NOTES:
Ok. Here is the last chapter of this story. But WAIT! Stay tuned for
the last story of The River Arc. There is a complementary summery
of the newest story coming soon (whenever I get to it) at the end
of this chapter.
God I stink…but anyway, please review if you like it, and e-mail
me if you want to ask any questions. It makes any writer feel like
their writing is worth something if there is some…ANY kind of
response from the reader .
Actually, I must apologize because this fic was supposed to be uploaded
on June 13, but my grandfather passed away, and I had to go to New
Jersey to be with my family. Then I went on vacation for a month.
I just got back, so here it is.
Um…a couple of months ago I was looking at some scanned pictures
from some of the newest installments of Gaiden. Goku was going postal
up in heaven and his shirt got torn up and he had this tattoo thingy
on his belly. I guessed that since all youkai have some kind of markings
on their bodies (usually on their faces) that was Goku’s marking.
I don’t know what it means, but I’m going to add it in
this chapter. If anyone knows what the heck it really is please feel
free to send me a message…^_^ \/
WARNING: Son Goku, some blood, some violence, and Sanzou sometimes
talking to himself and Goku’s voice is his mind. It’ll
make sense once you read it.
Unable
to Win by Sarlinia
“Sanzou-sama, you can’t
go out alone!”
“Sanzou-sama, if he was able to take down
a youkai of such power, how can you go out alone only with your gun
to face him?”
“Sanzou-sama! Here, take some weapons! These
will surely do the job.”
“Sanzou-sama, these wards will help. You
can trap him and seal him someplace with these.”
Idiots. Sick, selfish, idiots.
They all deserved to drop dead for their hypocritical
notions.
He could tell by the dull darkness in their shaky
eyes that they expected him not to really seal Goku away, but to kill
him. Forget the fact that they were Buddhist, and that Buddhism forbade
killing. Forget the fact that Genjo Sanzou was one of the few people
supposedly closest to Buddha. Forget the fact that Goku had just been
running through the halls after some kind of mischief just the day
before, laughing and smiling like any other child.
“Sanzou!
Look!”
No…they trusted their precious Sanzou-sama to
do the job.
He really should shoot all of them through their two-faced
hearts.
As Sanzou walked down the muddy path, his thoughts
became dark; the rain thundering down on his exposed head and drenching
his shoulders, trying to beat him down, trying to hold him back from
what he had set out to do. Or was it trying to stop him from what
the other’s believed he would do? And what was it? Once he found
Goku and came face to face with the terror that had gutted a very
powerful youkai, what would his final assessment be? To become judge
and jury and pull the trigger like the monks believed he would…or
try to be some kind of idiotic self-sacrificing champion and return
Goku back to the way he was before?
And did he even want the annoying wretch back?
“I…I
thought you were the sun.”
Sun…heh…stupid, stupid little monkey.
“I don’t remember anything before the
prison. I know I must have done something really, really bad…”
What happened was that Goku’s diadem was taken
off, or broken off. And by looking at what had happened to the youkai
Inu, it could be easily said that Goku’s mind was not there,
only the hunger and need for blood. Yet…Sanzou had never heard
about a child youkai so out of control so that they thirsted and hunted
for blood. Or at least not one that lost control without a limiter…Actually,
Sanzou had never heard of a child youkai needing a youki limiter to
control his power. Or of a youkai child that possessed such strength
to be able to butcher a youkai that was older, larger, and more experienced
that it.
“Right.
It’s Goku. Son Goku!”
Idiot…annoying…pest of a monkey!
Day and night had passed since he had left Chou-an
to find Goku, and for the whole day and night it had rained abysmally
without any signs of letting up. The sky was the most depressing shades
of shifting gray, the gloom weighting down on the earth like a malignant
hand sent to smother the inhabitants with its dreary calling. To a
romantic, a day like this would be perfect for some lover to kill
himself or herself is some fevered hope to join a loved one who had
passed away from this world and into another. It was all idiotic drivel
in Sanzou’s opinion. In this world, in this reality, there was
no such thing as love, only an illusion made by said romantics and
young naïve people who believed in lies and self-deception to
try to be happy.
There was only one truth to Sanzou, and that was what
his master had taught him. If you meet a person, kill him….
and if you meet Buddha, kill him as well…the way of non-attachment,
to remain unfettered with no one holding you back or getting in your
way…to be invulnerable.
He was a Buddhist monk…yet he killed, drank,
and smoked. Not his position nor any monk could dictate the way he
lived, not Buddha himself could stop him on whatever he would decide
when finding Goku. Sanzou had sealed his fate from the moment he freed
the little pest high up in the mountains, when he had given in to
the incessant calling that drove him to find the one who dared disturb
him. Goku was his responsibility, no one else’s. They were stuck
together till one of them died…
Sanzou stopped short, the rain’s thundering
ringing loudly in his ears, his hair completely matted on his head
and laying limply over his downcast eyes. Brooding, considering.
No. The decision wouldn’t be made until he saw
Goku. He didn’t care what the youkai said, or what the other
addle-brained monks believed: he would see with his own eyes what
was the true form of Goku, and judge for himself what the next step
would be.
“But
the sun is over there, and you are over here, so you can’t be
the sun, right?”
…The sun of what, Goku? How does a monkey with
a half brain like you think? The sun is something untouchable and
burns whatever touches it. You get close you get hurt. Isn’t
that what happened Goku? You allowed yourself to become attached to
me and became the target of one of my enemies. If you survive, what
will you do? Will you stay with the person whom you once believed
to be the sun itself? Or will you shun it, like you said the day we
met, to look away and never believe it will come to you…
Sanzou blinked in mild surprise when a squirrel dashed
from between his robbed legs, making a beeline towards a large tree
not far off the muddy path he was on. He nearly jumped, completely
startled, when five other squirrels dodged around him, following that
first little fugitive, as if racing to see who would reach their large
destination first. Lifting his water logged head up, his eyes widened
as he witnessed dozens of squirrels jumping through dripping braches,
to other trees, all going the same way…the same route.
Funny that they’d be out and about in the rain.
Woodland animals usually searched for dryer places when Mother Nature
decided to go gloomy. Looking over his shoulder from the direction
the little furry mammals had come, Sanzou found himself sensing nothing
out of the ordinary. But when he turned his concentration to the large
tree that the squirrels were flocking to, for a moment his mind reeled
from the immense presence that he sensed there.
Could it be…?
He paused…hesitated. Was it even possible for
such a small creature like Goku to possess such power? But he had
seen the strong ancient wards on Goku’s prison, he had been
aware that the diadem emitted an amazing amount of spiritual power
to contain Goku’s youki. But still…that much strength
was incomprehensible!
Sanzou
clenched his jaws together, grinding his teeth in agitation. Was this
some kind of sick joke? Bad karma from a previous life? What????
“You’re
not letting me go because you’re a big mean jerk!”
Stupid, good for nothing, loud mouthed monkey!!!!!
His resolve was set, and he started to march toward
the large tree, the squirrels above making faster progress on the
branches above him. The gods were laughing at his expense, watching
him following some pea brained creatures in the middle of the pouring
rain. If Goku were the imposing presence that the squirrels were flocking
to, then everything would end soon, for better or for worse…if
there even existed a better.
He could barely tolerate the sloshing noise coming
from his sandals when coming into contact with the wet ground. The
only form of relief he was getting was the fact that NOW the rain
was beginning to recede and lessen.
As the large tree came into Sanzou’s view, the
young monk noticed that not only squirrels were heading the same direction,
but so were some rabbits, raccoons, badgers, and he spotted a couple
of boars sloshing through the bushes not to far away. Could these
simple creatures also sense the strong youki and therefore feel drawn
toward it…like a moth drawn to a light?
But he stopped short, his mind going blank in bewilderment
as he came to the giant tree and found a sight that he never would
have imagined himself to see in any reality. For it seemed as if he
was not in this world, but another, where everything remained pure
and untouched from the harsh realities of life: A reality where there
is life that ends in death, blissful ignorance corrupted by harsh
truths and realizations that youthful dreams would never come true.
It was Goku…but a different Goku. His long brown
hair which usually was tied back in a tail flowed open down his back,
his ears elongated and pointed high like any other youkai, and his
nails long and sharp enough to shred through the toughest skin. For
some demented reason he was wearing the remnants of what used to be
a novices robe, though it was torn almost beyond recognition, the
top completely gone and the bottom barely able to keep the boy decent.
But what had stilled all movement and thought from Sanzou was the
way the wild boy lay curled in between two large roots that protruded
from the earth, taking refuge beneath the tree’s canopying branches
and leaves from the rain. Surrounding him, unafraid, were hundreds
of woodland creatures, all sitting in total silence and stillness
as if making sure nothing would disturb the youkai boy’s sleep.
“G…Goku…?”
As if his human voice infected the surreal atmosphere,
the animals all took flight, shrieking in terror as they scrambled
away to safety from some unknown danger. Their frightened noises were
shrill and grating, and Sanzou had to suppress a shiver as the last
drop of rain fell and disappeared into the muddy earth.
Whether it was from the animals’ flight or Sanzou’s
voice, Goku began to stir. Sanzou watched impassively, not taking
any step closer as the young youkai he had saved all those months
ago turned onto his back, stretching lazily. Golden orbs that seemed
to glow ominously in his full state cracked open and gazed up into
the drenched leafy branches of the tree he lay under, the first rays
of sunlight seeping between them. He raised his arm, and opened his
clawed hand wide, entranced by something that only he could see and
understand.
“I see things…and I start to remember,
but then its stolen from me, and I forget.”
Did this Son Goku remember his past? Did he know what
crimes he had done to deserve the punishment of memory loss and centuries
of imprisonment? Maybe now he could get some answers out of the stupid
monkey that he couldn’t before.
“Oi…Goku!” he called out roughly,
not acknowledging at all the relief he was feeling at finally finding
the little pest safe and sound.
At his call, the little youkai went totally rigid,
his hand dropping and his head twisted slowly to meet him. Sanzou
stopped short at the confrontational look that threatened a very long
painful death if he dared come any closer. It was something he never
thought Goku was capable of. It was a daunting thought, but this Goku
intimidated Sanzou.
But like hell if he was going to let the other know
it.
Clenching his hands into fists, Sanzou approached
Son Goku. The little youkai leapt to his feet, and growled, a feral
noise that vibrated from his soul. Sanzou had never seen the boy so
tense, so filled with rage and fury so obvious that his mere gaze
seemed to sizzle the air between them.
“You’ll walk away and not look back…and
forget…”
…I’m here aren’t I, little monkey?
And there’s no way in hell am I going to walk away with you
looking down at me so disrespectfully. But then you never had respect
for anyone, did you, Goku? The way you went around breaking things,
snitching food, and bringing in anything that caught your eye AND
the mud that was on it. Actually, you’re the only one who calls
me without that dreaded “sama” title that makes me want
to hurl…
“Disrespectful? You’re always disrespectful
to your elder’s, Sanzou. I think you just like to hit me…and
you hit hard!”
…You think so? Who gave you the right to be
so familiar with me, Goku? Who gave you the right to become so attached
that by someone else threatening me; you lost yourself in your anger?
Look at you…you’re little more than some animal with its
territory trespassed. What are you going to do about it?…
“I hate you!”
As if hearing Sanzou’s inner taunting, Son Goku
snarled, his fangs clashing together. Standing there, Sanzou saw an
odd circular tattoo in the middle of Goku’s young compacted
abdomen. It was a symbol Sanzou did not recognize and wondered about
its hidden meaning.
With a final snarl, Goku lunged, his deadly clawed
hand going for Sanzou’s abdomen. It would be a painful wound
that would bleed a lot and take a long time for him to die. So…Son
Goku wanted pain as well as blood. Interesting since he had left the
youkai Inu in the temple dying from both pain and blood loss. His
would be assassin had said that Goku was smiling when he had struck,
smiling at the blood, smiling at the agony he was inflicting, the
anguish of the dying sustenance for a soul shrouded in hate and fury.
Sanzou dodged the attack pushing aside the mild surprise
that Goku was capable of attacking him. He wondered if Son Goku had
managed to strike him…would he have smiled, his eyes shining
in cruel delight at causing pain to the one he looked up to…the
only one he looked for in a crowd…his supposed sun…
“I finished all the work you gave me already,
and I finished the reading assignment. See, I did everything!”
…Idiot. Haven’t you learned yet that I’m
a stubborn bastard? You thought that just by begging in that aggravating
voice of yours that in the end I’d take you with me? You had
won with me in many things, monkey, but for once I beat you and managed
to leave, even though you were mad at me, even though you cried, even
though you said you hated me. As if your feelings mattered, your concerns,
your emotions had an affect on me? I am Genjo Sanzou, and if I choose
it, I will kill you. What have you to say to that…Goku?…
The small youkai attacked him again, his bare feet
and hands everywhere, trying to rip him apart. He dodged easily, for
even though Goku had the strength and youki, he was still just a child,
an infant in experience. There was barely any calculation in his attacks,
just the maddening urge to shred the existence of the person in front
of him.
Sanzou winced when he lost footing in the mud and
went plummeting to the wet ground. Goku was on him in less that a
second, his small weight pushing him back to the earth. Sanzou gasped
and shot his hands up, intercepting Goku’s claws from plunging
into his abdomen. His eyes met Goku’s in that moment, looking
deeply into the golden depths and trying to see any sign of the boy
he had freed and kept with him.
“Sanzou! I’m not here!”
The young monk hissed as Goku pushed down, feeling
the sharp knife like nails piercing through his robe and into his
skin, blood immediately seeping from the puncture and staining the
white robe red. “Goku…” he chocked out, trying to
push the boy away, “Goku…snap out of it dammit! Stupid
piece of shit! If you make one more tear in this robe I’m going
to shoot you through the head and end it! Calm down!!!”
“Sanzou told a lie!”
…Where are you, Goku? What happened to you back
then that made you go over the edge? Why is there so much hatred in
you…so different from the Goku I know? Son Goku…are you
the reason for the imprisonment? Also, are you the reason Goku is
still alive right now after what happened in the temple? Are you so
lost in the turmoil of your rage that you don’t recognize anything
or anyone you know?…
“I don’t wanna stay if you’re going
to go!”
When the nails dug deeper, Sanzou snarled and let
go of one of the boy’s hands and swung at his head, sending
Goku flying off him. He stumbled to his feet, holding his hand over
the deep puncture hole in his stomach. He hissed in pain, and glared
balefully at the small youkai that was shaking his head dizzily.
“You think the likes of you can kill me?”
He barked out a laugh. “You truly are an idiot monkey if you
think you can beat me so easily. I’m not some brainless youkai,
nor am I like anyone else in this world.”
Goku howled in frustration at being thwarted, and
lunged again. A stupid move for even if he did have speed and strength
over Sanzou, Sanzou had brains and that was more powerful than anything.
Grasping Goku’s arm, he twisted it around the boy’s back
painfully and watched the little youkai struggle for a moment before
pushing him away roughly.
The enraged boy stumbled forward, and whirled around
to face him again. Never in Sanzou’s life had he seen any being
with eyes so filled with wrath centered at one person.
He smirked, shaking his head as he looked down at
the boy, such a small waif like thing. “Take a good look at
me, monkey,” he said softly, almost gently. “Memorize
my face so next time you will remember that I am the only one who
can beat you in this deranged form of yours.”
For a moment, Goku hesitated, blinking his eyes and
frowning almost curiously at Sanzou, as if trying to remember him,
to put his face to someone he once knew. His golden eyes shimmered
with something haunting, something that went deeper than the rage…a
deep wound in Goku’s soul that he knew of, but could not remember
from where or what. Those memories of the past, the cause of his imprisonment,
those things even made this Son Goku pause.
So there it was, the one thing Sanzou had been looking
for. The sign that beyond this creature of hate and malice there still
existed the idiotic monkey who had called him all those months ago.
Goku still remained in Son Goku, and as long as there was that, Goku
would never die in such a state of turmoil. Not by his hands, not
by any other hands.
Goku’s diadem had been made by a large amount
of spiritual energy, and if a Sanzou is supposedly was one of the
closest human to Buddha, then he, Genjo Sanzou damn well should be
able to focus enough to make another. Almost like making a ward, but
without anything to transmit all that ki into…it had to be strong
enough to become solid on its own.
“I don’t want you to leave me alone!”
…Yes Goku. That is your fear, to be left alone,
abandoned. A stupid notion that only you would come up with. To be
alone is to never form any attachments, and non-attachment meant invulnerability.
Are you happy knowing that your…caring…for me is your
weakness? Your fear of abandonment your only fear. Not death, not
pain…no they cannot touch you. Being with me, and being a bleeding
thorn in my side means that you are not alone. If you killed me with
those hands of yours…how would you feel, Goku? What would go
through you’re mind? Would you cry?…
The moment broke and Goku growled, clenching his fists
that shook.
Sanzou stood straight and lifted his arms up, leaving
himself wide open and vulnerable. “Come on, you brainless animal.
Drive your fist…” he pointed to his heart, tapping his
chest with his thumb, “drive it straight through. That’s
what you want, don’t you? Well, we’ll see who will win
over who…Goku.”
Goku roared at this, whether from understanding the
words or understanding the taunting tone. Crouching low, he leapt
to the side, trying to strike from his blind side. The first intellectual
move since Sanzou met him. Sanzou ducked from a blow that would have
left a gaping hole in his cranium. Turning around, he watched coolly
as the boy ran around him, trying to confuse him with his speed.
Stupid monkey.
Concentrating, he waited for Goku to pass by the large
tree before he let out a loud shout, flinging his arm outward and
letting loose the full binding power of his holy sutra. The elongated
divine scrolls shot out, catching the little youkai by surprise and
wrapping themselves around the boy, sending him crashing into the
large tree, his small muddied feet tangling off the ground. He let
out a loud shriek, and struggled ferociously, kicking his scrawny
legs, and attempting to claw at the scrolls that held him in place.
Sanzou watched mildly at Goku writhing in the constraints
before taking steady steps to him. They wild youkai became more frantic
as he approached, tossing his head from side to side in an attempt
to escape the inevitable. His struggles were in vain since the holy
sutras could probably even hold back a kami if need be. When Sanzou
came to stand before Goku, the boy turned his head away, shaking in
rage and helplessness, his eyes shut, his teeth bared and clenched.
“I never looked for the sun…I always looked
away…”
The young man lifted his hand, which was covered in
his own blood, and placed it on Goku’s head, causing the boy
to start and look up at him in shock at the gentle almost fatherly
touch. “I’ve already told you this, ape,” he said,
“never look away from me. No matter what, you’re going
to face me and look me in the eyes like a man. If you close your eyes
and turn your head away, you’ll never escape for the rest of
your life…”
With these gentle words, he lifted his other hand
and placed it over Goku’s forehead, ignoring the way the boy
stiffened at this new contact. Focusing on his spiritual power, he
concentrated it into his hand, the image of Goku’s golden diadem,
and watching it take solid form on the boy’s brow.
“…But then you came, and for a moment
I thought the sun was coming to me…”
Goku convulsed, and his eyes dilated. In mere seconds
Sanzou witnessed Goku’s ears shrinking, and his hands returning
to his more human looking form. The sharp fangs in the boy’s
mouth that could probably break bones if needed disappeared to the
small baby teeth of a very human looking child. And when Sanzou removed
his hand, and retracted the sutra, the boy collapsed in a dead faint
into his waiting arms.
“…and
I couldn’t look away…”
With Goku in his arms, Sanzou let his knees buckle,
and allowed the exhaustion and relief to finally set in. Leaning his
back against the strong trunk of the mighty tree that had witnessed
their confrontation, Sanzou let the boy sleep on his lap while he
lit a cigarette and let the addicting nicotine sooth his nerves. He’d
start making his way back to the temple…once he could think
straight.
“…see?”
***
Deeper…push…go deeper…
The sun’s warm rays helped stir Goku into wakefulness.
The familiar scent of his pillow and the warm quilt on his bed making
him instinctively curl deeper into his comfort and consider going
back to sleep. But like every other morning, wakefulness brought the
maddening hunger that made his stomach growl quite loudly in demand
for sustenance to quell its wants. Perhaps Sanzou would take him into
town and buy him some of his favorite meat buns…
“No one will hear you when you scream, Son Goku.”
It hit him, a thundering blow that made his eyes open
wide and made that hungering growling in his stomach clench uncomfortably,
nausea making him swallow hard as the urge to hurl. He remembered
the youkai that had disguised himself as the new elder, the way he
had maliciously driven him into hiding in Sanzou’s study, only
to attack him in the hopes of getting rid of him so he may assassinate
Sanzou.
“Just like no one will hear Sanzou’s struggles
when I kill him.”
“Sanzou!” cried Goku, lurching upward
and throwing his warm quilt off. He had to find Sanzou; he had to
save him before…
If it were possible for a living creature to swallow
its own tongue, then Goku would have defiantly swallowed his, for
sitting on the wooden chair next to his small table sat Genjo Sanzou
reading a newspaper, the epitome of nonchalant. As Goku sat frozen
in his bed, Sanzou slipped off his reading glasses and flopped the
worn newspaper on the table, looking at Goku with unfathomable eyes.
Deeper…
Shock turning to elation, Goku let out a joyful laugh
and shot up to his feet. “Sanzou! You’re…”
He went rigid, smelling a familiar metallic scent coming from the
monk. In actuality, the smell was all Goku could smell.
Blood…Sanzou’s blood.
Eyes wide with worry, Goku asked, “Sanzou, did
the vampire get you?”
“Vampire?” asked Sanzou, one fair eyebrow
rising up to hide behind his bangs. Shaking his head, he said sardonically,
“I don’t even want to know.”
“Sanzou, you don’t understand,”
gushed Goku, hoping up and down and waving his arms, “there
was this vampire guy and he dressed up like an old man, but he wasn’t
he was a vampire and he was ugly, and he was really mean, making me
dress up in that little dressy thingies all the kids here wear, and
he hit me a lot and it hurt, and…and…all the monks here
thought he was great, but…but…he said I was just like
him and that he was going to kill me so that he could kill you! But
I’m not a vampire! Right, Sanzou?” He took a deep lung-full
of air, not noticing that he had narrated the whole story in one breath.
Somehow managing to ignore the whole ‘vampire’
references, Sanzou asked softly, “Do you really think a peace
of shit like that could touch me?”
Goku blinked at that, but argued, “But I can
smell you’re blood! That means you got hurt!”
“You smell my…” Sanzou rolled his
eyes in exasperation, “You really are an animal.”
Goku
growled and was about to retort angrily, when he noticed something
that made his blood go cold with dread. Unless Sanzou’s blood
had splattered all over his room, then there was no reason for it
to be so concentrated so that he couldn’t smell anything else.
The reason why all he could smell around him was Sanzou’s blood
was because the smell was coming from him. Sanzou’s blood was
on him. With the monk still looking at him silently, Goku
lifted his hands and sniffed them.
“Goku…snap out of it dammit! Stupid piece
of shit! If you make one more tear in this robe I’m going to
shoot you through the head and end it! Calm down!!!”
He remembered…staring at his hand he remembered
quite clearly Sanozu’s voice shouting up at him as he drove
his sharply clawed hand into Sanzou’s abdomen, the need to drive
deeper and deeper compelling to push down, the need to see the blood
and to see the pained suffering on the one pinned beneath him sating
the maddening hunger to …to punish…to calm the mad rage…
Deeper…go ahead…deeper…
Sanzou’s voice drifted to him where he stood
rooted in his spot, “What? You look like you’ve just realized
that you really are a monkey.”
How could he? How could Sanzou just sit there making
fun at him as if nothing happened? As if…everything was still
the same? For a moment, Goku hated the monk. Was it some type of game,
to make him think everything was okay only to be thrown out, locked
away without a seconds thought? No, Goku knew that Sanzou did not
play such games. Swallowing hard, Goku whispered, “It wasn’t
that vampire that hurt you, was it Sanzou?”
Sanzou glared, but only said, “Oh?”
Something from inside Goku broke, shattering, for
with that glare he knew that he was right. Clenching his fists tight,
wishing to burn the limbs, to cut them, to get rid of them in any
way possible, Goku spoke, his voice trembling, “I…I’m
the one…I hurt you…I…tr…tried to kill…you.”
Unable to keep looking at Sanzou, he looked down at the wooden floor,
feeling tears of shame and disgust of himself threatening to come.
It was a long deadening silence, as Goku fought the
coming tears before Sanzou said quietly, “You’re diadem
broke.”
“Huh?” Goku wiped at his eyes with his
arm then touching the golden trinket on his brow. He frowned; trying
to imagine himself without the diadem constantly on is head. It felt
wrong, out of place in a way. He knew that he was never to take it
off. He knew that. So how in the world did it break? And what was
so important about it coming off anyway?
“It somehow broke,” continued Sanzou his
voice even, as if he was talking to Goku about the weather or the
color of the grass, “then you went berserk, killed the youkai,
wrecked my office, and then tried to gut me when I found you.”
Deeper…go
deeper…push deeper…
Goku could not suppress a shiver as he heard a small
sinister voice whispering…how long had the voice been there?
“I guess…maybe whatever I did…and I was punished…I…I
deserved it. I deserved to be locked away…away from everyone…”
He shut his eyes and looked back down to the floor. It safe looking
away, it was better than looking up and facing the truth about himself.
Goku cringed when he heard Sanzou stand up and approach
him. He knew what was coming. He would be dragged back up to the mountain…back
to the prison where he belonged. Sanzou had freed him therefore Sanzou
would put him back.
“Goku,” said Sanzou, but Goku refused
to lift his head up. He was a monster, like the vampire. He had no
right to look Sanzou in the face.
!!!CRACK!!!!
Goku’s butt met the floor at the first connection
between his head and Sanzou’s fan. He stayed down as his head
was rained with more loud painful smacks as Sanzou bellowed loudly
over him. “BAKA SARU!! HOW MANY DAMN TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL
YOU TO LOOK UP WHEN YOU’RE TALKING TO ME!!!”
“But Sanzou,” cried Goku in between smacks,
“I hurt you!”
The young monk stopped trying to beat some sense into
the boy’s head, putting away his now bent fan into the folds
of his robes. Glaring down at Goku’s crouched form he said in
a voice filled with wrath, “You think you can hurt me?”
He laughed harshly, “Don’t think so highly of yourself,
ape. Nobody, not you, no some Neanderthal youkai, will ever be able
to hurt me!”
All Goku could do was look up at Sanzou in confusion.
Goku had injured Sanzou, he could tell by the way Sanzou was favoring
his side as he had beat him. What was all this raving about not ever
being able to hurt him? It made no sense.
Goku yelped when Sanzou grabbed him by the ear and
dragged him to the chair, practically throwing him on it in his temper.
Once Goku had seated himself properly, Sanzou leaned on the table
across from the boy. Goku made sure he was looking at Sanzou straight
in the eyes.
“Now,” said Sanzou in a more controlled
voice, “what’s this crap about you loosing it after the
youkai threatened me?”
Goku had no clue how Sanzou knew the exact time he
lost it, but he did not question the monk’s knowledge. Sanzou
was uncanny in the way he found out about things that were just not
meant to be found out. Fidgeting in his seat uncomfortably, he replied
haltingly, “I…I was worried that he’d hurt you…”
“Who told you to worry about me?” snarled
Sanzou.
“But…”
“Shut up.”
Goku shut up.
“Get this straight banana brain,” said
Sanzou, “I don’t need a protector, or a guard. I’m
not going to deal with a creature that goes wild at any minor thing
that distresses it. It’s pathetic. Is that sorry excuse for
a brain taking in what I’m saying?”
“But,” protested Goku in dismay, “but
what if you were really, really, really hurt…like lying in a
puddle of your own blood with a hole in your stomach and I can’t
do anything to help you? I can’t worry about you even then?”
Sanzou’s eye twitched at this. “One: that
is never going to happen, idiot. Two: what the hell have you been
reading?!”
Goku opened his mouth and shut it, unable to say anything.
How could Sanzou be so sure? Anything could happen, right? He never
even imagined of striking Sanzou…yet in a maddened state he
had stuck and drawn Sanzou’s blood. Goku slumped in his chair,
despair and guilt eating away at his chest painfully.
When Sanzou said nothing for some time, Goku asked
the thing he most dreaded, “Do…do I have to go away?”
“You do whatever the hell you want,” snapped
Sanzou, sounding extremely mad at this question. “I don’t
give a shit whether you stay or leave. I’m not your fucking
keeper.”
“I always cause you trouble…don’t
I?”
“You’re worse than a rabid dog,”
agreed Sanzou.
The tears that he had been valiantly battling came
with a vengeance and spilled, slipping unheedingly down Goku’s
cheeks and dripped down to his lap. “I…I guess it would
have been better if you and I never met…huh Sanzou?”
Suddenly, Sanzou’s hand was on his head. Sanzou’s
hands were always warm and comforting, like the sun after a rainy
day, soothing the tormenting emotions with the hope of a new and brighter
day to come. “Choose Goku: Stay or leave, no one has the right
to make that decision for you,” said Sanzou, his voice soft
and just as soothing as his warm hand.
Goku sniffled, and sobbed out as he made a futile
attempt to wipe at the tears, “I don’t care! Stay or leave…I
just wanna stay with you, Sanzou. I don’t want to be left alone
again!”
The hand was removed, and Sanzou straightened as he
said, “Then I don’t want to listen to shit like that again,
got it?”
Still wiping the tears, Goku nodded.
Sanzou crossed his arms over his chest and sighed;
“My office is a wreck thanks to you…so I don’t have
any place to lock myself in here other than my room. The stupidity
of the monks here is driving me crazy, so I’ve decided to take
a little vacation.”
“Vacation?” The tears gone with the disaster,
Goku looked up curiously at the young imposing monk.
“The capitol city of Chiang Chou has a large
library that I’m interested in. I can replace the books that
were ruined with my office. Plus I hear they got a lot of trading
there, meaning some interesting foods and everything. I just might
find some semblance of a civilized society there.”
Goku leapt from his seat, his eyes wide and shining
with excitement. “Sanzou,” he cried, “I wanna come
too! Please take me with you! I’m starving anyway, and I haven’t
eaten anything for a long, long time!”
For a brief second, Goku thought he heard Sanzou muttering
something, and barely caught the sight of a small grin before Sanzou
turned his back on him. “Like I said, do what you want, I don’t
give a shit. Besides, I wouldn’t be able to win anyway so what’s
the use?”
Goku let out a joyful cheer, skipping around his room
as he started babbling in anticipation, “I can’t wait!
I can’t wait! I can’t wait! Do you think they have yakisoba
there? I love yakisoba? And meat buns! I wonder if they have the spicy
kind? You like spicy don’t you, Sanzou? Or maybe they have hamburgers,
those taste really, really good. But you didn’t like it much,
Sanzou, right?”
Sanzou glared from where he had returned to his newspaper,
the vein on his temple beginning to throb as Goku continued to bounce,
and continued to gush.
“Apples! The red ones are the best! And bananas!
Are they in season? I hope so cause I really love bananas, Sanzou.
They taste the best with ice cream. That place does know how to make
ice cream, right Sanzou? Bananas and ice cream…and strawberries
with chocolate syrup! Yummie…”
It was beautiful, the sun; so radiant, so warm. When
stuck in his prison, he couldn’t reach it, couldn’t get
touched by the soft embrace. So he chose to look away, to not look
forward, to banish all hopes of a new tomorrow under its soothing
caress. That way, there was no pain, no maddening rage that grew and
festered in his heart. But one day, the sun came to him, and freed
him, welcoming him into the world where he could be touched by the
everlasting warmth…where he could be finally happy. Yet to get
too close to the sun meant to be burned. But even so, just like he
had been lonely in his prison…perhaps the sun was lonely in
its place high up in the sky where no one dared to reach for it.
“URUSEI!!!!!!!!!!”
I woke up in a dream today
To the cold of the static
And put my cold feet on the floor
Forgot all about yesterday
Remembering that I’m pretending
To be where I’m not anymore
A little taste of hypocrisy
And I’m left in the wake of the mistake
(Slow to react)
Even though you’re so close to me
You’re still so distant
And I can’t bring you back
It’s true the way I feel
Was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories
Even when you’re not with me
I’m with you
You
Now I see
Keeping everything inside
You
Now I see
Even when I close my eyes
I hit you and you hit me back
We fall to the floor
The rest of the day stands still
Fine line between this and that
When things go wrong
I pretend that the past isn’t real
Now I’m trapped in this memory
And I’m left in the wake of the mistake
(Slow to react)
Even though you’re so close to me
You’re still so distant
And I can’t bring you back
No
No matter how far we’ve come
I can’t wait to see tomorrow
No matter how far we’ve come
I can’t wait to see tomorrow
With you
“With You” by Linkin Park (Hybrid Theory)
- The
End-
…or is it?
SO WHAT DO YOU THINK????? PULEEEEZZEEE TELL ME!!!
But that’s not it! Though this particular fic is finished, there
is one more story left in The River Arc. Do you want a sneak peak?
Do you? Of course you do!
Where the River Ends (Part III of The River Arc)
After getting lost, run out of a town, and loosing all of their money,
Sanzou and Goku come to the land of Chiang Chou, and there they meet
the deceptive Lord Kuang-Jui, and his tragic wife, the beautiful Lady
Yin. What dark secrets do these two keep locked away within their
souls…and what answers can be found where the river ends?
So yeah, if you haven’t read “Down the River, My Love”
I suggest you go read it. If reading something that involves rape
bothers you, feel free to e-mail me and I will give you a summery
of what transpired in that fic, so that you won’t get confused
whenever I write “Where the River Ends”.
Sarlinia
[email protected]
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