Saiyuki does not belong to the author of this fic.

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Through the Looking Glass by Mitsima
Part 6 - Then You Get Desperate

The sound of breaking glass caught Goku’s attention as he was walking through the hall on his way towards the kitchen. They had been pent up in the lodge all day and now the sun was setting behind the mountains. It was pretty and he stayed at the window looking outside for hours while Sanzo smoked and read the paper, grateful that he was being quiet for once. There was no better time when the sun was so alive. “Right before it dies out, saru? You make me sick.” Well, a Sanzo comment was a Sanzo comment. At least he talked.

Gojyo spent most of the time flirting with the tavern waitress and drinking. Typical. But Hakkai...Hakkai didn’t seem to want to talk to anybody. He apologized for not being able to cook for them. Too tired, Hakkai said. And that was that. Sanzo wouldn’t allow anybody to pester the man about food. No question. No answer either. “Just leave him alone.” the priest snapped earlier. “You’re finally getting to him. It was inevitable.” Goku didn’t believe him though. Hakkai always had time for him. Hakkai never got mad with him. Hakkai had the patience of a saint.

Now Hakkai was acting like a ghost. It worried him tremendously. He crept to the room the healer and Sanzo shared- not even bothering to wonder why the monk refused to go in. And why he preferred Goku’s company that day instead of Hakkai’s. It just wasn’t done. More likely that the stars would shift their positions and there would be a completely new sky to look up at. It just wasn’t *natural.*

Goku found the door ajar and peeked in.

“I’m not human.” he heard Hakkai mutter miserably. “I’m a goddam youkai!” His hands went to the cuffs at his ears and upon touching them, he drew his hand back as if he were burned.

“Um...Hakkai?”

At the sound of Goku’s voice, the man in question whipped around like a thief caught red handed in the middle of a heist. “Goku!” His eyes widened. There was no concealing the broken mirror at his feet where a random ball of ki had hit. He was just looking at himself...and then it just...it just flew out of his hand, shattering everything.

Bad enough to think he was human. Condemnation to know that he was a youkai. Nataku killed people like him. A better man. Right. With a youkai in heaven, all was sure to go to hell. He was sure of it.

“You’re hand’s bleeding!”

“What? Oh.” Tenpou looked absently down. The boy was right. It was stained red. When he looked up again, Goku was digging through Hakkai’s luggage and after a moment produced a first aid kit. “Sit down.” Tenpou dumbly obeyed and fell into a stiff armchair in the corner of the room.

Sitting at his feet, Goku got a basin filled with water and began to wash the superficial wound that stretched across Tenpou’s palm.

“Thank you.”

“No problem.” the boy said. “Does it hurt?”

“Not anymore. Who taught you to dress wounds?”

Goku looked up with concern. “You did Hakkai.”

“Yes. So I did.” Bad recovery. Note to self: learn how to act. “And what I good job on my part, eh?” he laughed listlessly, hoping the other wouldn’t notice.

“Of course! You’re the sensei around here when it comes to practical stuff.” continued Goku as he pulled out a tube of ointment, read it, and after confirming it was the correct one, applied it to the now clean surface of skin. Sanzo was there for anything cynically philosophical.

A sad smile suddenly tugged at the corners of Tenpou’s mouth. It made Goku uneasy because it was an expression Hakkai rarely wore...or maybe wore often but never showed anybody else. It fell on his face whenever it rained. Whenever he thought of that dead lady.

“Tell me, Goku.” Tenpou started. “Who taught you how to read? It wasn’t Sanzo, was it?”

A shake of the head.

“Really? But I thought there were no other teachers before Sanzo. Before me.”

A shrug. “I just knew.” It was simple childlike acceptance. Why do you breathe? I just do. What do you see? I opened my eyes. Why do you speak? When I open my mouth, sound comes out.

“Favorite story?”

“Must’ve had something to do with food.”

“Of course...”

He fell silent and hesitated, opening his mouth to say something that didn’t want to come out. Finally, he forced it to, as much as it made him feel like the greatest fool in the universe. Hell, maybe he was.

“Two favors Goku. Can you do that for me?” Tenpou asked hopefully.

“Sure. What’s the first?” Wide eyes regarded him quizzically and Tenpou swallowed hard. Fuck it, I’m pitiful.

“Repeat after me.”

“Okay.”

“Ten-” Like teaching the alphabet...

“Ten-” Goku repeated.

“-chan.”

“-chan. Ten-chan? Ten-chan. Ten-chan!” God, it felt good to hear that voice say that name. It hasn’t even been that long, but still...it put his heart more at ease. He bid his eyes closed and pictured a smaller boy with longer hair. Clanking chains with that same diadem. “Who’s that? Someone you know, Hakkai?” Goku then went to the bandages, wrapping it around Tenpou’s hand once. Twice.

He choked. “Not really. He hides himself in a library all the time. I never did have the time to get to know him well.”

“It’s not good to lock yourself up all the time. Not healthy. I tell Sanzo that. Tell him that too.”

//Dammit Tenpou, don’t you know it ain’t good for you to stay cooped up in here all the time? Look, the kid’s just begging for attention...

Ten-chan! Let’s go on a picnic, kay? You, me, Ken-niichan and Konzen. Okay Ten-chan? It’s nice outside and the books can’t make jokes and laugh and talk to you.

He’s got a point, Tenpou.//

“It’s as good as told, Goku. Thank you.” Tenpou examined his newly bandaged hand. At least he didn’t have to look at that dreadfully short lifeline half as much anymore.

“Second?”

“What?”

“Second favor, Hakkai.” Goku pushed on as he carelessly stuffed the supplies back into the first aid kid and tossed it over to one side of the room for future use. A bit pessimistic for someone like Goku, Tenpou thought, maybe I’m really scaring the hell out of him.

Second favor most important. For the ruse and for his dignity. “Please don’t tell the others about what I did. Something...something’s happened to me and I can’t get good control over my...powers. I’ll be fine within a week’s time. I promise, if you promise me that you won’t tell.” But Goku didn’t look convinced. //Kenren’s right. I’m such a bad liar.//

“Promise.” the boy chirped cheerfully, alleviated by the fact that Hakkai would get better. “It was kinda clutzy of me to run into the mirror like that. Seven years bad luck, right?”

Tenpou ruffled Goku’s hair. “Seven years isn’t very long. Don’t worry about it.”

Really, I shouldn’t force you to keep my secrets all the time...

****

“What do you mean *gone*?” Gojyo roared as he grabbed the front of Sanzo’s robe, only to have his hand violently slapped away.

“Gone to the lake, no doubt to investigate those rumors of celestial warriors.” replied the monk, lighting himself a new cigarette and settling back into his chair by the windowsill, newspaper in hand. “Left an hour ago.”

“And you just let him? What kind of friend are you, monk?”

“Don’t talk to me about friendship.” Sanzo growled. “If he needs to make peace with the gods, let him.”

There was no denying that the storm outside was getting worse, but what bothered Gojyo the most was the fact that Hakkai went off alone just like he did three years ago. His mind did a dreadful replay. “And if he dies along the way?”

A cynical scowl graced the fine contours of the other’s face as he flipped the page. “A journey in the name of the gods is never a journey lost.” he said tritely. “Besides, no one’s tying him down with this journey. He always has the choice to leave.”

“Fuck you. He’s coming back.”

“Doglike faith you have for your master.”

Gojyo’s temper erupted and he clenched his fist, his knuckles going white. “Same goes for you, bastard!” He threw a punch directed right at the blonde’s face, but it was blocked by Sanzo’s left hand, the right one with the gun aimed point blank at Gojyo’s forehead.

“Don’t tempt me too much, Gojyo. I might just do it.”

“Fuck you straight to hell.” Gojyo spat out, retracting his fist and spinning around towards the door. “You might not give a damn for your companions, but I do.”

“Stop treating him like your little wife. Hakkai can take care of himself.”

Gojyo opened the door, only to face a scene of pure white chaos. He blanched, “Ch’. dipshit.” then stepped through into the storm, closing the door behind him.

****

Tenpou pulled the cloak tighter around his body as he trudged wearily through the snow. The winds were picking up and clouds were moving in, blocking the sun’s light. His skin screamed for warmth, and perhaps he would have collapsed by now if it weren’t for Tenpou’s insistent mind willing this new body to go on beyond its limits. Through the growing storm that seemed to take on a life of its own. Like destiny working against him. Through the snow that stuck to his boots. Through screeching winds that seemed to beat down upon him like invisible harpies.

One foot in front of the other. One. Two. One. Two. In time with the celestial army’s drum beat. One. Two. As if he were going to war. Boom. Boom. It never ceased, an echo of the soldier’s heart as he is thrown into the heat of battle. One. Two. And as long as it rung clear in the distance, he could be sure that others were fighting right next to him, that he wasn’t alone. One. Two. The lake was getting nearer, he could sense it.

Then the sound of drums wasn’t only in his mind. He could actually hear it faintly over the howling winds. Boom. Boom. Slow this time, like a death march. And so he journeyed, as if to his death because it was this beat of heaven which he followed so doggedly through the squall. Tenpou rounded the hill and there it was- a lake within a crater. Frozen yet solitary. Nobody was there, but something about the lake beckoned to him. Holy water.

With one last burst of energy, Tenpou sprinted towards it and fell at its icy shore. The winds seemed to blow less harshly here as if the powers of the earth had no place. On his knees and with shaking hands, he reached out and touched the glassy surface. It stung, but he refused to break contact. Leaning forward and cleaning the scattered snowflakes off the ice, the marshal felt as if his heart stopped beating. Staring back was his reflection. Tenpou Gensui’s reflection. His real reflection.

A strong gust suddenly washed over him, made the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. The beating got stronger. Closer. It came again, with enough speed that he was knocked off is knees and into a snowbank. And a mist was rising around him. Then came whispers- at times indistinguishable from the winds that carried them.

“Marshal Tenpou...” they said. “Marshal Tenpou, you’ve come!”

Tenpou must have blacked out for a minute or two, but when he opened his eyes, he was on the surface of the lake, surrounded by Kenren’s thirty soldiers...or at least what was left of them.

****

It all went right back to Chin Lishou, the feeling anyway. When you see someone and yet you don’t. It was pissing him off. Should have just shot him through the head this morning, Sanzo thought dolefully. Or through the heart. Give him a few seconds to say where Hakkai really is. But the strange thing about it was that this was Hakkai, not some strange spell made to look like him. And dammit, he needed a driver. No use killing the real thing.

The simplest conclusion would be to say that he was possessed, Sanzo mused as he looked up from the paper and towards the wall. A crack ran through it as if something from the other side had stricken it hard.

There were just some mental frequencies that were simply Hakkai’s- see it in the smile, hear it in the tone of voice, and especially his silence. Hakkai’s silence was completely, utterly self-controlled. He would just vanish within himself and vanish from the room altogether until he willed himself to speak. Like magic. And he would be there again like a fairy godmother/mother hen at your service. Now the silence was different. It was unbearably loud- worse than Goku calling out to him from the mountain.

This was somebody screaming at the top of his lungs.

“Sanzoooooooooo!” Goku shouted from the hallway, his footsteps bounding closer, shaking the floorboards.

Shiiiiiiit. Right when I had a bit of peace. Please, “Go.To.Hell.”

And soon glass was flying. The beside him shattered into a thousand pieces as ice arrows penetrated the glass followed by streams of fire, quickly making the rickety wooden lodge into a burning inferno. Goku burst into the room, panting heavily.

“The village is being attacked!”

“No shit Sherlock!” he snatched his gun and loaded. “Let’s go before this piece of crap collapses on top of us!”

Outside, they were met by bloody carnage. People were running every which way. Nobody fighting the onslaught of snow youkai that swept the streets like a plague. Sanzo spat. “People who live without danger turn into chickenshit pretty fast.”

Beside him, Goku summoned his staff. “We have to do something, Sanzo.”

“Don’t be so eager!” the monk snapped as he pushed the both of them into the shadows of a nearby building. “And shut up.”

The youkai possessed little features, looking no more than ice statues with furious blue eyes. Some possessed wings. Looked like white moths. Flew low. Spat out fire. Spat out ice. One of them made another round in their direction, screeching furiously. With practiced calm, Sanzo raised his gun, aimed right between the eyes. A loud crack of thunder and it disintegrated into snowflakes.

“At least they don’t leave a mess when they die.”

“I wonder how many there are...” said Goku, poking the pile of snow with the end of his staff.

“A lot. It must be an entire clan out there.”

“Why?”

“Simple. They need food and they’re desperate.”

It suddenly dawned on Goku. “What about Gojyo and Hakkai! They don’t know what’s going on.”

“They’ll find out soon. We’re outnumbered though. The best we can do is fight it out with them until those two idiots come back.”

There was more screeching in the distance, mingled with the screams of humans and the . gut wrenching sounds of limbs being torn off and eaten. Goku grit his teeth. “That’s no way to get food. It’s so gross...And those people...” He took off at a sprint, Sanzo at his side.

***

He recognized one of them as Gen, the sergeant which had taken Kenren’s place. The other’s were just vague faces in his memory, blending in with the rest of the Celestial army’s manpower. “Marshal Tenpou! What in the world are you doing here?”

“I still have yet to figure that one out.” Tenpou replied, willing his aching muscles to move. “What are you doing here? You all have been filed as missing.” Thirty specters floated about him, pushing and shoving each other to get a look at their marshal. It’s been so long.

Gen’s expression was grave. “Surveillance round.”

“I know that.”

“We were passing this very lake when we were attacked by an army of snow youkai. They seemed to have been waiting for us...an ambush.”

Tenpou rubbed his cheeks. They were quickly getting numb. “I could point fingers, but the most accusing would have been towards myself. I shouldn’t have taken Kenren Taishou-”

“But it was for the best that you did!” Gen interrupted. “Nobody would have survived this...this...damnation!” He sounded contemptuous as he looked down at his arms and feet- translucent now. “When the youkai attacked, the lake started to glow...it was strange indeed. It pulsed, got brighter and brighter until...we all fell unconscious. When we woke up, we found ourselves trapped in the bodies of the youkai who attacked us.”

“A switch!” Tenpou’s mouth fell open. “Which means that the youkai are in heaven now. In your bodies.”

The sergeant lifted a brow, his arms folding over his stout form. “I wouldn’t exactly say now. Five hundred years have passed after all...who knows what could have happened already. We were hoping that you were able to do something about it. Apparently, you seem to be stuck in the same situation.”

It seemed a waste of time to explain his own situation. It was irrelevant, There were more important matters at hand. “How do I get back?”

“Now?” asked Gen.

“Now. Right now. This very moment! Please tell me you figured out a way to do this.” He was near begging.

“We did, but it was too late. Our bodies were already dead. Too late for us, not that we could have done it while alive. As you can see, this lake is a giant mirror- a mirror to heaven as the locals call it. But to be practical, call it a teleportation mechanism for souls as long as there are receptacle bodies that can facilitate them. Hence the need for a ‘switch’.” the sides of his mouth turned down as Gen stroked his beard thoughtfully. “But to activate it, a great surge of power is necessary. Do you have that?”

Tenpou remembered the mirror in his hotel room. The earcuffs. Yes, that’s it!

“I think I do.”

“Then we can proceed.”

I’m sorry, Kanzeon sama, but a week is too much for me.

****

Dammit. I can’t see a thing. Gojyo cursed loudly to himself. Damn Hakkai with his damn ideas to go out in the middle of a fucking storm to go fucking ghost busting.

//“Stop treating him like your little wife. Hakkai can take care of himself.”//

Little wife. He spat. Hakkai ain’t my wife.

“The fuck?!?” he shouted before falling into a ditch of five foot snow. “Damiiiiiittttttt.” Gojyo crawled out and with a growl of frustration, whipped out his weapon and sent the surrounding snow into the air.

He plowed forward, holding his arm up against the wind. “Don’t do anything stupid, Hakkai...” It sounded cheesy, but maybe if he said it enough, Hakkai would hear because Hakkai’s sensitive like that and he would never do anything against Gojyo’s will. “Wait for me...”

****

Tenpou gazed into lake’s water where Gen had his men break the ice. It sat there, bleak and gray. Forbidding in its eerie stillness.

“I have to...” Tenpou’s mouth suddenly went dry. His hand immediately went to the earcuff, clutched, unclutched. Let go. “...in there?”

Gen nodded severely. “Then do whatever you need to do to get that power before you’re paralyzed. To switch the souls of thirty youkai and thirty gods, about fifty of their clan jumped into the lake and sacrificed themselves. It was apparently enough.”

Litouten must have bribed them with some twisted promise of power, Tenpou thought sourly before gazing over the horizon to where the village was located. Nothing more than blinding whiteness. “Tell me...what happens after the switch? I’m back home in my study- cozy and all but...” His eyes switched to his bandaged hand which hid the lifeline he wasn’t going to think about. “What happens to this body?”

“It’s as good as dead.” Gen stated simply, twenty nine heads nodding in agreement. “Good as dead.” the rest repeated.

“I see.”

“Is that a problem?”

“Not mine, I suppose.”

Wait for me.

The voice tingled the back of his mind, but he shook it off.

“Let’s get this over with. Thank you all for your help. I know I can’t do anything for you anymore, but rest assured, I’ll set things right. Even at the cost of this body.”

Tenpou shrugged off the cloak, gave one last glance over the hill, then his eyes fell again on Gen who looked calmer at the knowledge that he and his men would get avenged.

A brief nod and they saluted, their forms wavering as they dissipated back into the mist.

He jumped.

****

Gojyo arrived too late. Once he caught sight of the lake, nobody was there. But there...there...farther out into the ice...the surface was broken and there...there...Hakkai’s cloak.

****

Tenpou woke up. It was cold. Freezing in fact. He opened his eyes and was welcomed back to heaven with a barrel of a gun to his forehead.

“Give me one good fucking reason not to pull the trigger.” Sanzo threatened quietly.

“I...”

“Not good enough Hakkai.”

They were in a tent, a blazing fire crackling in the middle of it. Night had fallen, but the winds still haven’t let up. “What the fuck happened?” Not a question, an order.

“I...I fell through the ice.” Sanzo had the right idea though. What the fuck happened? It should have worked. He should have been home. Cho Hakkai should have been dead. Tenpou’s hands flew to the earcuffs. He wasn’t even able to take them off.

“That was stupid of you.” the monk grumbled before falling back and resting the gun on his knee, pointedly keeping it aimed towards Tenpou’s heart. “Especially when you know there’s one idiot here who would follow you to the ends of the earth.”

Gojyo lay sleeping behind them, closer to the fire. He stirred, murmured something inaudible, then fell silent.

“Jumped in after you, dragged your sorry carcass out of the water, over a mile of snow, and brought you here.” The blonde pretended to examine the shining silver of the gun, then gave Tenpou a sidelong glance. “Oh yeah, the village burned down while you two were out. Eight people were eaten alive. Thanks for backup.”

“Oh will you shut up you phony monk! He didn’t know!” Gojyo retorted angrily, pulling himself up into a sitting position on quaking arms.

“Ah, the husband’s awake. Nice to know you don’t die quickly.” said Sanzo bitterly as he got up. “Hakuuryu’s wing was frozen and broken during the attack. We’ll be here for a while if we don’t all die of cold first.”

“Salt in an open wound, Sanzo. See to your pet and I’ll see to my wife, okay?” Ruby red eyes narrowed in his direction, mirrored by equally scornful violet ones. With a “humph” Sanzo left the two and Gojyo’s glance softened a bit, turning towards Tenpou who in turn was struck dumb by the term ‘wife’.

“Forget about it. Sanzo’s just bitching as usual. It wouldn’t have made a difference if we were here or not.”

A feeble lie far from comforting. Even in the way Gojyo said it, the marshal knew that the redhead didn’t seem all too disposed towards forgiveness. Silence reigned after that. Every bit of him a Kenren. Kenren never asked questions. Kenren, who only needed silence to say, ‘tell me’. Kenren, who gave and gave, never assuming. Who always smoked off a grudge before coming back into your arms.

Tenpou sat, miserably watching as Gojyo’s shaking hands lit a cigarette. The cold must have affected him more than it did Hakkai’s body which was one-hundred percent youkai. Guessing on the hair and eye color- the shade of the sunset- Gojyo was only half-half. With half the resistance to cold that Tenpou now had.

Outside, the storm fiercely ravaged the sturdy canvas, and deep inside, the fallen god prayed that the standing buildings of the village would be enough to give shelter to the people now homeless- no thanks to him. The tent provided little warmth and the half-breed was inching as close to the fire as rationally possible, taking care not to get burned by the flying sparks. Granted, he was pushing his limits and every other minute, a piece of hot ash would fly into his skin. He’d curse. Profusely. And Tenpou would wince.

Neither talked. Tenpou, out of shame and Gojyo, he figured, out of disgust. Silence save for the high pitched whistling winds that came like screams through the night. Crept under the tent and gave sharp knives to the feverish half-youkai’s badly healing wounds.

His hand shook violently and the cigarette met a hellish end in the fire. “Shit...”

“I’m sorry, Gojyo.” Tenpou muttered after a long while of self-berating. “I should have-”

“People thinking in terms of ‘should haves’ don’t live very long around here.” Gojyo replied through clattering teeth, stretching out under the thin blanket and staring into the flames; envying it.

“Then what should I do?”

“First, drop your wall ‘cause I’m too tired to give you the third degree. I’ll wait till tomorrow, so think up some good reasons to give me. Second, leave a man in peace while he sleeps, Hakkai. But if you wanna do me a really big favor, go outside and fetch a pretty lady I can spend the night with. It’s still cold in here.” The words of a man who would probably die of hypothermia before the sun comes back up.

//Yeah, and no better way to die than that way.//

“Sorry. Can’t.”

“Figures.”

A thoughtful pause. “Will I do?”

“What?!” Gojyo exclaimed, shooting straight up from his makeshift bed as Tenpou pulled off his white sash. Stared, open mouthed as he slowly undid the clasps of his green overshirt. Pulled that off and accompanied it with the black one underneath until he was completely bare from the waist up.

Hakkai looked at him. Quirked a wan smile. Gojyo paled.

Then came the belt...

“Hakkai! Wait!” No. No. Keep going please. “This...this...” This is about time. “This isn’t right.” Oh, but isn’t it? “Look, aw shit, I know you feel bad, but you don’t have to...” But it would be nice if you... “To do that. Not for me.” Just for me. “I was kidding about the girl, really!” Of course.

Then came the belt. Off it went, casually as if Hakkai had done this for him a thousand times. No trace of shame or embarrassment in stripping before his best friend who suppressed every instinct to grab and ravage him right there and now.

A glint of amusement flickered in his one good eye. “You don’t actually think I’m going to have sex with you, do you?” He undid the top button of his pants. “Strip please.”

“The thought crossed my mind.”

That’s it, Gojyo concluded to himself with a bit of resignation as he took of his vest. There was no use talking to Hakkai when he was like this- especially when he felt like he had a debt to pay. But dammit, he has got to be the master of mixed messages...and a fucking tease. He’s a fucking tease, he mentally grumbled, pulling the white tank top over his head and shrugging off his pants; leaving on the boxers.

“So what the fuck are you planning on doing?”

Equally dressed- or rather- undressed, Tenpou moved over beside him until the distance between them was nonexistent; Gojyo’s chest against his back. “Now put your arms around me. You’ll feel warmer that way.”

It suddenly clicked. “Ah. So that’s what you were getting at.” Gojyo’s skin was as cold as a corpse’s. It made Tenpou’s spine tingle when strong muscular arms wove their way around his body. Made him think of someone else who by now probably had his arms around someone else. Made him burn to death of jealousy.

“Comfortable?” Tenpou asked tentatively, pulling the blanket over the two of them.

“Yeah. More than I feel I should be.”

“Still cold?”

“Not as much, but given the situation, I think we’re doing good. Hey.”

“Mmh?”

“What if the monk and the saru find us like this?”

“Let them.”

“Sanzo’ll bitch about it.”

“Words are words, Gojyo. Rumors are rumors. They never bothered you before.” Not that he was totally alluding to Gojyo at this point.

“Well yeah.”

Two good-looking guys living together did stir up a mountain of gossip in their old village. Not that Gojyo gave a damn. Sure, Hakkai did act like a housewife most of the time- only without the jealous bitching whenever Gojyo went out for a night on the town. He’d find breakfast ready whenever he came back and fresh clothes on his bed- an implicit request that he take a shower before eating. He thought...and perhaps that thought held up until now...that Hakkai simply found it distasteful to smell like sex while at the table. But the fact that Hakkai was always at the table when he ate, intently evading any conversation that might allude to the half-breed’s active sex-life...and the fact that there they were right now, in each other’s arms at Hakkai’s order...maybe it wasn’t a matter of propriety, rather...

Maybe it was jealous bitching.

Gojyo bit his lip at the other’s silence. He could only hear the wind, the fire, and their breathing- Hakkai’s steady and forcibly focused while his own was ragged and irregular. He pulled closer, lulled to comfort by the heat emanating from Hakkai’s smooth back which was a complete contrast from the rough scar on his abdomen- something that Gojyo found himself unconsciously stroking; exploring like territory newly acquired. Hakkai’s breath hitched, yet Gojyo didn’t bother to stop. He was starting to like it and guessing from the soft moan that escaped Hakkai’s lips, he was liking it too.

It stretched across him like a spider’s web. Gojyo knew every inch from memory. Months of changing bandages have etched it forever in his mind. Now he traced its fine lines with featherlight touches that made the other tremble, he thought, with delight. “Gojyo...” Up a little first. Then a little higher where there was barely any scar, then down lower to the heart of the violent laceration. Then lower...

“Gojyo...”

Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Tenpou wanted to cry out, but his body wouldn’t let him. The body was willing, yet the mind was not. And it was probably the body’s urgings that got him in this position in the first place. Self blame got the better of him. He wasn’t thinking. The mind didn’t want Gojyo; wanted Kenren. The body wanted Gojyo; who the hell was Kenren?

//Of all the idiotic things I have ever done...//

It was merciless torture and Tenpou squeezed his eyes shut, trying to keep at bay the memories retained by this piece of once human flesh. Something about the scar...Gojyo’s touch woke it up.

He saw blood; a lot of blood. God how he hated blood. Warm, covering him, biting. Acrid. Heard the cries of the tormented.

Saw demonic eyes flash before his own pair after pair after pair after pair. Bloody eyes. His own bloodied eye. Warmth racing to his hands, the blood this body spilt. The blood of others. The blood of a thousand.

Saw a girl with a knife, crying, whispering a thousand ‘I’m sorrys’ that were enough to kill a thousand souls whose power was a thousand times that of Tenpou because with just one tear she changed an entire land. Watered it with blood. Made bloody flowers grow. Made the rain turn to hellfire...burn burn burn and scream up to the heavens to those who shall never hear your pitiful cries for mercy...

“Hakkai!” Gojyo shook Tenpou violently as tears streamed from the corners of his closed eyes. The two of them were surrounded by bright green light. Warm, so warm. “You’re energy’s flooding out. Control it or you’ll wear yourself out completely!”

“I can’t. Let your body absorb it or it’s lost for nothing.” His voice was already fading.

//Ah, so this was the hell you wanted me to know. //

Gojyo did as he was told and took it in. He could feel his wounds healing faster. His fever lifting as he broke into a sweat. The surge of ki finally started to ebb as the smaller of the two bordered the abyss of unconsciousness. Hakkai...he was getting colder.

Gojyo’s grip around him tightened. “Suicidal idiot.” And before Tenpou slipped tiredly into the darkness of sleep, he felt a kiss brush the nape of his neck, then another, and then another- warming his skin with each passing second.

A stab of guilt and then, //Somebody kill me.//

- TBC -

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