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least one exception, though often 25-30exceptions to one rule. As I learn the forms I psyche myself out, "Okay, so I've learned a simple formula to change the dictionary form to the te-form. I can manage this. I am fantastic at the te-form." I even learn a song to help me remember the rule. Then, as soon as I have the first verse mastered sensei introduces another stanza, bridge, chorus in order to encompass all of the exceptions. As I sing this supposed mnemonic device I wonder what the original rule was. "Sorry," sensei apologizes, "maybe, you'll just have to memorize this list of exceptions, maybe also." Of what utility is a rule if it is superceded by its exceptions? Sometimes it seems that Japanese grammatical rules are as arbitrary as the Japanese stoplight; their purpose is more for form than function.

The frustration I face with the exception shows me how much I need formulas and standards; how comfortable a straightforward, black and white reality would be. Having a constant rule to measure all else by gives me security; it gives an illusion of having a grasp on what's coming. It allows me to turn on my autopilot if I know I don't have to be aware of life's exceptions. The exceptions in Japanese prevent me from becoming cocky. The exceptions in life prevent me from oversimplifying reality. They cause me to see the dynamic nature of life and stay away from an ignorant stagnancy of formulization.

My relationship with a language I can't claim to understand humbles me. It causes me to loosen my grip and allow life to take its course apart from my alleged control. Moving to Japan must be a control freak's worst nightmare. Barring those fluent few, the language barrier makes every task 3x as difficult as it would be in my vernacular. "Yeah, what exactly did I buy here? Oh, perfect, raw horse liver…" The extreme differences between English and Japanese rob the English speaker of control. Japanese tricks you into thinking you are being led to the internet lab and then finding yourself on the podium in front of 300 students for your self introduction. It brings you three dishes of raw salmon eggs (pronounced ikura) when your intention was to find the price of another dish (conveniently also pronounced ikura). It fools you into contributing to a discussion about a school bus, and then figuring out ten minutes in that the reference was to the school "boss," the chief the teachers have been waiting to introduce you to. Its trying to express a simple, in fact neutral idea and being met with looks of shock and horror.

Learning Japanese forces me to let go of some innate need to know everything that's going on, because life in Japan, immersed in the language is a constant surprise. I am forced to be contented with a limited understanding of plans, schedules, what I'll be doing today, tomorrow, the rest of my life. I am forced to embrace what I don't understand. In Japan I must shed my desire for an explanation of why; I just experience. You notice this when a conjugation

"There will always be at least one exception, though often 25-30 exceptions to one rule."
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