Well, I hope you guys like sick humor, and that's all I've got to say. It's Aeanagwen here, with Celleri! You know what that means! It's time for another round of, "Let's Humiliate Nakago!"

This is a fic called "The Sleeping Bishounen." It's a lot better if you've seen Disney's, "Sleeping Beauty, although it's hilarious even if you haven't. NO spoilers. EXTREME OOC, but then again, this is a parody. Also, profanity warning. Nothing REALLY raunchy, at least not yet. This would be considered shonen ai. (It's NOT yaoi, or so Celleri tells me.) This is the first part of what we'd prefer be one story but is WAYYYYY too long for that. (We had had no idea it was going to be as long as it is, and we're not even quite finished with it yet! So this is the first part. *EVIL gryn* Enjoy, and please give us feedback.

CAST LIST
(Note: The names will be changed accordingly, this is just so you know who's who.)

Nakago..................................Princess Aurora
Tomo.....................................Prince Philip
Soi........................................Maleficent
Ashitare.................................Maleficent's Crow
Suboshi.................................Flora
Amiboshi...............................Fauna
Miboshi.................................Meriweather
Seiryuu.................................Aurora's father
Yui.......................................Aurora's mother
Genbu..................................Philip's father

Sleeping Bishounen
by Aeanagwen and Celleri

Once upon a time, a God and a Miko desperately wanted a Seishi. Finally their prayers were answered (Seiryuu prayed to Taiitsukun, this is not a continuity error) and they had a son, whom they named Nakago.

At the baby's christening, all the God and Miko's loyal subjects showered him with gifts and good wishes. The God of a neighboring country, Genbu, had arranged (by way of drunken card game) for Nakago to someday wed his son, Prince Tomo.

Seishi Interlude:

Soi gagged. Nakago turned white. Tomo thanked his lucky stars (no pun intended).

Back to the story:

Prince Tomo approached the baby's cradle and looked at his future bride (groom?). He turned to his father with large shimmer eyes. "You mean it, Daddy?"

Genbu nodded benovolently, pointedly ignoring the filthy glare Seiryuu was giving him. Yui, meanwhile, was giving her husband a vile look of her own. "How did you lose our son's marriage in a card game?!" she hissed through a false smile to the audience.

"I told you; I don't remember!" he growled back, not bothering to hide his scowl. "But he has it in writing!"

Suddenly, a suspiscious beam of light descended from on high, ridden by the three good (Well, two of 'em were good; the other was there because the authors are twisted.) magical guardians of the kingdom, Floraboshi, Faunaboshi, and Meriboshi.

Seishi Interlude:

"WHAT THE--?!" the three Boshi's screamed in unison. The rest of the seishi snickered.

Story:

"Your Magesties," Floraboshi said, "we have come to bestow gifts upon the young Prince."

He stepped forward, rasing his wand.

Seishi Interlude:

"I get to be the leader? COOL!" Amiboshi and Miboshi sweatdropped and glared at the sky.

Story:

"Okay, my gift is going to be the gift of Sex Appeal. You will grow to be a sexy bitch, and you will be able to bed any chick you want!"

"But, good fairy--" Yui spoke up.

"I AM NOT A FAIRY! I am a MAGICAL WINGED GUARDIAN! Get it right!"

"But, Nakago is already betrothed to--to..." She gave up and pointed at Prince Tomo, who was firmly glomped onto Floraboshi's robes, staring up at him with-still shimmering eyes.

"THANK YOU SO MUCH!" the boy squealed ecstatically.

"Oh. Well, there's a waste of a good present," Floraboshi grumbled, detatching the prince from his waist and going back to the other fa--magical winged guardians. "Your turn, Aniki."

Faunaboshi approached the cradle, rolling up his sleeves and gesturing with his flute (no, he doesn't use a wand). "Prince Nakago, I give you a voice fit to summon angels from the Heavens. People will gather from the farthest reaches of the globe to hear you sing. I give you the gift of--"

That's gay! The kid's already going to have enough problems, Floraboshi thought. Leaning forward, he muttered, "Bad song."

"--bad song. NO! WAIT! STOP!!!" But, it was too late. The flute shone faint emerald, and a sickly yellow-green light settled around Nakago's throat before fading.

"Dammit!" Faunaboshi tackled his brother and proceeded to beat the crap out of him like we know he can.

Floating over the two brawling guardians, Meriboshi drifted up to the crib, fully prepared to "gift" the baby with the insane need to crossdress and manage professional creamed corn wrestling. Suddenly, the castle shook with an explosion of pink smoke.

It was Malefesoi, the wicked PMS fairy! Accompanied by a very large hunched over hairy man! She smiled at the God and Miko. "I knew you wouldn't forget to invite ME to the christening, would you? Stay, loyal hound." Her loyal hound sat down and wagged his butt, because he didn't have a tail.

Seishi Interlude:

Ashitare barked happily and wagged his butt.

Story:

Yui looked panicked. "N-no, of course not," she stammered. "Your invitation must have gotten lost in the mail!"

Malefesoi nodded happily and threw open her arms, revealing thousands upon thousands of baby toys, diapers and the like stuffed into her sleeves. Dropping them all, she hurried to the cradle and picked up baby Nakago, cooing and gibbering in baby-talk.

"Oh, you're so cute! Yes, you are! Yes, you are!"

Seishi Interlude:

"Baby Nakkie-poo!" Soi squealed, shimmer eyes a' shimmerin' and shiawase bubbles a' floatin'. "So cute!"

Nakago and Tomo both glared at her and popped the bubbles when they got too close.

Story:

Nakago, happy to be held by ANYONE but him, made cute baby noises. Then, Malefesoi bounced him one too many times. Nakago turned distinctly green and ejected gooey baby vomit all over her dress (like Linda Blair in "The Exorcist.")

Malefesoi dropped the kid and stared balefully. "Big mistake, brat," she snapped. "Now you'll see why they call me the evil PMS fairy!" She gestured with her staff. "Before the sun sets on your twentieth-"

Tomo panicked. "I CAN'T WAIT THAT LONG!"

"Okay, FINE. Before the sun sets on your SIXTEENTH birthday, then. That'll make it that much sooner. Before the sun sets on your sixteenth birthday, you shall prick your finger on a prayer wheel and DIE!"

The crowd gasped in horror. Tomo fainted.

Seishi Interlude:

Miboshi snapped his fingers. "Damn it! I don't even get to give him his 'gift'?"

The authors appeared! "Oh, don't worry! You'll get your chance!"

Story:

Seiryuu, while he was not pleased with the idea that his son was going to live such a short life, was a little happy about the idea that he would not marry Tomo.

Seishi Interlude:

Tomo whimpered, "I thought you liked me, Seiryuu?"

Genbu popped up out of nowhere and gave Tomo a V-For-Victory. "Seiryuu has nothing to do with it, and relax, I'm responsible for the blanket fic, too!"

Mass sweatdropping.

Story:

Malefesoi grinned. "Loyal hound! Come!... GET OFF THAT FAIRY RIGHT THIS MINUTE! Bad, BAD hound! Bad!"

Meriboshi furiously waved his prayer wheel at the large, sex-crazed and drooling minion of Evil, hoping to poke an eye out like everyone said he would someday. He was trying to get the loyal hound to stop trying to mate with what would have been a leg, had Meriboshi's legs been big enough for that. "GO AWAY YOU PERVERT DOG!"

Seishi Interlude:

"That's just sick. What kind of low, crass humor is this?" Miboshi asked.

The authors appeared! "Our kind!"

Story:

Faunaboshi was trying none too hard to get the thing away from his fellow fai-- Magical Winged Guardian, but nobody really wants to get too close to a horny wolf-man. Floraboshi, however, was rolling around laughing until his sides hurt and then some, wings twitching helplessly.

Malefesoi was getting angry because this whole thing was ruining the drama of the moment. "HOUND! Get over here, NOW! We are leaving!"

Finally he abandoned Meriboshi's prone form with an apologetic lick on the face and leapt to perch on Malefesoi's staff, which he could not do because his bulky ass was just too big. He fell gracelessly on his face, and Malefesoi cued the cloud of angry cranberry-red smoke and both of them disappeared.

Yui, who decided to get the story back on track, picked up Nakago, who was sitting, dazed, on the court floor. "Oh, my poor son!"

Faunaboshi looked at Meriboshi and pointed at the baby. "DO something. You still have to give him his birthday present!"

Seishi Interlude:

Miboshi rubbed his hands together in gleeful anticipation.

Everyone else swallowed and/or sweatdropped.

Story:

Meriboshi adjusted his dress and tipped his pointed hat in the right direction and raised his prayer wheel. Man, I hate to think I'm doing something NICE for the little punk... but.. if he LIVES...HA HA HA HA HA. "Okay, Prince Nakago. I got ya present for ya right here! On your sixteenth birthday, should you prick your finger on a prayer wheel, you will NOT die, but fall into a deep sleep. You will be awakened by your true...uhm, betrothed's kiss- and not just a peck, either, I mean a REAL kiss, lips, tongue, the whole nine yards- and live happily ever after."

Tomo looked up and cheered, "LUCKY!!"

Seishi Interlude:

Tomo looked up and cheered, "LUCKY!!"

Nakago scowled at the world in general, and Soi gagged.

Story:

The God and the Miko ordered all prayer wheels in the kingdom to be burned in a huge bonfire, which was started by an anonymous pyromaniac bandit from some mountain or another, to protect the Prince. However, the three Magical Winged Guardians knew how powerful and sneaky Malefesoi was, and met to discuss the matter.

"I know! We can turn him into a napalm cannon!"

Faunaboshi gasped at his twin's idea. "That's AWFUL! Let's turn him into something nice, like a flute!"

"I say we turn him into a rotten, festering corpse, but that's just me."

"SHUT UP, MERIBOSHI!" the twins barked.

"Well, who says we have to turn him into something? Let's just take him into the woods, find an empty cottage or something, and bring him home later!" Faunaboshi concluded. The others nodded. "But we can't let him know anything about his heritage! We'll have to stop using our magic until he's old enough to go home."

Floraboshi nodded violently. "Yep, no more of this prissy magic wand crap, give 'em here! Aniki, your flute?"

Faunaboshi sniffed and handed his twin his flute. "Okay, but be careful with it!"

Floraboshi turned to Meriboshi. "And-- WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH A PRAYER WHEEL!? GIVE ME THAT!" and he swiped Meriboshi's prayer wheel. When he had both of the items tucked safely away in itemspace, he used his own magic wand and zapped all their wings away.

"Thank you, now I can just float like I normally do without those insipid wings!" Meriboshi declared, scratching his shoulderblades. "Those stupid things itch."

Seishi Interlude:

Nakago noticed something. "Haven't I had enough bad experiences with empty buildings?"

The authors appeared! "Not by a long shot!"

Tomo beamed.

Story:

And so, the three Magical Winged Guardians took baby Nakago and ran into the woods, where a convenient empty woodcutter's cottage awaited them.