• "Vicky, great! Great! I’m just mad about Paul now!" Well, I really didn’t want to spoil the party but I had to remind her:
• "Well, I’m happy for you, Eli, but Paul is dating Jane", I saw Eli’s face change into a disgusting look.
• "Is he? Oh, he doesn't seem to act like a normal guy with a girlfriend, then, Vicky. I can tell you?"
• "What do you mean?"
• "Well, he... Well, I can say he loves me by the way he makes love to me and the way he kisses me. And besides, Jane is always touring and that’s stressing Paul a lot".
• "He’s quite selfish, then. He’s always touring too". Eli got angry.
• "Don’t talk like that of Paul, will you? We’re very happy together now", and with that she finished the conversation. Well, I didn’t want Eli or Jane to get hurt. Cyn was enough in the Beatles circle so I talked to Edu into talking to Paul to see how things were between them. What Edu told me surprised me a lot:
• "Vicky, Paul feels something for Eli, he’s told me. Love? He doesn’t know", Edu then let out a laughter, "He says he doesn’t know what Spanish girls have that drive him crazy". We both laughed. Alright, so maybe Paul was now hooked on Eli. That was fine, then.

But as soon as the days to go to Mimi’s came near, I felt worse and worse. Mimi was a very difficult woman. No doubt that all the Beatles and even John were scared of her. So, as he had said, John had a couple of days off at the beginning of December and so we took the train to Liverpool. Neil wanted also to visit his family, so we three embarked on the train and off we went.

Nobody knew anything about my pregnancy. Maybe Paul, but I wasn’t sure because I didn’t want anybody to know until I felt absolutely sure about how to explain things to John’s friends. I had made John, Edu and Eli promise me that they wouldn’t say anything to anybody. I trusted my two girl friends, but I wasn’t so sure about John.

When we finally arrived in Liverpool, we said goodbye to Neil and we decided we could go back together to London too, so in a couple of days, we all be on the same train, but I would be more relaxed knowing that the Mimi thing was something from the past.

From Liverpool Lime train station, we took a taxi to go directly to Mimi. John had phoned her before saying we would be going, so Mimi was already aware of our visit. I was quite uncomfortable, and John noticed it. In the taxi, John grabbed my hand:

• "Are you alright, luv?", I tried to force a smile.
• "I’ll be honest, John. No, I’m not alright". John kissed me softly on the lips to try to make me feel better.
• "Remember that whatever happens today with Mimi", he told me, "I love you and I’ll always do. And this time everything will be fine, I’m sure". I smiled at him. He was incredibly sexy by then. He had grown his hair a little bit longer and his fringe was longer too, almost covering his lovely eyebrows. We rode in silence for the rest of the drive, with John holding my hand. When we arrived there, John paid the taxi driver and we were about to go out when the taxi driver told us:
• "I knew it was, you. Lennon, I couldn’t believe it when I saw you on the TV the other day. I told my wife ‘this is the old chap from Menlove Avenue, the one that threw stones to the window panes in buses’, but she didn’t believe me. Now I know it’s you. Hey, I’m a great fan of your music, you lads are doing really well". John smiled at him and tipped him with two pounds. "Oh, no, no, I can’t accept it".
• "Please, do", said John, "but please, don’t tell anybody I’m here, right? I’m just visiting my auntie". The taxi driver smiled at us and John and I went out of the taxi. John closed the door and we walked the path that led us to Mimi’s front door.

My heart was beating really fast by then, I thought Mimi could hear it from inside. John rang the doorbell and in a couple of minutes, with John holding my hand stronger than ever, Mimi opened the door with Julian in her arms.

I saw John’s face change. I can say he loved Julian very very much. He took him in his arms with a big smile on his face and started kissing him like mad.

• "My little baby! How are you, my love?" he said while kissing him. But then I realised that if Julian was there, then Cynthia... Oh, no! Please, I couldn’t put up with Mimi alone, let alone with Mimi and Cynthia. John seemed to read my mind and looking inside from above Mimi’s shoulder he asked her: "Is Cynthia there?"
• "No, she isn’t, John. She didn’t want to come." I heard John sigh with relief and I also did. Then, still with Julian in his arms, he leaned to kiss Mimi on her cheek:
• "How are you, Mimi? How are you doing?"
• "Not bad, not as well as you, of course. I saw you and the guys on the TV. How on earth do you dare to talk to Queen Mother like that, Lennon? Who do you think you are?" Well, this Mimi was really a hard roe to hoe. Anyway, John immediately changed th subject going inside with Julian. Mimi followed and I followed. Yes, Mimi hadn’t said hello to me yet but I didn’t care. Mimi was like that.

• "Vicky, what’s wrong? You don’t seem to be on the height of health!", oh, this woman could be really clever. John and I had decided to tell her everything after the dinner, so I only said:
• "Oh, nothing, Mimi. Is everything ok over here?", she only nodded and we all entered the living room. John went upstairs to put John to bed and I decided to help Mimi in the kitchen. "Can I help you, Mimi?"
• "Oh, yes, that’s very nice of you, Vicky. Please, be laying the table. Dinner will be ready in a couple of minutes". And so I did. I made a couple of trips to the kitchen and in one of them I saw John sitting on the sofa watching TV. He smoked incessantly and by that I could say he was as nervous as I was.

When the dinner was already, we all sat down at the table and John and Mimi started talking about trivialities.

• "How are the lads, John?"
• "Well, Paul had gastric flu last month and we had to cancel one of our shows. The one we did three days ago, actually."
• "Oh, but is he fine, now?"
• "Oh, yeah". I ate in silence. Well, eat is not the word. My stomach was so close that I couldn’t even swallow without coughing. I was so nervous... I wanted the dinner to be over to make everything clear. Mimi went on:
• "Well, he’s dating that London actress, isn’t he, that Jane Asher..." John looked at me and I looked at him. Well, yes, that was the official version, but Paul was very much hooked on Eli. Anyway, there was no way Mimi would approve that, so we didn’t say anything.
• "Yes, and George and Edu are still together". Mimi seemed glad to hear that.

For a couple of minutes more, they kept on talking about unimportant things, but I was on the verge of becoming hysterical, so I kicked John softly under the table to let him know I couldn’t wait any more. He looked at me and nodded:

• "Mimi", he said almost in a whisper. Mimi lifted up her head and looked at John deep in his eyes. John took a breath, a deep breath and went on: "Mimi, I... We... I mean, Vicky... Mimi, she’s pregnant".

Silence. I was trembling and John was scared too. I couldn’t lift up my head from the saucer. I was terribly scared. Well, Mimi was not a typical woman. Her vocabulary and manners were correct but when it came to get angry, she could be like or even worse than a man. She got up from the bed in a sudden jump and hit the table with her hand:

• "Hell, Lennon! Once again! What the hell are you thinking? Have you made up your mind and are you going to pregnant all the girls you sleep with?!! But how can you be so irresponsible!!??? How old is she, John? Have you realised you’ve ruined her life???!!! Now it’s different! When you did the same to Cynthia, you could marry her, but now you can’t, John. You’re not divorced. What is she going to do on her own and with a child?"

¡¡Uau!! I hadn’t thought of that. That was much worse that actually becoming pregnant. I looked at John with my eyes full of tears. John took my hand:

• "Mimi, this time is different", he said, "I love her, and I want to be with her. Really, you don’t have to worry about anything. I’ve got money, now, we’re living together, everything will be fine. I just wanted you to know". John was almost beat by then. Then Mimi looked at me:
• "And what can you say to all this, Vicky? Have you talked to your patents? What do they say?" Well, my parents would react like or worse than her, I knew that, so I only told her:
• "I’m going to Spain for X-mas Eve and X-mas day. I’ll talk to them then. I can’t tell them this over the phone, you understand." She looked a little bit more relaxed now. She sat down.
• "John, please, is it that I never taught you anything?" John lifted up his head.
• "Oh, no, Mimi, it’s not your fault. I love Vicky madly, and this child is really wanted. I know it’ll be a girl, Mimi, and I’ll call her Julia. You must support me in this, Mimi, please".
• "What do you want my support for, Lennon? You’ve always done as you please". John couldn’t say anything else and I was almost crying by then. It was my fault that Mimi had got angry at John. It was my fault that John had had an argument with his beloved Aunt Mimi. I won’t never ever forgive myself for that. I started to cry. I couldn’t help it. John hugged me and kissed me on the head. I hear finally Mimi say:
• "Well, John, I hope you’ll know what you’re doing. You know where I am if you need".

Have I heard right? Is Mimi giving us her blessing? I looked up at John and saw him saying a big thank you without uttering any words. He let rid of me and went to hug Mimi. He kissed her and then this time he said the words:

• "Thanks Mimi, thank you very much".
• "Go tell Julian", she said. John went upstairs and I smiled at her.
• "Thank you, Mimi", I said. She smiled back and then said:
• "Go with John, Vicky. He’s like a little child. No matter how famous and big the Beatles become, he’ll always need as much care and attention as possible. He loves you, please, don’t let him down. He trust you. Now go with him".

I smiled at her and went running to John’s room. When I entered his room, John was taking Julian out of John’s bed, where he had been sleeping. Julian had woken up and made great efforts so as not to cry. John held him tight and giving him little kisses was whispering to him:

• "Shh! Shhh! Baby, dad’s here!", then he looked at me, leaned to kiss me and went back to Julian, "you’re gonna have a little sister, Julian.". Well, I looked at John. He was quite relaxed, after Mimi’s blessing. But he was also very convinced that the baby was going to be a girl. I wasn’t that sure, he might be a boy. I was only of two months, but I just wanted to see John happy.

We spent that night at Mimi’s. By the end of the evening, Cynthia came for Julian. I didn’t want to see her, so John went to talk to her. Up to his day, I still don’t know what they talked about that night, and I don’t really want to know. I only know that when John and I went to bed, we both fell asleep in each other’s arms. We were very very much in love.

We were both woken up to the doorbell. Nobody went to open the door, and the ring became more and more persistent. John was not an easy riser, and could be very angry when he had to wake up. So, since the ring wouldn’t stop, we both went to look out of the window. Thank God I went first, because when I looked down I saw a group of about twenty girls, outside Mimi’s garden, shouting and screaming and ringing the doorbell. I understood then why Mimi hadn’t opened the door. The girls looked up every now and then and thankfully they didn’t see me because I hid behind the curtains immediately after realising that some girls were constantly looking towards John’s room. I turned to John:

• "Who’s there?", he asked me.
• "I think you’ve got some fans here in Liverpool too", I said smiling at him. I wanted him to be glad with me, happy. He meant the world to me. I was deeply, absolutely, utterly in love with John. He was my life by then.
• "Bloody hell! We’ll have to be leaving then as soon as Nel comes for us. Is Mimi in?"
• "I don’t know John, I’ve just woken up too, remember?"
• "And how the hell are we going to get out of here?"

I shrugged. That was a good question. I could still remember their last performance at the Cavern. I had feared for my life, then! John then looked at me and smiled. He got up and came to me. He hugged me:

• "How are you feeling this morning, anyway, luv?"

Well, I hadn’t felt that nausea of the previous days, I just felt hungrier than ever.

• "Fine, John. I’m just hungry. I could eat a horse!" He smiled a goofy grin, so typical of his and told me:
• "Why don’t you eat me, then, luv?" I smiled and slapped him softly in the arm. We kissed. John’s kiss became a little more passionate and he started lifting the upper part of my pyjama. I had to stop it, I didn’t feel in the mood. I really didn’t feel like making love. I didn’t know why, but that’s how I felt. I got away from him:
• "John, Mimi might be downstairs..." His smile turned into a weak grimace. The bell kept on ringing and we were both getting really fed up.
• "I see... Oh, bloody hell! WILL YOU STOP THAT NOW, MIMI???!!!

It was really annoying but I could see that it wouldn’t stop. So we both got dressed, packed up our few things and went downstairs to have breakfast with Mimi. She had prepared some cereals, tea and coffee. While we were having breakfast, the phone rang. Mimi took it and passed it over to John:

• "John, it’s Neil". John nodded and went to the phone. I was eating in silence and so I listened to all their short conversation.
• "Yeah, half an hour, then... OK... Well, I know, but we’ll try... Ok, see you in half an hour then, bye", and hang up. He came back to the table and told me: "Neil is coming for us in a taxi in half an hour. So we have to think of something to distract all those girls outside".

Well, that was going to be difficult. I was fed up with the girls always shouting and wanting to touch or kiss John. John seemed genuinely fed up with them too. It wasn’t until much much later that I realised he didn’t seem to mind... So, we told Mimi and she being a bright woman thought that she could distract them with something she used to do now that John lived in London. So we went upstairs to fetch our few things and went downstairs. John stopped in front of Mimi:

• "Ok, Mary, thanks very much for everything. I love you", he kissed her. Mimi (why had John called her Mary?) kissed him back and then came to me:
• "Remember what I told you, Vicky." But she didn’t kiss me. She just told us to hide in the kitchen because she was going to open the door to talk to the fans outside.

She opened the door and the girls started shouting John’s name. We heard Mimi tell them:

• "No, John’s not here now. He’s living in London, I told you the other day, but anyway, let me show you the back garden where John used to play as a kid...", and so the voices seemed farther and farther as Mimi took them away to the back garden. So John took my hand and we went out, crossed to the other side of Menlove Avenue (with extremely care, since John’s mum had been killed in that dangerous avenue) and waited for Neil’s taxi.

It arrived in five or ten minutes. Thankfully, no one recognised John and we were soon riding towards Lime Street to take the train to London.

• "Brian has phoned me", said Neil. John looked at him questioning with his eyes. "Yeah, he’s giving a party tomorrow evening to celebrate the With the Beatles success".

• "I don’t think it’s a good idea. Vicky needs to rest". I frowned. I didn’t need to rest. I felt on top form, and besides I was only of two months, and the dizziness and nausea was only in the mornings. But one things for sure, the party had to have loads of food, since I was always starving (due to my pregnancy, I guess). So I told him:
• "Oh, John, I’m ok! Please, let’s go the party, ok! Please, please". So, Neil, caught on my last sentence and started singing:
• "me oh yeah like I please you".
• " Get on!"; said John but we all laughed like lunatics.

The trip to London was long and boring and although it was not morning, the nausea came to me, maybe also due to the fact that I had been reading and that made me dizzy. So I needed to throw up. My face became whiter for seconds and John got really scared. He was about to say something to Neil when I got up in a jump and went to the toilets. John came after me and entered with me. We closed the door and while I threw up, he held my hair and with his other hand splashed some cool water on the back of my neck. He was really lovely. I loved him so much. When I was almost empty I washed my face and kissed John.

• "Thank you, my love", I told him.
• "Why don’t we tell Nel to call a doctor? We stop at the next station and then we can go to the doctor there or something".
• "No, I’m alright, now". I just felt a little bit weak, but was over in the next hour.

When we arrived at Euston station, Brian was waiting for us three in a limousine. We all jumped in and the driver took us first to Neil’s house and then dropped John and me at Emperor’s Gate. I came out of the limo, but Brian took John away for a while because he wanted to talk to him. So I entered home and the first thing I did was to phone Edu. Three rings and nothing and on the fourth Tessa’s stupid voice put on the phone:

• "Hello?"
• "Edu, please!", I didn’t even want to say who I was.
• "Who’s calling?"
• "A friend".
• "Hold on a second, please". So I waited for a couple of minutes and then the same voice came. "No, I’m afraid she’s not here. Do you want to leave a message?" I was losing patience by then and I finally did.
• "Hell, Tessa!! Bring Edu this minute!" She then realised who I was.
• "Oh, that’s why your stupid voice sounded familiar! Piss off, bloody ugly bitch, and tell that John of yours not to move so fast when he fucks me!", and then hang up.

Oh no! Once again the same story. Would it be true? Would be John cheating on me with Tessa? I wanted to ask him, but I didn’t dare. I was afraid of the answer, because if it was true, then I would die. But, what if John shouted at me or something? I was on the verge of tears when John came with the biggest smile on his face. Something good had happened but I really didn’t want to know. Not now. I wanted Tessa to die. John saw me and came running towards me:

• "Luv, what’s wrong?"
• "Nothing, John. I love you". He kissed me.
• "I love you too my little child".

The next day was a hectic one for me. The first thing I did in the morning was to phone Edu and Eli to go shopping. I wanted something to wear for the party. Thank God, Edu took the phone, because I would have lost my mind if Tessa had been on the receiver again. We decided to meet in Oxford Street, we three. John had to go with Brian and Paul somewhere, so we wouldn’t see each other until the evening. It wasn’t a very good thing, though, but so I could spend the day with my friends. I said goodbye to John:

• "I’ll come for you at 6.00 p.m., alright, luv?", he leaned to kiss me. I kissed him back. "How are you feeling today, baby? If you’re not feeling very well this evening, let me know and I’ll tell Brian we’re not going". I think John was over protective. I didn’t feel that bad, just the nausea in the mornings, but today I hadn’t even felt that. I was on top form and I really wanted to go to that party.
• "I’ll be fine, John. I love you. I’ll be here when you come". We kissed again, and he went.

I had a shower and put on my more casual gear. I wanted to be comfortable, everybody knows how girls are when they go shopping. We had arranged to meet in the tube station of Oxford Street, and when I arrived there, they were already waiting for me.

• "Hey, Vicky!", Edu shouted, "here!". I walked towards them and then they started to ask me about the Mimi thing and stuff. "How are you, everything alright yesterday with Mimi?" I smiled at them and they realised.
• "Yes, she was very nice, actually. We’ve got her blessing". They smiled with me and we three started jumping up and down in the middle of the station. Then Eli spoke:
• "I haven’t said anything to Paul, but I think Brian wants to say something to all of them today". I didn’t like that. I wanted to tell my parents first. The whole world was going to know before them. "Oh, Vicky, it’s not big deal, sooner or later they’ll have to know".
• "Thanks for keeping the secret, anyway. You’re real friends".
• "Well, it was very difficult sometimes, especially when Paul and I are, let’s say, in some deep moments..." We all laughed. So, Paul and Eli were serious then.
• "Well, so Paul and you are really getting serious then".
• "I don’t know, honestly", we started walking towards the street, "Paul doesn’t seem he’s going to leave Jane and I’m getting really fed up with it. Jane is always touring, she’s hardly with him, and Vicky, He needs love. I’m in love, and I can give him love".
• "We’re sure about that", said Edu. We laughed but Eli was serious:
• "Oh, it’s not laughing matter, girls. I’m really in love with Paul, now, and if he doesn't leave Jane in the next few months, I’ll have to tell him something""

Well, that was how things were at that point. Anyway, we tried to have fun entering every shop in Oxford Street and trying lots of things. We even moved after a while to the markets, Portobello, Camden Town, etc and we went back home with lots of bags. We had spent a lot of money, but boy had we had fun. I had decided on a long dress, in black. I was still thin so it was quite good. Edu and Eli went home and I went mine to wait for John.

John went for me in the early evening. I was fully dressed and made up and when John saw me he just whistled, like he usually did in the early days of our romance.

• "Bloody Hell, my love! You’re smashing!!" I kissed him in gratitude. I loved the things he told me. He then offered me his arm to go to a limo who was waiting for us outside the house. I went to John and held his arm and both together walked towards the limo.

We arrived at Brian’s house, which was in Belgravia. The place was really nice and when we entered, lots of people were already there, among them Eli and Edu. As soon as I saw them, I tried to draw their attention. Eli saw us and came to us. Then Edu saw us too. John was still with me and when he saw my two Spanish friends he said:

• "Oh, my two little friends! Enjoying the party already?" Eli giggled. She had always thought John was really funny. When John saw Edu I saw his face change into that of pleasure: "How are ya? Well, no need to ask that! I should say how are ya!!!" Now it was Edu’s turn to giggle. I laughed a little bit too, although those kinds of jokes were not my cup of tea. But John went on: "Oh, yes, everything is in place", he said looking at Edu and Eli from head to toe.
• "Come off it, Lennon!", said Edu, and then John leaned to kiss both my friends on the cheek. Then he turned to me and kissing me in the lips, said:
• "Come to say hello to the rest of the lads".
• "I’ll go in a minute, John", I preferred to stay with my friends. We went towards the bar Brian had prepared where we could have lots of booze free. The songs that were playing were really familiar, some of them in particular. I recognised one of them. Oh, yeah! It was the one John was writing that day in bed with me after making love. The one that went: since you left me I’m so alone now you’re coming... I smiled to myself. Maybe he hadn’t recorded "Bad To Me", but that one was mine too and now it was on record. Forever. For good. George came suddenly and kissing me told me:
• "Vicky, luv, how are you?? Brian told us. What a drag, ain’t it?". So Brian had told everybody. There was no secret any more. Oh, no! Now everybody knew about my situation. After George came Ringo and then Brian. They all wanted to know how I was. I spent the first half hour after my arrival telling everybody I was fine. When we could finally be alone, I told my friends:
• "The press is gonna be wild when they found out". They nodded, although I trusted Brian and I knew he wouldn’t say anything to anybody outside the Beatles inner circle.

Edu and Eli both went to the bathroom together and I approached the bar again to fix myself another non-alcoholic drink. The waiter, a very well-built black guy, offered to fetch me whatever I liked so I asked for a Coke. He poured a little bottle into a long glass and when I was to turn to start walking towards John someone turned at the same time and dropped all my coke into my lovely dress. Oh, no!! Shit, shit!! My lovely dress!!! I was about to shout when a very familiar voice started saying:

• "Oh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Vicky...". I lifted up my face and saw Paul with a worried look on his face. Oh, boy was he cute! He was really sexy, I could see now why Eli was so hooked on him.
• "Oh, don’t worry, Paul, it’s Ok. I’ll go to the bathroom to clean it".
• "John’s gonna kill me. He’s becoming quite overprotective with you, you know. Bloody hell!" He started looking for John with his head like frantic.
• "No, Paul, don’t worry." I blinked at him. "We won’t tell John. If he says something, I’ll tell him I poured it myself".

Paul stared at me like puzzled and I stared at his deep lovely eyes. There was a silence of about two or three seconds. Or even more, I couldn’t say. Then Paul finally spoke:

• "Thank you, Vicky.", I smiled at him. "Oh, how are you, by the way?". Well, if there was anyone in the party who hadn’t asked me how I was, it was Paul, and now he had done it. "John told me, you know."
• "Oh, I’m ok, thank you, Paul". Well, finally Paul dignified to direct me a couple of words more than the usual ‘how are you?’. There was more silence, and Paul and I couldn’t stop looking into each other’s eyes. Vicky! He is Paul, you see, John’s best friend, and going out with one of your friends. Stop looking at him like that or something serious will happen today at the party. I looked at the floor.
• "Vicky, I’m sorry", I heard Paul say.
• "Paul, don’t worry, I’ll clean this now and everything will be alright".
• "No, I’m not talking about that now, you see." He got me. I didn’t know what he was talking about, then. I looked at him questioning him with my eyes. "Yeah, I’ve been not very friendly with you ever since you started going out with John. I liked Cyn very very much, and I love Julian madly. I saw you as the home wrecker and couldn’t stand the fact that one of my best female friends, Cyn, was suffering because of you. But I can see now why John liked you." And then he stopped. I was speechless. So it hasn’t been my imagination. Paul had been avoiding me, yes, during all this time. I didn’t say anything, and Paul went on: "I hope you’ll forgive me, Vicky". Then he stopped and lifting my face with his hand he said: "Are we buddies now?" he smiled at me and I had to smile at him. He was so lovely...
• "Yeah, buddies, and all forgotten", so he leaned and kissed me on the cheek. Well, sort of an electric shock came all over me. I was still petrified when Paul, with a blink, walked away from me and went away. I was still in trance, but I suddenly felt the need of another drink, this time alcoholic. I was pregnant, yeah, so John wouldn’t have liked that. I looked for him with my eyes so as not to be suspicious when I saw him talking to Brian and to a familiar female figure. I blinked a couple of times and yes, the female girl was talking to him quite cheerfully and every now and then she touched John’s arm, and hand and smiled at him incessantly. I started walking towards the group, and stopped short when I saw Tessa. TESSA!!! What was she doing there? With John!!! I felt another figure walked to me and stop by my side. It was Edu. She was going to tell me something, but I wouldn’t let her, I just wanted to know. "Edu, what is she doing here?" Edu looked at the direction of my eyes.
• "Who?"
• "Oh, Edu, don’t play soft with me, will you? Tessa! She’s talking to John there!" Edu looked at where I was pointing and then sighed.
• "Brian came for Edu and me because Paul and George were already here, and so Tessa opened the door, and thinking she was one of us, well, he assumed she was another friend of yours, and so he invited her along".

Oh, no!! And John was flirting with her. Now Brian had gone and John and Tessa were alone, and jealousy started creeping all over me. John was smiling at her! John was talking to her! Fuck, JOHN WAS WITH HER!!! I lost control once again. I run towards John and her and without looking at John I shouted:

• "What the hell are you doing here?". She didn’t answer but John did:
• "Vicky, luv!" I looked at John:
• "What is she doing here, John?"
• "Oh, bloody hell, Vicky, calm down. Don’t make a scene!" With the corner of my eye I could see Tessa smiling. Yeah, great! I turned to her.
• "What are you laughing at??!!!" John grabbed my arm and very strongly by the way.
• "Shut up! You’re overreacting. You’re very sensitive now, but don’t let that affect your manners!" I wanted to cry by then, but Tessa kept on smiling, and so I was not going to do it. Edu had come after me and John told her: "Take it away from her, Edu, she’s paranoid!" What???!!! I couldn’t believe it!! It was the first time John had spoken to me like that. I looked at him:
• "John...", I said with tears in my eyes.
• "We’d better go home", was the only thing he said. So he went to look for Brian and in the meantime I went to Tessa and told her:
• "Keep away from John, you bloody bitch, or I won’t know where I am!"
• "You’re threatening me?", she said sarcastically.
• "Yes, and I mean it". She started laughing loudly now.
• "You’d better shut up and take more care of yourself. You don’t even know how to fuck without getting pregnant!". That was all I needed. I went for her, I wanted to take her bloody eyes out of her bloody face. She fought back and we were soon deep into a cat’s fight before the amazing eyes of all the guests to the party. John came running to me and took my by the waist while Eli took Tessa from the arms:
• "What the hell do you think you’re doing???!!!", that was John, who was really angry by then. I turned to him and started to cry. I cried laugh. I didn’t say goodbye to anybody, I just wanted to go out from there as soon as possible. John dragged me outside and soon we were outside Brian’s house and into the limousine.

All the way to our home was made in silence. I looked up at John every now and then but he looked out of the window and never ever did he look at me. I felt so hurt. John had been on Tessa’s side instead of being on mine. Maybe she was right and there was something going on between them. I couldn’t stand it any more and started shedding tears, silent tears. John didn’t realise and I only tried and cried in silence.

When we finally reached our flat and we entered, the first thing that John told me after closing the door behind us was:

• "What the hell is the matter with you, Vicky? You’ve made me feel like a fool tonight, you know!!" I couldn’t believe it. John was shouting at me, SHOUTING!!! And all was because of Tessa, because I loved John madly and she was trying to get him away from me. I said sobbing and with tears running down my face:
• "Oh, John! It’s Tessa! She’s mad about you and she’s going after you!", I said crying and crying.
• "Tessa? Leave Tessa alone, Vicky! It’s you and your pregnant state. You’re paranoid and maybe you should stay home and in bed instead of going out if your behaviour is gonna be like this!" John was really hurting me by then. He was the only thing I had, all my family was in Spain and he was the only reason for me being pregnant and in England. I thought everything was finished but he went on with the most painful words I had ever heard so far: "And I’m going back to the party and you’re staying here, do you hear me? Go to bed and sleep that hysteric manners off." And without saying goodbye he stormed out of the house.

I felt horrible, horrible. Never ever had I had an argument of that sort with John. I went to bed and without undressing, I fell on the covers sobbing silently, and crying and when I realised all the covers were wet of my crying. I didn’t realise when I had fallen asleep, but I never heard John coming in.

I woke up the next day to someone giving me little kisses on my cheek and my neck. My hair was being stroked and the kisses went on all over my shoulders and my back. I woke up exactly in the same position I had fallen asleep the night before. Still a little bit groggy, I turned round and saw John. He was smiling at me, and he was all dressed and seemed like ready to leave. I still could feel the pain of the night before so I was about to turn my head again down on the pillow and started to cry when John held my face between his hands and said:

• "Shhh, my love...", then he kissed me softly on the lips. "I’m terribly sorry about what happened yesterday night. I’m really sorry, luv, I talked to you like that". He stopped for a few seconds. My eyes were becoming wet again. Then he kissed both my eyes and started kissing my tears too. "I’m a bastard, luv, I know. Don’t ever let me talk to you like that again", while he was talking to me he was stroking my hair and my face. "Do you forgive me?" Oh, how I couldn’t! There he was, all dressed in a wonderful suit, tie included, long hair covering his lovely face, fringe becoming a little bit longer than usual. I smiled at him and kissed him passionately.
• "Yes, John, but please, you hurt me so...", he hugged me and then pushed me and lifted the upper part of my pyjamas and took my trousers down a little bit, so that my belly was all to the open air. He started to kiss it softly, showering all with little kisses:
• "How’s my baby today?", he said talking to my belly. I laughed. John could be so lovely at times. If only he were always like this, and not like the night before, with his painful words still bouncing in my head. I stroked his hair. Then he looked up at me and got up. "Ok, my love, I must go now". I didn’t like the idea and my face showed it. He kissed me and took out a piece of paper from his pocket. "There you go a list of all the hotels we’re gonna stay and their phone numbers. Please, feel free to phone me if anything, no matter how silly you think it is, happens to you, alright luv?" I looked at the paper.
• "Scarborough, Nottingham...", I said reading.
• "Yeah, baby, we must go on with the tour, but when it finishes we’ll have a couple of days or so off. We’ll be together, Vicky, but please, take into account what I’ve told you, OK?"
• "I’ll be fine, John."
• "I’ll phone you every day", one final kiss and he went. As usual, every time John went away on tour, I felt empty. Now the weekend was on its way, and I felt lonely, so the first thing I did after John had gone was phone Edu and Eli. I was praying that Tessa wouldn’t pick up the phone. God heard me, it was Edu.
• "Edu, this is Vicky!"
• "Vicky, dear, how are you?", her voice showed she was worried.
• "I’m Ok, everything is fine again now with John", I heard her sigh.
• "I’m glad, Vicky, you got us so worried".
• "Well, John came back to the party after bringing me home, you see... What did he do?" It took her a couple of seconds to answer and when she finally did she sounded a little bit uncomfortable:
• "Oh, nothing special, we were just chatting and dancing... And... Oh, Vicky, I hate being the one to tell you this, but please, watch out John".
• "What do you mean?"
• "Well, it’s not only Tessa, you know... Eli can tell you too... John loves you, no doubt about that, but he likes flirting a lot... It’s Ok with me, I know of John’s ways, Eli couldn’t care less about John’s comments as long as Paul is with her, but Tessa and some other girls may not think like us..." I was speechless. What did she mean? Was Edu trying to warn me of anything? That was not possible. "Vicky, you there? Are you alright?"
• "Edu, please, be honest... What happened yesterday night after I left?"
• "Well, I don’t know... John came back quite angry, and started telling me how lovely I was and dancing with Eli and he finally left with Tessa... Well, ok, Vicky, Tessa asked John to give her a lift so it’s not his fault". My heart was beating really fast by then. Well, ok, calm down, this doesn’t mean he’s slept with her. But did he come back home yesterday night? I didn’t hear him if he did. Maybe he slept with Tessa, Maybe he spent the night with Tessa!!!! I was too distraught so as to keep on talking, so I just said:
• "I don’t believe you, Edu!", and hung up angrily. I was shocked, I couldn’t react and John wasn’t here to ask him. I don’t think he would like the idea of being phoned to the hotel just to ask him: "Well, did you spent the night with Tessa?" A couple of minutes later the phone rang. I picked it up:
• "Hello?"
• "Vicky dear, don’t get angry at me! I’m your friend, I just want you to know that if you don’t keep an eye on John, Tessa may finally win, do you understand?"
• "Please, Edu, just do me a favour. Don’t let Tessa get near John, ok, please! She’s got the word DANGER written with capital letters on her front!" I heard Edu laugh.

When we both had finally got tired of talking, we hang up, but still the image of Tessa talking to John and laughing at me couldn’t get off my mind.