June 28, 2005
Things Are Looking up for the Griffins!!!
We've lost the second cat of the year within twelve hours. (I've just been informed that on one of our Lost Cat signs on the golf course, someone wrote: Thank you. From, The Fox. This entire world is a dick.)

Pat and I can't find jobs (though, to be fair, I'm hardly looking).

I'm more depressed now than I was freshman year, and last week on a bus while listening to Ballad of Big Nothing, my head started spinning and I thought in my loudest voice, I WANT TO JUMP OFF A BRIDGE.

My mom split her kneecap in half and is going in for surgery tomorrow.

Keep em coming, Jesus!

June 24, 2005
Everyone's Personal Project
My summer plans are the following:

1. Not hang out with anyone ever again.
2. Cry at least once every day.
3. Come to terms with the lacking of the gift to nurture.

Two and three are already coming along nicely.

Have a nice summer, motherfuckers.

June 22, 2005
Jesus is Lost
The first time Kibby ran away, many many years before his terminal departure, back before he was neutered and when the Cat House down the street really interested him with all its ladies, I was absolutely devastated. As my first real pet, the idea of him never ever coming back rocked my fourth-grade world. While we waited for response from the Lost Cat signs posted at Four Corners, I made a Broken Heart sign and posted it on the headboard of my bed. It was a picture of the right side of my face and the left side of Kibby's face, with a jagged line between the two like a different take on Catwoman smashed on the ground. Over the picture it said, I CANNOT EAT WHILE WE ARE APART.

I had hoped to introduce you all to Aslan in a prouder fashion. Unfortunately, as fate would have it, less than a day after I met Kibby's likeness, he was out of the house. All night I followed him around, watching him prowl the second floor like it was already his home, taking photos and noting the way he plunked at the top of the stairs was exactly the same as how Kibby would have done so (although in a different spot because the top of the stairs is Mo's perch). And now it has happened again.

His name is not yet Aslan, actually; it's Nezzetto. But when his fur isn't shaved, he looks so much like a lion, I just want to ease him into the name Aslan. Mrs. Salamone is moving to New York next month and needed someone to take her two cats. It has been nine months since Kibby disappeared; I'm ready for another cat. So, Lauren and I offered to take Nezzetto and Gravania. It hadn't even been a day--one day--and he escaped, out the open door. Forty-some flyers and countless phone calls later, we are still three-cat-less (the other two remain residents).

If you live anywhere near me, please keep an eye out for Nezzetto. He doesn't know his way home (since he didn't have enough time to know it as home yet) and we are worried sick. And I'm tired of crying. If he doesn't come back, this could beat the Summer of Doctors for the title of Worst Summer of my Life.

June 10, 2005
Katie, Me, Natalie, and Katie Again
"Hey, Molly. When Stan Shunpike and all them are trying to impress the veela, where does Ron say his broom can go?"

"The one he invented? Jupiter, right?"

"That's what I said."

"Okay, good, we were just making sure."

HOW DO WE DO IT.

June 8, 2005
Tom Cruise Must Hate Me
NOW THAT WE'VE UPPED MY MEDICINE LET'S GET GOING ON GETTING THAT PRESCRIPTION IN BECAUSE SOMETHING IS WRONG IN MY BRAIN.

June 5, 2005
The Narration that Just Occurred in my Head #6
I'm such a No-Fun Charlie.

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