She is different.

If the way a lady carried her purse is any indication then just on this one issue, she can be differentiated from the lot. The purse lies stable on her left shoulder and there is hardly any need felt by it to leave the shoulder. The choice of the purse is strange - not just in terms of the size and shape,, which is quite big by normal standards of purses carried by others of her age; but also in terms of the incoherent sense of matching it on a western outfit where of course it looks misfit. Perhaps it has something to do with attitude than aesthetics. And that attitude is carried everywhere, like the purse or like Mary’s little lamb. Is it a choice or a mere indifference?

The very first time that I saw her, what stood out was the erect, composed posture with her lustrous hair tied tightly. Her voice talked of a confidence and at times the pertinence of her questions underlined the practicality. One of her questions was laughed at by everybody yet it was a valid one with farsightedness which everybody realized on hindsight, though she herself might have asked the question more out of impulse than out of thought.

The confidence shows in her dressing sense, or rather lack of it. The choice of her clothes either belittles or vulgarizes her sensuality. Most of the times I have seen her in a more casual dress - the ugly green jeans being continuously used with different T-shirts and shirts. Why shirts? Is it a challenge to the male bastion in a surge of equality? Or is it merely a choice made without any rhyme or reason? Or is it the same indifference? Could be either, or neither. For just like this statement, she has at times appeared confused though dominantly indifferent - as if something is eluding her.

Snippets of conversation overheard from her classmates tell me that she is not exactly popular. But do those classmates carry the maturity or the comprehension - leave aside the right, to talk about her. Can they pass judgments?

When I had to attend the same training as hers, I understood the reason of her unpopularity. It was a classic case of grapes turning sour. It was clear that there was something that sort of turned on the boys. But she was either fully engrossed in her complete alienation from the class, merrily chatting with some person over the net, or used to stick to her close-knit group of friends that hardly had any room for others. The incessant typing of her keyboard with only her two index fingers provided background music to the lecturer’s voice. So when one day the lecturer asked everybody to shut off the computers, she almost was lost - like an unrequited lover.

A couple of times, I had the choice to sit next to her, but the idea of the background music becoming the main song made me rethink. And when she gave me the look of ‘you-dare-not-invade-my-privacy’, it made me smile. My dear, I would not want to invade your privacy, but it would give me great joy to ask you and know from you the reasons behind the sorrow that is in your eyes

Tum itna jo muskura rahi ho, kya ghum hain jisko chupa rahi ho

Her two ‘bodyguards’ cannot understand this. The association of this threesome is funny yet intriguing. She carries them along - like her purse - more out of practicality than choice. And when she does sit with them, just after lunch on the benches in front of the office, it appears as if like a princess is granting audience to her besotted. The other two always look up to her, as if a priest-select is kneeling down before the Lord’s statue in reverence. It intrigues me. Power of the fairer sex? Charm of a woman? Need of company?

Her indifference has allured me, but a couple of times when we crossed each other, there seemed for a fraction of a second, a disorientation of her otherwise composed demeanor. It almost seemed as if she wanted to say something and stopped. As if she took a step back in her mind. A strange way of wanting to meet my gaze, yet look through me and feign indifference.

I keep on thinking about this. The more I analyze it, the more it alludes me - this difference between her regular indifference and this action - this difference between actuality and reality, and more importantly truth.

And she remains as she first struck me - Enigmatic!