My friends

A look at some of the people who are closest to me. And some of my family members I get on least badly with.

Kate Fox – Girlfriend and goddess

I met Kate at college in the first year, about half way through. I was trying really hard to get one of her friends to go out with me at the time, but when I finally got the message this was not going to happen, I started to notice Kate. A lot. Over the summer holidays I couldn’t get her out of my head, so when we came back to college in September I asked if maybe she would like to come out on me and Mike’s 18^th birthday piss-up (it’s just sooooo romantic, dontcha think?). To my amazement she said yes, and things went better from there. I’ve been seeing Kate for a reasonably long time now, and there are so many things I like best about her I couldn’t list them all here, so here’s my all time top five.

1. She never says anything bad about anyone. Ever.

2. Her eyes. Look at the pics and you’ll see what I mean.

3. She never ever thinks of other people before herself.

4. Unlike some veggie girlfriends, she doesn’t try to convert me.

5. Her fantastic body!!!

Mike Elliot – Mate and drunken singer

Like Kate, I met Mike sometime in the first year of college. He had met some of my other friends (Mat, Hana and Adam) in some artsy fartsy lesson, and decided to hang around with the rest of us as well. However, his main motivation was that he was trying to get Hana to go out with him. After a lot of persistence, they are now a happy (yet somewhat violent at times) couple. The thing I like best about Mike is what great fun he is to be around. And when I’m drunk, he’s usually a lot more so, and singing loudly.

Mat Wells – If you ever meet him, you’ll know about it

I’ve known Mat longer than Kate or Mike. We were in the same school together, and whilst we didn’t exactly hang around with each other, I at least knew his name and that he wasn’t a total arsehole. Now we do hang around together, and I can say how wrong I was. He is possibly the biggest wind up merchant there has ever been. God forbid you should let him know anything about you, as he is the master of innuendo, and can make a seemingly innocent comment have the dirtiest of connotations. This has resulted in more than one of my friends (myself included) trying to fight him when we were drunk. It’s not meant nastily of course, but he really does deserve it. The thing I like best about Mat is the way he is always composing songs about Bean’s (another friend) genitalia, size of, or lack of. And the way when he’s drunk he sings karaoke with whoever doesn’t run away fast enough.

Tom Barber – Marxist, musician and proprietor of big hair

Tom is yet another person I met at Hamble. He’s a lovely bloke, and a dirty ho (seriously, every time he passes a female they flutter their eyelashes at him and say hello in a very provocative manner). A very talented bass player, although this is mostly wasted on Jazz (or MMmmmmm Jazz! As he prefers it to be called). Ah well. His dress sense is best not mentioned in polite society, or even on this page, so I wont. One time whilst attempting to down Vodka, he missed and got it in his eye. The thing I like best about Tom is how he wears anything he wants without fear of the consequences. The Institute for Research of Tom’s Clothes is now taking donations. Please, we need your help.