24 May 2005 [12:14pm]
Playlist: Guster//Demons Truth be told, I enjoy writing in this thing more so than I do in xanga or livejournal, or whatever else blogs I've attempted to keep up with. I may have mentioned this before, but in those blogs, there is an audience. With this one, I could care less if it's read. For what I'm too afraid to say, keep reading. Talking isn't the same as writing when it comes to the pouring out of insides. It's nice to see my thoughts somewhat organized. Either that or sometimes, I feel like noone cares enough to listen, and the ones that do care enough to listen wouldn't really understand anyways. Sometimes I find myself so frustrated. As a result, I find myself talking to random strangers on the metro, the amtrak, the bus, so that for even two seconds, the shallow thoughts have been scratched. Sometimes, I don't even undrestand myself, or what I need to, or want to say. I'm good with hiding my mood and denying whatever it is that's wrong. I don't like being down and I don't like bringing people down, but I guess if I don't get what it is that is keeping me down out of my system... I just don't want to revert to old ways. I've never even told him about that. I don't think I could. Old ways equals disaster. I was looking for new ways, but so far, what I've found out is that anyone that makes me feel like the old ways maybe isn't really worth my time.
Truth be told, I enjoy writing in this thing more so than I do in xanga or livejournal, or whatever else blogs I've attempted to keep up with. I may have mentioned this before, but in those blogs, there is an audience. With this one, I could care less if it's read. For what I'm too afraid to say, keep reading. Talking isn't the same as writing when it comes to the pouring out of insides. It's nice to see my thoughts somewhat organized. Either that or sometimes, I feel like noone cares enough to listen, and the ones that do care enough to listen wouldn't really understand anyways. Sometimes I find myself so frustrated. As a result, I find myself talking to random strangers on the metro, the amtrak, the bus, so that for even two seconds, the shallow thoughts have been scratched. Sometimes, I don't even undrestand myself, or what I need to, or want to say. I'm good with hiding my mood and denying whatever it is that's wrong. I don't like being down and I don't like bringing people down, but I guess if I don't get what it is that is keeping me down out of my system... I just don't want to revert to old ways. I've never even told him about that. I don't think I could. Old ways equals disaster. I was looking for new ways, but so far, what I've found out is that anyone that makes me feel like the old ways maybe isn't really worth my time.
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