| I sought a pen; anywhere I could find any type of pen was good enough for me. I descended the stairs only glancing @ my mother than quickly averting my eyes attempting not to look @ her @ all. I found a pen. When I returned outside things had returned to their normal state. People, boats, and sunlight, they sickened me with their presence, but less than they usually had for I had discovered true beauty. Which is why I sought this notebook and a pen for I felt I must @ least attempt to record this feeling, this revaluation, this sky. For the 1st time in my life I knew the definition of beauty. Averting myself from my book I realized I had become so wrapped up in it that the world around me had made a remarkable change. I was alone. I saw no one, I heard no one, I was alone and I loved it. It was then my attention had been drawn to the sky by some indescribable force. I could not take my eyes off it. My eyes began to hurt horribly for the sunlight hitting the clouds made a subtle brightness that burned into my eyes and that's when I truly knew what was happening...I was being raped. no not like that, not rape in the sense that sexual intercourse was being forced upon me but more so that something was trying to be stolen from me, perhaps you will argue that rape is not the right word but I feel it is. Sanity was raping me. It was trying to steal beauty and the truth from me. and right there and then I fought it, squinting slightly, my body twisting and turning, I refused to take my eyes off the sky...I won. the sun was being blocked by a cloud, sanity was being, on damn me what's the word I�m looking for, umm restricted and held back (those words will have to do) finally I was able to look @ the sky freely. A bird @ a high altitude flew across it. It seemed so fake like a set for a movie or a TV show. I felt trapped and frightened yet I wanted to see more birds do the same thing. It was incredible. I longed for another bird to fly exactly how that one had. Then I heard a plane, I thought that perhaps it would resemble the same beauty as the bird had, but that thought quickly dismissed. For I felt that since the bird was natural and the plane was not, it could never achieve the same status of the bird. I saw a plane pass. I wanted to buy a plane ticket and be on one. Not so I could go somewhere but so I could be in the sky. Sept. 11th hadn't/hasn't scared me the slightest bit about being on a plane. I wanted to be on a plane, in the window seat, and I gathered I should be going somewhere, *shrugs* still staring @ the sky it had designed itself in the most incredible, indescribable way. Memorized by it I was thinking of a painting and the strokes of brushes and the paint, I was thinking of art and drawings and sketches, etc. Then all of a sudden it stopped. my thoughts stopped, I was speechless, a simple piece of the sky had stolen my attention and I could not remove my eyes from it and for the 1st time in my life I honestly knew the true definition of beauty. I was shocked, amazed, I was experiencing some incredible absolutely and totally indescribable feeling. And all I could think about was how that was true beauty and how I would never ever let them take this from me. The sky and eyes, that is beauty.
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