Diet Update

Once one lazy evening I was watching a television newsmagazine show which featured my favorite television head shrinker, Dr Phil. He was peddling...I mean introducing...his new book which promised permanent weight loss. At first I was skeptical, I mean come on, exactly how many diets had I been on in the first place? Did I really think this was any different? And besides, was it not my experience that I began to be healthy and lose weight when I wasn't trying to? And yet I was intrigued. Perhaps the man's celebrity had a small amount to do with it, I had watched his show off and on for over a year and mostly trusted his opinions. But...Truth be told, if I could get to what I thought was an ideal figure by taking a pill or following a simple formula which did not include long days in the gym and eating foods with negative calories I would try it. What would I have to lose?

As my mental facualties performed this exercise, I listened as he described his 7 keys to weight loss. I did not really give them much consideration at first - they did not sound all that new or revolutionary. I've read just about every diet book known to man and I'm still fatter than I should be. And many people seemed to have tried these things in the past and yet the nation is still fat. It was an interesting programme but I still shrugged and went to bed.

A while later, I watched his television show as he recruited people to take his challenge on television. I began to notice a wee bit of myself in many of them. I began to really consider how much of my weight might be lost if I studied the theory behind this particular weight loss method. Was it all that different? Emotions seem to play a part according to his plan and since they tend to run free and intense with me, he had at least one point. While not earthshaking in and of themselves as a group the seven keys made more and more sense to me as time went on.

I also reached one of those forks in the road. I had done so much spiritual house cleaning and realised that I had put under the carpet the one thing that I did not like about myself. I had learned to "accept" myself as I was, true...but I also knew that if I could be in a different size, I'd grab the chance with both hands. So I knew I needed to stop lying and admit I wasn't happy with my size. And I was not in the best health as my asthma had gotten worse over the past few years and I had read that weight could play a part in living well with asthma. If I had the chance...Well here was a chance, and it was different than any plan I had tried in the past because it was so comprehensive. It wasn't JUST diet, or JUST exercise or JUST not eating to soothe emotions, it was a wholistic approach. And that fit my worldview much better than the rest of the diets I'd tried. I also had matured to the point beforehand that I was no longer powerless over my past, so I had the power to face my weight head on as well.

I am not meaning that I began to despise myself because of my wieght again, not hardly. I love myself as I am, yet I continue to learn always even though I know I am fair smart. I also know I can be unhappy with my ignorance of a given subject without being unhappy about my inner being and my own worth. With making a healthy body, 'tis the same. You can love and accept yourself as you are and still wish to make yourself better. 'Tis my goal to be the best person I can be in all ways and this means making improvements to my form and health as much as it means cleaning out unwanted emotions, toxic life choices and spiritual garbage. All such are heavy tied together in my life and apparently Dr Phil has noticed the pattern in at least a few other lives he has touched.

I am one who has had a rocky road to travel in my life. Sure and there have been people whose lives are worse than my own, I will not deny it, but I have a habit of taking things deep inside and allowing them to permeate my entire life. For one who feels things so intensely as I do, the scars ran deep indeed. I had never gazed into my emotional condition fully before I encountered the weight loss challenge. I merely glanced enough to know it could be worse...or...I'd look over one small area that did not please me and begin working on it alone. Eventually this would become a dead end, pieces cannot make a whole until they are connected.

As I walked, or stumbled as I had to restart several times, through the challenge, I began to find many things within my inner being I was not aware were lurking in the shadows. Some were good, some not so. Many of my discoveries can be found on my website in my personal areas, but I will make a note here that in regards to my emotions and their connection to food, I had to stop and re-read "Self Matters" (another good book by Dr Phil) and actually DO the exercises this time. Through my study, I confirmed that I had been using my weight as a filter. I could allow only those who could accept it close to me, as they did not care about my appearance. Therefore the friendship, love or aquaintence might actually accept me the way I was and I might be safe with them. If I was not accepted due to weight issues, it was that and not my true self they were rejecting and it did not need to hurt me.

I had come a long way in the years since my divorce, and yet rather than realising the work was only just begun, I had begun to regard it as finished. As I trod down the road to self healing another 30 lb dropped off...making a total of 45 pounds from Summer of 2003 to Fall of 2004. With all the self exploration came a desire to be true to myself in all ways and I began working toward some very new, yet very old, goals in my personal life. I decided I do not need to use weight as a shield and filter, I need to learn to judge people by their actions and if they judge me as being unworthy, it is their loss and not mine. I do not need the foul energies of those who are so shallow in my life, and their opinions of me should mean nothing. Only those worthy of my love and attention should be given the ability to hurt me.

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