Happiness
is Measured Out In Miles
CHAPTER THIRTY EIGHT
As I had geussed, I couldn't sleep a
wink that night. My mind went just to the moment when John had told me he had
slept with so many women including some of my best friends. I wasn't in love with
John any more, many things had happened to us to keep on loving him. I just
kept tossing and turning in bed until I finallu heard the service cleaning the
first floor bathroom of Kinfanus. I decided then it was time to get up. I had a
shower and got dressed, becasue the frist thing I would do after having
breakfast would be going to Paul's to talk about what John had told me.
When I went downstairs to the kitchen,
Edu was already there having breakfast.
- "Mornin'", she told me when
she saw me. I smiled at her. definitely I felt better that morning. It was like
getting rid of ten thousand pounds of wight now that John knew I wasn't with
him any more. "Did you sleep well?"
- "No, dear. I didn't. I've got too
many things in my head, you know", she nodded.
- "I know, luv, I'm sorry", but
then she looked at me with playful eyes. "I'm sorry for John, I
mean", then she smiled.
- "Oh, don't be, you know. He's not a
saint!", she knew what I was talking about.
- "What happens on tour doesn't
count, Vicky. They spend long periods of tim without us. it's normal that they
satisfy their needs every now and then. John loves you, very very much", I
very quietly had a swag of my orange juice.
- "Yeah, sure, that's why he tried to
make you", edu looked at me with poppy eyes. "Or why he slept with
Eli for that matter", she took it the wrong way.
- "Oh, Vicky... I promise you I
didn't... You know, he tried but... I never..."
- "Oh, no, no!", I
butted in. "I know you didn't sleep with him, he told me".
- "He tried to, Vicky, but he was
stoned, really really drunk... One of the nights he reckoned you were with
Paul", I looked at her. "Oh, no offence to you, luv. I mean you were
quite hooked on Paul by then", I hugged her.
- "Thanks, Edu. Thanks a lot for not
sleeping with John although I wasn't with him", she broke away from me.
- "Vicky, I couldn't do that, and you
know it", she paused a little bit and then very seriously she asked me.
"What are you going to do now?", I started a toast.
- "Well, the first thing I'm going to
do is talk to Paul. I need to clear some thngs up with him", she looked at
me suspiciously. "Nothing serious, it's just that men are really weak,
Edu. Really weak..."
- "What do you mean?"
- "Groupies, fans... You said before
that John was no saint. Well, Paul isn't either", Edu let out a weak
laughter.
- "And you really think George is?
Oh, Vicky. You'll have to change your ways if you want to really be happy with
one of the guys".
- "Anyway, I want to talk to
paul", I said, geetting up. She shrugged and came with me to the door. She
held my hand:
- "Good luck, dear. Talk to you
later".
I took the Mini and drove off to Paul.
When I arrived there, there were a few gatebirds at the door. I suppose teh bad
weather had prevented ta bigger crowd from staying there thatearly in the
morning. It was freezing., I could see Paul's Austin Martin parked in the back
yard so I assumed he would be home. I rang the intercom and Mrs Doris opened
the door for me. She could recognise my voice quite well, so she didn't need to
ask who I was. Paul was in the bathroom, she told me, but I cold wait for him
in the living room or in the music room. I decided to wait for him in his
bedroom, because I found it more private and paul and I had spent many
beautiful moments there. I went upstairs. The bad was unmade and there were
dome clothes spread on it. I sat on the bed and waited for him looking putside
the window. I didn't have to wait long. He entered the room a few minuets
later, with a towel around his waist and his hair wet. Boy was he sexy! I had
never liked men with hair on their bodies, but somehow Paul was special. Paul
had never made love to me drunk or looking for his own pleasure, like John had.
- "hey, luv! What are you doing here?",
he looked at me suspiciously. "John won't have thrown you out, will
he?"
- "Oh, no, Paul! Quite the opposite.
I left", Paul sat down next to me on the bed. I looked at him directly in
the eye. "Yeah, Paul, I had to tell him".
- "Why? We decided to tell them
together..."
- "I had to, Paul", my voice was
breaking just like the night before. "He confessed having slept with
thousands of women during our relationship".
- "Bloody bastard", now it was
me who looked at him suspiciously. He put a hand on my shoulder and kissed my
head.
- "Yeah, but Paul, he's not the only
one", he became tense. I avoided looking at him in the eye. He rested his
arm on the bed.
- "What do you mean?"
- "He also told me you've slept with
thousands of women..."
- "Fukcing bastard!", he
muttered. But I was angry. Everything but confess he was guilty.
- "You've already said that,
Paul!", he noticed I was angry. "I suppose nobody forced you to do
it".
- "Hell, Vicky! I couldn't be with
you, officially. It would have been too obvious if I hadn't been doing
anything", I was very convinced and my face showed it. "Christ, luv!
I wouldn't have done anything if I had been with you, and you know that. John
might, but I'd never", paul looked at me with that baby face of his and I
couldn't resist. I kissed him and he pushed me towards the bed. "Oh, luv!
I want you so bad...", he said between kisses. "I've been waiting for
this moment for so long, the moment when you and I could finally be together.
Free... Without John in the middle...", he kissed my neck and worked his
way down to my shoulders. He was half naked but I was fully clothed, and being
winter, I was wearing very thick sweaters. He didn't seem to mind as he kept on
kissing my breasts over the sweater. I was feeling so aroused that I stopped
him and looked at him directly in the eyes. He took it the wrong way, as he
said: "What's wrong, luv?", I didn't answer. I just took my sweater
over my head and exposed my bra to him. While he kissed my mouth, he tried to
unlatch my bra. When he did it he took it off and finally licked my naked
nipples. I moaned. He then let the towel drop and I could see his hard-up. He
was really aroused. He kissed his way down all over my stomach and kissed my
waist, while wih his hand he squeezed my belly, introducing his forefinger into
my navel. Sometimes he did it hard, sometimes he did it softly. Then, with that
same hand, he unzipped my trousers and pulled them down. Then he bit my
knickers and pulled them down with his teeth. In some ways he reminded me very
much of John. They both were very similar when it came to make love. I reckoned
they practised a lot together in hamburg. I had never been one to make
comparisons, but I have to admit that once I made love to Paul for the first
time, John never "tasted" the same. Then he started locking my
vaginal lips, but he didn't linger on for long, becasue he was so aroused that
he soon crawled over me and kissing me on the mouth he introduced in me.
- "Mmm! babe... How I love being
inside you...", Paul whispered in my ear. He pushed and pushed and for the
first time ever since Paul and I had started making love, I thought about what
John would be doing. he would have probably finished the night before going
with the Rolling Stones to finish that naked babes party. I tried not to think
of John, but somehow I couldn't stop thinking about John. Paul stopped:
"What's wrong?", he was still inside me. I moved to turn him on
again.
- "Nothing, love, keep moving",
he did. And the way he caressed me made me forget about John and come with
Paul's mouth on my neck. Paul kept on pushing a few minutes more and then he
did something that neither he nor John had ever done before. He came just over
me, over my belly, filling my navel with his white cream. I lied there for a
couple of seconds, breathing hard and feeling Paul lying by my side breathing
hard too. Then I got up to go to the bathroom to leave but Paul stopped me. He
pushed me to the bed again and then he licked his own cream from my navel while
with his left hand he spread the rest of the cream all over my stomach and
belly. When he incorporated, he had all his mouth and half of his face smudged
in his own white liquid. Nobody had ever done that to me, so I appreciated that
more than if he had presented me with the most beautiful car in the market. Hell,
still thinking of cars. You'll never forget that John prsented you with the
best gift ever. I went to the bathroom to wash myself and when I came out
Paul was rubbing the towel agains his waist. I went directly to my clothes but
he stopped me.He grabbed me by the aist and after kissing me he told me:
- "We've got a party in a few days,
luv. As usual, to celebrate Rubber Soul's release and stuff..."
- "Aha..."
- "Yeah, I would like you to come
with me", I looked at him. That would be the declaration of our love, just
like if we were together officially now. And John would be there as well. Oh,
God! That could be a bit dangerous... But what the hell, now I was with Paul!
- "That's alright, Paul. I'll be there
with you", and that was it. I went to Edu's to pick up a few things I had
left on my night there and then I went back to Paul's. Edu understood. Who
didn't understand was Eli. I tried to avoid physical contact with her, until
one day, it was inavoidable to avoid it. She went to Paul's to pick things up.
She was packing her things and when I entered the room she was giving me her
back.
- "I'm sorry...", I muttered.
She didn't say a word and went on picking her things without looking at me.
"I said I'm sorry".
- "I heard you the frist time",
but she didn't look at me.
- "After all you've got
John...", now she looked at me.
- "John? Are you crazy or what? I
don't love John, and he doesn't love me. We only slept together because paul
and you had cheated on us", that left me speechless. She could be direct
when she wanted. And it was a pity she was talking to me like that. After all
we had gone through together...
- "And what aer you going to
fo?", she let out a weak laughter.
- "What do you care, now, Vicky? Did
you care when you slept with paul for the first time?", that hurt. That
really hurt. I knew she was brokenharted but anyway she didn't have the right
to put all the blame on me. paul was also quite guilty in all this.
- "I couldn't avoid it, Eli. And I'm
so sorry... I wish it had been a different person, not Paul...", she faced
me. Her expression had changed. She was more relaxed. Hell! She even smiled!!
- "Vicky, don't worry... I
understand. Anyway, I'm leaving. I'm going to Spain for a while. I can't stay
in England. It brings me too many memories", I felt guiltier than ever.
She was even dropping out Univesity beacuse I had run away with Paul. She saw
my distressed look and came to hug me. "Hwey, cheer up! You've got two
Beatles literally crazy about you. The whole world would only deram of being in
your shoes", she stopped a few seconds. "I've been lucky that I've
been with paul a couple of years", she seemed to stress the word
"years" more than necessary. When she was about to go, we both had
tears running down our faces.
- "I suppose this is the end,
then", I said, realising that this was probably the last time we saw each
other.
- "We'll keep in touch, dear. It
won't be that easy to get rid of me", we both treid to laugh but it was
useless. We were in pain.
She left and I was left alone, with my
memories and my pain. I was losing lovers and friends on my way to happiness.
And John... What would he be doing? I didn't know anything about him since I
went away from Kenwood that night. I had phoned Kenwood and asked Dot to send
Les with all my things over to Paul's. Now I was living with him and the nearer
the day of the party became, the more tense I became too. How would John react?
I never asked paul about him. I didn't really want to know if he was with
another woman. being me who had left him, I wouldn't stand the pain of seeing
him with another woman.
Anyway, the day of the party I was
unusally quiet. Paul had bought me a lovely evening dress following the fashion
of Mary Quaint. It was a short dress and he had also bought me white go go
boots.
- "You have a lovely body, luv",
he told me. "You should show it off more often", and so I did the
night of the party. I went to the hairdresser's to have my hair done in the
style of fashion. I wanted to be stunning that day. I had phoned Edu beofre
going to the party to see if she wanted us to meet and go together but she had
told me George wanted to go with his friend Eric Clapton from the Yardbirds and
so we could not go together. I shrugged and so I went with Paul in his Auston
Martin. While in the car, paul stroked my legs and muttered: "Everybody's
going to be green with envy when they see me, luv", I smiled at him. That
was a great compliment.
The party ws in Brian Epstein's house
and when we arrived there, there were a lot of people already there. All the
beautiful people had gathered at Brian's. All the world of music was there, the
Rolling Stones, the Moody Blues, Peter & Gordon (yeah, Paul had kept
Peter's friendship although he had broken up with his siter jane long ago) and
lots more with their beautiful blonde girlfriends.
I scanned the room with my eyes to look
for John. I didn't see him so I assumed he wasn't there. George and Edu
weren't, either, but Ringo and maureen were, Maureen still recuperation from
her pregnancy.
I went from group to group talking a
little bit and playing PR for a while. The party had gone by for a while when I
went to Paul. He was holding a glass of Scotch and Coke and when he saw me, he
smiled at me and kissed me. But then, he suddenly broke away from me and
whispered more to himself than anything else:
- "Bloody Hell, Lennon...", the
whole party had become silent. Nothing could be heard and so provided that
there were hundreds of people in there. I looked at Paul but he was staring
fixedly in front of him so I turned around and saw John holding the most
stunning girl one can possibly see. She was a smashing blonde with very big
tits but her short dress left nothing to the imagination. That really was the
height of bad tste. As I could notice, John was high on pot but still that was
quite embarrassing. "Don't take notice, luv", Paul was saying to me.
"He's just brokenhearted".
- "I wasn't taking any notice",
I said to Paul, but I was lying. One can not get rid of the love of their life
in just a blink and John was the man of my life. My heart sank and I had to
hold Paul's hand becasue mine were trembling. He squeezed it a little bit
harder. all of a sudden, all eyes were on me. I tried to act normal but I
wanted to die when I saw that John and the blonde were coming towards us. The
crowd went to life once again but I started to become nervous and Paul became
tense.
- "Hi, Macca!", said John. He
was grinning mischeviously. I knew that grin. He wasn't happy, he was just
playing. And his eyes reflected he couldn't care less about the blonde girl.
"how are ya doing, mate?", Paul rolled his eyes and held me by the
waist too. John realised and his face hardened.
- "What are you doing, John?"
- "What? Don't you like this smashing
babe?", I couldn't believe it. Not only was he putting me down, but he was
also showing off and trying to convince Paul of putting me down too. The blonde
girl giggled foolishly and I would have killed her right there.
- "Come off it, Lennon! You're making
a fool of yourself", but then John kissed the blonde almost violently. I
thought that kiss should have even hurt her, so violent it was.
- "Oh, Lennon", she said.
Thankfully, because I was starting to think she was dumb. Anyway, what she said
wasn't very brilliant either, so I was right to think she was only a bimbo.
"I knew you could writ wonderful songs but I didn't know you could kiss
that well", and so she giggled again. I wanted to throw up.
- "I want to get out of here", I
said. John and Paul both looked at me with begging eyes.
- "I'll go with you outside",
said Paul.
- "No, no, I'll go alone, thank
you", and started to walk towards the inner patio Brian had. On my way to
it, someone grabbed my shoulder.
- "Vicky!", I turned around. It
was Edu. I hadn't realised when she had arrived. she was ver well dressed too,
and being as pretty as she was, she was stunning. "Oh, dear! Look at the
girl John is with! Hell does he have bad taste!", I smiled at her. Now I
understood why she was my best friend.
- "I don't mind, dear. Now I love
Paul", Edu looked at me. She could read me like a book and she saw I was
not telling the truth. She shook her head: "Uh, uh. You still love
John", her directeness stuck me. Why was she saying that? What had she
noticed to realise I ws still in love with John? But I wasn't in love with John
any more. I was in love with Paul...
- "Edu... I need to be alone for a
couple of minutes... I need to think...", she understood and so I walked
towards the patio. It was freezing out there so the patio was empty. I sat on a
chair and looked at the sky. There were no stars that night, being a cold and
cloudy December night. I started to think about everything that had happened to
me since I had met John. From being an anonymous girl from Spain to be like the
Queen of London, hanging out with the Beatles and with the rest of musicians of
the sixties. Living everything with John. Our terrible L.S.D. trip that I
shared with him, Edu and George. John writing songs to me... "For
Sale" was full of references to me, because the songs were written and
recorded in a period when John somehow figured out I ws sleeping with paul. And
then the beautiful song "It's Only ove" that John wrote for me one
night and that he recorded and put in "Help!". And then it came
Paul's thing. The first time he kissed nme back in America, his frist attempt
at sleeping with me, then the first time we actually made love, the first time
he told me he loved me... And... Did I love him? Yeah, defintely. But then, why
had I felt so bad when I had seen John with the blonde? I couldn't understand
it... Well, it was probably because he was still so fucking sexy... His mop top
had grown longer and now he was changing his style of dressing. He knew that
brown velvet jacket he wore in the "Rubber soul" cover drove me
crazy, and he was wearing it tonight...
I suddenly felt a presence in the
patio. A shadow. Someone was there. I didn't dare to look because I somehow
knew who it was. It was John.