? You got a minute?" Daniel caught up with Jacob in the doorway leading to Jacob's quarters.

The older man turned, surprised. "Oh, sure, Daniel. What's up?"

"I just wanted to� um, apologize, uh, say that�" Daniel paused for a moment, collecting his thoughts and shifting his weight on his stronger right leg. He'd been moving around for too long already, his legs were trembling and aching with exertion, but he wanted to get this over with.

"Hey, Daniel, it's okay. I know how hard this is to get used to."

"You seemed to adapt to it a lot better than I have."

"Well, I didn't wake up to the surprise of being a host and being paralyzed on top of it. I knew what was happening to me. You've had a rough time and it's understandable to be angry. Just remember, I'm not your enemy, okay, kid?"

Daniel looked up again to see Jacob's dark eyes were sympathetic. "Okay." He smiled slightly. You know, that's what Thane said to me, too."

"Believe it. We're all on the same side. I know we don't know each other all that well, but while you're here, you can, you know, talk to me," Jacob shrugged, looked away uncomfortably.

The older man was almost as self-conscious with his feelings as Jack was, Daniel realized. Must be a military thing, he thought. "Thank you," he smiled. "Um, I uh, guess I should go talk to Garshaw now." Daniel shifted his position, wincing at the stab in his legs as he tried to turn back toward the tunnel, but Jacob stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.

"You know what? Let me do that, all right? She takes a little time to warm up to people."

Daniel nodded, understanding, "She's still pretty pissed at me, huh?"

"Yeah."

"Right."

*****

The transport rings brought the small group to the windy, sand-duned surface of the planet.

Daniel kept his thoughts carefully blank. Thane, thankfully, stayed quiet, seemingly asleep and allowing Daniel a brief respite of privacy. He adjusted the crutch under his arm. He was feeling much stronger, but knew he would need the support to make the long walk to the gate. Two miles in loose, shifting sand, but he had insisted on accompanying his team to see them return home.

He wanted, needed to see them return home, so the reality of this could take hold. So far, he merely felt disassociated, detached. He hoped the feeling would hold until they were gone. The detachment would make things easier on all of them. Or so he could hope.

Sam stood close beside him, holding her arms slightly up, as if she were prepared to catch him if he stumbled, or as if she wanted to hold onto his arm, but wasn't sure if she should.

Jack hovered equally close, watching him intently. The group shifted their packs, their motions slow, hesitant. Jacob stood with Teal'c and Janet, a little ahead of them.

Daniel wasn't sure if he was relieved that he wouldn't have to walk back to Tok'ra base alone, or if he would have preferred to do it on his own. Like he had always dealt with everything.

He looked down at the sand, looked away from his teammates concerned faces, positioned his crutch and took the first step toward the gate. Tried to make it easier for them.

As they walked, Jacob and Teal'c took over the lead. Jack, Sam and Janet flanked his sides. The walk was as difficult as Daniel had anticipated. After a short time, his left leg was trembling, his labored breathing the only sound accompanying them. His team was uncharacteristically quiet.

He grimly and carefully concentrated on taking one step at a time, keeping his eyes fixed on the ground, lulling his mind with the monotony of the landscape, with the endless ripples of sand. He set his crutch on a loose patch of sand and the rubber tip skidded away, nearly making him lose his balance. Jack instantly caught his arm and held him steady.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, yes� I'm fine," Daniel brushed off Jack's concern, irritated with himself, and pulled his body straighter. He had wanted them to see that he was okay. That he would be all right without them. He readjusted his crutch and resumed walking. His near fall had pushed the numbness aside, brought the multitudes of emotions to the surface.

This was only temporary, he reminded himself. As his team kept telling him.

If that was true, then why did this feel like a goodbye and not a see you later? Why did he feel like everything had changed so irrevocably? That there really was no going home anymore?

By the time he could see the gate, Daniel's legs shook, jabs of pain shot through his spine and his tunic stuck to his skin with perspiration. They stopped at the DHD. Jacob remained a few steps back, discretely giving the team a moment alone.

The moment all of them wanted to avoid.

Jack shifted uncomfortably, tugged at the brim of his cap, pulling it down further, nearly concealing his eyes. Teal'c stood at his customary 'at ease' position.

Daniel wondered how Teal'c managed to always look so calm and in control, no matter what the circumstance. He doubted his own expression was hiding anything he was feeling.

"Let me know if you experience any setbacks or pain, all right?" Janet said, the first to break the awkward silence.

Daniel nodded in response. Janet squeezed his arm gently. "I'll see you soon." Janet stepped over to the DHD and fussed with her pack, leaving SG1 to say their goodbyes.

"We'll arrange a time to send over more of the things you'll need, when we get back," Sam told him, stepping close and laying her hand on his arm, rubbing it slightly as she spoke. "I'll get in touch with you as soon as I can."

He nodded, "Okay, thanks, Sam." He realized his voice was trembling. Maybe Sam would think it was from exertion. He shifted his weight against the support of the crutch, looked down, swallowed hard, tightened his lips and tried to get hold of his emotions. Tried to hide the tumult within him.

"Are you going to be okay?" she asked, her own voice wavering slightly. Sam ducked her head to try to meet his gaze.

Daniel glanced at her, tried to fix his expression into something far calmer than he felt, but from the look of concern in Sam's eyes, he didn't think he had succeeded.

Despite his best efforts to detach himself, he felt his eyes fill with tears and his heart twist at the all too familiar sensation of loss. He remembered countless goodbyes to countless temporary families. He had done this so many times before, but none of them had hurt this much.

"Yeah. I'll be fine." He looked down at his feet and tried to hide the glimmer of tears in his eyes that he knew she had caught anyway.

Sam put her arms around him and held him tightly. He enfolded her awkwardly in his own arms and felt Sam's back hitch slightly.

"I'm going to miss you so much. You're the only one who understands all of my scientific theories," she said, her voice muffled against his shoulder.

Daniel took a deep breath, closed his eyes for a moment. When he thought he could speak without his voice breaking he said, "I'll miss you and those theories too. You're the only one who'll even listen to mine."

"It won't be for long," Sam spoke into his shoulder, her voice thick with tears. "We'll get you back home before you know it."

"Yeah, maybe I'll dig up some interesting artifacts in the meantime," Daniel said, rubbing Sam's back lightly.

"Call me anytime you need to talk, or if you feel lonely, all right?" Sam said softly.

"Okay," he whispered, kissed her sweet-smelling hair gently.

Sam reluctantly released her tight grip and pressed her lips against his cheek. He felt her tears on his face, and then she stepped back, taking hold of both his hands for a moment.

"Thanks for being such a good friend, Sam." He squeezed her fingers gently.

"You, too." She let go of his hands to quickly wipe the tears from her face, watched him for a moment.

"I'll see you soon," Daniel nearly whispered, his throat too tight to speak any louder.

Sam nodded, then turned to the DHD, taking in a deep breath.

Teal'c stepped up to Daniel next. "It has been an honor working with you and having you as my friend, DanielJackson. I will see you very soon."

"It has been my honor, Teal'c," Daniel smiled at the Jaffa.

"Jeez, you guys, it's not like we're never going to see him again," Jack interrupted, looking from Teal'c to Sam. The brim of his cap shaded his face, made his expression unreadable.

Teal'c bowed his head at Daniel and joined Sam and Janet by the DHD.

"You know, I really hate goodbyes," Jack said, tilting his head slightly at Daniel.

"I do, too."

"So I'm not going to say it."

"Okay."

Jack looked down, then stepping closer to Daniel and using his body to block the others' view, Jack pulled out his GDO and pressed it in Daniel's hand. "We'll keep the back door open for you."

Daniel glanced down at the GDO, took a deep breath, then tucked it in his pocket. He gave Jack a small smile, and held his hand out, "See you later, Jack."

"See ya, Danny." Jack ignored the hand and pulled Daniel to his chest, hugging him tightly, surprising him. Daniel hesitated for a moment, then returned the embrace. Held his breath to keep the tears at bay, but he knew Jack could feel his body trembling.

Jack clapped him lightly on the back, ruffled his hair, then pulled away, turning quickly. He headed for the gate, keeping his head down. Sam punched in the address for Earth and followed Jack, Teal'c and Janet to the platform. Sam turned to wave one more time to Daniel and walked up the steps to the waiting wormhole.

Daniel watched his team step through the gate. Watched the wormhole disengage, vanish. Watched the silent, inactive gate, looked unseeing through the circle, its diameter blurred from the blowing sand and the tears in his eyes. Tears that he refused to let fall. The tears could come later when he was alone, when he was able to make sense of the inexorable feeling of abandonment and, strangely enough, of revelation.

Of a sense that this goodbye wasn't just an end, but somehow, a beginning. That even as his family stepped away from him and closed the door behind them, he knew that another door would open. It always had. And would again.

He didn't know how long he stood with his eyes fixed on the gate, but his legs were trembling, threatening to give out from the strain when he felt Jacob gently take hold of his arm.

Daniel glanced at Jacob, saw the concern and sympathy on his face. Daniel blinked to bring the world back into focus. Took a deep breath to pull his mind from the near trance he had been in.

"Let's go home, kid," Jacob said softly.

Home. The word echoed in Daniel's thoughts. Home, that elusive place he had been seeking for nearly as long as he could remember. Home was supposed to be where your heart was, where your family was.

His team was his family, the base had been his home for a while. Yet he had always known, deep down, that his stay with them was fleeting, like everything in his life had been. Still was.

He felt his heart retreat back to childhood, back to when home was something that was somewhere out there, waiting for him to arrive. Waiting for him to come to stay.

Jacob helped steer him in the direction of the Tok'ra base. Toward limbo, to wait for that other door to open, to show him the way home.

*****

To Part 2: 'Time Anew'