NOTES: Ok, here is another chapter for this little piece of adorable madness. Sorry, there is no yaoi, Goku is way too young for any sort of sexual action, (he’s what, 9???). Just Sanzou learning how to function with Goku, and Goku learning what its like to be raised (sort of) by Sanzou. Kinda…sorta…I’m just having fun…just read the damn thing please.
Oh, and for those who are interested, I wrote a fic about Sanzou’s origins based on the actual myth Journey to the West. So…go read it! It’s called Down the River, My Love. And if you’re wondering what I mean by Sanzou’s origins, I mean about his parents, and how baby Sanzou ended up drifting down a river to be found by Koumyo Sanzou. So yeah…read it!!!!!!!!
Wait…scratch that…please be at least 16 to read it. It has rape, though not explicit it was enough to disturb me…the freaking idiot who wrote it.
WARNINGS: Mean new head monk that does not like Goku. Death, blood, and cliffhanger.

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Unable to Win by Sarlinia
Part 3

Sanzou could only blink in befuddled amazement at the small figure hiding beneath his desk. He had finished organizing his desk for his trip when his door swung open and a panicky Goku ran in, lunging over the desktop, scattering his books and papers, and scurrying into the hidden darkness beneath the desk while Sanzou stared without saying a word. Frowning, he shook his head and shut the door, and took a breath to start yelling at the boy for the mess he had created.

“Sanzou, I’m not here!” Came an urgent whisper from the bowels of his desk.

Sanzou shut his mouth with a snap. What the hell…

The young monk turned when he heard the soft knocking on his door. Growling in ill humor, he opened the door savagely and glared at the two cowering monks who stood before him. “What? I’m packing. Can’t you do something without my presence for once?”

One monk, twisting his fingers said nervously, “Please forgive us, Sanzou-sama, we were only wondering if you have seen Son Goku?”

Sanzou was very close to snarling and reaching under his desk, pulling the impudent boy by his ear to serve justice, but changed his mind at the last moment. “The saru was here, as you can tell by the mess, but you just missed him.”

The two monks bowed before him then scurried away, their bare feet slapping against the wooden floors. Once Sanzou’s door was closed, he looked back to his desk to find Goku’s brown head emerging, his bright golden eyes twinkling in amusement, his mouth split in a god awful giant grin.

With a small giggle, Goku said impishly, “Sanzou told a lie!”

Sanzou snorted, “What lie? I saw you, but then you disappeared like the monkey you are under the desk.” He then went back to re-straightening his desk, and packing some books for his trip.

Shrugging, Goku jumped onto Sanzou’s chair and when Sanzou looked at him again he saw that the boy was sulking. His hair seemed limp and less wild, his golden eyes were dull without their normal hyperactive sparkle, mouth thinned, and shoulder’s slumped. If possible, this change in attitude irked Sanzou more than the boy’s manic destructiveness.

Sighing, Sanzou prepared for the argument that was about to occur…again. “Give it up, you aren’t coming.”

This caused the boy’s brown brows to knot, and a little resentment to kindle up the dull eyes. A little improvement, but still not what Sanzou wanted to leave behind once he managed to finish packing and get moving.

The head elder monk of Chou-an had been invited to visit a small-governed city only a day away from the temple. Unfortunately, the elder had died two days ago and Sanzou was now “socially obliged” to go in the elder’s place. What made things worse was the fact that the elder’s replacement was due to arrive tomorrow. It was just bad luck, but still it annoyed Sanzou. He hated such official functions that would end up with him up to his neck in gifts and offers and other thing he did not want to think about.

Goku’s piping voice snapped him out of his reverie, “I don’t wanna stay here if you’re gonna go.”

Sanzou snorted. Goku had been in a moody sulk since he was informed that he had to stay in the temple. At the thought of Goku at the official function, Sanzou felt a dark shiver make the hairs on the back of his neck rise. He could just imagine the chaos and mayhem that would ensue once the little monkey got his hands on the food…and probably into the alcohol. No, Goku was going nowhere.

“I told you already,” snapped Sanzou, “you’re staying here cause monkeys aren’t allowed where I’m going.”

This caused the little boy to stiffen and shout, “I’m not a monkey!” He then picked up his writing pamphlet from Sanzou’s desk and said pleadingly, “I finished all the work you gave me already, and I finished reading the assignment. See, I did everything!”

This caused Sanzou to pause. Reaching over he took the writing pamphlet from the boy and flipped through the pages. Sure enough, Goku had finished the assignments he had given him to work on while he was gone, the conniving little brat. Smirking, Sanzou said, “Well then, I guess now I’ll have to give you some more.”

Goku’s eyes went wide and his mouth dropped open, “Wha--?!”

The smirk became more prominent as he continued, “And since you finished four days worth of work in one night, I’ll have to triple the workload and make it more difficult.”

“Wa…wait a minute, Sanzou!” Cried Goku in a horrified voice, “That stuff was really hard! And I don’t wanna have more work, I wanna go with you!”

“No.”

Goku’s eyes changed then, starting to shimmer with angry tears as he shouted, “I don’t wanna stay here alone! You’re not letting me go because you’re a big mean jerk!”

Sanzou felt his eyebrow tick at this, and his deep angry growl vibrate in his chest as he gave the fuming boy a very cold look. “You think so, do you?” The boy’s answer better be good or else he’d regret it.

Goku seemed to flinch slightly at the look, but shouted, “Jerk! Jerk! Jerk!!!

**CRACK**

With a pained yelp, Goku landed on his butt, clutching his aching head as Sanzou replaced his fan back within the folds of his robes. Not giving the boy another glance, the young man went about his office, completing his packing moments before a monk knocked on his door and called, “Sanzou-sama, its time to go.”

Waiting to hear the monk’s receding footsteps, he looked down at Goku who had not moved from where he had fallen. He had curled up slightly, his thin arms wrapped around his thin legs, his hair covering his eyes. For a moment, Sanzou felt a little pity for the boy; after all he couldn’t blame him for not wanting to be left alone with all the monks. He himself knew the feeling when his dead master Koumyo left the temple and left him behind. But still, pity or not he was not going to tolerate brattiness.

“When I come back I had better not hear a single complaint about you,” he said sharply.

He saw Goku stiffen slightly, but nodded his head and said in the most miserable voice, “I’ll be good.”

Sanzou accepted this though he knew that even on the boy’s best behavior the monks would find something to complain about to him once he returned. But both of them knew that Sanzou only punished him when he deserved it. “When I get back I want you to have picked a book from my bottom shelf and to have written at least twenty-five pages from the text in neat handwriting. Once I’m back I’ll test you on what you’ve read, got it?”

“Got it,” was the even more dejected answer.

“The new elder will be coming tomorrow, so try to not make a spectacle of yourself. If possible, stay away from him until I come back, that way we can avoid any disasters.”

“Okay.”

Satisfied, Sanzou was about to leave when he noticed the small shoulder’s shaking, and the small sound of a sniffle.

Crap.

Gnashing his teeth in frustration, he tried, “I’ll be gone for only four days.”

“I don’t care. I don’t want to stay here,” was the little sob of a response.

“I already told you,” snapped Sanzou, his patience frazzled. “ You are not going!”

“Then don’t go!” Wailed Goku, raising his head, letting Sanzou see the golden eyes behind the flowing tears.

“Look,” said Sanzou harshly, “you had better get over it, because I’m not going to always be here, and I am definitely not going to suffer with your company for the rest of my life! You’re going to have to get used to being alone, because that’s the way the world works.”

He regretted those words as soon as he uttered them. He watched as Goku’s small elfin face turned pale and frozen. Goku said nothing for a moment, staring up at him as he stood slowly. Sanzou then saw something that he did not expect to ever see in those golden eyes. It was deep, deep angry rage that he had never thought Goku could possibly express. It was frightening, and Sanzou could not help but remember that Goku, though a child, had been imprisoned for 500 years for a reason.

Finally, Goku yelled, “I hate you!” Then he was gone, slamming the door to Sanzou’s office shut with a loud resounding boom that grated at Sanzou’s ears.

He was half inclined to go after the golden-eyed boy to pummel him, but stopped himself. Goku was a stupid animal that did not know any better. And anyway, if the stupid little monkey was angry at him, then maybe he’d get some piece and quiet when he returned. After over three months since freeing Goku, Sanzou had noticed that when the boy was angry with him, he avoided him.

With those thoughts, Sanzou picked up his neatly packed bag and lit a cigarette, placing it between his lips and inhaling the addicting nicotine smoke. He then glanced out to the window and frowned, seeing that somehow he had not noticed the dark storm clouds darkening the sky. It was going to rain.

Shit.

***

He hated him.

Yeah, he hated him.

No…he really, really thought he was a jerk.

Yes, Genjo Sanzou was the biggest jerk in the whole world. Sanzou was mean, bad tempered, foul mouthed, and liked to hit him with that stupid fan that he always somehow kept on him. Sanzou constantly called him a ‘monkey’ no matter how many times he was told not to. Sanzou yelled at him and gave him those scary looks that sent the monks in the temple scurrying for cover. And when Sanzou was really, really mad, he would make him sit quietly, prohibited from outside, prohibited from food, prohibited from movement, and prohibited from noise.

So why, why did Son Goku just not leave the corrupt young man and his temple filled with whining self-righteous monks and set off on his own. After all, hadn’t he survived for centuries alone chained up in the mountainous prison? Wasn’t he physically stronger than all the monks and their selfish novices put together? He wasn’t like a normal child that was for sure. He had a keen nose for food and danger that would help him survive easily in the outside world beyond Chou-an.

So why did Son Goku choose to stay?

Are you happy?

With an out of character temper, Goku threw his writing pallet across Sanzou’s study, sending it crashing into some neatly stacked files that Sanzou had meticulously organized before leaving the day before. The boy watched with a feverish look in his golden eyes as the sheets of paper fluttered to the stone floor, making a mess of the order Sanzou had made.

“Sanzou will be mad when he comes back,” said Goku to the empty room. “He’ll call me an animal and make me clean up the mess I made.” With a sigh, Goku reached down and picked up one of the fallen documents, and looked over the neatly written letters.

Letters form words, words form sentences, sentences form paragraphs, and paragraphs form meaning.

At least, that was what Sanzou said. Goku had never felt happier than the moments when he showed his work to Sanzou, who would look over it and give him both words of praise and words of criticism that Goku craved desperately. The attention he was gifted with when hiding from the monks under Sanzou’s desk after some transgression on his part. The occasional pat on the head when he had his few moments of despair. The times after a lesson, or after a punishment when Sanzou looked down at him with his hard cold amethyst eyes and for a moment…look so, so familiar that it ached deep in Goku’s heart…in which he’d allow him to finally go outside, and there Goku would bask in the glorious sun.

Yes…the sun.

Son Goku remained with Genjo Sanzou, because Genjo Sanzou gave Son Goku the sun he had craved for so long. The freedom to run outside and enjoy the life that had been taken from him for things that he had done, but could not remember.

Yes, it was beyond a doubt in Goku’s young mind. He had done something horrible, and for that he had been locked away and stripped of his memories. But…what had he done to deserve such a punishment? Sanzou had told him not to dwell on the past too much, but to look at the here and now. That was what Goku intended to do, but what if the here and now weren’t making him happy?

Goku finished picking up the papers and placed them in their place. Then he reached and picked up his writing pallet and flipped through the pages, pausing at one that had been folded over. He unfolded it carefully, but his hand slipped and he winced at the sound of the paper tearing jaggedly. In the silence of the room, the small sound of the paper tearing was loud and echoing.

Are you happy?

Suddenly, tears sprang into Goku’s eyes, making the writing pallet and its ugly tear blur. Whispering out loud Goku said, “Now look what you did you stupid, stupid idiot. Sanzou is going to be mad because he has said over and over that you have to be careful with your writing pallet. Stupid.”

Wiping the tears with his arm he went over to Sanzou’s desk and opened his top right drawer. There he pulled out a roll of tape. Tape was very rare, and only few, like Sanzou, knew of its existence. He had told Goku that he was never to use it without permission.

“But Sanzou is not here,” said Goku, angrily tearing a small piece of tape and applying it to the paper, connecting the torn edges together. “Sanzou left. He said that you have to be good, and get used to being alone!”

Are you happy?

With a huff the boy dropped the writing pallet onto the top of Sanzou’s desk. He stared at it lying there dismally, and then turned his head to Sanzou’s bookshelf. With a sigh that came from his toes he dragged his feet and went to his knees to look at the books on the bottom shelf. He had to pick one book and read it before Sanzou got back.

Goku froze for a moment when he heard the low rumbling of thunder coming from the outside. It had been cloudy and gray since Sanzou had left the day before. He had heard the monks saying that it was a blessing from the Buddha that the new elder monk had arrived before the rain hit. Goku hadn’t understood what the rain and the elder monk’s arrival had to do with each other. He had then been told that the rain was a bad omen, but since the elder beat the rain, he therefore beat the omen…or something like that. Either way, it made no sense. After all, Goku loved the rain, especially when it was warm enough for him to go out and have fun in it. He had played in the mud once, and he would never forget the look on Sanzou’s face when he returned indoors.

With a smile spreading on his lips and lightening his mood, the young golden eyed boy looked at the books on the bottom shelf, reading the titles: “Book of the Dead”, “Theogony”, “The End of the Kali Age”, “Bhagavad-Gita”, “The Pantheons”, and “Quetzalcoatl”.

Scratching his head, Goku randomly pulled out the last book on the right, it being a thick volume covered in dust that Goku would bet a whole meal that Sanzou had never touched. A perfect choice. After all, when Sanzou returned and discovered that Goku had read something he hadn’t touched, then he’d spend the whole night cramming and reading so that the next day he would be able to criticize Goku’s work properly. In a way, it was Goku’s vengeance.

With an impish grin he went to Sanzou’s desk, and sat himself comfortably on Sanzou’s chair. Using the edge of his shirt, he wiped the volume off, dirtying it. He would get hell from the monks, but his curious mind was more focused on the black words engraved on the hard thick cover of the book: “The Journey to the West”.

Flipping the flap over, the boy’s large eyes widened in admiration and the ink drawing on the first page. There was a monk sitting astride a noble steed, behind him an ugly brutish man, beside him a fat comical looking pig, and walking before him, holding a staff and wearing a band across his brow was a monkey. Interested, Goku opened the book in the middle and read the title of the chapter: The Monkey of the Mind Returns to the Right; All the Six Robbers Vanish From Sight.

Reading, he found a man named Tripitaka had found a monkey called Great Sage Equal to Heaven Wu-Kung imprisoned in a mountain, and Monkey had asked to be freed.

“…I have neither ax nor drill. How can I save you?”

“No need for ax or drill,” said the monkey. “If you are willing to rescue me, I’ll be able to get out.”

Tripitaka said, “I’m willing, but how can I get you out?”

So enthralled by the words before him Goku’s keen ears failed to hear the sounds of someone approaching Sanzou’s study. His head shot up when the door opened, revealing a middle-aged monk that he did not recognize. The man was tall, and a bit overweight, though it was hard to tell with the billowing robes that he wore, but the double chin was a dead giveaway. He was clean-shaven and bald like the other monks, though he was perspiring as if he had run a long way, and his thick neck was blushed red. In his left hand, his stubby fingers ran over dark mahogany rosary beads.

Placing the book down on the desk, making sure it stayed open on the page he was on, Goku stood up and grinned at the gaping stranger and came to stand before him. “Hello!” He greeted amiably. Even though Sanzou was rude to the monks who came to his office, he had told Goku that he had to be respectful of his elders…until Sanzou told him otherwise.

The man blinked down at the boy before finally finding his voice: “I was told that this is Sanzou-sama’s study.”

Goku nodded his head, “Ah-huh. You’re right; this is Sanzou’s study. But he’s not here.”

The man’s face darkened suddenly, his brows furrowing and he glared at the boy. “That is ‘Sanzou-sama’!” He snapped.

It was Goku’s turn to blink, wondering why the man was angry. “That’s right, Sanzou isn’t here.”

Suddenly the man’s arm shot out, snagging his ear and causing the rosary beads to smack sharply against his cheek. With a vicious pull that caused Goku to yelp in both pain and surprise, the man hissed, “You will speak Sanzou-sama’s name with respect and reverence, boy!”

Goku could have broken the man’s wrist right then and there. He could have kicked out and smashed the monk’s kneecap. Instead he shouted angrily, “What are you doing?! Let go, you fat jerk!”

The man smacked him.

Hard.

Goku stuck his tongue out and gently licked at the blood that was coming out of the cut on his lip, his mind working agonizingly slow. Sanzou had never, never struck him with his hand. He only hit him with the fan on his head. He never, never let the monks strike him, telling them that if Goku did anything that deserved punishment, then he, Genjo Sanzou, would punish him. Yet here was a monk, who had just struck him on the face, drawing blood and looking half inclined to hit him again. But…this was a monk, meaning he had to respect him. Goku did not know whether to break the man’s teeth or suck it up and remain respectful like Sanzou had told him to.

The man stiffened at the sound of running feet coming towards them, his painful grip on Goku’s small ear becoming even more painful. Two pale looking monks stopped short at the scene unfolding before them, with the large monk punishing the boy Sanzou had made quite clear that they are never to touch.

The large monk turned to face them, swinging Goku by his ear so that he stood in front of him. Goku let out a small whimper of pain and looked up imploringly at the two monks. He recognized them as the two who usually helped around guests. Sanzou had told him that they were eloquent speakers, but all eloquence was rendered out of them by what they were witnessing…and probably the knowledge of a painful death if Sanzou found out about this. Surely, these two would put the idiot brute to rights.

“E…Elder Inu-sama! What are you doing?!”

Goku blinked in shock and tilted his head up gently without having his captor’s wrath turn on him. “Elder…Inu…sama?”

So, this was the man that had come to replace the late elder? The previous elder had been a small, thin old man with failing eyesight. He was gentle and soft-spoken and never raised a hand of violence against anyone, as was the will of Buddha…well…that was what Sanzou had told him. Goku did not know what Buddha had to do with the fact that the previous Elder had been a nice guy.

The total opposite of the replacement.

Well, maybe once the monks explained to the man the way things worked, then he’d become nice as well.

Goku could not suppress and angry growl as Elder Inu shook him roughly by the ear, saying in a low angry voice, “This little thief was in Sanzou-sama’s study!”

What?

What?

WHAT?

One of the monks smiled gently and said in a semi-calm voice, “This is no thief honorable Elder Inu-sama. Sanzou-sama picked up the boy a couple of months ago, and is keeping him here and teaching him.”

“Yes,” agreed the other monk, bobbing his baldhead. “And Sanzou-sama allows the boy to enter and leave the study as he pleases. The boy was doing nothing wrong…we think.” The monk looked nervously into Sanzou’s study, and when seeing nothing broken and everything looking still in order, he gave out a sigh of relief.

“Really?” Asked Elder Inu curiously, letting go of Goku’s throbbing ear, but keeping a firm hold on his thin shoulder. He turned Goku to face him (though Goku only reached his robed stomach) and leaned forward, his nose slightly wrinkled in distaste. Goku’s large golden eyes met the elder’s hard brown ones for a moment before the man snorted, “Are you saying that this little dirty waif is Sanzou-sama’s disciple? If so then why is he wearing common clothes and not the robes of a novice who is training to be one with Buddha? Why isn’t his hair sha…” He stopped short, his eyes finally falling to the golden diadem resting on Goku’s brows.

“Youkai,” he spat hatefully. “Genjo Sanzou-sama has brought into this holy temple a dirty youkai.”

Ok…that didn’t sound good.

“Please Elder Inu-sama, the boy is not to be touched by us by orders of Sanzou-sama himself. If he did anything to insult you, once Sanzou-sama is back the boy will be punished.”

Goku felt his temper rise at that, and turning his head over his shoulder he snapped, “But I didn’t do anything! He’s the one who grabbed me and started yelling and hitting me!”

The monks now glared down at Goku. “If Elder Inu-sama felt the need to punish you, then you indeed deserved to be punished.”

“But I didn’t do anything!” Wailed the boy, feeling a sharp pain of something unfamiliar in his chest.

Are you happy?

An image of Sanzou’s cold hard look made a sudden flare of deep anger rise in the depths of Goku’s soul. He could see the way the monks were looking down at him, their contempt and disgust for ‘Sanzou’s pick-up’. It had never bothered him before, in these months living here, but with Sanzou gone there was nothing to the temple but the same frightening loneliness and isolation of his stone prison high up in the mountains.

Goku bit his tongue when the Elder Inu shook him hard. “Silence!” Snarled the man, pushing him out of the study and slamming the door shut with a loud boom that echoed down the halls of the temple. Goku brought his hands up and covered his mouth, feeling tears rise up in eyes, though not from pain. He didn’t like this. He didn’t like this at all.

Are you happy?

“Quit your whimpering, boy,” said Elder Inu, giving him another shake. Goku closed his eyes, wanting nothing but to smash the man’s face in so that he could stop his hateful yelling. “It is obvious to me that Sanzou-sama has been spoiling you and you taking advantage of his kindness.”

If Goku had been capable, he would have laughed. The Sanzou he knew was anything but kind. He was jerk, and violent. There was no kindness at all in his heart, no room for the care of others. He didn’t care about anyone but himself.

Are you happy?

Switching his hold from Goku’s shoulder to his arm, Elder Inu proceeded to drag Goku down one of the corridors saying, “The first thing we will rectify are your clothes. As long as you live in this temple you will dress as a novice and accompany all the other promising boys in their lessons and chores as they learn the way of Buddha.”

Goku stiffened as they rounded a corner, noticing that the two monks had not followed them. He jerked back, making the man stop and turn on him with a raised eyebrow. Goku said, “Why should I learn all that stupid stuff? I don’t want to become a stupid monk! You guys don’t even eat meat!”

“You dare defy me?!” Snarled the man.

“And anyway, why should I learn to serve this Buddha person? Sanzou told me that he doesn’t even exist.” Snarled Goku back.

Elder Inu hit him.

Twice.

Very, very hard.

Goku felt his knees buckled under him and his head ring from the force of the blows. No one in training had ever hit him with such force as to disorient him so. He had even been flipped once and that hadn’t fazed him. Sanzou had always warned him to be careful when using his strength, for Goku was stronger in strength and power that the strongest of monks in the temple, yet here was a man who managed to hit Goku with a force he had never felt before.

A sudden animalistic need to flee took over Goku, making him buck and yank with all his might backward, away from the monk and his painful hold on him. He shot his free arm out, trying to push the man off balance, but behind that robe and that fat was strong pulsing muscle that Goku could not budge. He kicked out with his foot, hoping to sweep the man’s feet from under him, but he cried out in horror when the man’s other hand gripped his leg, holding it immobile as Elder Inu’s snarling face broke out into a feral grin.

“A strong one, aren’t you, little youkai,” said Elder Inu in a low hissing whisper. “But even though, you cannot win against one older and more experienced than you.” He let go of Goku’s leg and twisted Goku’s thin arm backwards threateningly, “So you can choose to obey me or I can snap your scrawny twig arm.”

Goku was scared now. He had been scared before, when the feeling of loneliness came, or when be was stuck in the well. But this was a new one, yet in an odd way familiar; the threat of pain, of hurt inflicted on him. Sanzou had threatened to kill him many times before, but they were idle. This man was quite serious with his threat, and Goku feared him, and he didn’t like the feeling at all.

Ashamed, Goku nodded his head and the man loosened his hold on Goku’s arm. Goku pulled his limb to him, massaging at the vivid bruises that were already forming there while he stared up at the man fearfully. The man was unpredictable. For all he knew, he’d end up getting hit for breathing!

“Come on,” said Elder Inu barked already heading down the corridor. For a moment Goku contemplated running for it, but realized that the man might be quicker than him as well, and who knew what would happen if he was caught. Shuddering at the thought, Goku followed submissively, keeping a good safe couple of feet away from the other.

Are you happy?

***

Sanzou started visibly when the fragile class of tea in his hand shattered. Scowling, he stepped back as his hosts scrambled to him apologizing profusely, rationalizing that the glass broke from perhaps a crack…or something.

Looking away from their worried pasty faces, Sanzou looked out the window, his scowl deepening when he saw that the rain had not let up…in fact it had gotten harder and darker. The weather was making him jittery if possible, making him itch to pull out one of his nicotine sticks, but he knew that one of the servants has sensitive lungs, and did not want to harm an innocent because of one of his cravings.

He really…really wanted to hit someone. Where was the stupid little monkey when he needed him? Not only was the weather bad, but also the whole visit had been boring beyond belief. His host and his wife driveling about their piousness and their dedication to the way of the Buddha and their awe of him, Genjo Sanzou.

So far, the shattering glass was the height of the day!

To put matters worse, their was a familiar annoying buzz in his ear, a whispering, a lonely cry that Sanzou had believed he had gotten rid of once he had freed the monkey.

He remembered Goku’s hurt, angry look as the boy shouted his hate for him. He remembered his annoying impish grin when coming out of hiding from beneath his desk. He remembered Goku’s tears when pulled out of the well, and the pride in his golden eyes after finishing a task Sanzou had assigned for him.

Dammit, hadn’t he given the boy enough? He had freed him, started educating him, fed his insatiable hunger, clothed him, and given him a safe place to live…what else was to be expected of him? Hadn’t he done enough?

“I never look for the sun, I always look away. But then you came and for a moment I thought the sun was coming to me. I just couldn’t look away.”

“Sanzou-sama? You look ill, perhaps you would like to retire?”

Sanzou blinked at his host, and his hovering wife. Shaking his head he said, “No. I think I’ve seen enough.”

“E…enough, Sanzou-sama?”

Shit, he hated that title. “I’m leaving. Now.”

“But…but…”

Sanzou glared at him coldly, daring the man to say another word.

Not half and hour later did Sanzou find himself alone walking out of the small city in the rain, cursing the monkey, cursing the voice, and cursing himself.

Someone…someone was going to pay.

***

Goku silently let the man dress him in the novice monk’s robes, his face blushing in embarrassment and shame at allowing the man to control him with fear. He was then taken to cut his hair, but the barber refused to touch Goku’s head for fear of Sanzou coming back and not liking the change. The elder reluctantly agreed to Goku’s relief. He didn’t want his hair cut. Not yet at least, for it was the way it had always been, just the way he liked it.

Elder Inu then forced Goku to sit through his lecture to the other novices, making Goku sit right before him. Goku did not listen, staring blankly at the man’s mouth moving while thinking about the green grass outside with the wind blowing the thin blades. So content in his day dream, Goku had not realized that the novices had been dismissed until Elder Inu sent a thin switch crashing against Goku’s back.

This was nothing compared to Sanzou battering him over the head with his fan. Sure the fan hurt him, but the switch left it’s mark painfully clear on his back. Elder Inu hit him seven times while saying, “To think, our honorable Sanzou-sama lowering himself to rear a despicable beast like you! Surely you aggravate his greatness with your unholy presence!”

When he was done, Goku did not know which hurt more, the blows or the words.

It was the evening meal that everything crumbled. The elder requested that Goku sit beside him for fear of more of Goku’s mischief. The other monks all nodded their heads knowingly and let the elder have his way. Usually, Goku would be served some outside order or assorted meats, but Elder Inu had already forbidden it so that Goku was served the same amount and the same food that was served to everyone else.

Goku would have yelled, cried, made such a scene that would have the monks scurrying to get him some more food. If Sanzou were here, he’d simply take him out and buy him something. But Sanzou was gone, and Goku was sitting stiff beside the Elder Inu, his back still stinging from the blows he had received not fifteen minutes ago.

Goku felt his stomach grumble in hunger, but he ignored it, staring dully at the mixed vegetables and rice on his tray, his small hand clutching the chopsticks. A shadow came looming over him from the side and Goku looked up at the Elder Inu who glared disapprovingly down at him and his untouched food.

“Is the meal not good enough for you?” He asked darkly.

Goku swallowed hard and carefully placed his utensils down. In a small voice he said, “I’m not hungry.”

Are you happy?

The monk on his other side stopped eating and looked at him in surprise. Seeing the dejection in the small boy’s eyes and posture and the looming disapproval of the Elder hovering over the boy, the monk said gently, “It may not be meat, but it is still good, Goku-san. Why don’t you try it? You haven’t eaten anything today.”

Goku ducked his head and said shakily, “I’m sure its good and all…but I’m not hungry. I can’t eat.”

“You just won’t eat it because there is no meat!” Snapped the elder.

Goku noticed something then. There was an odd scent to the Elder Inu. All the humans he had met so much had shared a familiar scent that made them…human. But the Elder Inu…his scent was one he had never smelled before. Could that be why he was stronger than the others?

“Are you going to stare at your hands or are you going to answer?”

“Please Elder Inu-sama, let the boy leave if he is not hungry. He looks ill in my opinion.”

“He is a free loading brat. Sanzou-sama has been too soft on this savage youkai spawn! You say Sanzou-sama found him in a prison, well he was put there for a reason, and though Sanzou-sama believes he can be redeemed with kindness, I believe that he needs a strict overseer to put him on the path of Buddha!”

Goku stood then, slowly, ignoring the Elder’s murderous look as he turned his back on him and the other monks, walking out of the dining hall and shutting the door behind him.

And with an odd pain in his head, and a sharp knife in his chest, Goku broke into a run.

Are you happy?

Letting his feet take carry him, Goku came to a halt outside Sanzou’s study. Breathing heavily, Goku reached and pulled at the doorknob, only to find it locked.

But Sanzou had ordered the monk’s to keep it open!

With a snarl, Goku ran the way he came, past the dining hall where he heard the monks reciting a sutra and out the front door into the pouring rain.

Above the gray weeping sky lit with lightening, followed momentarily with the heaven’s howl cracking. Goku stumbled on some muddied grass, loosing both his slippers and muddying his novice robes. Pushing himself back on his feet, the boy continued to run around the temple till he came to a familiar window. Jumping up, he caught on to the slippery sill and pulled himself to the ledge. With a mighty push, he broke the window latch, opening the window doors and allowing him entrance to the warm dry insides.

The window of Sanzou’s study was positioned right behind Sanzou’s desk, so when Goku jumped in and shut the window, he found himself staring at the book he had been reading, its pages fluttering in the wind from outside. Lifting his sodden head, Goku surveyed the dark empty room, a heaviness coming upon him, the sharp pain in his chest twisting.

Taking a couple of steps toward the desk, the golden eyed boy peered down at the pages, stopping their turning with a wed, muddied hand. Looking at the words that he could barely see in the darkness, he read out loud to the empty room, his voice ringing in his ears:

“My Master has come! My Master has come! My Master has come! Master, why have you taken so long to get here?”

He would have read more have he not been blinded by the sudden onset of tears. Stepping back, he wiped at his face with a dirty arm, trying to stifle his sobs.

Are you happy?

Crouching, he crawled under the desk, pushing the chair so that its legs barred his way out. His cave, his prison. Curling up like he used to before Sanzou came and showed him the sun, he shut his eyes, letting the tears trail down his dirty cheeks.

In the beginning, when he woke up with no memories in the stone prison high up in the mountains, he had cried in his loneliness, had gone into rages and tried to break the chains that bound him, to break the bars that held him within. He believed at some points he had gone crazy, staring at the sun, but never being able to bask in its warmth. So he had given up, turned his back on the sun and its warmth, crawling deep into the bowels of the cave’s shadows. He wouldn’t look forward for the sun.

Are you happy?

Sanzou had given him the sun, the hope for tomorrow, the freedom to run and feel the warmth. Yet…

Are you happy?

Without Sanzou…

It was like he had never left his prison…

Are you happy?

Without Sanzou…

There was no sun…

There was no hope…

There was no warmth…

Are you happy?

Burying his head into his arms, Goku wept, the answer clear to him.

Without Sanzou…there was no such thing as ‘happy’.

***

Sanzou paused in his trek to rub at his ear. The stupid calling was getting louder and more frantic. With a snarl he picked up his pace, cursing as his white robes became sodden with rain, and his socks and slippers to become muddied beyond repair.

Lifting his head, he let the rain hit his pale stiff face for a moment before wishing the heavens to hell and starting again down the path, his pace even quicker. He could sense that something was wrong, but what he couldn’t tell. Whatever it was, he had to return to Chou-an…even if it meant trekking through the accursed rain and muck.

Someone was going to pay dearly for this.

***

The door swung open, crashing against the wall. Goku jumped, banging his head against the roof of the desk. He held still, holding his breath, knowing by the odd scent who had come to Sanzou’s office looking for him.

“I know you are there, little youkai. Come out and your punishment won’t be as severe if I have to come get you out from under that desk,” growled Elder Inu.

Wiping the tears, and taking a deep breath, Goku pushed Sanzou’s chair away and crawled out from under the safety of his savior’s desk. He would not cower from this man. Sanzou had told him when confronting something he fears, he should face it face forward, his head held high like a man. With careful steps, he walked around the desk to stand before the man who smirked down at him, his teeth seeming to flash white in the darkness. Goku’s eyes then caught sight of the switch in the man’s hand, the same hand that had the rosary beads.

Elder Inu raised the switch, saying, “You know what you deserve for you insolence and disobedience, don’t you?”

Goku glared, he was going to be hit no matter what. “I didn’t do anything,” he said.

The boy saw the switch swinging toward his face and managed to get his arm up to shield his face from the blow that struck him so hard that he was sent sprawling on his side. Elder Inu came to stand over him, placing a slippered foot on Goku’s side, holding him down.

“I can’t understand it,” said Elder Inu mildly. “Why would Sanzou-sama take in a youkai child? One would think that he’d hate youkai since it was youkai that killed his master. But then…you’re young, and I can see why some simpering monk would take pity on you. You look pathetic.”

Goku blinked, confused. The Elder had just insulted Sanzou! But didn’t the guy worship the ground Sanzou walked on?

Elder Inu snorted, unraveling the rosary beads from his hand. “It doesn’t matter now. I can see that you’ll get in the way if you stick around. Besides…” Goku’s eyes widened as the monk changed before his eyes. His fat turning into bulging muscles, sharp fangs protruded out from his mouth, and his ears became elongated and pointed. “Besides…you may look scrawny, but you’re a strong little shit. You’re too dangerous.”

Goku’s mouth dropped open, and pointed his hand up at the now transformed elder, “Wait a minute! Are you a vampire?”

The Elder’s now ugly face went blank for a moment before he answered, “I’m a youkai you little fool.”

Goku frowned, confused, “But I don’t look or smell like that! How can I be a youkai?”

“You mean you never knew what a youkai was?!” Demanded an incredulous elder.

“No. You’re the first one.” Goku paused in thought then added, “And I can’t be youkai. I’m Goku, Son Goku.”

The youkai in disguise chuckled down at the boy darkly, “Aren’t you a little innocent one? Well, these stupid humans say that when people die they become Buddha, perhaps that goes the same for little innocent youkai.”

Goku tried to slide from under the youkai’s foot, but the other pressed his weight down on Goku’s small ribs. Wincing, Goku demanded, “You want to kill me?”

The youkai sneered, “You’re too dangerous to keep alive. I’m supposed to kill Sanzou-sama once he comes back from his little trip, but I was certain that I’d wind up having to face you since the monks told me that you’re constantly at his side. And like I said, you’re a strong shit, so it’d be hard to kill you and Sanzou-sama at the same time.”

“You wanna kill Sanzou!” Gasped Goku in horror.

“The whole plan was to disguise myself as a human and kill the man. You are just a little thorn in my plan. But with you gone, Sanzou’s death is assured.”

Goku had told Sanzou he hated him. The fact was, Goku didn’t understand what hate was until he heard these cold words coming from the youkai’s mouth. With a snarl, Goku started to trash and buck under the youkai’s foot shouting, “You’re not going to touch Sanzou!”

The youkai barked a laugh, pulling out a thin blade from the folds of the monk’s robes. “The naiveté humans in this temple have fallen in love with me because I am the only one willing to put you in your place. Once you are dead I’ll stash your body in the woods, and they will think that you have finally runaway. Then, when Sanzou-sama arrives in two days, I will smother him in his bed so that it looks like he died in his sleep.”

“No!” Goku cried out in pain when the youkai kicked him in the shoulder, his joint making a sickening cracking sound. Pain enveloped his senses, his mind reeling in the searing pain of his shoulder being dislocated.

“The monks are all in the main hall, all chanting their sutra’s together. No one will hear you when you scream, Son Goku. Just like no one will hear Sanzou’s struggles when I kill him.”

Goku was about to snarl at the man when his ears caught the sound of something snapping in his head. Like the turning of a key in a locked door, opening secrets within. The youkai was gone, as was Sanzou’s study. He lay in a somewhat dream state, his body enveloped in a warm familiar light that made him feel safe, yet sorrowful at the same time. He could make out figures, people whom he knew and recognized, but could not name. One seemed to look straight at him, and Goku wanted to run to him…

No! He didn’t want him to fade away! He didn’t want him to disappear! Who was he? He knew him, this important person! He wanted to go to him, to have all his questions answered…

…to this person with hair that shone like the sun…

Then…like the locking of the same door, everything returned to black…

…and nothingness.

***

Sanzou reached the temple of Chou-an in the early morning, his body shivering from the cold of the continuously pouring rain. He could tell immediately that his instincts had been right, for something had gone wrong. He could sense the aura of a strong youkai, and something else…

Something far more powerful and deadly.

He was greeted with shock and fear by the monks, none of them coming to face him or looking into his eyes as he strode onto the grounds and into the temple, heading directly to the source of this disturbing essence. He did not bother to interrogate the monks yet, his mind centered on the overwhelming feeling of hate and rage.

Sanzou stopped short when he came to the door of his study.

Here was the center.

Looking over his shoulder, he saw a parade of trembling monks behind him, without a trace of untamable brown hair, and happy golden eyes. A feeling of absolute dread twisted at Sanzou’s gut, and for a moment, he did not want to open the door, for then he would have to face whatever truth lay within.

“Where is he?” Demanded Sanzou harshly.

His only answer was a cacophony of terrified blubber.

With a snarl, Sanzou threw his door open to find his study in ruins. The neat shelves of books and documents were all shredded, his side tables and chairs shattered beyond repair. His window was gone, a gaping hole in its place. Blood was splattered on the walls and floor as of someone relished butchering the victim. The only thing left untouched was his desk, and a single book.

He entered, stepping over wood, paper, and debris till he came to his desk. Lifting the book in his hand he looked to the page that it had been left on, reading the first words that caught his eyes:

“Master, why have you taken so long to get here? Welcome! Welcome! Get me out and I will protect you on your way to the Western Heaven!”

“What is this shit?” Hissed Sanzou, throwing the book away from him, now finally turning his anger toward the cowering monks. “Someone better answer me soon, or I swear I will kill every one of you!” He took out his gun and aimed it at them to their horror.

One scrambled forward, groveling on his hands and knees at the entrance of Sanzou’s study, refraining from entering the room. “Sanzou-sama! Something terrible has happened!”

Sanzou stalked up to him snarling, “Do you think I’m blind?! What the hell is going on?!”

“The new elder, Elder Inu-sama…he…he was a youkai in disguise, Sanzou-sama!”

Sanzou narrowed his cold eyes on the unfortunate man asking, “And why didn’t any of you sense this? Surely one of you is capable to sensing a youkai’s presence?” He glanced at the other monks, and then snarled. No, of course none of them would be able to sense a hostile enemy next to them! “Go one!” He snapped.

The youkai tricked us to all chant a sutra together in the main hall, and then we believe he came here looking for young Goku-san. We then all felt a wild surge of dark youki and came here only to find the youkai disemboweled and dying.”

“And Goku?”

“We couldn’t find him anywhere, though we were able to find his diadem, broken in half.”

Sanzou paused at this. Goku’s golden diadem was a youki limiter, meant to keep Goku’s powers hidden and contained. Glancing at the room and blood, Sanzou could not believe that this was the result of Goku being released from the diadem and its immense holy power.

Shaking his thoughts, Sanzou asked, “And the youkai?”

“He’s been warded into a room. His injuries cannot be healed. He’s dying, Sanzou-sama.”

Sanzou growled, “Take me to him.”

“But…” protested the monk.

“NOW!”

The monks scrambled out of the way as Sanzou stomped out of his ruined study. He was led two rooms down, and silently watched as the wards were taken down and the door unlocked. He entered, with the monks hovering at the doorway.

The youkai was large, lying on a straw mat, bandages drenched in blood wrapped around his open gut. It was true; the youkai was not going to last another hour.

The youkai saw him enter and whispered through broken teeth, “I see you, Genjo Sanzou-sama.”

“Why did you come here?” Demanded the young monk.

The youkai smiled, and then coughed up blood. “To kill you of course.”

Sanzou narrowed his eyes, “Why did you go after Goku?”

“The little shit? He was dangerous…I was right. Too dangerous. Had to get rid of him…before…before you came back.”

Sanzou knelt next to dying youkai and said, “Tell me what happened to Goku and I will make your end quick and painless.”

“When I hit him…had to hit him hard, ‘cause I could tell he was strong…dangerous. Made him miserable…drove him away to be alone. Found him in your study…alone. Hit him hard, even dislocated his puny shoulder. Told him I was going to kill you…yeah…that was it…I told him I was going to kill you…and that got him pissed…so very pissed. Never seen anything with such hate and rage…and he’s just a little shit!” He chocked on some more blood, struggling to breathe and talk at the same time. “Then…then he got all weird, like he be seeing things…and that crown of his…it snapped right there on his head…it broke…and he changed.” The youkai’s large hand reached out, trembling and grasped Sanzou’s wet sleeve, “I thought he was youkai…yeah I though he was youaki…but he ain’t! He ain’t no youkai! There ain’t no youkai that strong…that crazy! He jumped me, then went on at my stomach, ripping me an’ laughing…laughing! He be enjoying it!” He paused, “Must have thought I was dead…cause he ran out the window and went into the rain! He’s a little monster! Yeah…a little grinning death…smiling and laughing as he ripped me to shreds…” He started to laugh, blood flying out of his mouth.

Sanzou said nothing, staring dispassionately at the youkai before raising his gun and shooting him through the head.

- TBC -

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