Oh boy. You better get a cup of coffe and a blanket. This is going to be one LONG post.

Over the past several weeks, as you all have read, I have been struggling with many things in my faith. I want to know exactly how we are saved and whether baptism plays a part in it or not. I want to know why it isn't more clear. I want to know why we have denominations if there is only one Truth. I want to know that what I believe is True. Actually, all of my grappling has been an effort to discover what God's Truth really is.

Last night, I told my wife this analogy: We are blind to spiritual things; we have some kind of mental/spiritual handicap that prevents our eyes from picking up images of spiritual events that go on all around us. So here we are in our blind darkness, and somewhere out there is the huge, unmoveable wall of the fortress of God's Truth. Most Christians are content just to stand in one spot and be told that God is out there, somewhere, and they leave it at that. They ask no questions, and would, frankly, rather not be bothered by the thought that it might not actually be there. Some Christians may come to a point in life where they decide to test if He is really out there, but the most that they will ever do is let out a loud, "Helloooo!" and listen for an echo. This is a little scary, because the sound may not bouce off of anything and, therefore, not echo; but it does. There are even fewer still who will face the fear that it may not be a solid rock wall that faces them--maybe something more temporary or fragile, so they fumble around on the ground until they find a rock. They hurl that rock as hard as they can in the direction that the echo came from-- and hope, beyond all fear, that they will hear the 'crack' of stone hitting stone. And a 'crack' is heard. Very few will ever face the fear of the unknown and muster up enough guts to take a step into the deep darkness toward that sound. These people want to experience this Truth, this God, for themselves. And so they fumble through the darness with their hands outstretched and trembling, hoping to feel...something. Some of these people wander for a long time, some don't. Eventually, their fingertips press up against the solid rock of the Truth of God.

Of course, any analogy can only be taken so far, but I think that this illustrates the search that I have been on. Most people are too apathetic or afraid to ever seek God, but those that do will be rewarded by finding that the Truth that they searched for is so much more solid than they could ever imagine.

OK. That's just the introduction to the beef of this post.

So I have this World Religions class that kicks my butt every Tuesday and Thursday from 8:00-9:15 AM. Everyone in the class professes to be a Christian, and the professor was a missionary and holds a doctorate in Philosophy, so the class has very Christian bent that focuses on making us know why we believe what we believe. The last few class periods have really made me question if anything I have ever been taught was True. These other religions are not as goofy as they sound, and, frankly, our doctrine isn't all that convincing sometimes.

Last night I woke up at 5:30 AM because I was debating theology with myself in my dream. I am tired and wore out from wrestling with all of my questions. It seems like for every question that I almost answer, ten more pop out of it. It encouarges me to make my faith my own, but it is a very daunting task. I am tired from the battle.

Back to class--
This morning we are talking about "Divine Law, Truth, and the Cosmic Principle." Woo-wee. One more round between my mind and heart began. We talked about how Western thought always looks for "Truth," while Eastern religions focus on "Harmony." Simple enough, right? So we get into the search for Truth in Christianity, and our professor turns us to John Chapter 1 for some verses that spoke about Truth as revealed throught Jesus (from verses 1 and 14).

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God...[and]...The Word became flesh..."

We started talking about the Greek word for "word" which transliterates into "logos" (you might have known that). It turns out that "logos" is similar to our word "love" in that it is a "rich word"--it has many diverse meanings. I love pizza, I love the Chiefs, I love my wife, I love God, etc. The word "logos" can mean, "will, volition, purpose, reason" and several other things. Our professor then plugged those words into the verses...

"In the beginning was The Purpose, and The Purpose was with God, and The Purpose was God...[and]...The Purpose became flesh..."

"In the beginning was The Reason, and The Reason was with God, and The Reason was God...[and]...The Reason became flesh..."

"In the beginning was God's Will, and God's Will was with God, and God's Will was God...[and]...God's Will became flesh..."

Ok. So where is this going? We're almost there...

According to Gnosticism (a Christian Heresy) you have to know the right Truth and live it in order to be saved, or live a happy life or whatever. You have to have the right "gnosis" (Greek for knowledge). Isn't that what we teach in our Churches? You have to believe this about who Jesus is, you have to believe this about God, you have to understand sin and heaven and hell in order to be saved. This is everything that I have ever been taught.

This is heresy. Paul and John wrote over and over again in the New Testament to combat Gnosticism. But this is all I know!

Um...I've never been so close to losing it and crying in a class in my whole life. What is the answer? If doctrine and theology aren't the source of our salvation, then what is?

One word: Jesus.

Jesus Christ is The Reason, The Purpose and the Will of God incarnate. He is all the Truth we need.

I have been asking the wrong question. It's not, "What is Truth?" but rather, "Who is Truth?" I have been begging God for an answer to all of my questions when I was standing face to face with that answer.

Bang! Jesus is it--all we need. Doctrine and theology are important, but they come out of a relationship with Christ; they don't lead to a relationship with Christ.

Now...Why do we always teach systematic theology and doctrine lessons in our churches instead of a relationship with Jesus? Simple answer? It's easier to define it that way. Hard answer? Um...I've written enough for today this week. Maybe I'll gripe about that later...

I have come to such a deeper understanding of who Christ is in the last several hours. I pray that these words will inspire you to step out into the darkness.

ANYWAY... There's more to God than just "salvation," "getting saved," "being born again," etc. They are all important, actually imperative and critical in order to have a relationship with God, but that is not the end-all, be-all of the human existence.

Micah 6:8--
"He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. "