B l u e P a r a d e - A S a r a h S l e a n F a n s i t e
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Singer disconnects from the world to find herself By John Teshima
It was the summer of 2003 and Sarah Slean was in a personal crisis.
"It was nothing that you would typically associate with tragedy," explains the singer-songwriter. "Nobody died that I knew. Everything by our traditional measures was going fine. That's why I was in such a predicament. I had no idea why I was feeling so empty."
Indeed, in the previous year Slean had released Night Bugs, a remarkable melange of cabaret, musical theatre and melodramatic pop. Her single "Sweet Ones" had received some decent airplay and her subsequent concert performances were confident triumphs. On the surface, things were going swimmingly. But internally, Slean's sense of identity was in turmoil.
"I felt like I needed a teacher so desperately," Slean recalls. "My brain and my heart were in a stagnant pool and nothing was changing and I wasn't growing. I started to become really cynical, which is not me at all. I just hated everybody I had contact with. I was becoming more self-destructive. I couldn't write, couldn't make anything. I was no longer afraid for the world, but instead was condemning the world. And it just got worse and worse until finally I said, 'You know what, if I don't do something about this, I'm going to die.'"
So Slean retreated to a cabin in the country, somewhere near the Ontario town of Almonte. There she "read like crazy" -Canadian poetry, Buddhist writings and existential philosophy. She listened to a wide variety of music, from Broadway musicals to Radiohead. And she savoured the humbling vastness and peace of the rural hinterland. Through this period of self-imposed isolation, Slean began to strip away the layers of identity that she had assumed over recent years and began to rediscover her true sense of self.
"I just had to cut them off," she says. "I had to peel off these skins -'Oh, you think you're a songwriter, oh, you think you're a woman' -all of these things that I called myself, I wanted to take them all away. I wanted to take away those faces that reflect them back at you, that tell you these little things about your identity that end up defining who you are. And I just took them all away and when they were gone, I was like, 'Oh, it's really quiet in here.' And then beauty started seeping back in eventually, after two, three weeks of real loneliness and terror. And music came out of me naturally. It was like breathing. I discovered that that was my natural state."
This process of renewal and rebirth resulted in the writing of most of the songs on Slean's new album Day One. Not surprisingly, many of the songs centre on the theme of journeying through darkness and despair, usually with some hope of a Second Coming of beauty and love. The brooding "Pilgrim" seems to outline Slean's own individual struggle, whereas the ebullient title track and the darker "When Another Midnight" could be broadly referring to world issues. Whatever the reference points, all of the songs point to some kind of light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how distant.
"I came out of this an optimist," Slean emphasises. "I came out thinking that the only thing that's ever effected change has been one person. So if you infect your immediate surroundings with your hope and your joy and you practise joy with discipline, then maybe it can spread."
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The Glow in Sarah�s Cerebellum
Sarah Slean has always wanted to write a musical and when she spoke to
Chart in 2002, she humbly declared she would "reinvent the art form!" Now, while the talented singer-songwriter is busy doing publicity for her new album, Day One, she emphasises that she has not let go of this dream.
"The entire plot is written. There are several pieces of music for it written. Mainly right now I am looking for my collaborators. The stars will tell me they belong. I've got a few of the cast already. I've got someone who's going to help with orchestration. But I still need to find many other players.
"It is my labour of love. It's not the most financially responsible thing I've ever done but I'm so infatuated with the idea. I'm so deeply committed to it. I just have to make time for it."
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