Divided Together
I never thought I'd love you, I knew I never should,
yet the interest you showed in me made me feel so good,
in elementary school I watched you play basketball,
then after recess we'd hold hands down the hall,
unexperienced young kids, we soon broke up,
but even after that your calls didn't stop,
I didn't really care for you then, but it felt good to be cared for,
little did I know the years would bring so much more,
we both grew up alot in these last few years,
even though my eyes are blurred I see so much more through these tears,
you got into drinking, drugs, partying and much more too,
I had just found myself, only to be lost in you,
I just wanted company, you wanted more,
at school it was as though we had never even talked before,
Or was it that you were seeking less, not a friend but a mistress,
lost sleep, waiting and wondering, you've caused me so much stress,
but when we were alone or around your close friends,
you were back to wanting me again,
Don't you see how you hurt me? Or do you just not care?
Are you using me or loving me...are there any feeling there?
I gave you my love, my thoughts, my heart, for you I sold my soul,
the tables now have turned, all is out of my control,
the loser now am I of a game I let play me,
all I ever wanted was the truth don't you see,
I see through the excuses and lies,
yet it doesn't matter to me when I look into your eyes,
and nothing mattered when I was in your arms,
the world stood still, I couldn't be harmed,
those moments now a rarity,
because you only have time for what you want of me,
no time to talk, or just hold me close to you,
we're slowly seperating after all that we've been through,
And I ask myself: Do I love you? Or do I love what you stand for?
a sense of security, feeling of being loved, and more,
now your feelings toward me are so easy for you to hide,
I tried it your way and it's eating me up inside,
and yet how can I break free,
I have to get rid of you, to be who I want to be,
and part of me refuses to let you go,
I thought I had before, I hadn't seen you for a while though,
and when I did my progress turned to nothingness,
you are the creator and taker of my happiness.
How can I love you and loathe you at once?
Do you or I really care? Or are these simply fronts,
to keep us from seeing the real truth somehow,
as if it would hurt us and let us down now,
or have we hurt ourselves more by playing this game,
trying to avoid, but ending in more pain,
or is it just me, wrapped up in my thoughts,
thinking to much of what I have sought,
now only to find myself seeking again,
trying to find my whirlwind of thoughts at an end.
So, do I really love you?
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