Grappling with Japanese forces me to understand my own language, to look more closely at the whole picture of communication, and to dissect what exactly I am trying to say. Removal of personal control from the language and everything else involved with settling in a foreign country affords time to reflect, to understand oneself, where one is really coming from, and where one is really going. Operating on a level that offers resistance prevents us from mindlessly going through the motions and offers us vision of our real pursuit. When our world is conveniently clear we never experience the freedom of contenting oneself to the beauty of letting go of control. Here one is forced to get used to the thrill of thinking one has a grasp and then seeing that one has no idea. In Japanese we must embrace the paradox of knowing a lot and knowing next to nothing. We are forced to get over our desire for a plotted out structure and rationality. And so in life we embrace the mystery of not knowing everything. We embrace an assurance that while we may not know exactly what is next, everything will be all right. Learning Japanese is embracing the frustrations along with its glory. It's seeing the beauty in the bland and annoying as well as the thrilling. This is how I deal with my love/ hate relationship I find myself in: accepting my frustrations as "Of course" and following wherever they lead me. Usually the destination is humorous and I am able to expand my inner monologue and laugh at the sweet irony of the Japanese language and this season of my life in general. Some things are better when they are out of my grasp.

Now I just nod my head when I see a smiling student, unaware that her shirt reads, "The more I know men, the more I love dog." I just embrace the fact that I've just informed everyone that my stomach is a watermelon (suica) when in fact it is not, just a bit hungry (suita). I just laugh inside when, after attempting to take the community bus to the train station the driver informs me as we pull up to the retirement center that there will be an hour and a half layover here so I should go in and make myself comfortable. When, after my school-wide self-introduction, my kachoo sensei tells me that maybe I shouldn't wear my hardly provocative skirt because it shows off my "glamour body" and the students are, maybe looking at my legs, I just think, "Of course, what else would he have said to me?" Of course I'm drinking from a bottle marked "sweat." Oh the beautiful craziness of succumbing to this language and culture…

So sit back with your ''lamen', caramel 'flozen' latte or 'brended' tea and enjoy this season…of learning the rules, and then the exceptions, of believing you've got it all figured out and then realizing you have no idea; of seeing past what you thought you controlled to understanding a whole new approach. Become frustrated. Then embrace it. Laugh with it and keep falling in love with this complicated language we call Nihongo and this hilariously beautiful life in Japan.