Saiyuki
does not belong to the author of this fic.
Through
the Looking Glass by Mitsima
Part 3 - A Better Man
The gods save no one. I can believe it
now. They don’t see the blood we shed. They don’t see
the tears we cry. They are incapable; as are we. Doomed to live in
anarchy we shake our fists to the skies and damn them down and damn
them down. Share the hell and destroy the world. Make the new resurface
and pray for a better reality.
I believe that I hate their heaven. And as such, I
have always felt...even as a child...that heaven hated me. But what
can they do to punish me? Kill my love? Murder by the thousands? Take
away my humanity? They are incapable. Those were my own doings.
And so I ask nothing of them.
Man is a god in ruins. Drowned in blood and sweat.
Empty of tears. And infinitely more perfect...we destroy our world
over and over. Build new walls. Break them down. And we have an eternity
of death and rebirth. Perfecting, unperfecting. Perfecting, and failing.
That is why we aren’t weak, if we aren’t strong.
The gods are incapable. An eternity of passive death.
An oppressive stillness. They sit and watch and rot.
That is why I died. I think. So that I could live.
***
There must be a better man for this job. Tenpou was
sure there was someone more deserving. He had un-deserved himself
of the honor. And if the general ever found out why, Kenren would
kill him. Most definitely. Kill him, instead of embracing Tenpou in
his sleep like he was doing now.
There was blood on his hands, he just knew it. After
years of sorting through intelligence reports and discreetly directing
every division of the Western Army in order to avoid non accidental
“accidents,” something like this just had to come along
right under his nose.
God, he was selfish.
Kenren stirred, mumbled a few curses to himself about
a meeting in the morning or something like that and pushed himself
off the bed. He himself knew it was just an excuse to leave because
Tenpou preferred to wake up alone. And as the general lazily picked
around the room for wherever his clothes may be, his superior was
staring out the window. Snow, but considering his earlier hallucinations,
he didn’t care.
It was just an anonymous note, for heaven’s
sake. A note that he found somewhere in his path saying that something
bad was going to happen to Kenren Taishou’s regiment at such
and such time during such and such surveillance round headed by aforementioned
general.
Planted, no doubt.
And if Tenpou had pulled the reins on such a routine
mission, it would have been obvious to everyone from heaven to hell
that he knew more about what was happening in the bureaucracy than
he really should. It was just too early to do anything. Being discovered
at this stage was just too dangerous for words. Anyway, it was //just//
an anonymous note. He found them all the time. None of them ever proved
themselves to be real threats (Tenpou himself was on the field to
see that they weren’t).
So he did the only thing he thought was right to do:
Nothing.
Well...//almost// nothing.
This time, the situation just felt...how would you
call it...spine tingling?
So he did the only thing he knew was wrong to do:
He reassigned the general elsewhere then played the ignorant when
it happened, just like he was feigning sleep now. It was hard to be
passive and selfish at the same time.
Now thirty men are gone. And now his general is thirty
men short without any idea why.
Thirty soldiers. Sacrificed for the sake of discretion.
For the sake of their marshal’s obsession with secrecy. For
the sake of their general’s life.
Tenpou heard the soft scuffle of boots heading towards
the door. Heard it stop and hesitate, then go back...must have forgotten
something.
Surely, had Kenren been there, things might have turned
out differently. Or they might have not. Kenren could have saved them
or could have disappeared as well. And that wouldn’t have been
good because Tenpou needed him...politically of course.
And Tenpou was selfish.
And not a better man.
And because Tenpou was selfish and not a better man,
he was starting to wish there was a better man for this job.
He felt Kenren’s presence by the bed. Quiet.
He was staring again...
Someone with the compassion to love this hell hole
more than his own life.
Because Tenpou, despite his love of war, hated death...and
so...thirty...
Relaxing his muscles, the marshal tried not to cringe
when he felt the warm kiss at the nape of his neck. Felt it retreat
with the footsteps, growing cold on his skin with each passing second.
God, Kenren was going kill him.
The door opened...
A laugh. “Tenpou, I know you’re awake.”
...then closed. And after that, Tenpou didn’t
remember much, except for the snow and the fact that the room was
getting colder and colder.
***
Did they return yet?”
“Yes, Litouten-sama. Two days ago.”
The bureaucrat smiled over his papers, steepling his
hands. “And?”
“Tenpou Gensui was unconscious when they arrived.”
“Good. And the mirror?”
“Broken, sir. By the general.”
“Excellent.”
“Why so, sir?”
“A body without a soul can’t live very
long. He’ll never wake up.”
***
“Kanzeon-sama, what do you find so amusing that
you laugh out of the blue?” demanded Jiroshin while quizzically
looking from Kanzeon to the lily pond, from the lily pond, back to
the Goddess of Mercy.
Another all-knowing malicious smile snuck its way
onto her lips as she replied, “Strange times, Jiroshin. But
good times.”
“What in the world do you mean by that?”
Silence and a shrug. The smile faded and Kanzeon leaned
boredly back into her throne. “I believe that the Marshal with
have a temporary substitute standing in for him sometime soon.”
“Why? Is he going somewhere?”
“Yes he is.”
“And who is this substitute?”
The boddhisvata grinned again as she took a sip from
her cup of tea. “A better man, I believe. A better man.”
Jiroshin seemed ready to ask for a clarification,
but Kanzeon immediately stuck the cup in his face and demanded, “Please
change it. The drink is tepid. And boil the water well this time.”
“You’ll burn your tongue Kanzeon-sama!”
“But I like tea. Those who like tea shouldn’t
mind the heat, wouldn’t you say? And those who do mind it, shouldn’t
drink it.”
***
Life was strange. First you start hearing things while driving. Then
you start seeing things. Yes, and then you wake up and you’re
naked in a room that you are dead sure is not your hotel room.
Kinda makes you want to think things through a bit,
but Hakkai wasn’t even given that luxury when he heard a bellowing
voice he could have sworn was Gojyo’s yelling out, “Tenpouuuuu!
Rise n’ shine!!!!”
Then said voice was proceeded by a sturdy kick to
the door and a raven-haired man garbed all in black pranced into the
room, throwing a heap of freshly smelling clothes in his face. That’s.
Not. Gojyo.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?
If you were gonna sleep in oh great, almighty, Tenpou Gensui, then
you shoulda told me. I would’ve stayed instead of going to that
boring ass military briefing!”
Tenpou...Gensui...
So Hakkai, being the highly self-conscious and highly
courteous man that he was, immediately pulled the covers higher around
him and asked the question of the millennium, “And you are?”
There was no way in hiding the fact that he sounded
completely scandalized.
“Deserving of more compensation in the future,
dammit.” the man retorted, his anger only half hearted as he
pulled a cigarette from his pocket and proceeded to light it. “That
is...after your meeting with Kanzeon-sama.”
“Kanzeon...” The pieces of the puzzle
were slowly...and painstakingly being put together. Kanzeon. was here,
which meant that there wasn’t any immediate danger. That was
a good thing, he hoped. But back to more pressing matters:
1. He was naked.
2. In a room not his.
3. With a man he didn’t know.
4. Who obviously didn’t know the rules of propriety.
People leave rooms when other people get dressed.
Unless they were lovers, which most certainly they were not. Question
number two. In Gojyo’s style: Where in the fucking hell was
he?
“Where am I?” Hakkai fidgeted nervously
under the other man’s piercing gaze which seemed too roam over
too much over his body for comfort.
“In a heluva lotta trouble if you don’t
quit playing around.” he took a drag. “But damn, we must
have fucked pretty well last night for you to //still// be out of
your senses. Come on. Can’t keep the Goddess of Mercy waiting
, you know.” He paused, then stalked forward with nothing less
than a near possessive smirk curving the corners of his lips. “Or
are you waiting for me give you a good morning kiss? Hey, I thought
we didn’t have that type of relationship.”
“Um...” But what else could he say with
that man’s forehead pressed against his? He smelled incredibly
good. With fresh cologne.
What else was he supposed to do? When their lips lightly
met in a kiss that kept soft and only soft. Such things happen at
times...when your mind draws a complete blank for a good eternity.
That’s when your body starts to do the thinking. And now, it
was thinking...//nice...very nice...//
A bit how he imagined Gojyo would kiss him, though
he never had. They weren’t like that...or like this...
But then his mind woke up. Finally. //Gojyo...// Breaking
the contact, Hakkai shrunk back and covered his slightly swollen lips.
“That’s...enough.”
“Yeah, you’ve had enough, Marshal, even
though last night you kept asking.”
“What are you taking about?” the poor
healer demanded, his mind whirling in the possibilities of that statement.
Who in the world was this? “Excuse me for being rude, but I
believe you are deluded. In any case, an introduction would be appreciated...”
“Okay. Fine. Have it your way. Play stupid.”
And with that, the man walked out the door, most likely waiting for
him on the other side.
Okay. He could handle this, Hakkai repeated to himself.
WORSE THINGS have happened.(Not that this was anything too bad...)
THIS was just an oddity borne of consequence. Deja vu in the eyes
of a stranger... And he didn’t like it, bodily pleasure or not.
Wrapping the sheets around him and padding to the
door, he said through the cracks, “Just let me shower, okay?”
he said with as much composure as he could muster up.
He felt like he hadn’t showered in days...even
though he distinctly remembered going to the bath house last night
and having a nice long and well deserved soak.
From the other sound came a choke as if the other
had swallowed the smoke of his cigarette. “Geeze, don’t
//do// that without warning me first! It’s, like, really freaky.”
“What? Surprising you like this?”
“No, saying that you’re gonna take a shower.”
“So are you saying that I shouldn’t? Is
that how things are done here? What strange customs...And while you’re
at it, could you please tell me where I-”
“Take the damn shower, Tenpou. Even I won’t
let you see Kanzeon-sama smelling like sex.”
Like...sex? But he didn’t even...what was...and
why was...
Hakkai had a vague idea, and the only piece of solid
ground in the whole thought was the fact that he was absolutely positive
that Tenpou Gensui was dead. As surely as Hakkai breathed, he knew
that Tenpou Gensui was a pile of five hundred year old ash.
And then he found a mirror...
- TBC -
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