When the Swedish tour was over, the Beatles only had one day off before embarking on another tour for the UK. John came home to spend just a few hours with me after going again via Cheltenham. Oh, the few moments I spent with John were marvellous. We couldn’t stop kissing each other, and we made love like never before after so many days without having each other. But once again, John had to go and I was really getting fed up with it. I had come to England to be with John, I loved him madly, but I could only be with him during the few days he had off between tours. So, the Saturday that followed the day they parted to their autumn tour, I woke up early to go to Edu’s.

I felt a little bit funny that morning. I felt so dizzy that I could hardly walk without leaning myself on the chairs. I went to the kitchen to have a glass of water and I swallowed it almost from one swag. But then, when I was about to open the door to leave the flat, this disgusting nausea came to me and I threw up like crazy. I couldn’t stop throwing up. I felt so bad that I tried to phone Edu, but then I started feeling better until I felt as though I was on top form. So I decided not to think much about it and go to Edu’s.

Being a Saturday, all of them were there: Edu, Eli and Tessa. I kissed Edu and Eli but Tessa wouldn’t even look at me. I couldn’t care less. I went to Edu and we all sat down on the sofa to chat.

• "Hey, the Beatles play at the Prince of Wales on Monday, girls! Are you going to see them?", Edu asked us.
• "Well, I’ve got University, so I don’t know. Monday night is not a very good day, don’t you think?", I said. Then we suddenly heard a voice that came from behind us. It was Tessa’s.
• "Oh, that’s fine, then! I’ll go and see them. John seemed very lovey with me the other day, you see".

I turned to look at her. Well, I was starting to feel that nasty dizziness again, and I thought it was because of Tessa.

• "What are you talking about?" I told her. She smiled at my face.
• "Well, your Johnny couldn’t stop looking at me boobs when you were talking to Edu, you see... maybe you should control him!", what was she saying? That couldn’t be true. John loved me and liked me and he also liked my body and everything. John was mine. I could have killed her right then. Oh, but she didn’t stop: "Oh, and she also told me I was gorgeous and invited me to their performance!"

Well, that was all that I needed. I got up like a ray from the sofa and went towards her. I lost control and started pushing her like mad:

• "What are you bloody talking about?", well, I can say I had picked up some bad words from John. I kept on pushing her: "Shut up, you asshole! John is mine, do you hear me?! Don’t even dare to touch him!!!" She of course fought back:
• "Don’t touch me, Spanish bitch!", and then he grabbed my long dark hair and starting pushing it. It was hurting me a lot, so I stretched my arms towards her face and tried to scratch her stupid face. She was also kicking me in the legs and we both were shouting at each other like mad. Edu and Eli came to us and tried to separate us but I was blind. I had lost control. I wanted to kill her, John was mine!!! Eli grabbed Tessa and Edu got me.
• "Bitch, bitch!", I shouted at her. Tessa was going to reply but Eli put a hand in front of her mouth to avoid it. I felt sick again. I could hardly see anything, and the nausea was coming back to me. I wanted to threw up again. So I get rid of Edu and went to the bathroom like frantic. There I leaned by the toilet and started to throw up. Edu had come after me and lifted my hair softly:
• "Vicky, dear, are you alright?", I couldn’t even answer her because when I thought I had thrown up everything I had in my body, the nausea came up again and I threw again and again. "Vicky! What’s wrong with you? You’re scaring me!!", the lovely Edu who had always been there for me. Then the nausea suddenly stopped and I started feeling better and better. When I felt almost on top form I got up and went to he washbasin to wash my face.
• "I’m alright, Edu, thanks", I told her. But she looked at me sceptically. The bathroom door was almost closed but she closed it and locked it.
• "Vicky... For how long have you been feeling like this?" I looked at her.
• "I don’t know, but it’s nothing, I’m ok, now" Edu kept on looking at me with her eyes wide open.
• "Hey, hey! When did you last have your period?" That shocked me. A lot. I was really scared by then and I could only muttered:
• "I... I don’t remember, Edu. About two months ago or so!" I saw the colour fade from Edu’s face.
• "Shit, Vicky! Shit, shit, shit!!!"

I was really scared. No, I couldn’t be pregnant, could I? That was impossible, that only happened to the other girls, not me. I was going to be a teacher soon, I was in my fourth year, so, no. No, of course not! Eli had heard Edu scream and knocked on the door.

• "Hey! Are you alright?", she asked from outside. I was almost crying, until I finally couldn’t stop it and started crying loudly. Edu went to open the door and let Eli in.
• "Where’s Tessa?", she asked.
• "She’s gone away. She was really angry and pissed and couldn’t be in the same room as Vicky. But what’s wrong with Vicky? Is she alright?" I couldn’t even think. I only wanted to cry. It was impossible. No, I had met girls who had been two or even three months without their periods and everything worked out fine in the end. Edu saw my distressed face and told me:
• "Ok, don’t panic! Let’s see... Tomorrow is Sunday, so there’s nothing we could do. And the Beatles play a the Prince of Wales and I want to see them on TV. So, Vicky, on Tuesday, we’ll go straight to the doctor. OK?", said Edu.
• "To the doctor?", Eli asked in surprise, "so serious is it what Tessa has done to you?" Edu laughed and that took a little bit of seriousness to the thing:
• "Eli, this is a secret, OK? I think, well...", Edu looked at me and I saw her all blurred due to my tears, "we think she might be pregnant!". Eli’s eyes open wide. She could only come up with:
• "Of John?"
• "Of course, of John!", I almost shouted. I was so miserable. I missed my family more than anything in the world then. They were in Spain, and I was here all alone, with only Edu to take care of me. They would kill me when they heard about this. Well, I was making a mountain out of a molehill. There was still nothing sure. Maybe it was a false alarm and I wasn’t’ pregnant. Maybe all this was sort of a mistake. That cheered me up a little.

Eli and Edu accompanied me home. On the way home in the tube, I thought about all the things Tessa had said. Was it possible that John had said she was gorgeous and that he liked her breasts? Oh, I felt so bad and miserable that I wanted to cry and cry but couldn’t because the tube was jammed. But Edu realised:

• "Vicky, dear, try not to think of it. We don’t know anything sure yet, so, please, don’t worry!" I looked at her in pain:
• "I wasn’t thinking of that, now. I was thinking... Oh, Edu, Eli... Do you think Tessa was saying the truth when she said John had said all those things to her?"
• "Of course not, Vicky!", said Eli. "Tessa is crazy about John, you know. She loves him like mad, she told me. And she’s absolutely jealous. But I don’t think it’s true".
• "Vicky, I know John", said Edu, "and he loves you like mad. Well, yes, he may be a flirt, no doubt about that, but he cares too much about you as to let you go ruining your relationship like that. And besides, it’s impossible that John could have invited Tessa to their show on Monday. It’s only for Royalty!".

She was right but still I wasn’t convinced. When I got home, I went straight to my room and tried to sleep. Edu and Eli decided to spend the day with me there in case I needed something but the only thing I needed was John. I cried and cried and then fall asleep.

On Sunday I stayed at home the whole day. Edu and Eli went home after lunch but told me to phone them as soon as I noticed anything strange going on. Nothing strange going on apart from the odd sickness.

And on Monday I got a call from John. They were in London because they had to play at the Prince of Wales Theatre.

• "Hi, my love. How are ya?" Well, there was no way I could say anything on the phone, besides there wasn’t anything sure yet, so I tried to sound normal. Anyway, John was not a fool and realised.
• "Fine, John. And you?"
• "Well, I’m fucking nervous, you see. We’re playing for Queen Mother and Princess Margarette and all those establishment people. I don’t know... That’s why I needed to talk to you, my little kitten, to relax a little bit". I was on the verge of tears again, but I tried to hold them back and that made me feel like with a lump in my throat. So I just muttered a strange noise: "Luv, are you alright?" Well, I wasn’t alright, but I couldn’t scare John when he had such an important performance. He was enough nervous but for me to make him worse.
• "Yes, yes, John, just good luck and behave yourself behind the Royals, will you?", I tried to make him laugh and I succeeded because he let out a weak laughter.
• "Ok, luv, I’m fucking looking forward to seeing you, but straight after that we’re going to Slough to continue with the tour. Remember that I love you and that I’ll go to you as soon as I got a day off, right?" I smiled to the telephone.
• "I love you too, John. Think of me. I’ll see you on the television in a while, ok? Take care!".
• "Take care, my love", and then he hung up. And then I broke down. I cried and cried for what it seemed years. I suddenly, in between sobs, I heard the door bell. I went to open and there they were Eli and Edu with some bags of fish and chips and with big smiles on their faces:
• "Hi, Vicky? Are you ready to see the sexiest guys on TV?" I tried to force a smile. They realised: "Cheer up, Vicky! Look, the Beatles are about to come up on the TV, so we’d better make ourselves comfortable on the sofa and watch them play!"

Well, they were right. Three was nothing I could actually do then, so I tried to relax and enjoy the Beatles.

They were seventh, after a lot of other acts which we hardly knew, us being Spaniards. I knew Marlene Dietrich, who was on her way out then, very old. But then the Beatles came. Oh, God!! Just see John there and not being able to touch him. Eli and Edu were also in trance.

• "Oh, isn’t Paul gorgeous?", I heard Eli say. Edu looked at her and smiled. "Well, I’ve kissed that lovely mouth hundreds of times!" Paul was singing "Till There Was You", and the camera did close-ups of him. After the number he was all sweating and Eli was over the moon. The audience clapped their hands like frantic, but then John approached the microphone. I got shocked. John had a wicked smile on his face, and I knew that smile. He had smiled at me like that when he was going to be naughty, but I couldn’t see what he was up to before a Royal audience. He said:
• "For our last number I’d like to ask your help", then he stopped a little bit and passed his tongue over his lips. He went on: "The people in the cheaper seats clap their hands, and the rest of you just rattle your jewellery!"

We three were dead shocked. This Lennon was crazy!!!! How on earth did he dare to say that in front of the Queen Mother??!!! I was dying of embarrassment and I didn’t want to look at the television. But then Eli started to shout:

• "Hey! The Queen Mother has liked the joke because she has got up and she’s waving!", so I looked at the screen and saw her there waving to the audience who were all laughing and applauding. John was speaking then:
• "Thank you! We’d like to sing a song called "Twist And Shout"!" And then the first guitar notes of the song came. Edu started to laugh and her laughter was contagious but I couldn’t stop thinking about my problem. What if I was pregnant?? How could I say that to my parents? They would kill me!!!! I didn’t want to think of that but inevitably my head went to that.

So next day I didn’t go to the university and Edu asked for the day off to come with me to the doctor. There weren’t a lot of people, so thankfully we didn’t have to wait long because otherwise I would have died of exasperation. The doctor was a woman, another great thing because I didn’t want to get undressed in front of any man other but John. I really was dead nervous and sort of crying all the time. I knew the worst may finally happen.

So, when we finally entered the doctor, a very nice young woman, told us to sit down and explain what the matter was. Edu started speaking up for me:

• "Well, she’s been having this terrible nausea and dizziness for a couple of weeks, she’s not sure...", then the doctor looked at me:
• "Do you feel like throwing up early in the morning?", she asked me with a smile.
• "Oh, yeah", I could finally manage to say. "And the feeling doesn’t go until I feel almost empty..."
• "When did you have your last period?"
• "I can’t remember, about two months or so, ago" Then the doctor got up and indicated me to go to an annex room.
• "I’m going to recognise you, alright, dear, so go in here and get rid of your clothes". My heart was beating fast while I started walking towards the cold room. Edu would wait for me in the main room.

The door was small and cold and I was crying while I undressed. I was completely naked when the doctor came in. I was so scared that she had to tell me off even because she couldn’t work on me properly due to my excitement. Everything was over in about twenty minutes.

• "Ok, Miss Peña, go with your friend and wait for me there, I’ll be with you in ten minutes", so I got dressed again and went to Edu. She was waiting for me on the same chair I had left her and when she saw me come in, she smiled at me as to inspire me confidence. But I was dead scared. I sat down on the chair next to hers and she grabbed my hand.
• "Everything is gonna be alright, dear", she told me.

The doctor finally came and sat down in front of us. She avoided looking at me in the eyes. She then started asking me embarrassing questions. Questions I wouldn’t answer even in front of my mother and that now I had to do in front of a complete stranger:

• "Miss Peña, don’t you know about the existence of condoms?", she asked me. I could feel my face turn as red as a hot chilly pepper. I looked at Edu. Seeing that I wouldn’t answer she went on: "Well, then I’m afraid I’ve got to tell you this horrible news, Miss Peña. I’m afraid I have to inform you that you’re pregnant". And with that the world stopped and my heart too. All the blood dropped from my face and I felt so weak that I had to grab Edu so as not to fall over on the floor. Edu was shocked too. Of course she imagined something, but we still could see a little hope at the end of a tunnel. Now that little hope had vanished in the haze. I couldn’t stand it any more and started to cry loudly with loud sobs. What am I going to say to my parents? They’ll kill me! And John? How will he take in this? What if he leaves me flat, now? Oh, please, God, anybody, help me!! "There, there, dear, now you have to think of the little being you’ve got inside your body", the doctor was saying, "and take care of yourself as well as of it, right?". She started scribbling something on a piece of paper. "Now then, I want you to rest as mush as you can, for the first months are the most difficult ones, and take these pills every day immediately after getting out of bed", she handed me the paper but I couldn’t see nor hear anything. Edu took it for me. The doctor got up and went to the door to open it. While she was holding the door open for us the doctor finally said: "Ok, and I want you to come visit me again in two months, in January 1964, alright?". Seeing that I didn’t say a word Edu nodded and we both went out of the clinic.
• "Vicky! Shit! How did you let this happen?", Edu told me when we were going to the tube. But I couldn’t reason then, I was so distressed. "Ok, in the state you’re in, there’s no way you must be home alone. I’ll tell Eli to come with you and me to Emperor’s Gate with you, because the other option, living with Tessa is not very pleasant, is it?". I looked at her and she smiled at me. "Ok, let’s go home and I’ll phone Eli from there".

When we arrived home I went straight to bed and tired of so much crying I drifted off to an agitated sleep. When I woke up I had the little hope that everything would have been a bad dream, a nightmare and that now I was normal again, but no, because I started noticing the nasty nausea came in waves to me and rushed to the bathroom to throw up. I had to tell John, but John was on tour, and I couldn’t say something like that over the phone. He needed be right in front of me. I even didn’t know where the Beatles would be in London to tell John.

Eli and Edu moved in with me, which was great, they were a great help. But then John phoned me one day:

• "Hey, my love, I’m missing you terribly! How are you?", he sounded as happy as usual and I was dead. I couldn’t hide my feelings any more. I couldn’t pretend I was happy and that everything was normal when I had this pressure inside my chest. I started to cry loudly on the phone. "Bloody Hell, Vicky!!! What’s the matter?"
• "John... I need to talk to you, as soon as possible. When are you coming to London?"
• "Vicky! What’s wrong? Tell me this minute, please!" His voice sounded scared. I didn’t want to frighten him, he had to be on top form to do well in performances so I pulled myself together and said:
• "Nothing, John, I need to talk to you. When are you free?" he thought a couple of minutes and then said:
• "Look, next Monday we’re going to London to receive the silver discs for Please Please Me and With The Beatles to EMI. There’s a party afterwards, but I can get out and go home to see you and talk to you, luv! But can’t you say anything to me?"
• "No, John, we’ll talk on Monday, OK?"
• "Love you, kitten!", and then he hang up.

So that Monday finally arrived. Eli and Edu were still with me. Edu had spoken to George. Knowing John was coming for me in the middle of the party, he had decided he could do the same and come for Edu. Eli was not that happy. Paul hadn’t said anything of the sort. Maybe Jane Asher was with him and so he didn’t want any more suspicions on him. But when we heard the door unlocking she got the surprise of her life. In came three Beatles in a row: first John, then George and finally Paul. George kissed Edu passionately on the lips and John came in looking for me like frantic. I went to him. He opened his arms to me and I went there and hugged John wrapping his waist with my arms. HE hugged me too and started kissing my head. Then we went away from each other and he kissed me on the lips. Paul was in front of Eli. That was a strange situation: I hadn’t seen them together since that dinner and I didn’t know what the situation was between them. Then I saw Paul walking slowly towards her and hugged her. After that, they kissed. THEY KISSED!!! In the mouth!! The thing was serious then. But, what about Jane Asher, then? Paul was stroking her hair and whispering things in her ear, and I was really curious about that, but I had something more serious in my head. Edu finally said:

• "Ok, I think these two have to talk", she said looking at John and me. "Can we go with you to wherever you were before coming for us?" Paul looked at her and then at Eli. He smiled her and kissed her.
• "Of course!", then he turned to us and yelled: "Lennon! Don’t be long, right? We have to go on with the tour". But John hadn’t heard him, he was looking at me in the eyes. When we heard the door closed John couldn’t stand it any more:
• "What is it, luv? I couldn’t stop thinking about this, you know!" Then I got rid of him and walked away a few metres from him, with my head dropping looking at the floor. But John followed me and lifted my face putting his hand under my chin. That lovely gesture made me even more sensitive that I already was and started to cry, first with weak sobs and then unstoppably with big screams. John was really scared by then so I decided not to make him suffer any more and tell him:
• "John... I... I’ve been to the doctor...", I didn’t know how to go on. I didn’t know how he would react and I wanted to die. I loved him madly, I was sure about my love, but maybe John..., "I’m pregnant". I didn’t dare to look at him. I was too much frightened. There was this terrible silence where the only sounds that could be heard where our breathes. I finally had to look at him to see his reaction. I lifted up my head and he was looking through me, as though he couldn’t see me. He ran his hand through his hair a couple for times and I could see the colour fade from his face. He finally jumped to life. I think he was waiting for the punch line, as though everything had been sort of a bad joke. So he looked at me again with s weak smile but I was crying so he realised it must be true. Seeing I didn’t say anything he hid his face in his hands and muttered:
• "Bloody hell, once again!". I knew it, I knew it! This is the worst thing it could have happened to him. We’ve spoiled his career. The Beatles are not gonna make it with this misfortune. Oh, and everything has been my fault! How I hate myself! I hate myself! I wanna do myself in!! I was so desperate that I started running towards our bedroom to start packing my bags when I felt a strong arm stopping me. "Luv, luv! Don’t go! Come here!" I went to him and he held my face between his hands and kissed me softly on the lips. Then he moved downwards and bended on his knees and kissed my belly with soft little kisses. He muttered: "This time it’s gonna be alright, luv. It’ll be a girl and she’ll be called Julia, like me mum." He then gave me one more kiss in the belly and got up. But then he suddenly yelled: "Bloody Hell! Mimi! I have to tell Mimi, luv!" I was a little bit sobered up now. John had reacted well, he hadn’t shouted at me or left me flat or anything. He had kissed me. JOHN LOVED ME!! But then, the ugly thought of visiting Mimi once again, and with this bad news, was something not very pleasant. John saw my distressed look and said: "Don’t worry, luv, everything will be fine". He kissed me again. "Ok, listen to me, we finish the autumn tour at the beginning of December. We have a couple of days off. I’ll come for you and we’ll go to Liverpool to tell Mimi and my sisters, ok?" I nodded.
• "I’ll also have to tell my parents, John".
• "Oh, God, that’s true! Ok, we’ll talk about that when I come back from the tour, ok?" Right! I felt a lot better. The thing with John had worked out, I felt even happy and I was dying to tell Edu and Eli. There was only this tiny thing about my parents, but it had to wait until December at least.

And that was it, John didn’t feel like going back to the party, so he phoned EMI and told them he would go directly to Brian’s flat early in the morning the next day. It had been a day full of strong emotions, I was dead beat and so I decided to go to bed. John came with me. We didn’t make love that night, we both fell asleep on each other’s arms.