At first fleeting, thoughts of suicide grew until they filled our days. We felt trapped by painful circumstances. We tuned out with suicidal thoughts and actions.
Many of us became true addicts, others suicide survivors. The problem we faced was the same. The pursuit of the perfect sucide became the drug we used to cope with our pain. We lost the sense that suicide was forbidden and began to view it as acceptable, a personal privilege. Some recoiled from suicide only to decide they could no longer endure their pain.
Some made attempts to end our life, only to awaken filled with increased anger, shame, and remorse. Promises were made to our desperate loved ones to stop our suicidal behavior, but suicidal fantasy killed any chance for life. Soon the seduction of death overtook us and we again craved the peace we sought in suicide. Alone, we were powerless, and our promises to stop nothing but lies.