Steve's Writings
Steve has written a number of articles in recent years for various publications, including The New Yorker and the New York Times. Some of these short pieces have been collected and published in Steve's book Pure Drivel. However, be warned. The New Yorker pieces that appear in Pure Drivel are frequently changed in ways small and large. In particular, the changes to "The Hundred Greatest Books That I've Read" (which only appeared in the paperback version of Pure Drivel) were very substantial. And on a personal note, I much prefer the New Yorker version.
Steve's writings are listed below chronologically and by venue. Some of these are located at other places on the web, but I have not linked to them because they tend to come and go. As Steve continues to publish new ones, I'll add them here. Now that The New Yorker is also online, perhaps some of Steve's new pieces will be available there. They do not archive the old stuff that preceded the creation of their website. Too bad.
There are also some odds and ends, such as Steve's take on a People article which he wrote for the Toronto Star.
Where you find text without links below, it is because the work is still in progress. Links will be added as they're ready. Please be patient. I'm dancing as fast as I can.
The New Yorker
CRIME PERKS "My Celebrity Crime Perks" appeared in the "Back Page" section on July 22, 2001. This is a departure for Steve since it is a cartoon done jointly with Bruce McCall, another featured contributor to The New Yorker. With the bevy of Hollywood celebrities who have recently beaten any number of criminal charges with a slap on the wrist and even greater career success, it is only fair that Steve should get away with murder.
ETHICIST "The Ethicist" appeared in the "Shouts & Murmurs" section on March 5, 2001, page 50. A "Dear Abbie" for the ethically challenged.
SHOUTERS "Shouters" appeared in the "Shouts & Murmurs" section on September 11, 2000, page 50. A service for the person who does not have time to read.
2 MENUS "Two Menus" appeared in the February 21 and 28, 2000 issue, p. 74. A contrast in food tastes between the L.A. and flyover country.
PRESIDENT BEATTY "President Beatty Takes Up Residence" appeared in the October 18 and 25, 1999 edition. The newly inaugurated President of the United States, Warren Beatty, talks to himself.
CD PACKAGE "Designer of Audio CD Packaging Enters Hell" appeared on March 22, 1999. Revenge for everyone who ever went crazy trying to open that cellophane from hell without a chainsaw.
The Pure Drivel Pieces
Steve collected a number of The New Yorker pieces into his book Pure Drivel. There are lots of changes -- some large, some small -- between the originals and the book versions. The links below are to both versions. So that you can compare them if you want, the links will open as separate windows so that both can be onscreen at the same time. The right link is the original, the left link is the book version.
PAPARAZZI "The Paparazzi of Plato" appeared on September 22, 1999. We eavesdrop on a Platonic dialogue on the press's invasion of celebrity privacy. Once a philosophy major, always a philosophy major. PLATO
100 BOOKS "The Greatest Hundred Books I've Read" appeared on September 21, 1998. A chronological tour of Steve's mental, emotional, and physical life from his supposed readings. The pilgrim's progress. 100 BOOKS 2
SLEDGEHAMMER "The Sledgehammer: How It Works" appeared on July 27, 1998. Steve makes fun of computer anxiety by applying the same logic to the sledgehammer.
WILY FILIPINO "In Search of the Wily Filipino" appeared on July 6, 1998. A riff on stereotypes. This is what happens when you take Marlon Brando seriously.
SIDE EFFECTS "Side Effects" appeared on April 13, 1998. Beware the wonder drug.
TAPING "Taping My Friends" appeared on February 28, 1998. Steve takes a look at the pitfalls of secretly taping telephone conversations and the betrayal of trust.
DEAR AMANDA "Dear Amanda" appeared on February 16, 1998. For the obsessive lover, breaking up is hard to do.
MEMORY CHANGES "Changes in the Memory After Fifty" appeared on January 19, 1998. For those of use who recognize these short-term memory problems (at least for the moment), it says we are not alone. For the rest of you, see what you have to look forward to. Now where did I put my keyboard?
DRIVEL "Drivel" appeared on December 22, 1997. Ah love. Ah irony. Ah rats.
PUBLIC APOLOGY "A Public Apology" appeared on November 17, 1997. How to save your political career -- apologize, apologize, apologize. And crocodile tears also help.
MENSA "How I Joined Mensa" appeared on July 21, 1997. IQ ain't everthang.
TIMES ROMAN "Times Roman Font Announces Shortage of Periods" appeared on June 9, 1997. An extremely clever essay on punctuation.
WRITING IS EASY "Writing is Easy!" appeared on June 24, 1996. As Tom Lehrer said, "Plagiarize, plagiarize, plagiarize -- Only be sure always to call it please . . . Research!"
RAPHAEL BIRDBATH "Yes, In My Own Backyard" appeared on April 22, 1996. Steve establishes his credentials as an art expert. This is Steve's first appearance in The New Yorker. It was originally intended for the New York Times magazine, but the editors there could not agree where to showcase it. Thus, a new career was born.
The New York Times
LIFELONG ART ED "Steve Martin's Lifelong Education in Art" is an excerpt from the catalogue to Steve's Bellagio exhibit of his art collection. Published on April 1, 2001, it is insight into his reasons for finally coming out the art closet.
THIRD MILLENIUM "The Third Millenium: So Far, So Good" originally appeared on January 2, 2000, and was reprinted in various other papers at about the same time. It is a humorous and on-target look at the past and present.
MONICA LEWINSKY "News Stories Besides Monica Lewinsky" originally appeared in the Thursday, August 27, 1998, late edition, sect. A, p. 23, col. 1. It shows how Monica dominated the news at the time and "Monica Lewinsky" took on a metaphoric meaning beyond a mere name. It also represents Steve's very rare forays into political commentary of a sort.
KITTEN "Mars Probe Finds Kitten" appeared in the Thursday, July 10, 1997, late edition, sect. A, p. 23, col. 1. This is only one of two articles which appeared in Pure Drivel and not in The New Yorker magazine. KITTEN 2
MATTER "The Nature of Matter and Its Antecedents" appeared Sunday, March 2, 1997, in the late edition, section 6, p. 80, col. 1. It was also one of only two non-New Yorker piece to make the book Pure Drivel. It is a takeoff on the supposed intellectual shallowness of showbiz types. MATTER 2
ArtNews
TOBY ON ART "Toby Looks at Art: The Secret of Modern Painting -- Straight from the Horse's Mouth" appeared in the April, 1999 issue, pp. 108-109. It is one of two of Toby the Horse's forays into philosophical essays. The other was in The New Yorker, where Toby holds forth on religion. This is horse sense?
The Oxford American
BANJO by Steve Martin The article appeared in the Summer, 1999 issue. It is Steve's nonfiction account of his learning to play the banjo and his continuing interest in it.
Rolling Stone
Toronto Star
"I'M STEVE! I MAKE NEWS! The article appeared Saturday, August 27, 1988, in the second edition entertainment section, page J2. It is a response to a People Magazine article about someone who sat next to Steve on a commercial flight and reported his actions.
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Last updated 15 August 2001