My Poetry Page
All Original Works by me
MY SHOES
Solemnly she says "People are so mean to you.
I would've killed myself by now, if I was in your shoes."
In the darkness she can't see the shock on my face,
Or the Sobriety as I glance at my scarred wrists and trabel to another place.
Her statement was innocent, nothing to mean, silently I nod,
Alone in a selfish world, forsaken by a cruel and jealous god.
"I would be so hurt," she continued, "but you just say 'Oh well'.
I keep my mask and listen, burning inside, prisoner, of my self-created hell.
She like others can't see past my lies, my costume in this masquerade,
Forever damned to be hidden in my dark, diminishing barricade,
An unwilling martyr to the pain,
Caught in a world of thunder and rain.
They all think I am strong, so well to deal,
They think their words can't crush me, but that's not how I feel.
I've tried to cross over, to let it all just go,
But alive I will stay, punishment for some heinous crime I don't know,
Do you believe in God, heaven, hell, and all religion is supposed to be?
God is unforgiving, hell is what I'm living and heaven is something I'll never see,
How's that for religion? Pain is my only god and ruler of my world,
I'm the scared child, hiding in the dark corner curled.
I'm crying out, can you hear me?
I'm reaching out, can you feel me?
I'm wanting for something better, can you help me?
Or is all this searching in vein,
Is there? No, there is no, remedy to lessen the pain.
For throught the years I've tried it all, and all has failed,
The girls stab you in the back, that train was derailed,
The boys break your already tormented heart,
Drugs, meditation, preoccupation,the rest rips you apart.
Is there a piece to fit the puzzle, or was it never made?
Maybe happiness was by our cruel god forbade.
Go on and turn your back, pretend you never knew,
But you will often think of me, and I will have forgotten about you.
I'll be too busy searching. Can you help me?
My Rebellious Friend
My partner in bullying, you were the tough one,
felt your limits were enless you reached for the sun,
I remember you, dressed in your all black,
you knew it all, but now I see something that you lack,
then we always had a different crazy thing to do for fun.
Keeping up your act, not letting them know you were so smart,
back then I thought that we would never part,
your dad hurt you so much when he hit you,
you didnt' make a big deal, I didn't know what to do,
truthfully I looked up to you will all my heart.
The strong, indestructible person I wanted to be,
then you went with your mom, and moved away from me,
I was glad your dad couldn't hurt you then,
but then something else was to begin,
you got into things whose end you couldn't see.
Through all your changes you were my best friend,
drinking your alcohol, and dating the much older men,
smoking the cigarettes and sometimes the occasional joint,
the turning to worship Satan after a point,
then you decided you wanted everything to end.
But it didn't work that way, they locked you up,
they bandaged your wrists, and your habits had to stop,
an unwilling prisoner you fought, as always,
I read your letters over and over for many days,
I cried for so long and so many days, till I was ready to drop.
Now I see you again, for the first time in years,
fitting in once again with all of your peers,
no more drugs or drinking, not as much black,
and even younger men as a matter of fact,
you look so differnet, I feel as if I'm looking into a mirror.
A mirror into the past, of how I used to be,
but losing you caused my own rebellion you see,
growing up you were the rebellious one,
now I see you so different, seeming so young,
I feel the trears coming to my eyes, how they sting,
Where have you gone, my rebellious best friend,
yet I'm so glad to have you back, in a better trend,
I love you so much, even though you caused me so much grief,
rebellion now has left you, such a dirty thief,
for it stole some of our best years and almost caused the end.
Instead it replaced them with heartache and pain,
looking back it seems so clear now, without the rain,
now it's so good to have you back,
we'll have to catch up where we left off track,
now we'll be strong best friends forever and again.