So, basically, the Lovenasium is a luxury vessel. Although it is equipped with the most modern of technologies and defense weaponry (most of which have not yet been conceived), it is primarily a pleasure ship. If you were lucky enough to gain admittance to the Lovenasium, you would be in awe of the various gaming rooms, movie theatres, stages, ballrooms, bars, hot tubs, swimming pools and tanning areas, libraries and eateries - every glorious frivolity known to mankind. The Lovenasium moves from port to port, picking up and discarding passengers as the Embassy sees fit. So who knows - maybe one day you can ride!

The Lovenasium, a beautiful Spanish Galleon

Contrary to our usage, historically galleons were large ships meant for transporting cargo. Galleons were sluggish behemoths, not able to sail into or near the wind. The Spanish treasure fleets were made of these ships. Although they were sluggish, they weren't the easy target you would expect, for they could carry heavy cannons which made a direct assault upon them difficult. Galleons had two to three decks and most had three masts, forward masts being square-rigged, lateen-sails on the mizzenmast, and a small square sail on her high-rising bowsprit. Some galleons sported 4 masts but these were an exception to the rule.

The Lovenasium is a triumph of futuristic engineering, combining old world aesthetic menace with ultra-modern Love-tech craftsmanship and sophistication. The Lovenasium outwardly appears as a circa 1750’s Spanish galleon, with tall masts, billowing sails, and a gleaming hull of polished oak. However, the Lovenasium is more than just an antiquated sailing ship. The outward façade is actually a layer of amazing LoveGel paint, which makes the hull appear to be made of wood. The hull is actually composed of super strong titanium and is impervious to even the most devious A.S.S. weapons.

Though the ship possesses sails, they are vestigial and have no real purpose other than to confuse the followers of the A.S.S. The ship is actually powered by a state of the art fusion power plant and propelled by the revolutionary new Lidocaine Inclusive Ballast Incorporated Drive Optimizer or L.I.BI.D.O. The L.I.B.I.D.O. engine is perfectly suited for propelling the Lovenasium across the world’s waterways at an astounding 69 knots.

Although the Lovenasium possesses the means to run successfully from any threat, it also has a number of ingenious defensive mechanisms. The first is the ability to submerge, or go down, beneath the waves to escape from enemy naval units or bad weather. The Lovenasium is buttoned up and the masts collapse automatically into concealed compartments under the deck. Following this, a titanium hood slides out of the stern cabin, and completely seals off the deck. The Lovenasium can then safely submerge.

The Lovenasium also has a powerful force field, known as the After Glow. The After Glow is a red force field that surrounds the entire ship, form fitting except at the deck level where a degree of room is maintained to allow the crew freedom of movement. In addition to giving the Lovenasium a ghostly look, it also is the source of power for one of the ship’s main weapons. The After Glow absorbs all UV rays from incoming sunlight, allowing both unrestricted sunbathing on deck and powering the mighty UV cannon. The UV cannon is used to project concentrated amounts of UV radiation on any and all foes, spreading severe cases of skin cancer and melanoma whenever it’s used.

The Lovenasium also has a number of cannons that line the hull, as is normal for an old Spanish galleon. However, these cannons are actually cleverly disguised LASER CANNONS! Additionally, the ship bristles with mounted machine guns, which are able to function automatically or manually, whichever the masters of ship prefer. A final layer of protection is found in a pack of ravenous sharks that precede the Lovenasium wherever she sails. These sharks have A.S.S. piercing laser beams attached to their heads and are trained to seek A.S.S. like nobody’s business. All tremble before the might of the Lovenasium.