All faithful Gravitists are still outraged over last week's corpse kidnapping. High Priest Jonah Harvey's body was stolen last Monday by a band of adherents to the "True Gravitational Church" (Gravitationalists) and left on the ground, and the Gravitationalists have refused to return the body. The preparations for his launch into the Gravitational field of Jupiter had already started, and the faithful Gravitists who were in charge of them are understandably upset. High Priestess Sanna Tork has Pardoned them from the sin of Conspiracy to defy Gravity. High Priest Millennium Peter has issued the following statement: "The evil heretics who are responsible for this heinous act are to be hunted down and captured. When they are seized, they will be dropped into a Sacred Hole at once. There will be much rejoicing, and the day will be declared a High Holy Day."
High Priest and Priestess Malcolm and Elaine Arbor welcomed their first son, High Priest Theodore Arbor, yesterday. High Priest Theodore Arbor was born at 5:36 pm and weighed 7lbs, 6oz.