I find myself increasingly unable to do what needs to be done in my day-to-day life, and hence I have decided that I require the services of a houseboy. However, being somewhat picky, I have further decided that I need not just any houseboy, but rather I need WWF wrestler Edge to act as my houseboy.
"Why?" you may be asking yourself. Well, because I think that he would be the best man for the job.
1.) He's taller than me, so he could grab things off of high shelves.
2.) He's bigger than me, so he could possibly intimidate my cats into not destroying the house.
3.) No one would mess with him when I sent him to the grocery store.
4.) He would look good performing the ever-important "wearing nothing but a pair of boxer shorts and standing around in a scenic fashion" duty.
As for right now, I don't have the money to hire a bottle bum to be my houseboy. However, I play the lottery ALL THE TIME, and someday soon will be able to contact Vince McMahon to discuss contract release and other such trivial legal matters.
Vampires get ALL THE FUN.