Happiness Is Measured Out In Miles

 

CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR

 

         When John came home from the dentist I asked him how everything had gone. He could hardly speak but managed to say everything had gone fine. When he could speak normally he told me he was going to phone George. I didn't ask him what for, maybe there was a thing about the recordings or the following tour or somwething but I was wrong becasue before dialling George's number he told me:

 

-        "Now ye 'ave another excuse to go shopping with Edu".

 

-        "Why?", I asked him but george went to the phone at that very moment and so john made a sign for me to wait. I listeened to their conversation.

 

-        "Hey, George, this buddy of yours, the dentist, wants us to have dinner with him tomorrow night", then i understood completely. There was a short pause. "Yeah", he laughed. "Dunno, mate, but he seemed really eager", another pause. "OK, then, good! See ya!", and he hung up. "Well, yoy heard, didn't ya?", I nodded, but he informed me anyway. "Go shopping and buy something. We are having dinner in London tomorrow". I didn't ask anything else. I knew almost everything I had to know. So, the next day, Edu and I went shopping to Harrods. It's strange, i've always loved shopping for clothes, and I had always dreamt of having illimited money to be able to do so, but when you have your dream come true, it's like monotnoy. Edu and I were more worried about our guys than about the dinner.

 

-        "John is changing", I told Edu for the umpteenth time. "And I think it's because that stupid grass they're smoking. How do you cope with George?"

 

-        "He's behaving normally now. I don't know. John does smoke more than George".

 

-        "Why?", I asked her, really hurt. She shrugged.

 

-        "It was just a suggestion. George is normal with me, now. Maybe the problem is on John", I was angry. Angry at Edu, angry at me and angry at John. We continued shopping but any of us said anythng to each other. She could feel I was angry and obviously she let me be.

 

         I was so angry and furious that I couldn't concentrate on anything. In the end, I bought something I didn't feel comfortable with. It was a very short dress, with high black go-go boots, but somehow, although I knew that was John's favourite style of dress, this time I didn't want to please John. I can't even remember what Edu bought. We both were silent in my car on our way back home. It was only when we reached Kinfanus that Edu touched my arm:

 

-        "I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said. I know the boys are changing and maybe I feel a little worried about that", I looked at my friend and saw the girl I had akways seen and loved. We were not to blame that we had lived so many things. it was not our faulst that we had fallen in love with two guys that became so famous.

 

-        "It's alright", I told her, squeezing her hand. "See you tomorrow, we'll come for you both. Take care", she smiled at me and got out of the car.

 

         When I got home John wasn't there as usual so lately. They had taken it to going to record late at night because that way they would make things better. Knowing that John still would be long to come back home, I told Dot to prepare something for dinner and straight after having it, I went to bed.

 

         The next day went by in a flash. John woke up really late and when he did he announced me he had to do something with Ringo, so he went. I stayed home, waiting for him to come back home and tell me anything about the dinner.

 

         When he came, he hirriedly told me to get ready to go to the dinner. And that was it, not a kiss, not a hug, nothing. I waqs already getting used to that lack of affection, so I went up to our room to get ready. But when I was facing the mirror, applying my make up, the door opneed and in came John. I saw him through the mirror: he was so sexy. His hair was longer than ever and his eyes had that strange shining (due to the grass or wahatever but that made him so incredibly sexy. He came close to me and held my waist. Then he kissed my neck from behind and turned me around.

 

-        "I don't think I've told ya lately I love you, 'ave I?", he asked me, looking at me deeply in the eyes. I forced a weak smile.

 

-        "No, I don't think so", I told him. "But it's OK. You're very busy now, and I understand", but he shook his head.

 

-        "No, no, luv, it's me fickin' fault. Ya know how I feel about ya, don't ye?", for all answer, I kissed him and he kissed me back. Kissing John was like going to Heaven and besides, it was so long ago since the last time John and I had kissed with that passion. He started to caresss my breasts and my waist. But unconsciously I looked up at the clock we had on the wall and noticed we would be late for the dinner if we continued like that.

 

-        "We'll be late for the dinner, john".

 

-        "Oh, fuck the dinner!", he said, kissing my neck again. I giggled. He was right, fuck the dinner. I kissed him more passionately than before and he pushed me onto bed. There we rolled right and left kissing each other. I was only in my underwear, so John had it easy. He unlatched my bra and kissed my tits. He introudced one hand in my knickers and caressed my cunt. Without stopping kissing me, he introudced his forefinger in my cunt. I moaned. He kissed my eyes and my nose and went down to my mouth. The phone started ringing. "Let it ring, luv", he told me in between kisses. The phone went on ringing until it stopped. We continued kissing but soon we heard Dot calling from downstairs.

 

-        "Miss Peña, Edu is on the phone!", I saw John close his eyes and lie on bed. I looked at him and kissed his neck.

 

-        "Go talk to 'er, luv", je asid, running a hand through his hair.

 

         Anyway, the only thing Edu wanted was to know whether we were going to take anything. It was not John's habit to take things to his ghests, so I told her we didn't. And when I arrived at the bedroom, John was having a shower. The magic had broken. So I decided to go on applying my make up and get dressed.

 

         In less than an hour, we were in opur way to the dentist's home. He lived in central London. He was what we then called a swinging Londoner. We rang the doorbell and a very attractive woman opneed the door. He gave two kisses to each one and I saw George and John talking between themselves.

 

-        "What's up?", I genuinely asked them. They looked at me and their giggling stopped. I looked at edu. She was very serious and when she was serious, something was wrong. She entered first, and George and John followed her. I was last. Then, the dentist finally came. He seemed very pleased to have John and george having dinner at his house (of course!). I could see a very well prepared table in the living room. But first he offered us something to drink. the guys accepted and they three went to another room. We girls remained in the living room.

 

-        "Well, well, you Spaniards are really nice", the woman told us. "I can see what the guys have seen in you", Edu was serious. The woman wouldn't stoptalking and laughing and honestly I felt a little bit out of place. I don't know how Edu wpould feel, but I wanted John to come back. "You are really nice, what's Spain like?", she went on. I looked at Edu becasue I didn't feel like talking to that woman, whose name I can't remember even today. Edu started talking but her face was different too. She wasn't comfortable either.

 

         We were saved when we heard some masculine voices approaching us.

 

-        "Oh, there they come. Let's have dinner, then", she said. We met up with them in the living room. There was a tabler prepared, with everything on it. I wanted to be near John and as soon as I saw him I went to him and held his hand. He squeezed it and directed me a glance that I understood as love.

 

         The dinner was great. I learned that the wife had cooked herself, so we congratulated her.

 

-        "Now it's time for the coffee", she announced.

 

-        "No, I don't want any coffee, thanks", said Edu. The dentist and his wife looked at each other with confused eyes.

 

-        "Oh, but you must have at least one small cup. It is quite helpful to digest...", Edu still didn't want any coffee. The couple started to feel uneasy. "Oh, come on! All of them are having coffees".

 

-        "Oh, that's right, i'll have a small cup of tea", the couple smiled and she went to the kitchen. I then noticed something strange that I hadn't noticed before. On a shelf in the chimney they had some sugar lumps very well alineated. I found that strange -nobody keeps sugar on a shelf on the chhimney but somehow maybe the Londodn swingers were that weird. Anyway, I told Edu:

 

-        "Look at there!", I told her in a whisper. The dentist said:

 

-        "Oh, the sugar remains frsh if it is in the open air, didn't you know that?", we were surprised. We didn't know he had been listening. Even George and John were surpised. I looked fixedly at John, who did one of his faces. But then he did something I didn't expect. He muttered: "I love you" with his gorgeous lips and mouth and I almost melt.

 

         The wife came with a tray and eight cups of tea. She gave one each. Then she went to the chimney and took the sugar lumps. He put one very carefully into each of the coffees.

 

-        "OK, drink", she ordered, as though drinking tea was something we had to do no matter what.

 

         Then the worst time of my life came to me. At first everything was normal but then I started feeling unwell and I started seeing the most horrorful and gruesome things I had ever seen in all my life. The doctor and his wife had become demons. God was I scared! Oh, no! Help, please! What's this? Mum, I want to go to Spain with you and dad and Charles! The demons came to us. I was panicking and more when I heard Edu shout:

 

-        "Get out of here! Please, leave us alone!"

 

-        "What the 'ell is going on 'ere?", John was saying. He and George sudenly got up, with the chairs falling on the door.

 

-        "Let's get out of 'ere!", said George. I was near the door at that time but the demons were saying:

 

-        "Oh, no, no! You can not leave! Stay, stay!", everytime they opened their mouths Edu shouted more and more. It was horrible. I closed my eyes in hopes that the awful image would go, but it remained. George had opened the door. Then, everything was normal. I saw the dentist and his wife. But once again the image disappeared and the demons came back.

 

         We ran out trough the door. The demons followed us down. We tried to run faster. When they saw we went to the car, they shouted:

 

-        "No, no, don't take the car! We'll drive you home!", but no one would pay attention to the demons. The only thing we wanted was to go away from them. We all jumped in George's mini.

 

-        "They're folowing us!", shouted Edu, and started laughing. I was dead scared. John didn't say a word. He was looking out of the window. George speeded up through the streets of Londond. edu rolled the window down and poked her head out. "Look at that shop window! I want to smash it! Stop the car, George!"

 

-        "Fukcin' hurry yp, George! They're after us!", said John.

 

         We arrived at a club. There were lots of people outside it and lots of journalists flashing their cameras.

 

-        "There must be a premiere or something", said John. Then we saw that the demons had also got out of the car. We tried to mix up with the people in the club, but seeing that they had seen us, we ran up again to George's Mini and moved to another club.

 

-        "Fire, fire!", shouetd edu. The building was in flames but somehow people kept on going in.

 

-        "Hi, John! Hi, George!", we heard people say.

 

-        "Don't go, there's fire!", John said.

 

-        "No, no... You alright?", I couldn't see who was talking. One last impulse made us turn our heads and see the demons after us, so I entered the lift although it was in flames.

 

         Ringo was already there when we arrived at the club. He looked at us with an amazed look. We should have looked horrible. We stayed there. I thought that, being with Ringo and Maureen, the demons couldn't somehow get us. I have a gap with what happened afterwards. I may have passed out or something but my next memory is us four again in George's mini going towards Kinfanus.

 

         Once there I wouldn't be alone. John was now having the dreadful effects of what that stupid couple had put in our coffees. John was all determined George's haouse was a submarine from World war II and he was driving it. I was so scared that I didn't want to be alone one minute. We thought we were safe in george's house, so nobody said anything about going to Kenwood. I, then, decided to share a room with Edu in the ghest room. John would do whatver he was doing and I think George started playing some solitaire game or something. I just wanted to go to sleep so that the effects would go away.

 

         But it was a dreadful night. I started remembering my house in Spain, and my parents and my brother. I rememebred or rather, tried to remember the names of all my teachers from my old school and the subjects they taught me. Somehow, in my insane mind, I thought that when I could remember all those names I would be alright. It took me ages to remember everything. But when I finally did, I started feeling better and better.

 

         The days that followed nobody wanted to talk about what had happened. I had no idea what had been wrong with us. But John did. When we finally came back to Kenwood after having spent a week or so in George's house, John grabbed my waist and stroked my hair.

 

-        "Are you alright?", he asked me. I smiled.

 

-        "Thank God. You?", he let out a weak laughter.

 

-        "Yeah, fine", after a couple of seconds trying to avoid the dreadful questions, I finally decided to ask him:

 

-        "What happened, John? What happened to us that night?", John didn't stop stroking my hair. He kissed the tip of my nose and then my front.

 

-        "He made us have L.S.D".

 

-        "L.S.D.? What's that?", I was so naive in those days. The Queen of the scene in those days and with no idea of the drug of the moment.

 

-        "A drug, hallucinogen. It makes you fly away with yer mind".

 

-        "I didn't fly, I was scared. And you were too, John. I'll never have that again. Promise me we'll never have that again", John looked at me fixedly for a couple of minutes. He didn't answer and I understood. "John, you had a bad time, didn't you? Or was it only me?", he let me go and told me:

 

-        "It's harmless, luv. I mean, you can find another reality. OK, it's dangerous if you have a trip on yer own, but both, you and me together, it can be great!", I couldn't see the enthusiasm anywhere. I stepped backward.

 

-        "What are you talking about, John? You won't mean that, will you?"

 

-        "C'me on, luv. I'll be with ya. You don't have anything to worry about. I'll take care of ya...", I wanted to cry with all my heart. First the grass cigarette, now this dreadful drug that John seemed to find so great. I burst out into tears. "Oh, my luv. Don't cry!", but I just wanted to run away from John. Just then I started seeing him as danger. He meant danger. I turned around, grabbed my handbag and headed for the door. "Luv, come here! Sorry I told ya that, I love ye!", but it was too late. His voice was farther and farther everytime until  was out in the porche. I took my Ferrari and went to Kinfanus.

 

         Unfortunately, there was nobody home. Ringo and Mo were visiting some relatives and Eli was in Spain paying a short visit to her parents. You may think I planned it but I didn't. It was the destiny. Paul was the only one left. And I needed someone to talk to. I couldn't phone my parents and tell them John wanted me to be into drugs, so Paul was the only one I had left to talk.

 

         When I arrived at Cavendish Avenue, as usual, there were lots of girls at the gates. I knew themm al by then. one of them, called Margo, even waved me when she saw my red Ferrari. They knew I was with John, so, for them, I was no menace. I rang the intercom. It took paul a few minutes to answer:

 

-        "Hello?"

 

-        "Paul, it's me, Vicky! I need to talk to you", there were a couple of seconds of silence.

 

-        "Oh, well, I...", Paul was dubious.

 

-        "Open, please, Paul, it's very important", he finally opened, but  sensed something was wrong. I wanted desperately to talk to Paul. After all we had gone through I hoped he could help me relax a little. When I went up the stairs, Paul appeared at the top with a towel around his waist and half naked. I stopped midway. "Am I interrupting something?", I asked but knowing the answer perfectly. He didn't need to answer me. A blond gorgeous girl appeared behind him:

 

-        "Oh, Paul, love, come back to bed...", I don't know why but the tears started gathering into my eyes. I knew paul had all the right to be with whomever he chose. I should only feel sorry for Eli, far away in Spain, but somehow I felt sorry for myself. I don't know but I had hoped Paul would have stayed there waiting for me any time at all. Crying uncontrollably I turned around and ran down the stairs.

 

-        "Vicky, Vicky! Wait! Don't go on your own!", paul shouted but I wouldn't listen. I went to the door again and took my car.

 

         I didn't know where to go. I didn't want to go to Kenwood with John, and nobody could help me, for my friends were all away. I stopped the car and got out. I saw the steps of a home with the lights off and thinking that there would be nobody home, I sat on the first step and holding my head with my hands I started to cry. I cried and cried for myself. I think all the pressure from the last week was finally out through my tears. The reason why I cried I didn't know. I guessed I cried becasue I was losing John. We were going different ways and he was not going to follow mine.

 

         I don't know for how long I had been crying but then I felt a shadow covering me. I lifted up my head and saw paul standing there. He bent down and held my chin.

 

-        "Why are you crying, luv? What's wrong?", I sniffled.

 

-        "Leave me alone, Paul! Please, go back to the girl, she must be waiting for you..."

 

-        "Luv, I didn't know you needed me. If I had known, I would have never ever been with 'er...", I looked at Paul.

 

-        "I don't believe you, Paul!", and then all my fury came out. "I have nobody to help me when I need help. You are fucking some stupid bitch, John is only... Oh, forget it! Leave me alone, Paul, I wanna be alone!", Paul got up and for a second I thought he would go. But he grabbed my hand and lifted me up.

 

-        "Come on, luv! Come home with me. We have to talk", I gave in. I was freezing and it was already quite dark, so I entered my car and Paul entered his Austin Martin and I followed him down.

 

         When we arrived at Cavendish Avenue, the girl had already left, but there was some femenine scent floating in the air. Paul went to the kitchen to fect some coffee and I ermained in the living room. Fortunately, Martha, the sheepdog, was out in the backgarden. I felt so uneasy and sad. I had interrupted Paul in his love making to a girl. It was like he felt some obligation and I didn't want that. I was about to go to the kitchen and talk to Paul, when he came with the coffees.

 

-        "You'll be better after this", he asid. I looked at him. yes, he was paul McCartney,  the man who all the girls dreamt of. And he was there, so sweeet to me. He looked at me as well, and soon no one could resist the attratcion that was floating in the air. He came closer and closer and we kissed. Paul held my head and stroked my hair while we kissed. The phone rang. "Bloody 'ell, I'm not going to pivk it!", we kissed again but the phone wouldn't stop ringing.

 

-        "It miht be important", I said, interrumpting the kiss. He kissed me one more time and went to pick it.

 

-        "Hello?", then he looked at me with eyes that showed panic. He muttered some words becasue he didn't know what to say. "Yes, she's here. Wanna talk to 'er?", I understood. He covered the receiver. "It's John. He wants to talk to you". I felt panic. What kind of excuse was I going to give him now?

 

-        "John?"

 

-        "Luv, what the 'ell are you doing at Paul's? Don't ye bloody know I've been fuckin' looking fer ye everywhere? I should've known".

 

-        "No, John. Paul found me in the street. I was alone and he found me. He took me home becasue I was in a dreadful state".

 

-        "Any why didn't ya come back home?", I didn't know what to say. "Listen, girl", he went on, "if yer not here in half an hour, you'd better stay there fer good, ya hear me?", and he hung up. Paul was in front of me but I hadn't realised.

 

-        "Are you alright?"

 

-        "No", I shook my head. "John wants me to come back straight away. If not, he doesn't want to see me any more", he ran a hand through his hair.

 

-        "What are you going to do?", his voice was trembling. Paul was sweet and nice and was only worried for my wellfare. John had lately become a danger. He only wanted me to take L.S.D. with him. He was smoking grass cigarettes and was behaving strangely. I went to Paul.

 

-        "Oh, Paul, Paul! What am I going to do?", he kissed my head and my cheeks. He kissed my tears and stroked my hair.

 

-        "You know I love you. You've known it for a long time now. I'm not sayin' John doesn't love you. Of course he does. He's crazy about you although he does things I don't understand. But he loves you. I'll never do any harm to you. And John must have hurt you seeing the way you came to me", I wanted to explain Paul everything. But instead of that, I went to kiss him. He kissed me back and as though we were in a hurry, we both fell extatically in bed. We couldn't stop kissing and I was like in a blur. But sudenly my life appeared to me like in a film. I loved John. He gave me everything I wanted or I could wish and Paul, oh, yes, Paul had said he loved me but still he had never told me what I wanted to hear. I wanted a family, get married, have children (something impossible now) but still... And he had never named any of those thngs. With John, hadn't it been for the dreadful circumstances, I could have had a baby and eventually I had the great hope that John would divorce Cynthia and marry me. And now I was about to lose him just becasue of the passion I felt every time I saw Paul. I broke the kiss.

 

-        "Sorry, Paul, I can't go on here with you. I must go to John".

 

-        "If you think that's the right thing, go ahead, do it. I'm not gonna stop it. You know I only want the best for you".

 

-        "Paul, understand...", he didn't let me continue.

 

-        "Please, say no more, Vicky. Go. Go. But listen", I looked fixedly at Paul's eyes, "I don't like playing. How long do you think I can play this game? You come to me but the next moment you go to John... No, Vicky. Think about it. I love you madly, but this can not continue...", that sounded like a threat.

 

-        "Are you threatening me?", I told him with tears in my eyes. I hated crying in front of men, but sometimes (well, most of the times) I couldn't help it.

 

-        "Oh, no, no!", he said quickly. he came to me and huged me. "Vicky, i'd never do that to you. But I don't think you would like the person you love to play that way, right?", yes, he was right. but that was not the moment to make a decission. I nedded to see John and felt him there. I wanted him to be by my side and I needed to hear his voice saying he loved me.

 

-        "Sorry, Paul, I must go", I broke apart from his hug and went running to my car.

 

         All the lights were on when I arrived at kenwood. John was there, awake, waiting for me. I felt so glad that all my misery from my previous moment had gone up in smoke. But I was so wrong. When I opened the door, I started hearing voices and laughters all around the place. I started calling for John, but no one answered me. Then, when I entered the living room, the most grotesque espectacle was going on in my living room. The room was full of people in a state I couldn't understand. The Rolling Stones were there in full, with thwir blonde girlfriends, the Moody Blues were also there and lots more of people I didn't know. But the girls, oh, the girls... All gorgeous, blondwe and taking all the drugs I wanted to stay apart from. Then I started looking for John. I spottwed him talking to someone in a corner. A blonde bitch was crawling all over him in my own house. He  wasn't taking any notice of her, but I wouldn't let a stupid bitch flirt with my John in my own house, so I approached John and tapped his shoulder. I was in a terrible state. All my make up was smudged of so much crying and I had no more lipstick because Paul and I had been kissing. My hair should have been a mess. What a girl! Everybody might have thought I wasn't really suitable for a Beatle, especially the stupid blonde who wouldn't stop looking at me despectively. John turned around. His eyes were again different -he had been smoking that stuff again. I tried to force a smile, to see that he was glad I had come back. But instead, he said:

 

-        "Fuckin' 'ell! At paul's, weren't ya? What the 'ell d'ya think I had to say to all these people to excuse ya? All were askin' me where ya were... And what was I supposed to say? That ye were at Paul's?", he was rising his voice a bit too much, the blonde girl wouldn't go away and I didn't want to talk to John with her in front of her.

 

-        "John, can we talk in private?", he seemed to calm down a little. The old John or the leftovers of my old John were back. He touched my face and I was moved.

 

-        "OK", he said. We started talking towards the door to go upstairs when a femenine voice made us turn around.

 

-        "John...", it was the stupid girl. John looked at her but without much attention. He looked at me and grabbed my hand. We went to the hall and I wanted to go upstairs to our room but John was somehow not reluctant. "Where 'ave ya been, luv?", I started going upstairs but he stopped me. Then, a ver drunk Brian Jones came tumbling down the stairs.

 

-        "Hey, Lennon, have you finished shagging that Dorothy girl?" Can I shag her now?", and he started laughing. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I looked at John, and if looks could kill, Brian Jones would have died right there and then. He went into the living room and I stayed alone with John. No one said a word until he finally spoke.

 

-        "Ya won't believe 'im, will ya?", but I didn't know what to think. The girl had been too lovey-dovey with John when I had entered the living-room, so I was determined to find out. I ran up the stairs and entered our bedroom. The bed was unmade and there was a femenine scent all over the place. John had followed me.

 

-        "Vicky, luv... I can explain... You were not 'ere... I was missing you like mad, and when I phoned paul and discovered ye were with him I was out of me mind... That girl doen's mean a thing to me...", I wouldn't listen to anything else. That was too mucj. Of all humilliations... No, that I couldn't resist. I started crying and crying. John tried to touch me but I wouldn't let him.

 

-        "Don't touch me, bastard!", I cried, and went running dwon to my car.

 

         I remember very little of what happened straight after that. I remember John's voice calling me but I wouldn't listen. This was too much. Oh, God! In my own house, where John and I had lived so very good moments.

 

         Paul had become my salvation. Every time I had a probem, I ran to him. And he was right, I couldn't play with him like that. I wouldn't like being fooled like that. But I needed him. I needed someone to love me, and the only person I knew for sure loved me was Paul. So, when I arrived at Cavendish Avenue and buzzed the intercom, I had made up my mind about what  wanted.

 

-        "Vicky?", I heard him say. how he knew it was me I¡'ll never know but he opened the door for me and I entered. He met up with me once again at the top of the stairs. No one said a word, he just opened his arms to hug me and I went to him as though I would have gone to seek shelter into my father's arms. He kissed my head and we both went to his bedroom. I was shattered. Was he trying to take advantage of the situation and he meant to take me to bed with him? I lifted up my head to look at him and he understood. "Shhh! No, luv. I just want you to go to bed and rest. I'll lie here with you but nothing'll happen. I mean, nothng you don't want to...", I felt much better after his words. I lied there. I was so comfortable that I started falling asleep. I felt my eyelids really heavy. I closed my eyes and I couldn't even move. I felt Paul was moving. When he held one of my legs I was a little shocked, but I immediately understood he wouldn't do anything drastic. He took one of my boots first, then another one. he unbottoned my trousers and pulled them down. Then he oulled up my sweater and took it out through my head. I felt drowsy. Then he put the sheets over me and kissed my front. Then he lied beside me. I heard the click of the light and when I opneed my eyes everything was in pitch-dark darkeness. The room still had the scent of the girl he had been shagging the first time  had come to him. They were the Beatles, after all. Any girl would only give half of their bodies to be with one of them And they were human, after all. But I would have never done that to john. Never. I felt like opening up to Paul.

 

-        "John has cheated on me", I said. In the silence of the room, the words were like more serious. I couldn't see Paul's face but I flt him moving.

 

-        "What do you mean? When?"

 

-        "Tonight. I've just found out", I elt the tears coming to my eyes. Why wouldn't I talk about that without crying? Paul hugged me.

 

-        "John is an asshole. I've told you thousands of times. He doesn't know what he has. I'd never do that".

 

-        "But you've done that to Eli... She's in Spain, bound to come back before your tour".

 

-        "We're not very well lately. I've todl her I love another woman, I've even written a song about that, you'll hear it in the next L.P., that's why she's gone. We're trying to see if we can work it out", I remained silent. could it be possible that it was me the girl he loved? And... I was starting to feel certain affection towards Paul... but not the affection I would feel towards a friend... Might it be love?"

 

-        "And who's that girl who you love?", I felt him turn around and kiss me on my cheeck.

 

-        "You", then we couldn't resisti it any more. We kissed passionately and he started kissing my neck and my ears. I was naked, so his hands were running all through my body. He went under the sheets and kissed my breasts. He licked my nipples as though that was the first time, slowly, and moaning at the same time. When he started going down and kissed my navel, I couldn't stand it any more and I confessed:

 

-        "I love you, paul", everything stopped there.

 

-        "What?"

 

-        "That I love you, that I love you, Paul, that this is it, that I can't stay with John aby more...", he turned on the light. I blinked a couple of times.

 

-        "Are you sure?", I nodded. Then I wanted to go on with our love-making but somehow he was cold now. "You can't tell John now", he said, "and I can't say anything to Eli. Look, we have an American tour coming on and John has to be in full form, do you know what I mean?", well,  didn't, but it seemed to be very important for Paul. "We'll tell them together, right? Straight when we come back from the tour", but yet there was something that needed clarification.

 

-        "And what do I do in between? Where do I go?", Paul thought for a few seconds.

 

-        "Go to John. Act as though nothing had happened. I'm sure that tart didn't mean a thing to john and he still wants you with you. We'll both choose the moment, OK?", I must admit the idea didn't appeal to me but if that was what Paul wanted...

 

-        "Ok", I said. Then Paul kissed me passionately and he finally made love to me.

 

-        "I've been waiting for this moment for ages, luv", he said in between kisses. And yes, he was so anxious that he came almost immediately. But I didn't worry... My only concern was how to live with John knowing that he had cheated on me. At that moment the phone rang. Paul went to pick it up: "Hello?", then he looked at me and made gestures but I decided to get dressed. "I see, OK, calm down. I'll look for her and I'll try to make her go home. Fuck, John! you're always fucking it up! OK, wait there. See you", he hung up. "It was John".

 

-        "I know, what did he say?", Paul came to me and kissed me.

 

-        "He wants me to look for you. He's been phoning Edu and has sent Brian to llok for you but Brian is nowhere to be found. I reckon he'll be out there with some boyfriend", I simled a little. Paul smiled too. "I'm glad there's been something that has made you smile", he kissed my nose. "John still loves you, he wants you to go home. So, go home, but remember, now there's no backwards. You've told me you love me, but we have to wait for the right time", I nodded, but when I was going out through the door, I thought: do you really love Paul? The only thing I was still sure was that I was crazy about John.

 

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