• "Too much bad stuff, luv. We lost our baby ‘ere and the ‘ouse isn’t even ours...", he told me. I understood and agreed completely. He suggested that we should start looking for a house.
• "Any ideas?", I told him. He gave me one of his wonderful goofy smiles:
• "Lots!" he said, so we started looking for a house.

It was fun looking for a house of our own. John told me again and again that he wanted me to be happy and had asked me what I wanted. I came from a normal background. My parents were not poor but they were not rich either and I had always missed having my own property. So, John wanted to buy a house with everything, swimming pool included.

I thought of London. Everything was in London, University (although I hadn’t been there for ages) and even the recording studios where the Beatles went to record their songs. But George had set his eyes on a mansion on St George’s Hill, in Weybridge (an area outside London where the gold course was and where the stockbrokers lived) and John had fallen in love with the place. So one sunny day shortly after our conversation about it, we went to Weybridge and John took me directly to an immense Tudor-style mansion with lots of space outdoors. There was a wood inside the area and it was so beautiful and big that at first I thought he was taking me to visit one of his famous acquaintances. But suddenly he took a key out of his pocket and opened one of the big front doors. I looked at him in amazement and he just gave me one of his lovely mischievous grins. When we entered the house, I thought I was in paradise. The house was empty but the rooms were really huge. It had three floors and all the rooms had big windows so the house would have sun light almost any time of day. John went on showing me around and when we entered one of the bedrooms (he told me it was a bedroom because it was empty so I had no way to know) I just stopped him and told him:

• "John... You seem to know the house quite well... What is this?", he laughed.
• "D’ya like it?"
• "I love it, John", I said, imagining what he was up to. I thought I heard him sigh:
• "Gear fab, luv, ‘cos I’ve bought it fer ya", there he got me. John had bought that immense house!! I didn’t know what to say. I just jumped into his arms and hugged him.
• "Oh, John, I love you!!", he swang me around and kissed me. I started to speak very fast, as I always did when I was excited. "I must tell mum and dad and Charlie... He’s gonna flip! And Edu and Eli!", John was looking at me with a big smile on his face.
• "Yeah, luv, but look at the place! It’s empty. I hope ye’ll have fun decorating it because I’m gonna leave it to ya", that was great. To decorate my own place was something I had never done before. So far I had lived in three different places and all of them were already furnished when I moved in. John saw my excited face and kissed me.

Once known that the place was mine, every time I entered a room, I imagined hanging pictures here and there and putting furniture.

• "Anyroad", John told me, "the place needs some changing so we’ll be ‘aving some workers working on it fer the next few months. ‘ope ya don’t mind", I found it weird. I couldn’t see why the place needed redecorating. I saw it perfectly in good condition. But anyway, John was who paid the money and so everything would be as he wanted it. I approached one of the windows and saw the huge wood spreading ahead of me.
• "The wood is also lovely, John".
• "Yeah, maybe that’s why the place is called Kenwood", I looked at him in awe. "The previous owner, ya see. I find it right, but luv, not it’s up to you to decide. If you want to change it...", I shook my head. The place and the name were perfect. Then John pointed out directly below where we were and said: "We’ll ‘ave a swimming pool just right there. I know how ya like water", I smiled at him. Never, nor in a million years would I have imagined that the guy I had met quite by chance in Spain more than a year ago, would become one of the most famous four guys in the world, and what is more, that this guy would love me.

The Beatles were soon to embark on another tour. John, as usual, had invited me along, but he knew I wouldn’t go. I had promised myself that long ago and, although he would keep on telling me (more or less until 1965 or so), I always refused.

Anyway, since the Beatles didn’t have to go on tour until late in the summer, and apart from some shows here and there, John and I had a lot of fun decorating our house. I was in Heaven. John had told me not to worry about the money and just buy whatever I liked. The workers also started working that summer, so while they took up the ground floor, we had to live on the first floor, but we didn’t care. They also started working outside to construct the swimming-pool that John and I so much wanted to have. I remember those days with fond memories because John and I had so much fun.

In between, we attended parties and conventions. And it was there where I had the worst of times because I had to meet Paul again. Although now the distance was further every time, I still had flashes of the night we had spent together, and I only prayed God that John never knew.

Anyway, the time the Beatles had to go to America again finally came. I was desperate because it would be a month the time we would be apart. Too much for me. The night before their departure, John was packing and putting a few things in a little suitcase. I was almost in tears. I was just standing there, with my eyes stinking because I was holding the tears. But John wasn’t a fool and he realised. He was excited. He always had a thing for America and I could notice it. That made me even sadder. He was going, he was happy, and I was staying behind, all miserable, missing him like mad.

• "Ye alright?", he asked me. I tried to pretend, forced a smile and answered:
• "Yeah, sure. Have you got everything you need? Make sure you don’t forget anything important...", John smiled and came to me.
• "Luv, who d’ya think I am? I know ya, yer not alright", he held my face between his hands. He stared fixedly at my eyes for a couple of seconds and then kissed me on the lips. In my over sensitive state, I couldn’t help it any more and I let go a couple of tears. John kissed my tears: "Oh, c’me on, luv. Ya should be used to this now".
• "I’m not, John, and I’ll never be. How could I be when the only thing I want in this world is going away from me?", John couldn’t stop laughing, which made me angrier and angrier because I couldn’t understand what was so funny about it.
• "I’m not going fer good and ya know it", he said. "It’s just another tour and yer not coming because ye don’t want to. I asked ya to...", he was alright. I think I was being very selfish in those days. John was a musician and music was his life. He had fought very hard to have that and I was now only a tiny part of his life. I didn’t have the right to ask him to drop out music.
• "I know, dear, it’s only that I’m going to miss you a lot, that’s all", he kissed me again.
• "I’m gonna miss ya too, luv. But ya’ll be busy... Ya ‘ave to decorate the house, keep an eye on the workers and make sure that everything’s alright. When I come back, we’ll ‘ave a big party to celebrate our new ‘ouse". I smiled. But it was only a second. The idea was great, but for that to happen still a month had to go by and besides I didn’t want to think what kind of things John would do without me there. I only knew what the others did. Paul had cheated on Eli, and John had been this close to do so. I knew he would cheat on me.
• "John, do you love me?"
• "What kind of question is that? Of course I love ya, kitten! What’s wrong?", I would have liked to tell him what was really wrong but somehow the words didn’t come out. It was just:
• "John, don’t forget me", then he hugged me. But that’s the only thing he did. He didn’t say he wouldn’t forget me, he just hugged me. And I’ll never forget that night because we made love the way we had never done before. I loved him with so much intensity that night that even John noticed I was more passionate than ever.
• "Hey, luv. I’ll ‘ave to go away more often, then", he said. But I wasn’t joking, I just wanted to hold him forever, to not let him go. My body reacted to the fact that he was leaving and didn’t want to let him go. When John had come, and I also had, I didn’t let him get out of me. I just kept him there, with his dick inside me.
• "Oh, John, John!", I cried.
• "Shh, luv... Eh? What’s wrong?"
• "I don’t want you to go", John moved a little bit and the movement hurt me a little.
• "Ouch!"
• "Oh, sorry, sorry, luv", he tried to keep his dick inside me. He moved with much more care then and kissed me several times on my eyes. "I have to, my love", he said.
• "But it’s a long time...", I almost pleaded.
• "I know", he said, "but I’ll make up fer it. I promise ya. Ya’ve got a lovely car and a lovely ‘ouse... I’ll get ya whatever ya want... But I ‘ave to go. We don’t want to be forgotten, ya see, luv... ", I remained quiet, lying there with John inside me. Seeing that I didn’t say a word, he started moving again and I became aroused again. I could feel my own liquids filling John’s dick. He started moving, I moaned with him and pretty soon I came again with John still moaning. But it was a bitter sweet feeling. On one hand, I was happy knowing that John loved me very much, on the other, I was sad because I knew that was the last time we would make love in a long time. Two tears ran down my face. "Oh, girl", said John, "I can’t go leaving ya like this...", I sniffled.
• "No, John, I’m OK. Sleep, now, my love. I love you. You need to rest."

And that was it. He kissed me goodnight and held me tight all night. But I couldn’t slept a wink. I couldn’t stop thinking that that was probably the last time I held John in a long time.

I think I finally fell asleep very early in the morning. But soon I was awoken by some noises and when I opened my eyes I saw John packing and grabbing a few more things. I didn’t want to move. I just wanted to observe him without being seen by him. For a while, I succeeded but soon he saw me with my eyes wide open.

• "I thought ya were sleepin’", he told me.
• "No, John, I wasn’t", he came to me and sat on the edge of the bed. With one hand he grabbed my waist.
• "Still thinking of that, aren’t ya?", I closed my eyes and turned my back on him.
• "John, the only reason I’m here in England is because I love you. But you hardly spend a whole week with me... When you’re not away, you’re recording and when not, you are at some party...", I heard him sigh. I felt him get up. I waited to see if he came to me to kiss me or something but when I saw he didn’t do any of those things, I started to panic, thinking that he might have got angry. He was closing a handbag he would use on the plane.
• "Luv, I must go", he said without looking at me. I felt my heart sink. I loved John madly and I couldn’t let him go that way. I sat down in bed and the sheets slid down to my waist, leaving my breasts to the open air. That drew John’s attention. He looked at my breasts and then at my eyes: "You’re so sexy, luv... I hate to leave ya...", he then came to me and started kissing me passionately, caressing my breasts at the same time. I was so aroused that John noticed it. "No, luv. No time fer that", another kiss and he got up. "Think of me, luv. I’ll be back soon", he grabbed his bag and went out. So I lied back in bed and started crying. It was really painful not to have John. Now I had this wonderful house, and a marvellous car but inside I felt empty without John.

The days passed by really slowly. The workers started working downstairs, so I took the first floor to live while they took up the ground floor. They also stated building a swimming pool, which would become our pride and joy.

John phoned me regularly to see if I was alright and also to see of the workers were doing what they should. John’s phone calls kept me going. They were the only reason I got up in the mornings.

Eli felt more or less like I did, but she took it better. Either she was stronger than me or she wasn’t as hooked on Paul as I was on John. She came to visit me quite regularly. She was worried of me being so alone in such a huge mansion.

• "Hell, how I envy you", she once told me.
• "Why? Because I’m living with John and you aren’t living with Paul?"
• "Well, because of that and because I wish Paul would want a house like this".
• "Doesn’t he want it?"
• "No, he doesn’t. He wants a house in London and he’s looking for it", we had already talked about that, but being one of Eli’s great worries, it was only natural that we went back to the topic every now and then.

While the workers were at Kenwood I felt useless. I mean, they did everything, and I didn’t have to worry about anything, only to do my own housework like ironing or washing my clothes.

Mimi phoned me once wanting to come but I refused. There was no point in her coming, since John wasn’t here and I was better alone.

And once, well deep into September, as I was getting up on a very sunny morning I heard the intercom ring. We had recently installed it so at first I thought it was the workers checking it. But after a while and seeing that the intercom wouldn’t stop buzzing, I went to it. I hadn’t figured out how it worked yet so it took me a couple of minutes to see how it worked. When I finally worked it out, it was too late, it was a dead line outside. I decided to let it go and go to have a shower. But as soon as I had stepped into the bathroom, I heard the doorbell. This time I didn’t want whomever it was to go away, so I rushed in to open the door.

Thank God I had slept enough hours to know it couldn’t be a dream because when I opened the door I came face to face with Edu.